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I lost a bet and now I have to watch Highlander II
what shit things have you had to do recently?
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 19:03, archived)
did you know that was the queen mother's favourite film?

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 19:18, archived)
i dunno grrr, everything has been shit for ages, in what way could i highlight a shitter moment from others?

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 19:43, archived)
Sounds like someone could do with an 'alright' thread!

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 19:44, archived)
too much whining in those threads, it would just harsh my buzz

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 19:46, archived)
Sorry mongychops, just trying help a fellow out!

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 19:50, archived)
hey it's all cool mags, i dig it

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 19:55, archived)
did the local newsagents run out of Fat And Pregnant again?

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:02, archived)
a local newsagents? where the fuck do you think i live?

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:08, archived)
I don't fucking know but it's not fucking Knightsbridge is it?

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:22, archived)
They're fucking soft in London, I know.
At the entrance to a tube station today we were being advised by tannoy to take care in the inclement weather. It was wall-to-wall sunshine and dry pavements, but a bit chilly.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:27, archived)
yet again you come to london and ignore me, sad...times

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:34, archived)
I had no reason to cross the river.
Sorry.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 21:05, archived)
OK
IGET IT :(
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 21:12, archived)
I was in London on Monday, there were lots of men in sleeping bags in some tube stations
Had they missed their train home or something?
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 21:16, archived)
maybe we disagree on the describtion of a newsagent, maybe you consider wh smiths and a off licence run by either a plc or a banga family a news agent

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:34, archived)
why would i live across the thames?

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:39, archived)
why would i live in knightsbridge, full of arabs
you pose more questions than you cunt
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:41, archived)
Co-ordinate a bunch of large mailing lists while there was a riot going on about twenty feet away.

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 19:57, archived)
If there was a window/wall/fence between you and the riot then nobody cares.

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:09, archived)
i wouldn't care anyway, i wouldn't care if the riot was about him fucking children, again!!!

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:12, archived)
Of course there was.
But if I hadn't had to do the work then I could have watched the riot. That's why it was shit.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:12, archived)

I used to have an aggressive, weak-jawed dog who thought he could play the piano, his bach was worse than his bite
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 19:58, archived)
alright dave the hat

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:00, archived)

*nostalges*
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:02, archived)
i thought i was chucking proper mud there, oh well, you win this round dave

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:03, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7478505
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:12, archived)
anti matter with not bothered

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:21, archived)
I just looked that up on wikipedia
I was certain I had seen it before but none of the plot seems familiar at all
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:03, archived)
I had to fast forward through some parts, it was so awful

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:15, archived)
i had to drill holes in the top of my wanger so it could be used as a flute

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:07, archived)
Have you found someone to play it or can you do it yourself?

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:30, archived)
i'm taking open auditions next weekend

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 20:54, archived)

someone on here mentioned a film recently, I have been watching bits of it, I imagine this is what a b3ta get-together is like
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-g7jRpukoVg&feature=relmfu
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 22:15, archived)
actually they're more like this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C4uTEEOJlM
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 22:55, archived)

not done anything shit recently but tomorrow's dole day...
(, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 1:56, archived)
I watched Iron Sky yesterday.
Oh, did you say shit? I meant best thing I did recently, because it was rather brilliant /brag blog
(, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 7:23, archived)
What's the funniest joke you know?
It may also be a pun or other witticism
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 8:36, archived)
I've always been a fan of the dog story joke thing but it's not very good and I've done it before on here and it's early Grrry, early. How dare you demand I prance about like some trained monkey at this hour, you organ grinder, you.

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:09, archived)
oh go on, do it and I'll chuck 50p into your paper cup

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:12, archived)
this may or may not be a euphemism

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:12, archived)
It's not great I just like it
A man popped into the butchers for some steak one morning, just as he finished buying it a dog trotted in with some money tucked in its collar.

The dog hops up on the counter and barks. The butcher then gets a pound of bacon and pops it in a bag for the dog. The dog barks again and the butcher gets the money from the collar, counts some out and puts the change back in the collar. The dog starts growling as it has been short changed, the butcher then puts the correct money under the collar. The dog then picks up the bag in its mouth and trots out of the door.

Intrigued, the man follows the dog as it jumps onto a bus and proceeds to ride it out to the suburbs.

The dog gets off at a stop and the man follows, the dog runs up to a house and rears up, pawing at the doorbell.

The door slams open, another man comes out and starts beating at the dog with a rolled up newspaper.

"Hey" the first man says "what are doing? This dog is amazing"

"Aye" the dog owner says "but I told him what would happen if he forgot his keys again."
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:18, archived)
I like this

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:20, archived)
Then what happened?

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:23, archived)
Two Hats posts an insipid reply

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:25, archived)
!

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:37, archived)
Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it
ZING
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:38, archived)
Well, I WAS going to congratulate you for that whimsical story
But instead I'm going to go and eat some poison. Goodbye forever.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:53, archived)
The only poison is that which you have left in my heart

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:57, archived)
*offers to suck it out*

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:00, archived)
I tried to buy some cyanide online once, but the seller posted me this manky old fish instead.
That's the last time I buy poison on ebay.fr
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:59, archived)

Sadtrombone.com
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:00, archived)
This joke is implausible
Why would anyone want to follow Sammi home?
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:29, archived)
I would be very impressed if I saw her buying food successfully
Without falling to the ground shrieking about pakis
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:31, archived)
That's reminded me of my favourite dog joke.
A man sees an advert in the paper: "Talking dog, 50". Intrigued, he phones the telephone number listed and speaks to the dog's owner.

"That's right, I'm selling my dog," the owner says. "He talks. 50, take it or leave it."

Intrigued, the man arranges to go round and meet the dog. The owner, a small balding man with round glasses, directs the man to the back garden. There, sitting in a deckchair and smoking a pipe while reading the paper, is a greying labrador.

"So, um... you're the talking dog?" the man says.

"Yes, that's me," replies the dog. "Rover's the name."

The man is flabberghasted. "But that's just incredible!" he exclaims. "What... how? How on Earth is this possible?"

"Well," says Rover, "I can't explain it. I knew I was special ever since I was a puppy. Other dogs would bark, but I would try to form words. When I was just a few weeks old, I was already having adult human-level conversations.

"Of course, MI6 quickly got wind of this, and I was recruited into the secret service. I learned how to speak Russian, and I was sent out into St James's Park to act like a stray dog while eavesdropping on eastern-bloc spies.

"When the Berlin Wall fell, I decided to get out of the spy game. I helped design a new spacecraft, and was the second ever dog in space. Unlike poor old Laika, of course, I could report back to mission control and I could pilot the craft, so I didn't suffer the same fate as that poor dumb animal.

"Unfortunately that spacecraft was not picked up for development, and I was a bit disillusioned with the whole business. I was also getting on a bit in years, so I decided to retire. And that is how you find me now."

"Holy shit," says the man. "That's just incredible. I'm just going to speak to your owner again."

He returns to the house, leaving Rover in the garden, and speaks to the dog's owner again. "Fifty pounds? Look, here's a hundred. He's worth a lot more than that, to be honest. I just don't understand, though. He's the most amazing dog anyone has ever seen. Why are you selling him?"

"Well," replies the owner, "he's a good dog, all right. I'm just sick of all his lies."
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:39, archived)
MORE DOG JOKES
KEEP GOING
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:50, archived)

A certain old dog had made his home in the alley behind Gabes bar for some
time, subsisting on scraps and occasional handouts from the bartender.

One evening, emboldened by hunger, the dog attempted to follow Gabe through
the back door. Regrettably, only the his body had made it through when Gabe
slammed the door, severing the dogs tail at its base.

This proved too much for the old creature, who looked sadly at Gabe and expired
on the spot.

