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Hello
it's 29 years since I nearly died. Fortunately for me, I lived. Unfortunately for you lot, I lived.

I sliced my thumb open last night on a bottle cap. What shit injuries have you picked up lately?
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:31, archived)
I bashed my knee a week ago,
and it's only just started hurting
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:32, archived)
Did you bash it with tachyons that were travelling faster than the speed of light, and therefore had a vastly different relativistic spacetime frame from you?

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:20, archived)
(this post brought to you by the Star Trek "long words make me sound like I know stuff, but I don't" school of thought)

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:23, archived)
(that post brought to you by the MGT "explaining stuff you didn't give a shit about anyway" school of thought)

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:29, archived)
(this post brought to you by Aardvark crying)

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:29, archived)
*pats on the head*
It's ok little pet, we all still love you.
(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:32, archived)
:)
Thank goodness.
(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:36, archived)
yay, we're 3ds friends now!

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:38, archived)
Hurray!

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:39, archived)
a minuscule pore on my nose that was considering becoming a spot became red and painful after i got slightly sunburnt.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:32, archived)
I bit my nail too far down.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:32, archived)
Yikes.

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:38, archived)
That's a strange way to break your heel.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:48, archived)
A blister on my thumb
weeding nettles should really be done with gloves
(I helped save b3ta! Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:34, archived)
i got some cuts when i wrecked a heavy wooden wardrobe with my bare hands and a hammer
also, a cat scratched me
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:35, archived)
the cat was in the wardrobe?

(I helped save b3ta! Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:36, archived)
no, these were separate incidents

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:36, archived)
why were you trying to wreck a cat with your bare hands and a hammer?

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:39, archived)
I presume the hammer wasn't enough
so he went off and fetched a cat to finish off the wardrobe.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:45, archived)
it's not a very big wardrobe
there was barely room to swing a cat
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:56, archived)
because it left half a mouse in my slipper

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:54, archived)
where do you expect it to keep them after you've destroyed its only wardrobe?

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:56, archived)
i built it a little home to keep the mice in
a mouse pad i call it
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:57, archived)
+n
a un

manolith - pussy problems.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:43, archived)
an cunt?

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:43, archived)
The first one's in the subject line
that's why I put it in the subject line.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:45, archived)
I NEED MORE SLEEP PLEASE

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:46, archived)
i got some cunts, i believe

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:45, archived)
oh man how lucky are you

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:47, archived)
i know, right
i won the cunt lottery
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:56, archived)
Twottery.

(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:57, archived)
mingo

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:58, archived)
norks and crosses

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:50, archived)
snatchcard

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:36, archived)
Injuries I am carrying at the moment.
Sprained elbow - done fighting
Big bruise on my bicep - being kicked
Big bruise on my arse - vigorous physiotherapist
Sprained ankle - done fighting
(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:36, archived)

physiothe
(I helped save b3ta! h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:47, archived)
*chuckles*

(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:48, archived)
frisbee adam burned to death when he fell asleep on a burning desk

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:36, archived)
the festival i went to had an ultimate frisbee event, oh man, alongside beach football and beach volleyball.
also some surfer dude went 36 miles on a paddleboard for charity, holy crap man, that took him over 8 hours, such a mightyman.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:39, archived)
Goldcoast?
edit: Brains
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee TeaBoy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:53, archived)
^ Zombee QC

(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:56, archived)
lacerations and puncture wounds on my hand due to a cat not wanting to be picked up

(I helped save b3ta! h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:37, archived)
I also have this
although it was playing with one of our cats. She went a bit mad.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:39, archived)

manolith has had a run-in with this cat, maybe people should be warned
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:41, archived)
Black eye, broken finger and bruises seemingly at random from cricket and playing Total Wipeout in a soft play centre.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:43, archived)
Headbutted in the pants
and slipped barefoot on stone stairs, shaving the back of my ankle with a marble edge. Surprisingly painful.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:44, archived)
you have marble stairs?
posh git, and bad choice considering how slippery marble is.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:47, archived)
It's necessary
otherwise the solid gold kitchen might look a bit ostentatious.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:49, archived)
can't argue with that
diamond toilets?
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:56, archived)
I got headbutted in the vag once
when I went swimming. That wasn't fun.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:52, archived)
did they end up wearing you like a swimming cap?

a bright orange furry swimming cap
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:55, archived)
They'd look like some sort of troll doll

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:57, archived)

....
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee TeaBoy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:57, archived)
None.

