good morning b3-etnam
feeling a bit dodge this morning, all my own fault of course
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 7:50, archived)

lost a b3t?
morning
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 8:23, archived)

hullo

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 8:23, archived)

gid moaning

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 8:40, archived)

Morning
I want breakfast, but I cba cooking
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 9:41, archived)

Morning Queef.
What do you reckon the answer to this is?

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/oct/09/blind-date-michael-dom

I'm guessing "on the bumhole."
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 9:57, archived)

They sound like a right pair of cunts

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 10:31, archived)

This just helps to remind me how much I fucking loathe The Guardian

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 11:19, archived)

I think it’s funny. It’s practically a parody at this point.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 14:31, archived)

defo

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 13:56, archived)

I saw this guardian article the other day and thought it was a great bit of applied trolling
www.theguardian.com/music/2020/oct/02/why-radiohead-are-the-blackest-white-band-of-our-times
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 14:10, archived)

I thought that was going to be about Star Trek actor Michael Dorn, and I was disappointed.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 14:39, archived)

morning
Been for a run and now I’m having a big sausage
( Cheers Cheers, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 10:32, archived)

Lol
Run
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 10:44, archived)

Lol

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 11:01, archived)

It said sausage before and you changed it.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 14:13, archived)

Sausage lol

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 14:14, archived)

run
lol
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 15:29, archived)

haha how is it that this rag-tag collection of comic geniuses has somehow all come together in one place? What are the odds?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 17:14, archived)

haha 'run' lol

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 12:02, archived)

run lol

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 12:47, archived)

run rofl run rofl run run run

( broadsword w⚓, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 13:57, archived)

Haha ‘run’ lmfao

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 14:09, archived)

roflcopter

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 14:56, archived)

hello m8
I went to see No Time To Die last night
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 12:21, archived)

any good?

( theniwokeup has been awake since, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 13:13, archived)

it's one big cheesefest
kind of a hark back to the golden age of Bond, with gloriously stupid pseudoscience gadgets, Cold War villains with comically terrible dialogue and lashings of sexism. Ian Fleming would have approved.
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 13:17, archived)

yes

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 16:43, archived)

I got proper pissed and stoned last night but feel ok today, this gin theory's proving itself.
I did do a proper girthy shit earlier though. One of those ones where you have to stop and catch your breath half way through as it hangs out your bum.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 13:56, archived)

An LP I bought has a tight kink in it and skips when I try to play the first track.
But I only paid about a fiver for it so don't really want to kick up a fuss on discogs or have to send it back. Might just leave it under some books for a couple of weeks and see if it sorts itself out. Bit annoying as it was listed VG+ though.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 13:58, archived)

Queef, I’d say The Mammoth Sika offers optimum edge retention and dexterity for use in the processing of game. Your thoughts?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 14:13, archived)

A lot American wis seem to collect knives

( mongychops, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 15:05, archived)

Mall ninjas: while we were busy getting high, they were busy studying the blade.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 18:52, archived)

I couldn't agree more m8

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 15:28, archived)

Queef?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 14:33, archived)

smegging smeggy smeg

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 15:28, archived)

anal

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 17:15, archived)

Fucking horse cunts

( mongychops, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 15:11, archived)

The house always wins

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 15:29, archived)

Why the long face?

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 15:44, archived)

^neighsayer

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 15:52, archived)

^got the trots

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 16:14, archived)

^raging hoofter

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 16:41, archived)

*^horse pun*

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 17:16, archived)

^stable genius

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 17:28, archived)

^bit on the side

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 17:40, archived)

^ iron hoof

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 18:42, archived)

Hello all, does anyone have a suggestion for an affordable record player that doesn't need electricity?
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 23:29, archived)

You mean like a battery powered one as opposed to a wind up phonogram?
Vestak did one a while back and they show up on fleabay - search for Vestax handy trax
( TBL I posted this on, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 0:23, archived)

I've got one of those
Useful for record fairs
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 7:38, archived)

Cheers for the suggestion, I was after a wind up one but having done a bit of reading it looks like you can't play modern vinyl on them without manking your records up. If anyone knows any different, let me know.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 8:36, archived)

Gramophones play at the wrong speed for modern vinyl.

( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 14:22, archived)

Yeah,someone said on Reddit that you could customise one to do it, but I'm no engineer sadly.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 15:10, archived)

It would not be tremendously hard.
I imagine all you'd need to do is replace the governor with a heavier one, or modify the one that's already there to spin more slowly.

The governor is the spinning thing with extending/retracting arms that looks a bit like a fairground ride.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 17:03, archived)

Not just that, modern vinyl is 'microgroove' and 78's aren't so the needle will tear them up.
That's why decks that could play both often came with a flip-over stylus that could play both.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 15:26, archived)

Luxury.
We had to make do with a rose thorn glued to stretched out grease paper.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 16:58, archived)

i.pinimg.com/originals/8f/fd/31/8ffd31a12865547b0b83d4030926fb54.jpg
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 10:19, archived)

Tbf, that is a wind up.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Sat 9 Oct 2021, 13:48, archived)

I've been looking at boning knives to help improve my butchery skills
came across this discount bargain:
www.purdey.com/the-mammoth-sika

Might get three. Seen any bargains lately?
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 16:58, archived)

fuck this I'm knocking off

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 17:00, archived)

The Mammoth Sika offers optimum edge retention and dexterity for use in the processing of game.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 22:13, archived)

Queef?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 22:45, archived)

very nice, but outrageously priced

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 17:08, archived)

I wonder how many they've sold
If any
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 17:19, archived)

Some knobend with tons of cash will buy one
Purely for bragging to his mates and showing it to girls
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 17:52, archived)

Alright Bruce Forsyth

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 20:07, archived)

Good game, good game

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 22:32, archived)

I wish I was good at sharpening my knives.
I think I need to find a butcher or professional to get them back to a good standard.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 17:20, archived)

japanese water stones
are worth owning
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 21:37, archived)

lol boning

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 17:22, archived)

tch gg
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 19:16, archived)

<s>ing knives to help improve my butchery skills</s> ers
cross this discount bargain:
www.purdey.com/the-mammoth-sika ll over myself
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 19:56, archived)

Afternoon, penis'es
Up to much this weekend? Fuck all planned here, just waiting for my meat box to arrive.
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:12, archived)

dunno lol

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:17, archived)

is this some new Grindr slang?