Gabe put the carcass back out in the alley and went back to business.

The mandatory closing time arrived and Gabe was in the process of locking up
after the last customers had gone.

Approaching the back door he was startled to see an apparition of the old dog
mournfully holding its severed tail out, silently pleading for Gabe to put the
tail back on its corpse so that it could go on to the doggy afterworld complete.

Gabe shook his head sadly and said to the ghost: I cant. You know the law:I
cant retail spirits after 11:00 pm.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:19, archived)
A man goes to his school reunion with his new glamourous black wife, and his dog.
"This is my spayed bitch," he says, "and this is my wife Angelique."
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:31, archived)
A dog walks into a job centre and asks if there are any jobs going
The man at the desk is amazed."Wow" he thinks, "a talking dog! This is incredible!". He pulls a card from his drawer. "Give this number a call. It's Billy Smarts' Circus. I think they'll love you."
"Really?" Said the dog. "What does Billy Smarts' Circus want with a brickie?"
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:57, archived)
I like this joke
I like Hedgehog's too
Absurdity should be encouraged.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:58, archived)
I concur
*smokes pipe*
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:59, archived)
I like how the three jokes are all quite similar in many ways
but they're all still funny.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:04, archived)

three dogs walk into a bar, they ask for cigarettes, the barman hands over three, 'that's no good' says one of the dogs, the barman replies 'I'm sorry sir we don't serve packs'
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 12:30, archived)
My dog always barks when there's someone at the door.
I don't know why, as it's never anyone for him.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:06, archived)
Bought a dog from the blacksmith the other day,
Soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:19, archived)
racist

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:38, archived)
Can I just say this is my fave thread of the morning or possibly all time.

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:47, archived)
I'm loving these dog jokes

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 16:14, archived)
Mono's bumhole

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 9:11, archived)
i'm not really a welder i just found these goggles

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 10:13, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/5358213
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 11:03, archived)
my jew joke is good in that thread, thanks

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 11:06, archived)
>implying my joke isn't funny

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 11:10, archived)
I had a bird shit on my car the other day
I won't be taking her out again
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 11:17, archived)
mute point if her review of your date was to defecate on your car

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 11:22, archived)
ITV3 now, are you being served followed by mutiny on the buses

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 11:48, archived)
knock knock

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 13:35, archived)
Fuck off
whatever you're selling, we already have one
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 13:38, archived)
little old lady

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 13:40, archived)
LOL who

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 13:44, archived)
you just said it little old lady who!

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 13:45, archived)
OMG this is amazing do you think I might be psychic??

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 13:46, archived)
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO TYPE THAT!

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 13:49, archived)

8-O
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 13:53, archived)
I don't know any funny jokes, puns or witticisms but I do know a man with a wooden leg by the name of smith

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 13:48, archived)
I don't know anyone called Smith

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 13:52, archived)
to be fair it's an unusual name
he's forever having to spell it out for people
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 13:55, archived)
sometimes he taps it out in morse code with his wooden leg, I think this is maybe what has created some confusion as to what he is referring to as being called smith

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 13:57, archived)
I know a Schmitt
Can I join your gang?
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:00, archived)
I don't know him
I think I'll start the 'I don't know Schmitt' gang, and you're not invited
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:03, archived)
I made it up really
I just wanted to be in a gang
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:06, archived)

you can join my gang, but you have to go through the initiation ritual, is that OK
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:08, archived)
don't do it Theo
That's how they got max mosely
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:12, archived)
HURRAY FOR THE BLACKSHIRTS

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:15, archived)

eat some biscuits really quick, without being slightly sick
dont come home in time for tea, use a phone box for a wee
if you think youve got the balls to go through those harsh rituals
were really frightening and tough, were mean and cool and all that stuff
our guns fire flags that just read BANG! Welcome to our little gang
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:20, archived)

I'd invite you to the "don't give a shit" gang, but clearly you care too much about being in a gang to be in it. Everyone else is invited though.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:10, archived)
Alright Syncubus

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:18, archived)

um... what?
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:23, archived)
ALRIGHT SYNCUBUS

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:32, archived)
My dog has no nose.
How does it smell?

Like shit.

*coat, door etc*
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:16, archived)
1.) does it have a wooden leg
2.) if yes, what is it called
3.) if no, would you consider entering it in next year's grand national
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:19, archived)
I appreciate the effort here,
But there is a whole dog joke sub-thread a little higher up where this would be more at home.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:32, archived)
Hey Lurker
Sorry dog joke o'clock has passed, it's now moth joke o'clock
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:33, archived)
What's the biggest moth in the world?
The mammoth
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:34, archived)
Why did the caterpillar eat a hole in the carpet?
It wanted to see the floor show!
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:37, archived)
pupaerty or something

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:45, archived)
What did the racist moth call the coloured chap?
Cocoon! Haha...like 'coon' but instead it's 'cocoon'.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:53, archived)
a guy at work started discussing how he thought black women had nicer calves
Coon calves he said people called them, I was totally lost
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:59, archived)
I know a moth with a wooden leg by the name of smith

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 15:10, archived)
I know a Schmitt

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 15:14, archived)

I knew a schmitt too, he was always making a right mess, we ended up giving him a nickname, messer schmitt
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 15:18, archived)
That didn't happen

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 15:21, archived)
.....OR DID IT??

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 15:25, archived)

no
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 15:25, archived)
My faith in you has been shattered

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 15:46, archived)
A three legged moth walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: Im looking for the man who shot my pupae.

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 16:24, archived)
A man goes to the garden centre and says to the assistant:
"Can you help me? I've got a terrible problem with moths. When it's a balmy summer's evening and we're sitting on the verandah, they keep flapping towards the light we have above our heads. We've tried citronella candles, but they don't seem to do anything. Do you have any suggestions?"

The assistant says "I have the perfect thing," and goes through to the back. He returns with a huge bag of grass food/weedkiller.

"But how will that help?" asks the man.

"Firtht, thcarify your lawn," says the assistant, "then thcatter thith all over your grath. Thith thtuff ith awethome, it'll thort out your moth problem in a trithe."
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 16:25, archived)
I remember as a kid watching one of the greatest racing drivers in the world
Upon retiring, he revealed his trick for going round and round the circuit so fast; his team installed a massive light bulb above their garage in the pits.

We'll never see the likes of Stirling Moth again.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 16:29, archived)
LOL

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:51, archived)
NO JOKE, NO LOL

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:53, archived)
The biggest joke is that we're only having one thread today

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 17:37, archived)
At least it was a good one.

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 17:48, archived)
Yeah better than a milliion 'enough of that idiot' posts from the WAKI GANG

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 17:50, archived)
HEY EVERYBODY, LOOK AT ME

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 17:52, archived)
I'd start one
but two in a row is too much
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 18:12, archived)
LOL?

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 17:40, archived)
if i win the lottery i'm gonna send over a plane load of our pikeys to review it for lols
www.dailycandy.com/los-angeles/article/123972/The-Pikey-Opens-in-Hollywood

what would you do for lols if money was no object
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:14, archived)
I'd give all my money to the rspca

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:17, archived)
But money is no object, so the RSPCA would have unlimited funding
I bet they'd still have ad campaigns begging for more cash though
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:43, archived)
The RSPCA would be the wealthiest and most powerful organisation on the planet

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:43, archived)
those bond villain cats will really come into their own, we'll all be held hostage until we agree to get up and open the door so they can go out for a bit then decide they want to be back in after all

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:48, archived)
And donkeys will rule the world.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:53, archived)
nah i saw a documentory about this happening, it was pigs, then the pigs looked like humans and the other animals thought fuck it, this is shit and they got rid of some of the pigs and bought levis and shit

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:00, archived)
Were they Russian?

