Hello, it's nearly 29 years since the last new message was posted
what are your ideas for lively-ing the place up? Is it time for a threadrush? What kind of biscuit would you be if you could time travel to any point in the past or future?
( vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:38, archived)

Innuendo Hour
where every post has to be as Carry On as possible
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:40, archived)

which, incidentally, is what SHE said

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:41, archived)

OOOOOOOooooooooohhhhhhhh

( vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:42, archived)

he looks like a romantic rhinoceros

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:43, archived)

aaaawwyourjusavinalaaaaaarrrrrrf
( vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:47, archived)

rhinoSOREARSE more like

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:48, archived)

In YOUR endo, more like.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:44, archived)

Too sodding early
"Ribaldry"
(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:00, archived)

Poor JMG.
Don't mock his condition.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:02, archived)

I demand black pudding
fried pig scab mmmmm yum
(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:04, archived)

Hello new person / old person pretending to be new.
Tell us about yourself. You can only use iambic pentameter
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:04, archived)

I used to post here long ago
I soon got bored of it
Because the place annoyed me so
And everyone was shit

And so I know of JMG
And his bald shiny head
And Grrrmachine and CHB
And babies that are dead
(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:08, archived)

oops

(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:10, archived)

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

( Frisbee TeaBoy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:12, archived)

prick

(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:13, archived)

Better!
Are you happy to be back?
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:14, archived)

I won't be staying
every time I sign up and make a post about dead babies I get banned

bad times
(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:15, archived)

Have you tried getting bored of it instead?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:16, archived)

Before you get banned again, tell us
You knew JMG way back then. Was he any different to the fine specimen he is now?
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:17, archived)

he used to dance a lot
he doesn't do that anymore
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:30, archived)

JMG has always straddled the internet like a colossus

(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:32, archived)

colossus diarrhetic fishwife squirting her last into the street gutter
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:35, archived)

Fucking hell

( Frisbee TeaBoy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:35, archived)

hello sexy
is this place still shit then?
(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:36, archived)

its very existence means that it's shit
but a few bubbles pop satisfyingly on the effluent surface occasionally.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:39, archived)

As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.

(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:43, archived)

has it suddenly become unshit?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:15, archived)

No.
Nor has its head become unmassive.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:23, archived)

To self-define is difficult enough
But doing so in iambs is too tough
I think it’s fairer to show the real you
In shorter form, please write us a haiku
( vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:27, archived)

Unemployed northern
Lover of football and dole
JMG is bald
(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:30, archived)

haikus need a reference to the season, thus:
summer solstice light
does little to lift the gloom
in Grrrmachine's heart
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:33, archived)

midsummer moonlight
glints on car parts strewn across
grrmachine's carpet
( vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:41, archived)

I wish I had carpet that glinted

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:42, archived)

Fuck it's rainy out
fucking Glastonbury rain
Fucking shitty fuck.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:42, archived)

I got a mention because I'm not as shit as the rest of you lot

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:38, archived)

you're better than baldmonkey!

(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:39, archived)

well that's a punch in the teeth followed by a french kiss, if ever I saw one

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:41, archived)

everyone's better than baldmonkey
he's a fat talentless prick and no one likes him
(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:48, archived)

I'm not sure whose music is shitter, yours or his

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:52, archived)

ok, bored of b3ta again now
see you all in a few months with a new account

lol

dead babies
(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:53, archived)

Dead retarded babies on fire, remember.
Bye.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:54, archived)

I never loved you anyway

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:03, archived)

Who the hell was that?

( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:04, archived)

GIlgamesh.
Always in are harts.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:06, archived)

Aww
Bye Gilgy
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:15, archived)

Also
AAaaa^AaAaaaaAAAaaAaAaaAaAaaarrrRR_rRrrRrRRr^rR_dvAAAaaAaaAaAaaA_{aAaaAAAaAaAAa}rRrrRrrRRRrRRk_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you been watching plenty of Bear Grylls?
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:16, archived)

:D Hello, lovely SSS.
Not recently, no. Should I?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:26, archived)

Excellent survival tips for manning it up in the wild
He did one on Russia I think. Handy.
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:28, archived)

Thanks, I shall check that out.
After I get back from my adventure, Bear Grylls will get asked if he's watched Aardvark's latest program.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:33, archived)

:D
Are you doing any kind of video diary?
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:36, archived)

Possibly!
Although putting me and chenobble on camera may be painful for everyone to watch. We'll have to see if we can get a Flip HD camera or something like that.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:48, archived)

Do it
The world needs to see adventure
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:49, archived)

Would you like to buy us a camera?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:54, archived)

I'm a little bit skint tbh
Get cash generator to sponsor you
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 16:12, archived)

I like baldmonkey
I think he's funny and he wrote a song for/about me.
( spesh., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 16:10, archived)

i'd travel into the future to see what advances have been made in biscuit technology

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:42, archived)

hover biscuits

( vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:43, archived)

e-McVit's

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:43, archived)

maybe they'll discover the higgs-bourbon

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:48, archived)

LOL!

( vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:49, archived)

*thumbs up*

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:50, archived)

i might leave now. i'll never say anything funnier than that.