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:26, archived)

It's a fleshlight
that smells like a dead doner kebab
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:38, archived)

I prefer mine to be alive when they're flayed in front of a heat lamp

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:42, archived)

yep

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:52, archived)

What meat is involved?

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:35, archived)

it's just turned up
2 x cote de boeuf steaks
2 x lamb gigot steaks
1 x pack of pancetta affumatica
6 x boneless chicken thighs
2 x chicken legs
1 x pork tenderloin

my sister in law is a very generous woman
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:52, archived)

Very jealous of the cote de boeuf and lamb

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:56, archived)

this is my plan for the thighs:
www.tastingtable.com/cook/recipes/nashville-hot-chicken-recipe-fried-chicken-recipe-carla-hall-carla-halls-southern-kitchen

Jerk pork skewers for the tenderloin, I think the lamb will go low and slow in a red wine and mushroom sauce, linguine with the pancetta + peas...fucking get in
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 13:51, archived)

nice

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 16:20, archived)

*envious
(sorry)
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 16:57, archived)

don't be

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 17:09, archived)

I’d be mildly impressed but I know you learned this from Homer Simpson.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 22:09, archived)

Greggs have upped their game then

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 13:05, archived)

How do they walk without bones tho?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 14:35, archived)

they don't walk, they're birds m8, they fly everywhere innit

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 14:50, archived)

meat box lol

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:37, archived)

i no lol

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:52, archived)

oh, and the plural of pænus is pænæ

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:39, archived)

noted, thanks m8

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:53, archived)

Has your meat leaked
so that the flaps on your box are all soggy?
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:47, archived)

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:53, archived)

I think what you’ve got there is a question nobody wants answered

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 22:12, archived)

Probably go up the pub and do my bollox on the nags

( mongychops, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:52, archived)

might go spoons before dinner as a 'treat'

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:53, archived)

I'm already in one, poets day innit

( mongychops, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 13:15, archived)

good stuff
I've just cracked a lager to celebrate not having to manually update nearly 400 products one at a time by midnight
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 14:13, archived)

I just made a g&t because I'm bored and can't be fucked doing any work.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 15:45, archived)

what garnish?

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 15:47, archived)

Lime

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 15:49, archived)

all garnishes taste the same mate

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 15:53, archived)

ps this stuff is fucking GAWJUS, it smells like freshly squeezed grapefruit
chasedistillery.co.uk/product/chase-pink-grapefruit-pomelo-gin-70cl/
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 15:49, archived)

Work drinks this evening to celebrate the technicians qualifying.
Sadly, the young one who was completely smashed last time we went out for drinks, and flashed her bum at every camera pointed at her, is off sick so she won't be there.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:54, archived)

why do you insist on posting these very obvious lies?

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 13:03, archived)

IT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN VALIDATE MY EXISTENCE, OK?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 13:08, archived)

ok

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 13:49, archived)

Don’t fucking spoil it for me, I was well into that

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 14:32, archived)

it was clearly a load of made up shit to disguise the abject horror of his eventless life
I should know, I'm a master of the art.
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 14:42, archived)

No you're not

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 15:58, archived)

oh god, not your 'thing' again, you dreary pillock

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 16:00, archived)

gutted

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 13:46, archived)

Nipping out shortly for my wool
Then off to mum's to see my cousin who's over from France
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:58, archived)

have fun

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 14:13, archived)

she could only stay for an hour
we've a very big family, so there are lots of people to visit. i did, however, get an open invitation to visit her in France whenever i like. just another reason i need a proper job!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 16:22, archived)

Say hi to Jacob from me

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 14:16, archived)

Sounds like a Cold War spy exchange dialogue
I'm busy being angry about stupid academics who talk shit and are pillocks
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 14:27, archived)

There’s an endless supply of those cunts, might be best to get over it.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 14:34, archived)

on b3ta, you mean

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 14:37, archived)

maybe stay out of oxford

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 16:23, archived)

I have many many things to do however I lack the motivation
to do any of them so I imagine I shall simply do what I did last week and that is play GT5 online and troll the modders and exploiters by telling them all that their father sells avon.
( TBL I posted this on, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 13:31, archived)

play GT5 online and troll the modders and exploiters by telling them all that their father sells avon wait until it's dark, then break into a farm and sexually assault the animals
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 14:14, archived)

It's not rape if they don't say no
(moo, neigh, baaaahhh or woof don't count)
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 14:28, archived)

neigh means neigh

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 14:34, archived)

Gay for hay

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 15:06, archived)

On the draw for straw

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 22:17, archived)

Actually, it's a bit suspicious that your boss karks it
just when you need extra money. Did you offer him a couple of sneaky lines of shoe then show him Two Girls, One Cup giving the poor duffer a heart attack?
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 15:07, archived)

I can neither confirm nor deny that

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 15:19, archived)

Yo Rich, have you seen that Summer of Soul film that came out this year, about the 1969 Harlem Cultural Festival?

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 15:22, archived)

I've not, no - seems to be on Disney so I won't be able to any time soon
Ever seen Wattstax? It's fucking amazing
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 15:34, archived)

ooh, added to the list!

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 15:57, archived)

You will love it
Hard to pick favourites but when Isaac Hayes comes on stage it's incredible - but best of all is Rufus Thomas - when a mass funky chicken dance breaks out across the stadium you'll be grinning from ear to ear.

EDIT and the Bar-Kays fucking SMASH it
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 16:25, archived)

having read reviews, wow that looks brilliant

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 15:39, archived)

I'll, err, pm you

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 15:46, archived)

Friday
morning, I mean
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 7:27, archived)

morning
how's the being the boss thing going?
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 7:47, archived)

it's alright actually
I'm just getting on with it, and every now and then something presents itself that I don't know about, and I have to deal with it, but so far it's one issue at a time so not too stressful. That said, today a whole load of sale prices expire and I need to update them en masse and I don't know how to do it. If I can't work it out I will have to do each one at a time and there are several hundred of them.
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:06, archived)

You should get one of those fancy computers nasa uses

( mongychops, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:18, archived)

s nn, a nice Amstrad
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:40, archived)

An abacus is always a good alternative

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:43, archived)

give yrself a 15% payrise and a nice big bonus at xmas, you're the boss, you can do wot u fackin want pal

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:45, archived)

I'm expecting a damn sight more than 15%

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:08, archived)

Morning Ricky
How's yer missueses eyes doing?
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:01, archived)

good thanks, eye one no longer bright red - the pre operation appointment re eye 2 is 04.11, op a week or so later

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:07, archived)

Well wish her luck from me

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:14, archived)

will do m8

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:23, archived)

(QR) "Yo wifey, all the best from garold off of the internet"
(wife) "Cheers!"
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:28, archived)

Didn’t realise I was married to Queef
To be fair that explains a lot, my house is filled with records and trainers and all I can smell is curried guffs
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 11:26, archived)

what's for lunch, darling?