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:08, archived)
they were no slouches i'll give them that

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:09, archived)
Boss

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:16, archived)

I'd buy b3ta and change the colour scheme
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:21, archived)
But but..what would you change it to?

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:40, archived)
I'd swap the dark-grey/light-grey order
so it went light-grey/dark-grey instead, it will involve going right back to the beginning and altering them all, look:
www.b3ta.com/talk/1
www.b3ta.com/board/1
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:45, archived)
Fucking hell
I'm not sure people will be able to cope with such a change right off the bat vlady.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:49, archived)
OK OK, but I didn't make the rules in this thread, mongy has asked us to think big, think impossible, think right outside the box, money is no object here and no plan for lulz is too crazy

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:57, archived)
It's going to blow everyones minds.
think on what to do with your power son.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:59, archived)
I would fly bono to the middle of the desert
and leave him there, not like a holiday or owt.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:21, archived)
I'd fly planes and post billboards all across the country
stating:

My name is Jacob Dyer etc;

That ClanSoul is Psychedelic Warlord on b3ta: Hello Mum.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:23, archived)
build a Racing Steam Engine

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:26, archived)
So
a steam engine then.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:59, archived)
ok mr dinbah we get it

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:01, archived)
buy every cat in the world one of those bowtie collars. even the feral ones

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:26, archived)
I need two thanks.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:40, archived)
I would pee on everything.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:29, archived)
would you wear a bowtie whilst doing that?

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:36, archived)
I expect you're too busy peeing on your bowtie to answer

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:55, archived)
Do you think he took it off first?

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:07, archived)
looks like not :(
www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gYK9iqrCOU&feature=related
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:16, archived)
people from Birmingham are weird.

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:19, archived)
Americans using British slang is probably one of the worst things to happen in the world.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:57, archived)
so you're going to pay them to stop?

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:00, archived)
No I'm going to pay to have the whole continent wiped off the earth.

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:01, archived)
But then Rodeo will be gone forever.

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:04, archived)
America is no more
say hello to the South Canadian Sea.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:13, archived)
Lurktastic!
Hello.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:15, archived)

figured I'd delurk, board as shit and I can't sleep. Hello, by the way
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:24, archived)
BORED
you must be tired.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:36, archived)

fuck, you're right... How did that one slip by me?
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:41, archived)
Time of night dreamy!
I'm off to me bed. Night all.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:45, archived)

I think I'll get my head down too, night!
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 0:47, archived)
I hope they have Brad Pitt in Snatch as the pub sign.
Hollywood probably thinks that they're now the modern oppressed Irish, fighting against the evil British Tyranny through the medium of stealing cars and doing a shitty job of tarmaccing your driveway.
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 3:08, archived)

Nae dags, lesser guite dags, nahmsayin?
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 13:09, archived)
Nuke Beunos Aires.

(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 7:21, archived)
I like where this is going.
STUJ'S ROUGHNECKS!
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 8:09, archived)
:D
Penguins in power armour. With Big Fucking Guns.
:D
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 8:20, archived)
It's the way he would have wanted to go....
...falling dick first into an infinite pussy tunnel.

How would you like to go?


ps. You Cunts.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:33, archived)
through exhaustion kicking you in the fucking face till you never breathe again

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:35, archived)
I don't think that'll be possible.
I mean, you're kicking him in the face 'till _he_ never breaths again. I ain't meet you, but I imagine you're not exactly a pussy cat, probably have some steal toecaps... are you wearing trainers when you picture yourself doing it? Maybe even slippers? Let's go with toecap'd boots. If you're kicking him 'till he stops breathing, you've probably got one or two to smash the nose in, then maybe 10 or soo for the skull to cave in, espechally when you aim the heal into his teeth or the connective point between the upper and lower jaw. Let's say it takes to the end for this to lead to him to stop breathing, and let's be honest, he'll be lucky if he's unconcious even half way through. Wait, I'm pictureing it, let's call it 20, and there isn't anyone around who could (and is willing too) do anything about it - his mates'll pull you off, but his wife and kids wouldn't be strong enough.

Now, you're, what, mid 30s? resonable health? For you to die of exhaustion you'd be doing thousands of kicks, he'll be long gone before then, your task would be complete ages ago.

The only thing that I can think of to allows this to be true is a coke induced heart attack.

I think we need to think this one through, how about dying from old age; content in the fact you achieved your life's goals - To kick MrKane in the head until you know the difference between stepping on a snail and stomping on a skull - and that difference not being much by the time you've finished?

OH OH OH, can he hold his breath to get out of this? We need a clause here.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 22:13, archived)
don't worry
he hasn't got a wife and kids
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 22:25, archived)
mongy in his thirties?
That's a good one.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 22:39, archived)
probably 45 by now
or something like that. And he can still run the hood.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 22:41, archived)
hey i'm still in my thirties, just

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 22:58, archived)
i was going to wear hi-tec squash trainers

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 22:58, archived)
Go where?

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:47, archived)
Mono's bumhole

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:48, archived)
Driving a truck full of explosives into your legs

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:48, archived)
alright mr kane
photos.mongabay.com/07/0327cane_toad1.jpg
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:54, archived)
if he were falling he wouldn't be able to do anything but stare at all the pussy
Assuming the was lighting in the tunnel, I dunno by natural vagina bioluminescenceor something.
Doesn't sound very fun
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:56, archived)

algal bloomers
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:58, archived)
I'm not going anywhere.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:05, archived)
please I need to use the bath room

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:13, archived)
I just watched Watchmen.
So who watches the watchmen? I did.

It's alright. I think I preferred V for Vendetta.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:16, archived)
i've never managed to watch it all, too dull

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:21, archived)
yeah it goes on a bit

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:22, archived)
The adaptation was far too faithful to the comic,
it was basically three hours of bits to make the fanboys cream their pants but it made absolutely no fucking sense as a film to anyone who didn't already know the comic inside out. And it barely made any more sense as a film to those who did.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:42, archived)
OK
I don't read comics, i'd imagine V for Vendetta is a similar story.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:44, archived)
Never read that.
I saw a bit of the film on BBC3 once. It had Stephen Fry in it, which pretty much made it impossible for me to ever take it seriously.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:46, archived)
unless you have a micro penis or a fucking huge gut
you would fall dick first into any tunnel.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:21, archived)
what about if you fell head first? or feet first? I'm not sure I follow your argument here

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:26, archived)
oh well, never mind.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:27, archived)
Fucking hell, Power Ballads are better than this shit

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:42, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2C5TjS2sh4
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:42, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxOW1K8Vchw&feature=related
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 22:45, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDxoj-tDDIU
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 22:47, archived)
you dirty dirty cunt

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 22:48, archived)
:)))
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Cw1ng75KP0
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 22:50, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=loWXMtjUZWM
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 22:55, archived)
I LOVE IT
I wonder if the liberal dems should consider using this as their election song next time round
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 22:58, archived)
Or this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cQh1ccqu8M&ob=av2n
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:02, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1W6-ErrHls
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:04, archived)
WHAT OH MY GOD WHAT?

