This QOTW must surely go to
the few people who've managed to post sincere, poignant stories despite the constant hooting morons shitting all over every single post. Well done, you all.

Can I suggest an alternative prize: "The 'B3tan who acts most like their dad has accidentally left his computer unlocked, thus allowing his angry, frustrated teenage son to access the internet' Award"

It's a close-run thing, but in the end despite a spirited last-minute slice of sociopathy from Brayndedd, there can only be one winner:

Of course, it's Dr Shambolic! If there's one B3tan who embodies the wonderful spirit of a thirteen-year-old boy who's just realised that the internet is a magical place in which he can insult anyone he likes without recourse, then it's him. While the rest of us grew up and became actual adult humans, he's bravely stayed behind, bashing his keyboard with furiously clenched fists, screaming nonsensical insults at random strangers - keeping the angry misunderstood adolescent dream alive for us all.

We love you Dr Shambolic, you stunted, furious moron. Never change!
(Internet White Knight, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 6:07, 125 replies)

This is going to end well.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 6:38, closed)

As it's nearly Christmas

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 10:47, closed)

Excellent
Cheers.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 10:52, closed)

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 11:52, closed)

YES.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 12:00, closed)

You made a new account just to post this?
Oh dear.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 6:47, closed)

No learner plates?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 6:50, closed)

I bet you're devasted to be beaten by Shambles. After all the OP does speak for everyone.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 6:50, closed)

Nah, BD is mostly harmless.
Even when he is chucking a tanty.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 6:53, closed)

I don't know what chucking a tanty means.
I chucked a hotdog down a hallway once. Speaking of which, how's your wife?
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 7:01, closed)

Still ugly, I bet!

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:03, closed)

I did the same thing with a chip up the M1.
Speaking of which, does anyone know anything about the Erinsborough swinging scene? I was hoping to double-team Ringo's wife with Paul Robinson on the bonnet of a Subaru in Lassiter's car park.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:29, closed)

I was hoping to double team Plain Jane Superbrain with you.
You drongo?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:34, closed)

No chance, not with a dag like you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:41, closed)

see you this arvo at the diner?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:43, closed)

"Forester?"
"Well, I ate her bush if that's what you mean"
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:44, closed)

"Impreza?"
"Yes, she came like a train"
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:44, closed)

"Outback?"
"well, I wouldn't do it indoors"
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:45, closed)

Hey at least she doesn't whinge and moan about the rainy, cold weather all the time.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:46, closed)

Like aussies do the moment they touch down in London.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 12:02, closed)

And poms do
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 21:08, closed)

Tantrum.
She's fine, cooking dinner atm.
Yours?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:44, closed)

Cooking, dinner, ATM with half the internet.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 12:05, closed)

Scares me to think that there would be a woman
desperate enough to want to to co-habit with you Monty.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 20 Dec 2012, 1:11, closed)

Shambles beats me frequently. He's a terrible father.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 7:00, closed)

I was so happy when he took me off ignore last week.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 6:50, closed)

may I be the first to say
ABLOOBLOOBLOOBLOOBLOO!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 7:38, closed)

I'm starting the timer for the Legless Defence.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:34, closed)

Cheers!

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:20, closed)

Here ya go cobber.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:40, closed)

can you post that as a pic pls?
I can't do them from my phone.

Thnx babygirl.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:47, closed)

Nah, sorry Plummie.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:46, closed)

Oh good lord....
*stands back, forms human barricade*
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:08, closed)

That was shit, mate. Just saying.

( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:33, closed)

I'm surprised this thread hasn't gone into meltdown yet.
Although its sentiment is probably what most people are thinking.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:35, closed)

Really, it isn't.

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:37, closed)

Beg to differ.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:39, closed)

I beg to differ with you.
B3ta is not a self-help group.

That was the OP's first mistake.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:41, closed)

Right you cunt, we should fight it out to see who's right.
On the Internet.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:47, closed)

Flintlocks at 10 paces!

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:25, closed)

Cheers

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 7:07, closed)

So.
You're just going thru this thread now saying "Cheers" to random posts?

Head back to the morgue Dr.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 20 Dec 2012, 7:31, closed)

Really, you wouldn't know.
It's why I wrote 'probably'.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:21, closed)

oh yes
it is
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 10:49, closed)

HE'S BEHIND YOU!
I love panto season.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 11:32, closed)

It's the men in tights
Isn't it.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 11:50, closed)

Dwarf men in tights,
thank you very much.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 12:18, closed)

Oh no it isn't

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 15:03, closed)

Beg to differ!

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 20 Dec 2012, 1:12, closed)

Good to know
you've got my back.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 9:15, closed)

Always petal.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 20 Dec 2012, 9:17, closed)

Cheers.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 7:08, closed)

So.
You're just going thru this thread now saying "Cheers" to random posts?

Head back to the morgue Dr
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 20 Dec 2012, 7:32, closed)

Cheers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 10:44, closed)

It really is sentiment, you're right.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:40, closed)

Are you upset too?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:44, closed)

Hardly.
Amused to see how people react to it, though.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:05, closed)

Cheers.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 7:06, closed)

Lemme fix that for you
most shit
( Zuowan, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 11:51, closed)

Of course, you're entitled to your opinion.
Even if it's wrong.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 13:41, closed)

what the fuck are you on about?
we all want bumbag to win, he's my hero.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:41, closed)

I'd leap to the good doctor's defense, but
I'm pretty sure he's not going to sleep with either of us.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:44, closed)

You'd like to put Shambo up your bum?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:46, closed)

Are you saying you don't like stunted, furious sex?

