'kin 'ell couriers are just not bothering any more...
I've had three things delivered to the wrong address recently - happy photos on Hermes and DPD's website showing the parcel delivered to the front door. Not my front door. Still arguing with one seller that delivery SOMEWHERE doesn't really count.

How are your deliveries these days? Getting all those Pato Baton CDs, Airfix Trainers and G-Stock watches okay or are you on murderous terms with UPS?
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:06, archived)

kool story bro

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:25, archived)

Ah aaam aaahhh anecdoctor and aaaahm ready to operate

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:44, archived)

my new sports kit came this afternoon, so no complaints there

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:26, archived)

One of those Euro Super League kits? The ones going cheap yeah?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:45, archived)

lol
OK, I am fully expecting the piss to be taken here, but it is a cordless jump rope
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:48, archived)

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:50, archived)

What

(dribble, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:58, archived)

It's for when you want to do skipping as cardio but your ceilings are too low

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:03, archived)

No back yard?
If you're in a flat, downstairs will love you
(dribble, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:05, archived)

I'm in a house so no worries there
and I do have a back yard, but next door's kids never f'ing shut up so I'd rather the peace and quiet
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:07, archived)

oh, you mean the no-trip spastic special?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:06, archived)

that's the one

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:07, archived)

turtle power!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:10, archived)

I feel like I might have missed something here. Isn't a cordless jump rope just handles?
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 23 Apr 2021, 19:32, archived)

yes and no
handles with a steel cord and a plumbline weight attached, so you do feel the heft of the 'rope' when you swing them

also they have a Bluetooth app featuring training programmes so you can time yourself, measure calories burned, etc.
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 19:40, archived)

lol plumb line

( broadsword, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 19:49, archived)

rn mm
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 23 Apr 2021, 19:54, archived)

mm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Once there was this man who
Handles with a steel cord and a plumbline weight attached, so
You do feel the heft of
The 'rope' when you try to swing them
He didn't have the app featuring the training pro-grams
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mn
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 21:55, archived)

ok this is the shittest thing i've seen here, and i've seen some shit

( broadsword, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 22:23, archived)

I like this

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 22:52, archived)

there's English in here somewhere, fighting to get out

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 23:06, archived)

HARD BREXIT NOW

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 24 Apr 2021, 9:29, archived)

Hermes are totally shit.
Herpes moar liek, lololol.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:28, archived)

They are about as bad as Yodel

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:45, archived)

i don't buy online

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:37, archived)

That's an extreme lifestyle choice

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:46, archived)

Won't be any alternative before long

(dribble, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:47, archived)

i hope you're wrong
i love shopping, doing it online just feels wrong, all the joy is taken out of it
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:55, archived)

Sounds as if you like being around other people, ugh

(dribble, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:59, archived)

i like the bustle
and the chance to look around poky little shops looking for weird shit to buy. i'm mildly agoraphobic, so if i'm anywhere big, there needs to be other people around. i've had a panic attack at the shopping centre before, because i was on the lower level and it was pretty much empty
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:09, archived)

All the 'joy'?
What?
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:29, archived)

As I said, I love shopping

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 18:44, archived)

I bought a whole bunch of stuff yesterday, from actual shops.
Felt great.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 23 Apr 2021, 19:55, archived)

you mayen't, but I bet SM2 buys online like a world class wreckin' crew

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:56, archived)

no bank details online
no online banking, no amazon account, no netflix, britbox, hulu, nothing.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:07, archived)

I respect that

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:10, archived)

Your details are online, you've just chosen not to access them that way.
That's fair enough, as long as you're not kidding yourself that your details are any safer than anyone else's.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 18:59, archived)

No, of course not
I like to deal with cash, so I can keep track of what I'm spending
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 19:21, archived)

Saw a cash-only till at Asda the other day, and came over all Peter Kay.
"Cash, eh?" I thought to myself. "Who remembers cash?"
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 20:25, archived)

Well it has been nearly 18 years

(dribble, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 21:05, archived)

You get these cash people don’t you

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 24 Apr 2021, 0:30, archived)

God bless monkey street

(dribble, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 19:08, archived)

hooky street?

(inflation vore mpreg yaoi yuri bara, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 23:48, archived)

Yes, twtj

(dribble, Sat 24 Apr 2021, 8:36, archived)

what are cd, buju banton and g-spot?

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:45, archived)

It's what all the young people like nowadays

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:46, archived)

Royal mail are normally really good
Here, at least. Used to live at the top end of a close and several times we found ten houses worth dumped on the mat.
(dribble, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:45, archived)

Looks like the complaint letter about your postie's toilet breaks

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:47, archived)

I suppose the slot was at the right height for that, if he'd felt inclined

(dribble, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:02, archived)

Oh, just had an idea how 2 Can could do covid safe home visits

(dribble, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:04, archived)

Which way is the postman facing today?
can we get away with cleaning it with a cloth or shall we need a bucket and a shovel?
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:05, archived)

I'm just about to make a delivery as it goes, not anticipating any major problems

( broadsword, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 16:58, archived)

"Sorry we missed you, we left your package with your neighbours at #2"

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:46, archived)

ok
But I don't order that much
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:00, archived)

R.I.P. Shock G
aka Humpty Hump, Gregory Edward Jacobs, frontman of 'Digital Underground', aged 57
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:16, archived)

Got a new webcam so my wanks can be recorded in HD

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 17:45, archived)

Is this another racist thing ?

( mongychops, Fri 23 Apr 2021, 19:45, archived)

This one is about hermesexuals

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 24 Apr 2021, 0:32, archived)