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:08, archived)
it's the slytherin house band

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:09, archived)
Fucking hell vlady!
I just choked on my tea.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:15, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsC7oEjCHAM
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:10, archived)
DINGDINGDINGDINGDING
\o/ !!Grrrmachine wins this round!! \o/
well done grrrmachine, when all the other players have regained consciousness I'm sure they'll give you a round of applause
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:16, archived)
*CLAPS FURIOUSLY*

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:17, archived)
/
www.youtube.com/watch?v=DY8Es9GWE0s
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:05, archived)
superglue my hands to my head, razor wire in a noose around my neck, bungie cord attached to my leg, then jump off a building so it looks like i pulled my own head off, but get it wrong and end up not taking my head off or dying so i just linger up there
in a mess of wires until someone puts me out of my misery
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:45, archived)
That made me do a sad face
don't do it lighty. WE LOVE YOU.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:55, archived)
fuck him, I hope he gets it wrong and lives the rest of his life with a scar like the Kurgan from Highlander

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 21:58, archived)
That would be pretty cool
DO IT LIGHTY!
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 22:07, archived)
well i already am a highlander

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:15, archived)
Do you have your own tartan?

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 23:23, archived)
That's gone on for far too long
What else is way beyond its Use By date?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 19:43, archived)
JOHN FUCKING HUMPHRIES

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 19:48, archived)
motherfucker started
motherfucker's gonna finish
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 19:54, archived)

looks like it's just us grrrmachine...let's talk grammar until we get caught
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 19:55, archived)
know weigh am eye having that;

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 19:59, archived)
:(
everythings' ruinnd;
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:01, archived)
that's mongy for you
a proper ruiner
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:03, archived)
cunt insists upon himself

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:03, archived)

not enough grammar talk, tbh
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:05, archived)
moi? zut alors :(

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:09, archived)

that's it, confuse him with a bit of german, he hates that
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:15, archived)
im Gegenteil, mein lieber vladimir

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:18, archived)
dieu, wieder falsch

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:21, archived)
he hates everything, the only joy in his life is a lava lamp, which in itself holds sorrow, and carpets, fucker is mad for wall to wall textile floor coverings

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:21, archived)
My pants
so I bought some new ones today
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 19:55, archived)
way to ruin the dream magnum :(

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 19:56, archived)
I don't always wear them

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 19:56, archived)
O_o

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 19:58, archived)
I think I've still got a pair I owned when I moved here
in 2004
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:03, archived)
underpants can outlast relationships
they don't tell you that on the value-pack box do they
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:05, archived)
I'd guess some of mine would be from around that vintage as well

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:08, archived)
like a good wine, they get better with age

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:13, archived)
then why do all my bra's end up a grubby grey colour with the wire poking out? :(

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:30, archived)
you should stop using them to catapult bait
Boys can smell it you know
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:46, archived)
my catapult is kaput

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:48, archived)
because you shop at primark

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:54, archived)
tramp/trannie, lives by the lake, tramp/trannie, won't catch any hake

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:55, archived)
/TALK.
Lololololololololollloololllolol.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:06, archived)
but seriously,
TV talent shows.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:08, archived)
MONO!s bumhole.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 20:29, archived)
Which B3tan was commissioned for this work?
www.nhs.uk/Livewell/penis-health/Pages/Five-penis-facts.aspx

Some interesting penis facts too. Foot size is not related to penis length. Anyone that says otherwise will feel the full force of my size 5s
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:55, archived)
so you just happened to be looking for nhs information about penis, gaylord

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:57, archived)
I was disappointed by the lack of cocks

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:03, archived)
this will turn you straight
u-vh9sgtfqxx.urlcash.net/?s=1
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:03, archived)
Polka dots :(

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 18:36, archived)
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
www.ahoodie.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/yayoi-kusama-beloved-media-029-627x417.jpg
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 18:43, archived)
I got bored watching the horses mongy
not my thing
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:26, archived)
I WIN
www.b3ta.com/talk/7481265
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:45, archived)
Nice one
Good odds as well. I'd have picked seabass.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:50, archived)
try the veal

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:54, archived)
good old neptune, great guy

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 17:14, archived)
It looks to me like you were setting up to call me a cunt, you cunt.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 17:25, archived)
not at all, it was my e/w banker
CHARLTON PROMOTED TOO, I LOVE YOU NEPTUNE, I LOVE YOU ALL XXX
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 17:28, archived)
No more Grand Nationals on BBC.
Thank fuck for that. We can stop reliving the Foinavon pile up and Devon Loch slipping up every fucking year.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 17:35, archived)
i view it as a farce, too many runners and too many fallers, bit of a donkey derby

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 17:50, archived)
And that the coverage starts at 1pm
you could give the entire back story of every horse, jockey and trainer in that time.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 18:11, archived)
The first race was at 1.45.
What the fuck else were they going to show? On Channel 4 we can warm up with a couple of races from Newcastle and then get some dirt action from Lingfield between the Aintree races.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 18:13, archived)
ah
i just saw the timings in the paper. silly me.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 18:14, archived)
punk dubs

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 18:16, archived)
the only trouble with channel 4 is they squeeze in too many races and sometimes the results seem to go missing from the previous race

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 18:14, archived)
I think the main problem with Channel 4 is McCrirrick.
The cunt wants shooting.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 18:23, archived)
famous for fuck all

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 18:29, archived)
You're either a gaylord or you've got cockrot.
Which is it?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:01, archived)
nsfw
housewivesallages.urlgalleries.net/blog_gallery.php?id=3699077&t=3&g=SHOWING+HOMEMADE+HOUSEWIVES+472
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:04, archived)
You are Alexander Boot and you LOVE the cock.
AICMFP
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:05, archived)
well I'm goin to have to throw out all these air jordan shaped condoms

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:05, archived)
needs more
www.b3tards.com/u/6ade611e1870a93700b9/nhscdc.jpg
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:22, archived)
I feel sorry for the person who had to write all that.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:28, archived)
I think you'll enjoy this
imgur.com/WyOJr

You seem the sort
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:38, archived)
NOT FOUND
awful tease
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 17:03, archived)
Aw I hadn't clicked it since yesterday
It was a penis where the bloke had cut it open himself, like a sausage baked for too long
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 17:32, archived)

the last time this board discussed anything like this, it was penile subincision, something I truly regret looking at the wiki page for
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 18:12, archived)

woohoo! only 296,404 to go!
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 18:14, archived)
GET

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 18:23, archived)
nothing to do with me, i'm all smooth down there, what with me being a cursed mannequin

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:45, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=x72jM7Ed5d0
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:52, archived)
But enough about that faggot, seen any good films lately?

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 13:47, archived)
alright britney
I saw this the other day, was gently amusing
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 13:53, archived)
alright broadsword
Good stuff.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:02, archived)
Expert trolling in the Mail today.
www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2129340/Gay-cure-bus-advert-Homosexuality-IS-departure-norm.html
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:20, archived)
'Abstaining from sex for moral reasons is tantamount to heroism'
I thought I was just a sad fucker who couldn't get my end away, turns out I'm Superman
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:25, archived)
the most read online paper for this very reason, and you are helping its cause, good for you badger

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:29, archived)
I think it's pretty obvious that Alexander Boot loves cock.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:33, archived)
boot you say, boot? eh? eh? boot?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Boot
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:11, archived)
i've seen that
it's shit
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:32, archived)
'Noon Jaction.
Not really, got given the box set of that Game Of Thrones thing.
I'm not getting into it to be honest.
EDIT although I did like the little wolves.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 13:54, archived)
not even the dwarf?

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 13:59, archived)
Yeah, the dwarf's ok.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:00, archived)
he gets much better

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:02, archived)
alright stuj
Give it time, it grows on you.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:02, archived)
I'll be watching the third disc tonight.
I'm hoping that spicy rum will make it better.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:06, archived)
No penguins
stuj ain't bovvered
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:09, archived)
Wolves are cool though Theo.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:27, archived)
DIRE wolves bro
DIRE
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:48, archived)
THEY'RE NOT THAT BAD LOL

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:08, archived)
I went to see the hunger games, it was alrightish

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:00, archived)
alright glueid saeed
I've heard good things about it, I've also heard that it's basically Twilight Battle Royale.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:03, archived)
yes that would sum up my feelings on it, but an alrightish twilight battle royale not a terrible one

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:05, archived)
Is it better than BATTELLA ROYARU 2?