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:02, archived)

anal

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:10, archived)

cheers

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:23, archived)

meh,

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:39, archived)

Monging
Morning I mean
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:02, archived)

hullo

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:08, archived)

morning, not feeling very fridayish yet, might go for a poo and see if that moves things along

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:16, archived)

morning
I've had two this morning, might have another in a bit
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:25, archived)

Friday, partay
also my apologies to poster 'morning' for calling him a tedious spastic the other day
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:50, archived)

Which one's 'morning' again?

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:55, archived)

he's Mr 'alright'

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 8:56, archived)

the tedious spastic

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:40, archived)

thanks FRIEND, your apology means a lot

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:03, archived)

shut up you tedious online spastic

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:22, archived)

hey, he can't help it
he's not doing it on purpose
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:23, archived)

the terms and conditions of my tedious online spasticity mean that I am compelled to use my head dobber to post tedious online spasticated posts on a moribund flebsite
I can't help it mate, it's bad form to mock the afflicted, are you the new emvee or something?
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:33, archived)

I'm the old emvee

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:37, archived)

who's your favourite Rock Lord?

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:39, archived)

idgi soz

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:47, archived)

rock lords were a Gobots spinoff; as GoBots were a poor man's Transformers, emvee would be incandescent with rage that he would be asked about them
The end.
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:48, archived)

I see.

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:51, archived)

I thought you'd get the 1980s cultural reference, WRONG AGAIN, ONLINE

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:54, archived)

All the other emvees are just imitating

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:41, archived)

how are you doing m8?

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:47, archived)

Not bad thanks mate. You?

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:06, archived)

soldiering on, you know
saw down there you got that Millie Jackson live LP, I don't have that one which seems something of an oversight but I'm just buying 45s these days
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:18, archived)

I went through most of her 70's stuff the other weekend so might end up bagging some other stuff.
I bought another LP of hers just because it has a funky cover of Bad Company's Feel Like Makin' Love.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:27, archived)

You'll love this, if you don't already know them
www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_S4rDwVBl0
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:40, archived)

Ooh not heard of them. Bookmarked.
Have a whirl on worldwide fm just now, about an hour left of Charlie Dark:
worldwidefm.net
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:53, archived)

Thriller! is the LP you want

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:57, archived)

Charlie Dark is great.
Attica Blues were alright as well.
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 11:01, archived)

Yeah, luv him and Colleen Cosmo Murphy on WWFM
Louie Vega too, obvs
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 11:14, archived)

just imitating not even in my top 10
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:49, archived)

It seems I can get away with drinking a fair bit of gin without feeling like shit.
Might have to research this more.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:40, archived)

#LifeHack
nice one
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:47, archived)

HOT TIP
The Morrisons' own brand London Dry is decent. And it's only around 20 quid a bottle. Nicer than several brand name gins in a higher price bracket.
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:47, archived)

EVEN THOUGH ALL GINS TASTE THE SAME, OK BRB?????

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:47, archived)

This is basically true, differences in tonic are more noticeable imo

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:05, archived)

it's not *that* true though, is it? Some have much more juniper than others, some are fruitier than others etc.
That's why brb's original statement was patently risible. Yes, there's a gin 'template', if you will, but that's true of every type of booze.
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:20, archived)

and get this, right
I reckon Fentiman's tonic is superior to Fever Tree!
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:45, archived)

My Mum whose the erm, expert, in the family seems to swear by fever tree.
I think it's alright but can't really tell much difference between it and schweppes.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:49, archived)

don't get me wrong, Fever Tree is perfectly OK
Just Fentiman's is more bitter and has a cleaner taste. I don't think they sell it at retail though; the last time I had some at home I had to buy a crate of the stuff online.
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:52, archived)

I was on the £15 'posh' Lidl gin (the stuff in the clear bottle rather than fentons)

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:05, archived)

the Hortus stuff?

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:18, archived)

Yeah

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:27, archived)

I thought it tasted a bit thin and plasticky
Still, at that price it's excusable.
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:33, archived)

I mostly bought the hortus because I got given a nice bottle of Brooklyn gin and didn't want to plough into it.
I think I might be making it quite tonic heavy tbh. Been adding a quater cup (62ml) to tonic but since I broke my last high ball I'm using a 420ml glass. But I figure adding more tonic on a school night sesh probably isn't a bad thing.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:35, archived)

check out that morrison's one m8

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:37, archived)

That Hortus one is nice

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:36, archived)

Jesus Christ

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:50, archived)

Sober October though

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 11:04, archived)

fuck sober October

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 11:19, archived)

^

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 11:23, archived)

Morning
Large amounts of pain are happening in my kidney regions. Doctor's appointments all gone by the time I managed to get through, of course. I will be getting a call from the walk in centre about 6.30 this evening, so I'll just have to suffer for now
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:47, archived)

it's a good thing mofaha isn't here to crack down on this beakering

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 9:51, archived)

Ikr?

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 10:06, archived)

It is the afternoon
I'm doing my tax return and cooking a karahi gosht to have tomorrow night. Check ME out.

