My friend poo'd himself in the pub last night
and then stayed to finish his pint.

should i still be his friend?
(chemicals1234, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:06, archived)

you probably need all the friends you can get

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:06, archived)

true.
But surley i should be a little selective?
(chemicals1234, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:07, archived)

I'd like to be your friend.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:07, archived)

you gotsta earn it

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:11, archived)

How did I earn it?
and can MoT earn it the same way ;o)
( jenpots, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:13, archived)

you've got big chebs
(also you were nice when we met)
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:16, archived)

classy

( jenpots, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:18, archived)

the second bit is more important than the first bit

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:22, archived)

What are chebs?
Somebody northern used the phrase at me once, and I've no idea what they were referring to
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:21, archived)

Your tits.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:22, archived)

So are you

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:27, archived)

and you can't figure it out, given the context?

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:22, archived)

Knees

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:23, archived)

I was assuming breasts
but I needed confirmation
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:27, archived)

ask JMG

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:07, archived)

The JMG machine delivers a "NO, DICKHEAD!" verdict.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:08, archived)

JMG: Could solve all the problems Jeremy Kyle gets approached with in a single sentence.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:09, archived)

I wouldn't
but I've probably got higher standards.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:07, archived)

Take a hint. The guy fucking hates you.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:07, archived)

he didn't poo on me
and in his defence he cut his pants off (he didn't want to get shitty legs) befor finishing his pint
(chemicals1234, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:09, archived)

He deliberately shat himself
to get rid of you
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:10, archived)

Then would it not have been a better idea shitting on me so i had to go home?

I need smarter friends.
(chemicals1234, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:12, archived)

He hadn't thought that far ahead
he thought pooing his pants would be enough
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:20, archived)

Hahaha, you're such a liar.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:11, archived)

yeah
you never cut your pants off did you!
(Nobody Likes Mortal Wombat, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:23, archived)

He cut his pants off
Instead of taking them off and putting them in a bin.
(__, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:12, archived)

yes
he told us he did not want to get shit all over his legs whilst removing them. So cutting them off (with his keys) seemed like the better option.
(chemicals1234, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:13, archived)

This story is bullshit.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:14, archived)

I wish it were
but it is infact 100% true.
(chemicals1234, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:14, archived)

bollocks
you can't cut off trousers with keys, and no normal person would continue drinking in public after shitting themselves.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:15, archived)

he did not cut his trousers off
he cut his pants off! I agree no normal person would carry on drinking tho...
(chemicals1234, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:16, archived)

No normal person would shit themselves...

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:18, archived)

it happens tho
its the carrying on drinking bit that worrys me.
(chemicals1234, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:20, archived)

My mate pissed himself, so he bit his cock off and spat it out in a bin

(__, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:19, archived)

My mate pissed himself, so he I bit his cock off and spat it out in a bin
(chemicals1234, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:22, archived)

You bit his cock off?
Do you even know my mate?
(__, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:23, archived)

I only know him
from the waist down.
(chemicals1234, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:24, archived)

I'm getting bored of you

(__, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:28, archived)

Is he actually a retard?
Even gonz with his bowel aids doesn't shit himself.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:12, archived)

so why didn't he waddle to the gents
pul his trousers down, wrap bogroll round is thighs, lower the offending skiddies, wipe himself clean, undress his lower half, clean up his arse area, throw the pants in the bin and then put his trews back on?

CUTTING OFF WITH KEYS? yeah yeah yeah right your mate shat himself but YOU'RE the wanker here.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:28, archived)

I dunno chemicals1234

(__, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:08, archived)

okay Friz
(chemicals1234, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:09, archived)

You should fuck off back to QOTW
Hello Todd.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:10, archived)

so there is a helpdesk for this kind of situation?
(chemicals1234, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:11, archived)

Yes it's called the decision cage.
Where we lock you in a cage and throw stuff at you.
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:13, archived)

Hello there.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:21, archived)

*Doffs cap*
Hey ya Herr Doktor, how's tricks?
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:23, archived)

Not bad.
Voting's on Friday, so it's all getting very EXCITING!
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:23, archived)

Did you see the Lisbon related fails I sent to 90nz0?
www.90nz0.com/facebook-fails.php
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:25, archived)

"Wake up Eire"?
That's a bit foreign.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:27, archived)

Yep.
She's from Waterford, it's to be expected. Poor Eadoin tried to talk sense into her.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:28, archived)

What way will the vote go?
Andd what does that entail for Ireland's political future for the next 3 years?
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:31, archived)

It's beginning to look like we might squeeze a Yes.
Which will help the EU work better, but won't save Cowen. The useless ugly fuck.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:33, archived)

SsSSSs$tTttTuUUuUuUJjJjJJjjJj!!1!!

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:20, archived)

:d
'noon lully KkkKRrriIiiIisSSTIIIINEE!!!!
merciless pandering for you.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:27, archived)

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:17, archived)

I'd say no, unless


A) you are a junkie, in which case you already have 0 standards
B) you are an undercover cop and this "friend" is a mafia boss that you are tailing
C) you really like poo
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:29, archived)