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:09, archived)
I quite enjoyed Battle Royale 2: Battle Royale Harder.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:10, archived)
I preferred battle royale 2: this time it's battle royalsonal

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:19, archived)
It was much better than Battle Royale 2: Electric Battleoo.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:39, archived)
Despite the glaringly obvious plot holes in that film, I STILL love the fact that they got a teacher even MORE BUG-FUCK MENTAL than Beat Takeshi.
:D
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:37, archived)
I watched the Social Network the other night
I really enjoyed it. Theoban out of 10
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:08, archived)
alright theoban
Yeah, it was a better film than I thought it would be.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:09, archived)
I like Sorkin's stuff so I thought I'd give it a whirl
Just finished the West Wing so hankered for more
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:10, archived)
Andrew Garfield is a strange actor.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:11, archived)
He looks like he stole his hair from an older, bigger headed boy

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:12, archived)
He can't seem to display any emotions.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:13, archived)
I think he does floppy haired bewilderment alright
But that's about it. Spider-man'll be shit anyway
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:16, archived)
They should've gone for Donald Glover.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:17, archived)
Yeah, he'd be pretty much perfect for the role
They've never had anyone cocky enough, shit white nerds all the way
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:18, archived)
They should have gone for danny glover.

*spider sense*
I'm too old for this shit
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:20, archived)
Nah Jaction.
Glover Pleasance.
Now that would be a superhero film I'd pay to watch.
:D
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:35, archived)

Glover Sutherland
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:33, archived)
Every single comedy from the last ten years has been shit
I can't find a single humorous modern film
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:59, archived)
alright grrrmachine
What about In The Loop?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:01, archived)
I will explore it, Jaction
but if it's not funny so fucking help me I am going to make you suffer
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:04, archived)
Very Bad Things, Churchill The Hollywood Years, Dead Snow.
AICMFP.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:03, archived)
Very bad things was shit
and is more than ten years old
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:05, archived)
Oh Grrry.
So WRONG.
A quick check finds you're right about the age, but still WRONG.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:06, archived)
You just a thing for Christian Slater
I bet you imagine you're Tom Cruise, nibbling his neck affectionately at the end of Interview With a Vampire
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:16, archived)
Nah, I just think that when he's allowed MASSIVE DRUGS he can turn in a decent comedy performance.
And I notice that you're keeping SHAMEFULLY QUIET about Dead Snow.
Oh yes.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:19, archived)


(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:22, archived)
Yeah, that's right.
Hang your head in SHAME you lowly dogeyes Stupid Hat.
Also, shouldn't you be breaking out the vodka to celebrate Poland's founding day?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:24, archived)
The day that Slavic slumdog went back on his Pagan roots and kissed the ring of the weasel christian?
Fuck that.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:33, archived)
:D
Now that's the Grrry we know and love.
:D
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 16:06, archived)
Sex and the City 2

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:06, archived)
somebody hasn't watched turner and hooch this week

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:07, archived)
At the end one of the litter is a competely different breed to the other dogs
That's comedy genius!
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:08, archived)
the boy in the striped pajamas is funny

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:12, archived)
four lions was ok

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:13, archived)
i enjoyed tropic thunder

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:20, archived)
tropic thunder is unwatchable

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:22, archived)
get a new copy then

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:37, archived)
SUCK MAH UNIT.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 15:32, archived)
It is my b3ta birthday.
Now fuck off and leave me alone. I am off to the pub, alone, to celebrate...alone.

Bye.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 13:31, archived)
And if you'd donated you'd have got a candle.
Now fuck off back to QOTW fuck-knuckle.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 13:38, archived)
Thank you for the polite reminder!
My donation will be forthcoming in the coming week.

(*bows head in stinginess-induced shame*)

*EDIT* - What is a "fuck-knuckle?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 13:52, archived)
'S ok. don't worry about my being cuntish. I'm a horrible /talk bully dontcha know.
What do you think a fuck-knuckle is?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 13:56, archived)
...a guess...
I am guessing that a fuck-knuckle is a hairy orangutan in full fist shuffling flow...with sweat pouring from every pore and a good old gurning screw-face...

No?
(, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:06, archived)
Facefuck is down
so I'm here.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:26, archived)
You are a WORSE ABANDONER THAN FRIZ!
'Ning The LOVELY SsssSsSSspPppPoOOoonnNgGgg!!!!!
*Panders*
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:29, archived)
yeah yeah
I'm on Ravelry if you want to join me there.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:36, archived)
Nah I'll pass on that ta.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:37, archived)
what's that then? online Bolero?

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:39, archived)
it's a rave off
right i'm off bowling, l8rs
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:43, archived)
Later mongy.
Enjoy.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:44, archived)
take the skinheads!

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 11:01, archived)
Facebook for knitters, crocheters, spinners and weavers.
I am in a group called Lazy, Stupid and Godless. We don't really talk about knitting very much, more about penis and vaginas
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:49, archived)
knitted penis and vagina?

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:54, archived)
That's how I got involved in the first place
I am famous on the internet now.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 11:03, archived)
So what horse should I bet on?

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:19, archived)
Personality Horse of course.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:21, archived)
'most likely to kill a family member'

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:31, archived)
Wait, Friz is in PH now?

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:33, archived)
It's all a work
BM killed Kid Friz, but Friz realised he could get a lot of attention out of it. It's worked to be fair. We should stop talking about both of them
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:37, archived)
whichever one's name has the same number of letters as your own.
If that doesn't work, choose the one whose third letter of their name is closest in the alphabet to the first letter of your surname.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:25, archived)
A good bet would be
the Bee Gees to be renamed the Bee Gee by monday.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:29, archived)
Cappa Bleu
14/1
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:30, archived)
Whatever one you want, it's your money, I assume
I ain't doing all your homework for you
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:29, archived)
that one that's got wings

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:29, archived)
CUNTragHORSE?
'Ning The LOVELY Eely.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:42, archived)
If you have to ask us, then you probably shouldn't bet on any.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:29, archived)
good idea
I might just do the usual lottery instead
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:33, archived)
i've got some nag being ridden by tony McCoy.
is this good?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:33, archived)
if it loses it'll be ground down into crisps

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:35, archived)
and then you'll eat them with a frij, right?
garage boi.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:39, archived)
Don't knock Glueey's diet
He only eats at four-star establishments
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:40, archived)
He picked up the Goodyear guide

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:43, archived)
if we can find a forecourt that does toast we will locate him
www.b3ta.com/talk/7480383
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:09, archived)
I struggle to understand his shopping list.
chicken and bacon sandwich
prawn cocktail crisps
ginsters
chicken and bacon sandwich
frijjjjjkkkk


HE LIVES IN YOUR PETROL STATION BE AFRAID
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:45, archived)
He won at Cheltenham, but it's rare for them to do the double.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:38, archived)
alright magnum?
our corner of the world is sunny today.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:41, archived)
I'm still in bed, but thanks for the update
About to get up, a spot of Saturday Kitchen, a quick flick through the EADT to see what's happening, then I'll go to one of those happenings
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:42, archived)
last bike show ever at the railway last weekend :(
rumour has it it'll be flats by July.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:47, archived)
got to bet on neptune collonges, e/w, then if it dont win we can all blame neptune for costing us money

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:47, archived)
All of them

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:54, archived)
Shergar

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:13, archived)
Cunt Horse

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:20, archived)
Gambling is forbidden in my culture
As in, my culture of not throwing money down the toilet.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 10:23, archived)
I am a horse