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:04, archived)

they're nice to dip into einstein-bose condensed milk

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:16, archived)

oh you clever bastard

(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:22, archived)

damn you
psst... switch the einstein and bose around.
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:31, archived)

NO, BOSE IS RUBBISH

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:33, archived)

THEIR SPEAKERS ARE SO EXPENSIVE :(

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:56, archived)

*rolls over and drools on the morning's work*

( Frisbee TeaBoy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:50, archived)

this confirms what I have long suspected
frisbee-chasing - check
irrepressible desire to be friends even after being kicked - check
rolling over and dribbling - check
= DOG
( vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:53, archived)

Hey, I take offence to that
I'd like to think that there's a few times whe-
...would you excuse me, the mail's just come in.

BARKBARKBARKbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:01, archived)

pfft
( vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:10, archived)

Friz B
has been to Hungary lately
( spesh., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 16:13, archived)

fuck off
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyFnHoaIE6c www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyFnHoaIE6c www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyFnHoaIE6c www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyFnHoaIE6c www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyFnHoaIE6c www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyFnHoaIE6c www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyFnHoaIE6c www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyFnHoaIE6c www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyFnHoaIE6c www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyFnHoaIE6c
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:55, archived)

i clicked on the 6th one
www.b3ta.com/board/10456604
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:02, archived)

DO SOMETHING GOOD YOU PRICK

(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:15, archived)

YOU LEFT ME, YOU STUBBLE-COCKED SHIT.
YOU DON'T GET A SAY IN MY LIFE ANYMORE.
I NEEDED YOU. YOU BETRAYED ME.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:32, archived)

I WANT TO FIST YOUR URETHRA TIL YOU SHIT YOUR CERVIX OUT

(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:35, archived)

IT'S TOO LATE TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:45, archived)

fuck you then, like I give a shit what you think
do we still do morning reports here?

I loved morning reports, morning reports were the best
(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:47, archived)

Aha! It worked!

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:52, archived)

I'll travel to the past to arrive before making this post

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:52, archived)

you lunatic

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:58, archived)

why the fuck are these not on the popular page?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:46, archived)

Motherfucking ginger nut yo
from the 1950s. I'd have a flick knife and everything.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:52, archived)

I'd like to see some sort of Gay Shift
possibly late at night.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:07, archived)

why does nothing cool happen around tea time?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:14, archived)

Aside from tea, you mean?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:15, archived)

tea is old hat, tea needs to be re-invented
tea in space
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:17, archived)

Lapsang Armstrong.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:24, archived)

Loose Tea In Spaaaace

( vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:28, archived)

Lapsang Soyuzong

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:43, archived)

I liked that Gilgamesh
he was the best
(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:16, archived)

was that the one that worked for the psychic hotline?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:18, archived)

no, that was the obese one who used to call round his falt at 3am for steak and chips

(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:19, archived)

yeah, I said falt, fuck you edit button

(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:20, archived)

He was the best.
I don't know who you are, but he was better than you. Unless you're him. Which I doubt.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:24, archived)

I heard that whem Gilgy comes back
B3ta will communicate his appearance and react accordingly.
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:26, archived)

clearly I'm going to have to do this EVERY time I make a new account here
kineticnorth.com/pissonyou.txt
(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:27, archived)

Clearly.
Hello there gorgeous. Stay a while this time, would you? We need you.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:39, archived)

my accounts keep getting banned when I sign up and say lol dead babies
this place sure has changed
(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:42, archived)

Dead babies are SO 2010.
We're all about dead retarded babies on fire, now.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:43, archived)

I thought it was burning porsche condom death
I'm so out of touch
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:46, archived)

Sorry, I'm bored of that Jackass twat already, and I say we move on.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:48, archived)

rich tea biscuit: biscuit or war crime?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:11, archived)

War Crime
Oreos for drinking tea through, now that's how I roll
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:13, archived)

it's clearly a biscuit

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:17, archived)

Rich Tea or Oreo?

( Frisbee TeaBoy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:19, archived)

I hope everyone on here dies of something mildly amusing.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:30, archived)

alright Ghostface

(Blue Unction yes, I've got bloody crabs, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:30, archived)

I've got an infected funnybone.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 14:40, archived)

i've got a deep vein trombonesis

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 16:38, archived)

I want an amnesty so that every user who has previously been banned is forced to post again.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:08, archived)

Yes, bring back Ding and Bou and Syncubus and Friz and oh god can you imagine?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:09, archived)

Bou will have to post from every one of her hundred or so banned accounts.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:12, archived)

Where the hell is AB?
/qotw has just surpassed itself
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:33, archived)

Link plz

( Frisbee TeaBoy, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:50, archived)

gosh, that blog really is awfully dull
( vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 16:01, archived)

you noticed that too, eh?
I was disappointed at no mention of 'band camp' in the first 5 entries.
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 16:03, archived)

I like to think I'm pretty sharp like that
( vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 16:03, archived)

blimey, did you check the 'interests' she has on the profile link?
It explains a lot. I'm beginning to think the whole thing is a set-up, and some 'lol-arious' wind up
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 16:06, archived)

owaitwait, hang on a minute, hollyoaks? someone get gonzo onto this one
( vladimir, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 16:07, archived)

hahaha :)

( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 16:09, archived)

fucking deleted the douche
Anyone screencap it for the fail archive?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 16:45, archived)

Limp Bizkit?

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 15:36, archived)