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:48, closed)

At least offer to buy me a drink first or something.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:51, closed)

You've got ideas above your station, that's your problem.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 11:45, closed)

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I MADE ANOTHER ACCOUNT AND /TALK ARE STILL MEAN TO ME!
Get over yourself you pathetic flailing spastic shitcunt mong autism crybaby.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:50, closed)

You lot need to get out more.

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 8:59, closed)

Hahahahaha oh fuck

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:02, closed)

Why don't we all sing a popular Christmas carol and cheer up!


Such as:
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:04, closed)

Happy Birthday Little Baby Jesus, Now Get On The Train You Filthy Jew.
And this time can we have a little more gusto from the back row of the choir on the RAUS!es?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:10, closed)

I have trained my four year old to shout 'raus, raus' and 'schnell, schnell' in public places.
A packed Liverpool St station was the last one.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:25, closed)

:D
AWESOME!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:28, closed)

Gonna take her up Golders Green on the weekend, should be good.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:59, closed)

Is this a euphemism?

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 10:50, closed)

I fail to see how it could not be.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 11:15, closed)

Golders Green: ruptured spleen
I thought everyone knew that one.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 11:20, closed)

PATELS!

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:28, closed)

We all live under a bridge.
That's technically outside, right?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:06, closed)

have you seen how empty my calendar is on facebook?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:06, closed)

Could you check my email and see if anyone has invited me to anything?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:28, closed)

Cheers

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 7:41, closed)

I'm not sure you read the question properly

(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:13, closed)

No one knows quite who it is yet.
We can all see it's a sockpuppet account but none of the wankers are quite sure who it is....

EDIT: waiting for the big reveal.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:27, closed)

is it you?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:30, closed)

Umm.
No.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:42, closed)

come on now, be honest.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:52, closed)

I was.
It isn't
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 10:58, closed)

...the fuck is this teenage fuckwit harping on aboot?

( Frisbee OG wanker, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:32, closed)

You're right. Writing like a 13-year-old internet has no place on a website dedicated to kittens, crudely drawn penises and Buffy's Swearing Keyboard.

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 9:47, closed)

And Man milk or moo milk!

( Ken Oath, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 11:21, closed)

Not forgetting the simply hilarious 'Kunt' and his wonderful 'Gang'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 12:28, closed)

cheers!
I mean this thread is shit and all but cheers anyway!
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 10:37, closed)

I'm disappointed, that's for sure.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 11:45, closed)

Is this a double negative trolling?
In defence of Shambo, he genuinely made me laugh the other day. Strange cunt, but can be obnoxiously amusing. And, mate, sometimes you learn the hard way, it's just a keyboard and a monitor and a bunch of sad fucks dedicated to innane shit. It's not a substitute for real life.
( Ken Oath, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 11:34, closed)

put 105k points on a bell curve, of course the outliers to the right are going to be above average. It's a 'monkeys and typewriters' thing. More literally than usual, in this case.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 0:30, closed)

I'd just like to register my presence on this thread, just in case it goes viral.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 11:41, closed)

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 11:58, closed)

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 12:00, closed)

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 12:12, closed)

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 12:26, closed)

I susbscribe to this motion like shit to a blanket.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 13:24, closed)

why is Happy Phantom using a sockpuppet account for trolling?
Hypocrisy, right there.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 12:20, closed)

Sure it's HP Plummie?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 12:26, closed)

no, just it's his level of meta-trolling.
AND IT'S EL PLUMMO TO YOU!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 12:46, closed)

Yes Plummie.
Sorry Plummie.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 20 Dec 2012, 1:13, closed)

6am?
Like fuck.

I do agree with the sentiment, though.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 23:15, closed)

I'm currently balls deep in *********'s wife's bumhole...
I'mm usding her nose eto type this oout...
(likeajackhammer, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 12:30, closed)

Can't imagine ********* is too happy about that
Unless he's balls deep in you.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 12:39, closed)

the only thing 13-year-old boys bother with on the internet
is porn.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 14:34, closed)

And telling people on YouTube that they are gay

(McChinaman banned, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 15:22, closed)

that goes without saying

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 16:01, closed)

Wait?
13 yo. boys come out on youtube?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 19 Dec 2012, 21:04, closed)

Form a queue, yo. I was there first

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 21:14, closed)

you mean the internet has something else?

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 15:53, closed)

100th reply

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 15:29, closed)

I need to raise £5000 for the catering
I'm in the process of setting up a kickstarter project.
( DinivanX Has stinging piss after drinking Pact Coffee, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 16:47, closed)

Hooting shitters are all well and good
BUT DID YOU MANAGE TO FIT THEM UP YOUR ARSE
(Frank Snow, Wed 19 Dec 2012, 22:08, closed)

no. and for that reason I'm out.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 7:57, closed)

Wuss.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 20 Dec 2012, 8:01, closed)

Last

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 9:17, closed)

Well? Who is this masked man?
And what is the significance of his (or her) unbroken record of posting about Dr Shambolic?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 10:56, closed)