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 14:05, archived)
Morning The LOVELY /talk.
I have had DAYS OFF and been AWAY. What dramas have I missed?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 7:45, archived)
areet yoons

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 7:54, archived)
Aye I'm good ta chap.
You?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 8:04, archived)
i got outbid on a spectrum
:(
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 8:09, archived)
Never mind, Spectrums are shit.
Get yourself a Vic20 instead.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 8:10, archived)
is it worth it? can i play Bat Attack 3D on it?
i have been saving my weekly paper round money since 1985...
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 8:22, archived)
HOVVER BOVVER

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:10, archived)
get an Amiga
play Gravity Force 2. Job done.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:16, archived)
DUNNO STUJ
Is there proper drama on here? Does anyone care what this irrelevant old website does anymore? Even Vice won't sue us these days, sad times
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:09, archived)
I'm not so sure about that The LOVELY Theo.
I hear that baldmonkey's got A PLAN.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:12, archived)
hello stuj!
I have an arm in a sling and am on a walking stick cos they took a chunk of
bone off of my pelvis. iliac crest if you need the reference. wanna cyber?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:10, archived)
alright janet,
Can I write my name on one of your scars?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:12, archived)
YES!
would you like shoulder (near boob what is blue and yellow) or
hip (what is so bruised I look like am wearing black knickers)?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:14, archived)
I'll take near the knicker bruise thanks.
How you doing? Coping? Want me to sort out some drugs for you?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:18, archived)
getting some tramadol later ta.
if you could post me 6 pints of Stella (in straight glasses) we might have a beautiful thing going xx
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:24, archived)
Oh Sidekick, you KNOW you're not allowed Stella after the last time you beat up poor frisbee-boy.
:(
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:27, archived)
PHWOAR!
Ning The LOVELIEST Sidekick.
*Panders*
I got beetles falling out of the air conditioning above my desk.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:14, archived)
nom them up

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:17, archived)
Morning.
No drama here, but had to evacuate the pub twice yesterday due to burny burny fire. I blame crack heads.
Where you been? Anywhere nice?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:12, archived)
Woah, that don't sound good The AWESOME Win Pug.
I went to Mid-Wales for a funeral. Proper middle-of-nowhere that a mate moved to about ten years back. I'm sure that's what killed him off.
:(
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:19, archived)
murdered by locals?
I don't know what happened, but a house 2 doors down was ENGULFED IN FLAMES and some poor girl is in hospital. That was about 6:30, then, around 12:30 the fire alarm in the toilet went off, dunno if they were smoking or what, but they are obviously a bit thick as we have 2 pub gardens, my guess is drugs.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:26, archived)
Nah, he'd had a dodgy ticker since school.
So yeah, moving to a place out in the wilds where he'd got to go about a mile up a muddy hill track just to get to the nearest pub wasn't exactly his smartest move.
Drugs sounds about right, if they were smoking in the bogs.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:32, archived)
I don't do drama

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:13, archived)
But if you did it would be AWESOME Drama The LOVELY Grrry.
'Ning.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:20, archived)
I did drama at school
Won a prize, proved I was the best, never went back. Better to burn out than fade away, stuj.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:24, archived)
oh god this :(

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 9:31, archived)
Puns only. Topic is: Eurasia
Ural required to post one.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 4:17, archived)
ural mongol.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 4:25, archived)
I'd love to
But I'm pretty thai'd up at the moment.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 4:26, archived)
No,
I'm Hawaii.


Edit: Are we still taking Blind Date questions or has that phase passed?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 4:32, archived)
I don't know about Eurasia...
But myasia is pretty neat this morning....30 degrees, sunny, breakfast by the pool and a whole heap off fuck all to worry about. Winner!
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 4:34, archived)
I hope Jason voorhees is your pool boy.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 5:25, archived)
Nah, he's a fifty year old Indonesian guy who has a permanent cretek hanging out his mouth
And a club foot....
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 5:27, archived)
are you really in Jakarta?
if so, can you tell my manning agents to sort the marlins test the fuck out?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 5:35, archived)
You're obviously not paying enough bung money.
And yes, I am really in Jakarta
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 5:39, archived)
we pay fabulously.
we are obviously not under-cutting the going rate for someone taking an english test on behalf of some poor bastard who gets on board and can't cope.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 5:44, archived)
I speak English good
fine coping. Bastard maybe.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 5:46, archived)
COPING BASTARD.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 6:00, archived)
No, I mean that you are not giving the agent enough....
He has a shitload of bribes to pay to expedite anything in this country!
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 5:48, archived)
very much aware of that but we have to be seen to rise above.
doesn't help the people who want to work for us and get ahead. oh, indonesia :(
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 5:59, archived)
Know what you mean....
The Indonesian Chamber of Commerce this week stated that businesses should budget for 17% of their operating costs to be used for illegal financial transactions. We are not allowed to indulge in this and off course, our business suffers.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 6:02, archived)
17%??
hello, government!
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 6:08, archived)
Endemic...
Even the kids are at it, it's the only way of life for many here.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 6:09, archived)
Ural gay.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 7:41, archived)
roll call, motherfuckers.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 3:13, archived)
methinks they have all fucked off

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 3:28, archived)
:(
please explain the fagilid/diligaf thing. I read about it once but forgot. ta.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 3:42, archived)
I was being trolled by a cunt from another board.
So reversing the user name negated my being found here
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 4:02, archived)
hang on though, I saw a biker at the petrol station last week with fagilid on a patch.
was it you?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 4:06, archived)
Highly unlikely unless you were in Jakarta.......

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 4:07, archived)
oh, hang on.
i googled it. you keep on rebelling, yeah?
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 4:09, archived)
I was awarded the nickname on my first trip offshore many moons ago...
(1978) It kind off stuck.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 4:10, archived)
christ, you're older than me.
RESULT.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 4:17, archived)
I know..
There are a few others but they keep it pretty queit.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 4:24, archived)
SHHHH.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 4:26, archived)
I wouldn't quite know what to call a roll, other than 'lunch'.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 3:48, archived)
OM NOM LUNCH

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 4:10, archived)
alright?

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:47, archived)
yes, but I had someone offer me a credit card number
i'm worried he might be a credit card hacker and b3ta is full of trojans
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:51, archived)
the alright? thread is not a place for worry
no need, it's only the internet.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:53, archived)
haha
you have credit card fraud in reverse. you are much more brilliant than you realise.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:53, archived)
steady now

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:05, archived)
I thought I was being steady!
In a sense...
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:11, archived)
I think you mean seedy.

Goodnight everyone.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:13, archived)
ZING! G'night!

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:15, archived)
BOOM!
night misuss!
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:16, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoJQq17nFqk

edit: (don't click it - it's a clip of Strike It Lucky FFS)
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:52, archived)
i actually feel sorry for michael barrymore
i mean, imagine now if a primetime ITV presenter had hosted a party where a drugged and sexually injured corpse had been dragged from his swimming pool!
it would have guaranteed him a second series
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:55, archived)
It would with me!
My gran used to make me watch his show on Wednesdays in the 80's. I don't watch BB or tend to follow celebs (if you can call him that!), but I did watch a lot of the CBB when Barrymore was on there, a few years ago. A guy having a slight and volountary public breakdown. There's a whole new bunch of info coming out about these events, including a new book, so I hear. I'm gonna read. It's slightly bit morbid/dark perhaps, but there's no doubting Barrymore has had an interesting life, at least.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:01, archived)
alright mns

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:08, archived)
champion

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:13, archived)
Sup, nig.