Busy?
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 12:06, archived)

I just credit checked you :'(

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 12:15, archived)

You are a library book, AICMFP.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 12:21, archived)

I told you that in confidence m8
/ac
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:38, archived)

"a long-term illness with a wide range of symptoms. The most common symptom is extreme tiredness"

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 12:33, archived)

lol

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 12:46, archived)

I was about to do something like this, but not as good.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 12:55, archived)

I'm glad you didn't.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:10, archived)

Careful, when the HMRC opens it and it's covered in brown stains and stinking of curry,
you'll be sent back to India quicker than you can say "goodness gracious me".
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 12:56, archived)

extra primo jolly good sah
*waggles head*
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:39, archived)

Well busy, 6/14
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/oct/07/the-guardian-thursday-quiz-general-knowledge-topical-news-trivia-7-october
( broadsword w⚓, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 12:58, archived)

6/14 DMAAKM

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:37, archived)

4
I got the important ones right, that's all I care about (Kenneth Williams and the Sex Pistols)
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:42, archived)

4 is the best score I think?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 2:16, archived)

without doubt

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 7:27, archived)

we're REALLY good at this

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 12:41, archived)

6/14"

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 14:03, archived)

4/14 is a good score, right?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 18:42, archived)

Yes

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 18:51, archived)

Thx m8

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 2:12, archived)

proper reviews are in for Metroid Dread and it does indeed sound great.
Might treat myself to a Switch handheld at xmas lol
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:03, archived)

Just donated blood
they've finally changed the rules to allow US to give an armful.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:08, archived)

I don't want US blood, it'll be full of cheeseburgers and guns.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:09, archived)

Blood type: Glock 19

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:16, archived)

Type O say can you see

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:19, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8313007
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:20, archived)

vg

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:33, archived)

And covid and fentanyl and Bibles.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:20, archived)

Sorry, what was that you said? I couldn't hear you above the sound of my
FREEDOM!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:32, archived)

hi queef this article is relevant 2 yr innarests lol
www.theguardian.com/music/2021/oct/07/the-message-why-should-hip-hop-have-to-teach-us-anything
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:22, archived)

Not reading that
'Almost since it first emerged on the streets of the Bronx, audiences have expected hip-hop to express a revolutionary purpose'

Bullshit in the first line. Hip hop was around for a good seven years before that was the case. First Kool Herc party: 1973. First political rap record: 1980

NEXT
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:46, archived)

ah, now, the article pretty much takes your view that 'conscious' hip hop is a bag bag of shit, because hip hop is ostensibly party music

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:52, archived)

I read the whole article, your interpretation is different to mine, and I'm extremely glad about that

( mongychops, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 16:04, archived)

'How We Gonna Make the Black Nation Rise?' by Brother D with Collective Effort, if anyone cares

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:54, archived)

I hope it at least gives due to credit to 'Zip Zap Rap',
by Devastatin' Dave (The Turntable Slave).
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 15:32, archived)

Afternoon
I have started with the coconut recipes, grainy coconut ice cream from the BBC websitè. Might be wakki.and add a tad of grated ginger.
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:45, archived)

that would be nice with rum and black pepper glazed chargrilled pineapple
jussayin
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 14:05, archived)

Just waiting on the ice cream I've had a cheeky taste and the ginger really gives it a kick.
I'll try the fish soup this weekend. How'd your Indian go?
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 18:03, archived)

I'm thinking of going shopping tomorrow
Need to buy wool for a blanket
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 13:57, archived)

my sister in law ordered me a meat box for my birthday, which their driver delivered to a building site for no reason I can discern
It's taken them a week to sort it out, ignoring emails from SIL and forcing my wife to call them 4 times, being told they would 'see what we can do'. Fucking wankers, your driver fucked up, an internal matter for you and not my problem, deliver my fucking meat you cunts. It's now coming tomorrow thankfully.

/rant
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 14:48, archived)

Virgin Wines delivered two cases of wine last Saturday after I said I'd be away
and can they leave it until the following week. When I came back there was no wine on the doorstep. Virgin has asked if I can see if any of the neighbours have taken them in.

Fat chance...
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 15:02, archived)

virgin lol

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 15:03, archived)

Slipping their meat through your slot?

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 16:00, archived)

Dumping a load on my mat

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 16:04, archived)

my Super
+t
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 19:23, archived)

Seriously, first reading saw that as wolf
could not IMAGINE what kind of Little Red Riding Hood shenanigans you were planning.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 15:23, archived)

That gives me ideas for Halloween

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 16:02, archived)

I bet it does YDOB

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 16:05, archived)

Yo Rich
I picked up a copy of Millie Jackson's Live and Uncensored, what a great live lp!
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 19:57, archived)

It is your candle day, you should have the day off work.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 23:50, archived)

I don't get days off work any more :(

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 7:32, archived)

Morning
I'm off to work, take care of the shitposting while I'm away please.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 7:12, archived)

morning

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 7:25, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 7:30, archived)

I'm off to Leeds for lunch

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 7:58, archived)

Barnsley for breakfast and Doncaster for dinner?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 8:55, archived)

come on Garold, don't get started on THE NORTH, you'll end up having a seizure

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:01, archived)

I've been persuaded that it's not THAT bad
and that some parts are quite tolerable. The consistent, measured and reasonable debate on this forum has genuinely changed my mind.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:36, archived)

you're wrong m8, it really is a fucking hole

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 10:16, archived)

Can confirm , saw Warrington

( mongychops, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 10:22, archived)

Leeds is alright, great for nightlife.

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:01, archived)

Had a tip-top curry there last time
www.indiantiffinroom.com/restaurants/leeds/
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:37, archived)

Bundobust do superb indian food

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 10:36, archived)

lol bust
you know, like tits and that!
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 11:08, archived)

Alright ‘Rate My Takeaway’

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:06, archived)

oh man I LOVE 'Top Gun'!

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:18, archived)

Pfft!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:37, archived)

thre'e candles?
how many would it be if the ban hammer hadn't struck you? merriment anyway, yay
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:44, archived)

far too many to contemplate

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 10:17, archived)

This took me waaay to long

lol
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:44, archived)

hullo will

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 8:21, archived)

wow I can't believe I've been posting on b3ta for three whole years now

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 8:21, archived)

it seems like a lot longer.

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 8:38, archived)

merry queefday

( broadsword w⚓, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:02, archived)

*queefs*

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:20, archived)

Freaks my nut it does
Happy b3taday new poster ‘Queef Richard’s’
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:04, archived)

I'm still finding my feet, but the support from all my great new pals here really helps
Thanks guy's!
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:19, archived)

It's very exciting

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:11, archived)

Happy third candleday Queef Richard's on your third candleday on the 7th of October 2021 which is your third candleday on the 7th of October!

