Right, here's the thing, yeah?
My work is moving premises soon and, because they are fancy new we-can't-really afford them and we'll be bankrupt within a year; they are upping the dress code. We'll have to shave and wear ties.
I was thinking I might use this as an excuse to buy a suit. And a bowler hat. And a cane brolly.
But I am fat.
And tight fisted.
How can I dress like Patrick Macnee's John Steed from the Diana Rigg era for less than £100?
Google and ebay told me to fuck off because I am fat.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:02, archived)

find someone a similar size to yourself follow them until they die then dig them up for the suit
the bowler hat can just be a collander spray painted black
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:03, archived)

Ebay says you can get a bowler hat for about £20.
So I'm not worried about that.
But how can I get a fat man's three piece vintage suit for £50?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:05, archived)

JMG's wardrobe

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:06, archived)

It's full of lovely garments.
Worn on the road as I've crushed fatty Britain.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:23, archived)

this, this and one of these

masking tape and a different colour if you want a tie
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:12, archived)

Camden Market

( WormuIus, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:17, archived)

Can you go for me?
I don't like crowds
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:20, archived)

Google is lying
There are sites that do suits upto 6XL
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:04, archived)

Vintage ones?
For a tenner?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:05, archived)

There's an oxfam online shop...
I'll get you a link
(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:06, archived)

Cheers.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:06, archived)

Might find something here
www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/second-hand-store
(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:08, archived)

Cheers for that.
I had a thorough look round. Couldn't see anything. will look again.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:26, archived)

upping?
That's dead unusual. I've had mine dropped 2 or 3 times in various jobs, but never up.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:06, archived)

The management are pricks who want to show off how great we are by renting offices we can't afford or fit into, expanding by buying shit bankrupt businesses and making us all pretend to be professional at work.
We'll all be out of work within a year.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:10, archived)

Tell them you're growing a beard
Then when you get round to shaving tell you them you realised it wouldn't suit you so you shaved it off.
Then the next week say you're growing a beard again. Ad Infinitum.

FOOLPROOF!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:11, archived)

THIS IS TOTALLY MY TACTIC ALREADY

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:14, archived)

Perfect
Now let's see how we can do the same thing with your clothes

*schemes*
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:17, archived)

MONACLE

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:06, archived)

Charity shops may have some
That's where my brother got his badass cane from.
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:07, archived)

Moss Bros.
Srsly, there's almost ALWAYS a sale on suits there.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:07, archived)

Yeah.
Might try that.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:10, archived)

Replying here :)
I'm good cheers, one more exam then done. I'm not doing Sonisphere in all liklihood, simply too broke
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:21, archived)

Already booked tickets so I might be able to help.
*Claw motions*
*Sings*
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:39, archived)

Chariity shops? I don't know, do your own fucking shopping you fucking cheapskate

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:07, archived)

I was hoping to avoid trudging round Cosham.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:11, archived)

Well we're all trying to do that

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:12, archived)

www.chavtowns.co.uk/2005/02/cosham/
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:16, archived)

I love how these derisive articles are often full of spelling errors
Cosham is indeed a shit hole, but there are far worse areas in and around Portsmouth, that's for sure.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:19, archived)

I noticed that Halifax wasn't on the list.

( WormuIus, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:22, archived)

Halifax no longer exists in our reality.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:48, archived)

It's got nothing on Paulsgrove. Or Leigh Park. Or Portsea. Or North End. Or Somerstown.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:23, archived)

+ Landport.....and Buckland

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:23, archived)

buy cheap shoes
then draw stitching on with a tip-ex pen to make 'em look like expensive Oxford Brogues
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:08, archived)

Buy one from Croatia
I tell you man, Croats
( Theoban What of it, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:18, archived)

home of the croavatte

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:24, archived)

He'll need to get his helmet from Belgium

( Theoban What of it, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:24, archived)

Actually true.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:56, archived)

I totally knew that
honest
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:11, archived)

Cool. Cheers, blood.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:27, archived)

Primark
3 piecce suit less than £50
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:33, archived)

Get to fuck.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:38, archived)

Hoi An

( Zuowan, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:40, archived)

No dear, polite people say 'excuse me ann"

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:45, archived)

I love it when you talk Dinglish.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:57, archived)

Draw one on your body
a pack of marker pens won't cost you much, and you could draw the pointy end of a tie on your cock (so that it looks like it's poking through your flies)

If nothing else, it'll make them revise their dress code
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:42, archived)

Why don't you wear the Emporer's New Suite, except it's not.... but it's a..... and then the...... obscure music refferance (anyone remember that (tee hee NIGHTS WHO SAY NI NI NI NI NI ( anyone remember that?))) and then you can blah blah blah.
Oh Balders, my heart's not in it, this post wasn't even really lolwaki, I'm just following on from the successful post this morning and trying to build on it even though I won't hang around for the replies.

Who do you reckon will be the next b3tan couple? Every time I go to add what-i-thought-was-a-newbie female to facebook it turns out they're already in a relationship with someone, I donno how they work so fast, it's like before the first post or something.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:48, archived)

You and Lampito.
Could still happen.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:01, archived)

I reckon you'll be there
to pick up the pieces for littlelise
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:04, archived)

No doubt I'll add her on Facebook and someone like Two Hats will already be in a 'in a relationship' with her.
It's the fucking semi-lurkers... it's quite creepy how they manage to do it... I mean, it wouldn't be creepy if I did it. But them doing it, yeah'.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:20, archived)

HOLD UP A SECOND HERE.....
What's your facebook name?.... aww DRAT, don't worry about it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:21, archived)

fanks yeah

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:40, archived)

I wonder what Adam Fielding is doing right now, lol x

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:59, archived)

Hang on what?
You have a job?
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:07, archived)

Get everyone on here to donate a 5x5 inch patch of cloth
Then you can stitch it all together to make a patchwork quilt suit.
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:20, archived)

throw in an old fashioned flying helmet and he could be a Roy Chubby Brown tribute act

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:37, archived)

wait for the discounts
www.highandmighty.co.uk
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:21, archived)

Wear a cravat - you could try the vintage clothes places but sometimes they just trying to sell overpriced charity shop stuff.
( SoBadItsGood Its only a crime if you earn <£100000, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 18:08, archived)