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:09, archived)
sweet as

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:13, archived)
am now

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:12, archived)
this is harder than it looks
people don't appreciate the responsibility the alright? thread bestows
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:14, archived)
hello there mongychops

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:20, archived)
alright

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:27, archived)
*bows*

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:32, archived)
I DON@T CRE now ABOUT aLL taht SHIT U GUYS have given me IN teh past
givme ur best insults here, rite to my face. ikken tak it. I bait their crap.

edit, soz 4typo: i ment i bet their crap.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:32, archived)
haha yeah

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:33, archived)
ha ha! classic spacehog

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:33, archived)
you're spoiling this goldmine, dag-nammit!
;)

edit: fuck this, i'm coming back under a pseudonymn! :)
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:36, archived)
alright friz?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:51, archived)
what a lovely compliment.... ;)

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:56, archived)
you're welcome

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:45, archived)
Did I mention i'm using Windows 8?
Anyone?
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:33, archived)
you did but I think mongy told you to shut up so shut up.

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:34, archived)
stick it up your arse, were the words

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:42, archived)
he threatened my entire family with lung cancer
is what actually happened.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:47, archived)
was that here on talk?
if so it's nice to know it hasn't changed in these parts... it's been a few years since i've been here.

edit: (because everyone is such a horrible cunt here, in case that wasn't clear!)
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:30, archived)
ha ha! fuck off! etc!

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:45, archived)
seriously cuntish reply, that.
who do you think you are, exactly? ;)
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 1:04, archived)
Windows 8, seriously?
That certainly makes you a cunt.

(You could have left out the "8" though)
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:43, archived)
It's running quite well
but you can tell it's aimed at tablets and phone things.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:48, archived)
is that because you are pawing aimlessly at your monitor?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:52, archived)
it does drive you to that if you look for
some things that were just a control panel click away in old Windows, but so far I have few fingerprints on the monitor
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:54, archived)
I'd bet they're not the only "prints"
on your monitor.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:59, archived)
You're going to have to explain that one to me, i'm afraid

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:02, archived)
I was attempting to comically suggest that you rub your private parts all over your VDU when nobody is around.
Doesn't seem funny now I've explained it. I do apologise profusely. That isn't a joke btw :)
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:10, archived)
I have categorically never pressed my breasts or genitalia on a computer screen
apart from the ones in Dixons.
Those ones sell for 5 more.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:17, archived)
I've a 16 digit number for you right here, if ya want it
and i know you do
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:23, archived)
Thats too long to be a phone number,
and no I don't want that.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:32, archived)
yeah, it was a 'sort of' joke about credit card fraud, with a tip of the hat to penis length.
never mind. you're right, it wasn't worth it.... *sigh*
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:37, archived)
ZING!

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:45, archived)
Hell yeah

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:46, archived)
Erm, I'm not sure that there is a proper definition of 'zing' yet in the various online etymology websites. Quite possilby! :)
...if so, you should look it up because I'm pretty sure you have the meaning fundamentaly wrong.

;)
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:51, archived)
ah yeah i was kinda joking there
And I did think that W7 was a seriously massive improvement over vista, (probably along with all sane people). Not even nearly perfect of course(!), but pretty good for Microsoft. Haven't seen W8 yet, but I'll be interested once it happens to roll into my field of vision.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:54, archived)
If you use a touch screen phone or ipad you'll probably like it
but the mouse is almost clumsy for some things.

You can get a beta from MS themselves. Other than a DVDROM problem i've not found any bugs
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:56, archived)
Yep I use a touchscreen phone, and an ipad, when forced to. I prefer the better/open/accessable/modifiable alternatives which are half the price for the same same basic tech, yknow...
So with Windows 8, is it clumsly to use a mouse? I'd say the mouse has at least 5 years left in it, probably even 10, before it becomes as defunct as a dial-up 56k modem. So it seems strange to leave it behind at this point. But when is W8 due for release? I used to be a geek, honestly...
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:07, archived)
Right now i'm using firefox and a spreadsheet and it's business as usual
but when I go to the windows features such as the program menu it's all done on a button-y layout. The traditional windows are there for control panel and regedit and things like that, but it is packaged with Apps for playing music and watching videos which are more touch and gesture driven which are whole-screen affairs.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:14, archived)
...which will be undoubtedly beaten in style and performance by third-party vendors once the OS takes hold.
Gawd bless Microsoft... always one step behind.

Genuine thanks for the info - interesting! I'm trying to get back into this stuff
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:21, archived)

imagemacros.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/giving_a_fuck_truck.jpg
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:44, archived)
You look quite cool in that picture

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:46, archived)
baha!

(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:00, archived)
This one still gets me every time.
i.imgur.com/x1cUF.gif
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:09, archived)
I don't even.

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:37, archived)
Dammit when you ask for insults on /talk, it's the only time you don't fucking get them!!
I have learnt a lesson.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:44, archived)
*two thumbs up*
*does the face*
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:51, archived)
...
someone's been watching 'Derek'
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:31, archived)

i.imgur.com/OaicS.gif
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:05, archived)
aw, thanks
excellent facepalm animation *stolen*

bye!
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:28, archived)
who is the coldest person on earth?
lily allen - her womb is minus 2



#deadbaby
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:18, archived)
you're still not funny

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:19, archived)
i'll tell you whats not funny...
my baby just died :-(
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:19, archived)
alright baldmonkey?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:19, archived)
i think

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:20, archived)
therefore i spam
www.groupon.co.uk/
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:21, archived)
ah, so not baldmonkey then

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:21, archived)
ainsley harriot?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:22, archived)
i have no idea what you are talking about, or who lily allen is, but you sound like a very bored person.

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:25, archived)
ok

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:28, archived)
back away from the Heat
....and maybe read a fucking book or two, you gullible cunt.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:55, archived)
I read it as Lilly ALIEN
I prefer it that way.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:27, archived)
i hope you die in a fire

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:27, archived)
or in a cot, like my baby
:-(
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:28, archived)
i hope you die in a fire

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:30, archived)
ok .

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:34, archived)
now what

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:28, archived)
you're relying on me for entertainment?
ok
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:29, archived)
ahahahaha
funniest idea EVAR!!!!

LOL *smiley face, perhaps even winking*

now fuck off.
(, Sat 14 Apr 2012, 0:15, archived)
bored of that now
ever gone on an internet forum and pretended to have a baby that died?

alt: how fat is your face?

pricks
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:45, archived)
fuck off

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:46, archived)
that's no way to talk to someone who's pretending to have a baby that died

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:48, archived)
just fuck off frank
it's over
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:48, archived)
i dont wanna talk about the things we've gone through, though it's hurting me, now it's history, i've played all my cards and that's what you've done too, nothing more to say, no more ace to play
:(
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:53, archived)
VIENNAAAAAAAAAA

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:55, archived)
the winner takes it all, mongy

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:57, archived)



t h l '' t d l l
t h l '' t d ii l l
ttt hhh eee l ooo ss eee rrr ss ss ttt aa nnn ddd nnn ggg ss mmmm aa l l
t h h e e l o o s e e r s s t a a n n d d ii n n g g s m m m a a l l
tt h h ee l ooo ss ee r ss ss tt aaa n n ddd ii n n ggg ss m m m aaa l l
g
ggg

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:59, archived)
hey, dont be upset agnetha, I mean mongy, you still have b

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:57, archived)
i apologize if it makes you feel bad, seeing me so tense,, no self-confidence

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:01, archived)
to be fair though
I was an impossible case, no-one ever could reach me. But I think I can see in your face there's a lot you can teach me.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:04, archived)
mary had a BMX, its seat was back to front

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:06, archived)
fuck off you massive faced shit
before I set HappyToast on you
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:08, archived)
lol

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:11, archived)
comedy career going so well you're back here then?
never mind eh.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:13, archived)
lol imagine if iwas really him!