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:15, archived)

YESSSSSS

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:23, archived)

Morning

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 8:31, archived)

morning and likewise

( broadsword w⚓, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:02, archived)

on it.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:03, archived)

💩💩🚽

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:05, archived)

morns

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:12, archived)

The Grim Reaper gets a job as a butler
for the old lady that he's supposed be taking to the afterlife
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 19:26, archived)

Loved it mate, worked for my dad back in the dsy did old kh

( mongychops, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 19:41, archived)

shame it got cancelled
had a soft spot for him, loved Brush Strokes
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 19:46, archived)

Very un woke today, misogyny, idiots, and tax fraud

( mongychops, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 20:03, archived)

yeah but Elmo

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 20:17, archived)

he's fantastic in Babylon alongside Brinsley Forde of Aswad who's great as well

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 9:26, archived)

alright

(Runcorn shitty limits, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 19:59, archived)

Ran a clothing sweat shop and his car although elite was covered in parking tickets ?

( mongychops, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 20:04, archived)

never saw that
seem to remember enjoying Whoops Apocalypse though
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 20:08, archived)

Apologise it was low cost engineering sweetshop, the gaffer. Great cast
www.comedy.co.uk/tv/the_gaffer/
( mongychops, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 20:49, archived)

I thought you meant the rag trade

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 21:14, archived)

Not many laugh in that, and a tough wank

( mongychops, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 21:26, archived)

good afternoon, pillock's

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:04, archived)

afternoon, you pranny

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:08, archived)

I'm no pranny - I'm the fucken Flebmaster

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:12, archived)

you're a wazzock, and a prat.

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:13, archived)

^spacker and flid

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:16, archived)

^ Benny and Deacon.

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:18, archived)

^scoper and dicksplash

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:45, archived)

^ spazmo and dingus

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:58, archived)

Cosmo and dibs

( mongychops, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 15:21, archived)

lol old

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 15:25, archived)

Shut the fuck up you hideous beakering shrieker of a twat

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 18:16, archived)

come on mate, there are far worse beakers on here than me

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 18:29, archived)

there are no better or worse beakers, just beakers

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 18:37, archived)

I enjoyed running shit post bingo for the fee weeks it lasted when my 18 year old daughter was 5

( mongychops, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 19:14, archived)

Noo then thur gert wassock
I am learning to speak Northern
Got any ideas for coconut milk? I've never cooked with it
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:11, archived)

thai curries.

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:14, archived)

I cook with it a lot
Keralan fish curry is a favourite here - my top tip for that is to make sure you have thick chunks of fish as cheap tail-end fillets just fall apart. Cod loin does the job.

My other (recently learnt) tip is not to buy 'light coconut milk' as all it is, is regular coconut milk diluted with water, and for the same money. RIP OFF BRITAIN
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:15, archived)

Broken Britain
God bless da NHS
Ta for the tip
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:18, archived)

It’s not just light, it’s lower in calories, lower in fat, and lower in coconut milk.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 1:38, archived)

Add pineapple juice and bacardi

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:32, archived)

Fish amok.
In Laos you get it served to you in a coconut, which is nice, but a bowl works.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 14:36, archived)

not had that, looks great

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 16:38, archived)

We got a crate of coconut milk cheap
But we have a coconut that's been sitting on its arse for a while. Might do that this weekend.Ta!
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 17:46, archived)

Have placed bowl in coconut. Awaiting further instructions.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 1:23, archived)

> fuck gandalf

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 6:43, archived)

Afternoon
Time for a bovril
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:33, archived)

don't forget to wash your hands after

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 12:45, archived)

30 years of Tresor
www.theguardian.com/music/2021/oct/05/tresor-stays-relevant-30-years-of-the-legendary-berlin-techno-club
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 13:18, archived)

I fucking love East Berlin - I could live in Kreuzberg I reckon, there or Friedrichshain

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 13:43, archived)

I reckon you should move there, then delete your beeter account, then kill yourself.

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 13:47, archived)

I reckon you should choke to death on your own shit, you tedious online spastic

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 13:51, archived)

I reckon you should nip down to your local petrol station with a container, get a load of unleaded, drink some, pour the rest over yourself, then light a match.

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 13:55, archived)

For 800 quid you can get your cremation ashes made into a 12" vinyl with the song of your choice
It's what Queef would want
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 13:58, archived)

'Smoke Gets In Your Eyes', please.

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 14:57, archived)

you spin me right round (like a record baby)

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 19:28, archived)

Last year, my colon was on the verge of bursting after going 20 days without pooping...
Last year, my colon was on the verge of bursting after going 20 days without pooping...
And I'll never forget the total HUMILIATION I felt when the doctor had to manually remove everything...
But that's just what led me to finally find a pooping solution that's so easy and fast...
That sent shockwaves through the medical establishment...
In just 10 seconds, you can be free from the pain and shame that come with a bad digestion...
You'll forget about constipation, hemorrhoids, IBS or anal fissures...
Just like 45,670 people before you have!
How I Got Rid Of All My Digestive Problems For Good (Works Every Time!)
infomne.today/DweArKLcLPHLOY7VbTZu4ZnlT_5HwPmUfNolVHA6L3pngz8
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 15:45, archived)

Thanks [email protected]

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 15:46, archived)

tbf, you're no stranger to having an arm up your arse tho

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 15:48, archived)

going
without pooping...
Last year, my colon was on the verge of bursting after going 20 days without pooping...
And I'll never forget the total HUMILIATION I felt when the doctor had to manually remove everything...
But that's just what led me to finally find a pooping solution that's so easy and fast...
That sent shockwaves through the medical establishment...
In just 10 seconds, you can be free from the pain and shame that come with a bad digestion...
You'll forget about constipation, hemorrhoids, IBS or anal fissures...
Just like 45,670 people before you have!
How I Got Rid Of All My Digestive Problems For Good (Works Every Time!)
infomne.today/DweArKLcLPHLOY7VbTZu4ZnlT_5HwPmUfNolVHA6L3pngz8 of solid uninterrupted bumming
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 20:05, archived)

Still confused about whether to go for an air source heat pump, ground source heat pump or conventional boiler in the hope that it will get switched over to hydrogen

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 16:35, archived)

If you can install a ground source pump then do it
but from what I've read it's only viable when you're doing building work - retrofitting it costs a fortune. Air source is pretty good, here in the UK it's very rarely below 5 degrees so works well, though it's not been as cheap as gas, historically. Hydrogen is probably a no-go just because it's not been done before so there are no plants making hydrogen and no hydrogen boilers for homes and it'll take decades for the technology and infrastructure (beyond gas pipes) to catch up.
www.theguardian.com/science/2020/mar/21/is-hydrogen-the-solution-to-net-zero-home-heating
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 16:42, archived)

