morning

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 5 May 2026, 6:34, archived)

bollocks

(piss and shit, Tue 5 May 2026, 6:49, archived)

ASSJUICE

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 May 2026, 6:54, archived)

that's why i have wipe clean seats

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Tue 5 May 2026, 7:05, archived)

Bit posh mate

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 5 May 2026, 7:31, archived)

I prefer Audi myself

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 May 2026, 8:11, archived)

Morning
Nice weekend. Fixed the dishwasher by turning it upside down and shaking out the two olive stones that were fouling the drain pump. Cats not getting on yet but there's less hissing and a smidge more curiosity. We are hopeful that at some point in the future they can coexist.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 5 May 2026, 8:25, archived)

Ever since a waiter in Italy gave us a bowl and said it was "for the bones of the olives",
that's all we can call them now.

*something about Popeye*
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Tue 5 May 2026, 8:40, archived)

I like this

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 5 May 2026, 8:49, archived)

That's kind of aweseome.
I bet he knew the right English word and just said that because you'd find it delightfully quirky and possibly give a bigger tip, though.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 5 May 2026, 11:04, archived)

Well that's ruined the whimsical magic of my travel anecdote, thanks for that.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Tue 5 May 2026, 11:49, archived)

I just don't think whimsical travel anecdotes are your forte.

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 5 May 2026, 11:53, archived)

I just don't think recurring catchphrase comedy is your forte

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Tue 5 May 2026, 12:11, archived)

Oh, 100% agree

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 5 May 2026, 12:13, archived)

At your service and your family's.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 5 May 2026, 13:17, archived)

Train the cats to fix the dishwasher together and you solve two problems at a single stroke.
lol stroke
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 5 May 2026, 8:41, archived)

That sounds like one of those crack-inspired business plans.

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 5 May 2026, 8:57, archived)

Lol crack

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 May 2026, 9:16, archived)

EXCLUSIVE: I visited beautiful overlooked city under 2 hours from London locals say is 'now cool'

( $$ ✅, Tue 5 May 2026, 9:59, archived)

Milton Keynes?

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 5 May 2026, 10:00, archived)

If you travel by ICBM, pretty much everywhere is under 2 hours from London.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Tue 5 May 2026, 10:02, archived)

If you are close enough to an exploding ICBM in London any part of you is minutes from London

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 5 May 2026, 10:51, archived)

Newport?
It's definitely not Newport.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 5 May 2026, 10:06, archived)

I didn't click on the link soz, so it could be anywhere
I'm guessing Sterling, Scotland, using a glider to get there
( $$ ✅, Tue 5 May 2026, 11:17, archived)

Seems a bit weird to get a glider from London just to go to a furniture shop in Tillicoultry

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Tue 5 May 2026, 11:32, archived)

Oh god, Dougie Donnelly flashback alert!

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 5 May 2026, 11:54, archived)

Remember that one time he popped up with a moustache, I still have flaskbacks

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Tue 5 May 2026, 12:04, archived)

Nope. Did he do adverts where he was wearing an Admiral outfit with the hat etc?
Weird wank, but I got there in the end.
(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 5 May 2026, 12:15, archived)

Nuclear flaskbacks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 5 May 2026, 13:32, archived)

flaskback shark

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Tue 5 May 2026, 13:38, archived)

Having a Heineken at Stansted
The real world is so mental these days that paying £7.59 for a pint no longer seems particularly outrageous. Shit is effed up yo
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 May 2026, 10:50, archived)

Stansted is shit
Stinks of weed and whatever that foul aftershave/perfume that's popular is.
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 5 May 2026, 10:52, archived)

Everywhere stinks of weed these days
Maybe it's because I stink of weed
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 May 2026, 11:01, archived)

Weed and piss
Maybe you stink of piss too
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 5 May 2026, 11:11, archived)

Eau de toilet

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 5 May 2026, 11:54, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8474117
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 May 2026, 12:27, archived)

I weed some piss
out of my cock
(piss and shit, Tue 5 May 2026, 12:58, archived)

that foul aftershave/perfume that's popular is piss

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 5 May 2026, 13:09, archived)

Piss by Urinal
Because you're worth it. Or something.
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 5 May 2026, 13:32, archived)

Eau de Pissoir

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 5 May 2026, 13:39, archived)

Vanessa Paradiszzzz

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Tue 5 May 2026, 13:48, archived)

d
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 5 May 2026, 11:47, archived)

ays, mm etc

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 May 2026, 12:26, archived)

On my way to be ripped off at Heathrow

( mongychops, Tue 5 May 2026, 12:11, archived)

Flight still on then
Good stuff
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 May 2026, 12:18, archived)

So far.

( mongychops, Tue 5 May 2026, 12:28, archived)