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:14, archived)
I'm going to pretend you are even if you're not

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:16, archived)
yes lets do that, i can answer every post as if my my baby just died?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:16, archived)
that'd be awesome

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:17, archived)
i'll tell you whats not awesome...
my baby just died :-(
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:19, archived)
that's quite awesome really

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:21, archived)
i suppose i get the spare room back
but not the money i shelled out on nappies and sustenance
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:24, archived)
Is the fat faced dead baby shit geordie back with us?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:12, archived)
alright frank?
on a scale of sarah jessica parker to friz, i would say my face is as fat as russell crowe's
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:47, archived)
hello sexy
that Russell Crowe eh, what a cunt
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:49, archived)
he's a cunt, but he likes a drink and a game of rugby league
i really could be him, you know.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:55, archived)
yeah
twice
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:48, archived)
probably best not to talk about him
let sleeping babies lie or something.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:49, archived)

sleeping babies internet comedy forum users
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:49, archived)
no but I can pretend I've died

I'm dead
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:49, archived)
well I'm convinced

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:50, archived)
nololtrolledu

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:51, archived)
you bastard

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:51, archived)
back from the dead. like Jesus.

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:52, archived)
but not my baby.....
:-(
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:24, archived)
RIP GLUDE ELE :( WIV DA ANGLEZ NAO
I HOEP DEY HAV FRIJ IN HEVN SWETE GLUY
I CNT STP CRYNG :( :( :(
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:50, archived)
new icons? \o/

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:50, archived)
are you taking the piss out of jacob dyer?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:51, archived)
jacob dyer is dead?
[citation needed]
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:53, archived)
some kid burnt his neck :(

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:58, archived)
i'll wager that he was not fond of such an occurence

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:18, archived)
no i have not
my face is not fat, i dont eat
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:51, archived)
then how do you keep those eyebrows so glossy and handsome?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:53, archived)
mr sheen

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:55, archived)
are you suggesting that mongy abuses solvents?
you're on thin ice there, spesh
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:56, archived)
I wouldn't call it abuse as such

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:58, archived)
winning

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:57, archived)
No I have not
alt: Not very

I'm using Windows 8. How cool is that?
Pretty cool.

Except the Shut Down button is a shit to find.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:53, archived)
Where is it?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:54, archived)
I don't know, I'm using Windows 9 now

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:56, archived)
oh shit guys, my dad works for microsofts and just installed my windows 10

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:58, archived)
mine goes up to 11

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:59, archived)
Fuck you, I'm on 2000

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:01, archived)
That won't run on my iPad 4 :(

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:05, archived)
hey you want to delete your system32 files, makes it work faster

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:02, archived)
fuck off jesus

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:04, archived)
oh, fuck off Jesus

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:11, archived)
got my arm about that far in it too

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:14, archived)
oh ffs Jesus

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:15, archived)
Haha, good one. How do I get it back to normal now, my dad is coming back from work soon.

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:05, archived)
You press the windows key and i
and a panel comes up and the power button is there.
You click it and choose your power option - restart, shut down, sleep
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:17, archived)
wow, shut up

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:21, archived)
Listen, right, you'll like this:
I'm in charge, not you, so go and cry to your momma. She be waiting for you.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:26, archived)
my face is not fat!!!!
Who fucking told you my face was fat?

It's not!!!

Do i sound defensive? It's not fat. Really! It totally isn't. If anything, I would describe my face as.... rather thin.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:27, archived)
Does anyone know of a website where I can find horse-gear for my horse?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:45, archived)
if only there was somewhere on the fucking internet that you could google it :(
broken britain
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:47, archived)
broken britain?
More like broken "lower frontal lobes of the brain".

Google it! (/skinner)

night night darling.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:18, archived)
fuck off

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:47, archived)
well, why don't you horrib off, mr fuckable?
shit i got that wrong
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:12, archived)

www.horze.co.uk/on/demandware.store/Sites-hrzuk-Site/en_GB/Home-Show?gclid=CPvn_dnmsq8CFe8htAod0XFAjA
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:47, archived)
well bless ya!
many thanks!
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:22, archived)
Why I sure do
www.robinsonsequestrian.com/
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:48, archived)
haha fair play! thanks for the link
i'll keep it in case i ever need it!
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:15, archived)
you could try here...
www.horsegear.co.uk
www.gearforhorses.co.uk
www.horsegearsupermarket.com
www.iamfuckingboredwithdoingthisnow.net
www.fuckyou.com
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:49, archived)
i checked those out, thanks! i also found this...
www.iagree.com
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:20, archived)

www.deagostini.com.au/ilovehorses/
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:50, archived)
BINGO!
Thank you.

(and fuck all those pious losers above. i love /talk very occasionally)
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:14, archived)
'

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:27, archived)
are you really Friz?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:27, archived)
what is a friz? people keep saying it but i dont get it?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:31, archived)
well if you are, just so you know, no-one likes you here, fuck off
fat faced unfunny cunt
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:32, archived)
is friz a name on here for like noob?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:33, archived)
no, it's a name for fat faced unfunny cunt

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:34, archived)
is friz a person then?
haha jeezuss im really confused
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:35, archived)
Yeah, you're friz.
Unlucky.
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:41, archived)
i'm all like :-O
and you're sat there just going ;-)


:-/
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:46, archived)
o really I thought that was gervais
LOLOLOLOLOLOL \o/
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:36, archived)
i found nothing offensive in that last tv show, or funny

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:38, archived)
Gervais has been a cunt since his Suede days
as funny as a punch in the scrotum
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:40, archived)
Was he in Suede?
I quite liked Filmstar, so fair play to him
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:42, archived)
he managed them

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:47, archived)
you are mrs geoff biscuits
do you consume dr geoff biscuits
a) before,
b) during,
c) after sex?
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:29, archived)
i'm milford cubcle

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:31, archived)
I was hoping for more answers to this question than just one, that's not a wide enough sample

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:35, archived)
I don't understand any of this

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:30, archived)
or is it that it doesnt understand you?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:32, archived)
Oh god don't say those things, I need to keep it together

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:34, archived)
Right this will be easier for everyone if you just change your name to friz

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:33, archived)
but what is friz?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:33, archived)
+ anyway
does anybody care about friz anyway
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:34, archived)
fucking massive faced fuck

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:41, archived)
so, people think you are former forum user friz
the one who left a while ago because baldmonkey made something up about his child dying and friz was too shit to do anything about it?
is anyone keeping a list of forum users who have fucked off because of baldmonkey? Lu, Friz, foldsfive, blue star, druid, limey treat? any more?
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:46, archived)
mr horrible

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:48, archived)
baldmonkey?

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:48, archived)
ah, friz was someone on here, and now people think i'm him?
i get it now, thanks
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:49, archived)
his name was stephen frizzle, which was why he was called friz
and he now writes stuff for the Huffington Post*

* - UK version, not the popular US one

EDIT - sorry, do you want me to remove your real name?
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:52, archived)
good god, i've just looked him up
PLEASE EVERYONE STOP THINKING THATS ME!!
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:58, archived)
fuck off friz

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:59, archived)
lol

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 23:07, archived)
Quiet tonight.
has everyone gone out? HELLO?

Maybe they're all dead, just me left. It's OK I have wine.

All alone with my wine :'(
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:10, archived)

I just posted this, hope this helps
www.b3ta.com/board/10743384
(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:11, archived)
Not especially. Nice science cat though, looks very pensive in his lab coat

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:13, archived)
pour me a glass, I'll be over in 5

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:16, archived)
get the lube and the buttpluggs out

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:16, archived)
they're some special buttplugs, with their 2 gs

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:18, archived)
three pronged 13amp

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:23, archived)
with a DIRTY earth

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 22:26, archived)

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