I'd give gas a miss. My personal choice would be air source as the maintenance will be less, but what do I know about such stuff

( mongychops, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 17:00, archived)

my mate just posted me some homemade kif, it looks the business

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 17:10, archived)

Going with this then because mongychops knows about this sort of thing.
Cheers
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Fri 8 Oct 2021, 20:09, archived)

do a wrap of whizz and two trips

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 17:09, archived)

I’ll raise you an e

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 7 Oct 2021, 1:25, archived)

morning

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 7:12, archived)

morning.
today we are celebrating what would have been Anthonyb3ta70100's grandpa Pablo's 101st birthday on October 6, 2021, had he not died on July 15, 2018, on what would have been grandpa Pablo's 101st birthday on October 6, 2021.
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 7:36, archived)

Grandad Pablo can go fuck himself.

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 7:53, archived)

I'm not
he was a racist nazi and wore a frankly rubbish hat
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 8:02, archived)

Happy birthday Anthonyb3ta70100's grandpa Pablo
on what would have been Anthonyb3ta70100's grandpa Pablo's 101st birthday on October 6, 2021, had he not died on July 15, 2018, on what would have been grandpa Pablo's 101st birthday on October 6, 2021!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 8:29, archived)

nuff respek Pablo, you fucking ledge

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 8:36, archived)

ugh

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 8:03, archived)

morning

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 9:11, archived)

Morning
Just spent half an hour looking for my purse and panicking because I thought I'd lost it. The fucking cat was sleeping on it.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 8:03, archived)

morning

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 9:11, archived)

Yeah yeah yeah

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 8:44, archived)

morning

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 9:11, archived)

talk to the hand, girlfriend

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 8:45, archived)

morning

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 9:11, archived)

Hey Queef's hand
you smell of knob cheese
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 9:30, archived)

lol ur hand is ur girlfriend lol

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 10:59, archived)

no way lol

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 11:33, archived)

meh,

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 9:00, archived)

morning

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 9:11, archived)

Morning y'all hipsters

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 9:43, archived)

morning

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 11:21, archived)

morning

( broadsword w⚓, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 9:48, archived)

morning

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 11:21, archived)

Facebook went offline for a couple of hours last night and the entire internet shat itself
Are you a Facebook whore? Did you notice the difference?

no, I'm not adding you, before you ask
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 12:57, archived)

I did notice
But I just watched Sherlock and went to bed
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:01, archived)

very sensible of you

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:01, archived)

I am now drinking gin and shoeing it up in my mate's house
Which is not so sensible
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 17:08, archived)

enjoy life!
even if it kicks you in the ovaries the next morning
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 17:52, archived)

*STRIKETHROUGH EVERYTHING IN YOUR POST*
Replace with 'alright'.
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:01, archived)

*STRIKETHROUGH YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE*

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:04, archived)

^ online harrasser-in-chief

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:08, archived)

^ tedious online spastic

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:09, archived)

alright Yeti., nice to have you back.

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:11, archived)

whatever

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:20, archived)

I totally plopped my pants, but that was nothing to do with facebook

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:07, archived)

weird flex, but OK

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:08, archived)

^ down with the kids

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 0:51, archived)

Fook, I call it!
Maybe mine will catch on.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:16, archived)

teh dibnah!

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:20, archived)

tool of a Fook!

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:21, archived)

I don’t even own a Facebook

actually I do but I’m so cool and above it all I pretend I don’t care
( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:25, archived)

hipster
you'll be going to space next
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:27, archived)

Technically aren’t we all already in space?

Really makes you think eh?*

*no
( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:29, archived)

woah dude

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:30, archived)

well, I mean,
we're in *a* space, I suppose
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:32, archived)

*twists melon*

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:34, archived)

by melon, you mean tit, amirite

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:38, archived)

The no1 rolex deepsea space goes on sale soon, if you have a spare 2 million

( mongychops, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:56, archived)

Cheers, they’ll make excellent stocking-stuffers for Christmas

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 14:12, archived)

There were only 7 made unfortunately and those shitcunt museums took them all

( mongychops, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 14:15, archived)

I genuinely don't and never have, but I signed up for Twitter so I could blag that record and now the cunts won't leave me alone
I don't want to delete the account right away though, in case it makes me look like (aka reveal how I totally am) a cunt
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:29, archived)

keyword: minge

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:30, archived)

"Your search for ‘minge’ returned 200,000,001 results. Please narrow your search criteria"

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:33, archived)

200,000,001 results. Please narrow your search criteria a photo of tedious online spastic Banned Poster Dozer
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:38, archived)

‘Narrow minge’

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 0:52, archived)

Aka landing strip

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 0:54, archived)

you do have the dubious honour of being a member of the only social platform that *didn't* shit the bed yesterday
also you can totally chat with Stephen Fry, because he loves Twitter
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:32, archived)

the irony of it all is that whilst all that was going on, I was busy shitting my own bed

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:33, archived)

totes ahead of the game here

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:34, archived)

ahead of on
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 16:52, archived)

I found out about it this morning when it came back on again and my mate whatsapped me a photo of that weird tranny antiques boy saying that he was me
Along with an apology that it came so late, as he was unable to send it last night due to the outage
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:32, archived)

David Nodickinson?

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:33, archived)

liked and shared

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:34, archived)

I am not, nor have I ever been a member of facebook.
I never understood the appeal. Get in touch with old friends who I've deliberately avoided for decades? Send all my emails over a public network where everyone can read them? Share my personal thoughts and feelings with the entire world - under my own name?? Why anyone does any of this is a mystery to me, and its evolution into a paranoid delusion transmission system really doesn't improve the situation. You'd have to be entirely stupid to use facebook.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 14:13, archived)

no offence but this makes you sound like a massive autism

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 14:19, archived)

I take that as a massive compliment, thank you. :)
People on facebook could learn a lot from massive autisms.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 15:25, archived)

The trick is to use it to keep in touch with people you *do* want to keep in touch with, assuming you have any.
I joined it to keep in touch with people I met while I was abroad, and it was useful for doing that for years. I remain friends with some of them, and have met up with them in different countries because we knew each other's comings and goings thanks to status updates, photos and the like.