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:45, archived)
dude, i needed you in the thread below
where were you?
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:46, archived)
Bees?

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:50, archived)
beads

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:54, archived)
BEADS!?!

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:57, archived)
gob's not on board

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:57, archived)
Let's relive this moment.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=emgXwYWqd9Y
(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:00, archived)
Aside from the obvious that I've whinged about enough
shut my finger in the door of a cupboard. Nail's gone all black and gross. I'm going to invest in some of those fancy soft closing door things that all the nice middle-class kitchens seem to have.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:46, archived)
or just some padded mittens on a string

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:53, archived)
or don't be a fat fingered fool.

(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:56, archived)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:57, archived)
I hurt my left hip-flexor last tuesday
and I'm supposed to be doing the same activity that caused it tonight. Not looking forward to it.
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee TeaBoy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 11:52, archived)
I'm immortal now, so that sort of shit doesn't happen to me.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:00, archived)

instead, all you have to fear is the inevitable decline in people's belief in you, like a slow trickling away of water from a saltmarsh as the sea goes out, until, one day, you will be just a small fragment of terracotta in a corner display case in an almost unvisited museum, and a small child will stand in front of you, picking its nose, and saying mummy, why is that bit of broken pot there, and why is that stupid looking face that is all broken and almost vanished drawn on it? and this will be the end of all your glory
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:08, archived)
Fuck 'em.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:10, archived)
immortality doesn't mean you can't get hurt
I've seen that highlander documentary, Kurgen has a huge scar across his neck. and a sore throat.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:09, archived)
Yeah, still susceptible to the common cold so immortality is a bit pointless really.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:18, archived)
No no no, you're both wrong.
When a Highlander immortal is 'killed' then all their injuries and shit heal up before they come back to life. The Kurgan obviously never had that happen.
(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:21, archived)
i know he was bad ass
but a cut deep enough to cause a scar that serious is totally taking out a windpipe.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:24, archived)
you're right though, when the pair of them get shot in highlander 2
no bullet holes.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:25, archived)
Highlander what?

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:34, archived)
i dropped a box on my elbow and now have tingly pains all down it :(

(fireangel is stealing underwear off your washing line, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:08, archived)

I bet the other undertakers were really cross with you
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:10, archived)
Hello Lurky
why did they kick you out of the lurkers union, forcing you to post?
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:10, archived)
I haven't had any
but Badger twatted his head on the car door the other day, and is now sporting a rather fetching bruise on his fod.
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:12, archived)

yeah yeah, the old 'walked into a door' excuse, nobody's fooled
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:13, archived)
i don't think i need to add to this.
except i might have SOMETHING REALLY WRONG WITH ME this time. not allowed to have surgery until a haematologist has figured out why my blood is all wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:39, archived)
cow aids

(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:40, archived)
I WAS AFRAID OF THIS.

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:46, archived)
AIDS.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:40, archived)
good or bad?

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:47, archived)
It's never good AIDS.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:04, archived)
You shouldn't have had that transfusion off that homeless guy that had been sleeping with a yak and shooting up magenta powder paint.

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:41, archived)
you leave my brother out of this, you bully.

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:47, archived)
ectoplasm

(I helped save b3ta! h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:42, archived)
Stop swallowing iron filings

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:45, archived)
but they taste so good.

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:48, archived)
especially when coated in jam

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:49, archived)
It's because it's 70% proof you drunken harriden.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:45, archived)
shhhhh. i'm hoping they won't run THAT test.
*frantically sucks pennies*

obvious strikethrough is obvious
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:49, archived)

pennies eggs
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:16, archived)
I woke up with a long scratch down my hand
not sure where it's from, the college cat can't get in the window
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:47, archived)

aha, the attack cat strikes again, first manolith and hedonist, now you, is no-one safe
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:36, archived)
I pinched the skin of my ball bag between the fabric of my pants and my thigh
and had to do that thing where you're in the middle of the office and can't just publicly adjust your nuts, so while still seated you open and shut your legs hoping the testies shift over to a move comfortable spot.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 12:59, archived)