It's not much use for that purpose now, mind, most people have either stopped paying attention to it or fucked off from it completely. Nowadays it mostly just gives me links 'suggested for you' that are completely removed from any of my areas of interest. Frankly, I take that as a good sign that it doesn't know me well enough.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 15:50, archived)

He may well want to keep in touch with people.
That doesn't mean it's reciprocated.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 16:24, archived)

I understand that your thoughts and feelings seem authentic to you,
but you need to realise that you've being manipulated to feel like you need facebook.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 19:55, archived)

The trick is to realise that facebook uses you as a commodity, as a resource to generate content and money,
and manipulates you in a myriad of ways, that it was instrumental in coordinating the genocide in Myanmar, the rise of ISIS/ISIL, the US capitol riots, Brexit and the election of Trump, that it is the source of depression and anxiety for millions of teenagers and pensioners who are being brainwashed for profit.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 16:46, archived)

So you like it, or what?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 6 Oct 2021, 0:54, archived)

I noticed because whatsapp stopped working so I've downloaded signal but no one else I know has it so we were just texting
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 15:22, archived)

alright thread

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 12:38, archived)

morning

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 12:50, archived)

we have a right laugh here don't we

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 12:55, archived)

4 real

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:26, archived)

#bringbacklegless

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 13:35, archived)

Morning's bumhole
/ac

Edit: apparently it is National Curry Week.
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 7:51, archived)

Good morning to you and your bumhole

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 8:12, archived)

We Wish You a Merry Christmas just got sexy

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 8:16, archived)

morning

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 8:45, archived)

morning

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 8:54, archived)

9.99 of 10 people outside of the Indian culinary landscape do not know what "curry" really is
at least you Brits got loads of South Asians that know how to cook and most curry tastes different. I loathe the curry powder mix sold everywhere else. best thing to to is make your own spice mix.
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 8:46, archived)

whilst you're right, it seems odd to me that many recipes call for a scratch made spice blend and rightly so,
but at the same time list garam masala as an ingredient which is apparently fine to use even though it's just another pre made spice blend. Also round here - a South Indian enclave - all the food shops have large shelves full of dozens of pre made blends for all manner of dishes, kebab seasonings and so on - clearly their customers buy these all the time. The idea of 'real Indian home cooking' being made entirely from scratch each time must be nonsense. I've not bought any of them but am curious.

#QueefsConundrums
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 8:54, archived)

You mean you *don't* make your own garam masala from scratch?
*cancels food ponce subscription*
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 9:19, archived)

garam means hot or spicy. masala is the spice or condiment mix.
curry and masala are same same but different
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 9:33, archived)

so it means 'spicy spice'????

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 9:49, archived)

no, it means 'spicy mixture'

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 9:50, archived)

I'm afraid not
Don't make my own chaat masala either - wot a cunt, eh readers?
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 9:54, archived)

I prefer to make my own spice mix
As shop-bought stuff is generally piss weak
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 10:56, archived)

Freshly toasted and ground to order gets the best results for sure
One thing I picked up from Tony Singh - if the pan in which you're toasting whole spices in is too hot to touch then it's too hot and you may burn your spices which will make them bitter, you should be able to stir them around with your bare hands
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 11:09, archived)

I have burnt my spices a couple of times
But I'm a lot more careful now. I must confess, however, to grinding my spices in a blender
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 11:13, archived)

same here, fuck trying to grind cloves by hand

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 11:18, archived)

I'd like to do it the "authentic " way, but I'm lazy

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 11:34, archived)

It all went wrong when Sir Walter Raleigh brought back the potato and we all started eating chips.
Bloody foreign muck, I'll stick to good old-fashioned British parsnips while I smoke nettles in my pipe.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 9:01, archived)

what is it with you jock cunts and your obsession with chips?????

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 9:15, archived)

^ upset ^

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 9:16, archived)

an entire week of curry?
get in
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 9:25, archived)

exactly

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 9:54, archived)

Morning queef, I prefer my national curry strong, hahaha

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 9:50, archived)

oh HO!
this is a great joke guy's
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 9:55, archived)

It should totally go on 'Question of the Week: I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke'

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 10:23, archived)

Just got my flu jab and covid booster,
which will annoy the idiots in my partner's family who reckon that doctors are "maniacs" for giving them both together.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 10:16, archived)

I mean, obviously the landscape gardener and the Forever Living aloe juice saleswoman are much better informed about these things.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 10:40, archived)

nice one, wife's been booked in for flu jab but we're still waiting to hear about the booster

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 10:41, archived)

There are regional differences, so policy may vary.
Because I work for the NHS, I just booked an appointment and got both because it's 25 weeks since my covid booster. If it's 6 months or thereabouts, she should be able to get both. Here they're trying to get them done in the same session to save appointments, but it's probably different where you are and/or for people who aren't NHS staff.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 11:16, archived)

must be around the 6 months mark now, hopefully not long to wait

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 11:25, archived)

Morning
The Met are looking to appoint an anti sleaze adviser. I nominate popular poster D*z*r. Who would be your anti sleaziest person?
(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 10:49, archived)

JollyJack

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 11:16, archived)

Peter Christopherson

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 11:22, archived)

this joke is lost on everyone apart from queefy and me.
Just sayin.
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 11:26, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8312816
( Cheers Cheers, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 11:27, archived)

heh

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 11:31, archived)

Martin Bell

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 11:26, archived)

Morning
Going for lunch with a friend, curry it is.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 5 Oct 2021, 10:56, archived)

Mono's bumhole

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 20:53, archived)

What about it?

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 21:00, archived)

Some say that Mono’s bumhole is so powerful it took down Facebook

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 21:32, archived)

Still?

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 4 Oct 2021, 21:33, archived)

I read somewhere that mono’s bumhole is suing Twitter and its CEO Jack Dastardly for taking away his right to free speech.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 21:37, archived)

Bono's Mumhole

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 21:46, archived)

alright

(Runcorn shitty limits, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 21:49, archived)

Bono’s molehum?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 21:58, archived)

go eat a bag of dicks

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 22:05, archived)

new, fewer shit thread
nice weekend? I had the best one in fucking ages
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 10:17, archived)

Just a 5 hour commute yesterday, bit dull

( mongychops, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 10:27, archived)

feeling more normal yet?
I've not gone all-out for days on the trot for years, not sure if I can still hack it
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 10:34, archived)

A bit , it was a lot , 4 days of 12 hour drinking is certainly enough

( mongychops, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 10:43, archived)

good to see your mate though I bet
we're about to have a second crack at a leaving do for a chap who was just about to move to Australia before COVID hit, we had a great night out, then he just never left the UK.
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 10:52, archived)

Oh yeah it was great, all his pals really friendly. I think I read oz is opening slightly in November

( mongychops, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 10:59, archived)

yep, mate finally got his visa last week

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 11:02, archived)

not really, tbh
I just felt kind of mopey and crap all weekend so I just dossed around at home

meh
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 10:35, archived)

meh,

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 10:52, archived)

meh,

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 11:20, archived)

Not really
Sleep is still fucked up, so I'm off to buy myself some creepy contacts for Halloween to cheer me up
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 11:20, archived)

just have cataract surgery, my wife looks super creepy after hers
she has really light blue eyes so having a blood-red eyeball looks mental
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 11:26, archived)

I already had cataract surgery
My eyes looked fine. Just got cat's eye, black spiral and zombie contacts. £20 for the lot.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 12:55, archived)

Well it depends on the definition of nice.
If you include sitting about doing feck all then yes, yes I did.
( TBL I posted this on, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 11:50, archived)

there are worse ways to spend one's time

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 12:03, archived)

alright

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 12:30, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8312771
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 12:50, archived)

^ upset

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 13:00, archived)

^online

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 13:49, archived)

I do not have, and have never had, access to the internet.

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 13:52, archived)

That's never going to stand up in court

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 15:05, archived)

morning

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 8:06, archived)

y

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 8:36, archived)

^

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 8:43, archived)

Morning
Just finished the first part of today's shopping
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 4 Oct 2021, 9:17, archived)

rapidly congealing spunk thread
morning
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 8:37, archived)

went to see the new Bond last night, wow

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 8:38, archived)

any good?

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 8:46, archived)

moments of magic, lots of cheeky references to the older films for the nerds, and what I can only describe as a 'dramatic' ending
the opening sequence is brilliant also
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 8:51, archived)

it's reviewed well so far

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 9:58, archived)

First thing on my to do list when I get back from crete

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 11:26, archived)

I read that it was a woke mess and there's a 15 minute scene which is just radical feminists wearing Lenin masks weeing on Daniel Craig while he sobs.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 11:41, archived)

Correct
10/10 would wee again
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 12:02, archived)

The Man With The Golden Shower

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 12:48, archived)

Live and let cry

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 12:52, archived)

For urinate only.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 13:34, archived)

For urine only, come on m8

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 20:45, archived)

Oh balls.

(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 22:37, archived)

No time to dry

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 20:43, archived)

Cry another day

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 21:19, archived)

Fem gusher with love

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 23:05, archived)

Morning
My leg is slightly less fucked today
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 9:24, archived)

good news
big ol' roast today
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 9:39, archived)

Going to the parental unit's
Hopefully there will be a roast. Shopping day tomorrow and I have a serious craving for roast lamb, so I know what's going on the list.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 11:48, archived)

Chicken roast happening here
I've been getting amazing results with a 24hr wet brine, then several hours drying seasoned and uncovered in the fridge before roasting. Bit of a faff but well worth it
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 12:12, archived)

Sounds good
I will enjoy a meal I don't have to cook. Also, today marks 3 months since I last had a cigarette
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 12:15, archived)

Congrats :)

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 12:48, archived)

Thanks
Not even tempted
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 12:53, archived)

stay exactly the way you will become

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 14:22, archived)

Back in my local, need a new liver I think

( mongychops, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 14:17, archived)

I've had a great idea for a sequel to Where The Wild Things Are, called Where The Sexy Things Are.
It's set a few years later, so Max is 13. The Sexy Things are identical to the Wild Things, except they also have massive tits. At the end of the story, instead of Max's mother bringing him his supper, he's lying naked on his bed, covered in rapidly congealing spunk, wondering where he put the tissues.

In an epilogue, it's revealed that years later, Max is a successful internet artist who goes by the pen name of Jolly Jack.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 15:45, archived)

Put down the foil and the lighter and have a kip eh

( mongychops, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 16:18, archived)

Funny you should say that, because as it happens I'm having a little opium tea session.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 18:37, archived)

is he still around?

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 16:18, archived)

He's lying naked on his bed, covered in rapidly congealing spunk, wondering where he put the tissues, can’t you read?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 16:35, archived)

alright Natalie Imbruglia

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 12:47, archived)

would read

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 16:42, archived)

it's a click from me!

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 17:04, archived)

The sexy things are at /chat obviousy

(Pres Putin Masturbated on the ruins on, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 17:11, archived)

wat

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 20:32, archived)

u erd

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 20:55, archived)

my barber threaded my beard line
that shit is super painful
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 20:56, archived)

Bent Reznor.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 21:16, archived)

alright

(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 21:28, archived)

beard line pænus
( Cheers Cheers, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 21:18, archived)

+ ænd ænus

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 22:32, archived)

Chærs

( Cheers Cheers, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 2:32, archived)

Chærs

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 3 Oct 2021, 13:49, archived)

Good afternoon from Greece.
Our German neighbours are flying home and gave us a bottle of wine as a goodbye gesture. However it is a corked bottle and I didn't bring a corkscrew. Any tips on how to open it without buying a corkscrew?
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 14:32, archived)

Get on the shoe m8
youtu.be/fXihX13xjqQ
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 14:57, archived)

I'll give it a go after dinner.

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 14:59, archived)

Smash the neck of the bottle off and drink from what's left (like Duggan in City of Death).
Or, if you're not man enough, slice the cork's top off (if necessary) and push what's left down the neck.

Or find a 3"+ screw and a pair of pliers.

Or a hand drill.

Or create a lower air pressure outside the bottle so the cork pops out by itself (may also cause the wine to boil).

Or create a higher pressure inside the bottle so the cork pops out by itself, by putting the bottle in a microwave.
( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 15:29, archived)

Steal a corkscrew

( mongychops, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 15:42, archived)

push the cork in with a wooden spoon handle

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 16:19, archived)

There, it’s open.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 2 Oct 2021, 16:34, archived)