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[challenge entry] 'Ning!


What the Hell IS turkey ham anyway?

From the Inside the factories. How do they really make X? challenge. See all 143 entries (closed)

(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:15, archived)
# hahaha, smashing
turkeyham, is turkey that has been flavoured and dyed to be ham
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:17, archived)
# I thought it might be.
So it's like rasberry flavoured plum jam then. Cheaper but made to look like something more expensive.

Buy a wagon wheel and read the ingredients if you don't believe me


Edit: so what is chicken-fried steak then?
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:20, archived)
#
You should never read the ingredients on anything - it can only lead to terror and emotional pain!
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:25, archived)
# meh, if someone tells me it's food i'll eat it
i'll let my taste buds decide if they like it, like they decided i should never eat dogs eggs again no matter how fresh they are
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:27, archived)
# chicked fried steak explains itself
it's a steak fried by a chicken
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:25, archived)
# A chicken
that's been flavoured and dyed to be a chef?
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:34, archived)
# Twied died for our sins
to become a chef
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:40, archived)
# I've just made a chicken steak
fryer and damned hosting site is stuffed!
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:47, archived)
# And flavored with spepper I'd wager
(Dr GUID, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:10, archived)
# It's a Turkish day-time tv/ local theatre actor.
woo for your fine image
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:18, archived)
# that`ll be our "Local" channel on NTL
we currently have Persian, some weird Indian thing with dramatic music and dodgy Bohemian Rhapsody special effects, and "is da culcha innit" urban hip hop chip shop bling bling chav shit
(I helped save b3ta! Reckless_Rik, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:21, archived)
# I bet you watch it all the time
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:24, archived)
# my English apparently isn`t good enough to watch a local London TV channel, because I can`t understand a word of it
(I helped save b3ta! Reckless_Rik, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:25, archived)
# doesn't it have
subtitles?
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:25, archived)
# dunno.. can`t get subtitles on NTL where we are
it`s some sick mish mash of digital and non-digital - it`s comes down a digital line but we can`t get interactive, and that includes subtitles

besides, it`s a load of old wank.. I`d rather watch QVC than a camcorder documentary made by 10 school kids on how "is da culcha to carry da gon in da streets innit"
(I helped save b3ta! Reckless_Rik, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:28, archived)
# Maybe you should lean the local language
by watching more "is da culcha innit" urban hip hop chip shop bling bling chav shit

It's da bom, INNIT!
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:26, archived)
# You might need Burger Breath to give you some
"Laudan Language Lessons"
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:26, archived)
# he does need to learn to talk proper
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:28, archived)
# says the "Cor blimey Mary Poppins! Apples and pears? GERRORF ME BARRAH!" man
:p


.. plus you look like Tony Blackburn
(I helped save b3ta! Reckless_Rik, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:30, archived)
# calm down
put your riverdance dvd on, and relax
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:32, archived)
# wrong country mate

*puts on Ian Paisley`s Greatest Hits*


NO NO! NO-NO NO NO!
NO-NO NO NO!
NO-NO THERE`S NO.... SURRENDER!
(I helped save b3ta! Reckless_Rik, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:36, archived)
#
www.b3ta.com/board/4774777
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:38, archived)
# you should rent a trained monkey
and see if he`s any good...
(I helped save b3ta! Reckless_Rik, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:41, archived)
# haha, class
also: turkey ham is people, PEOPLE!
(I helped save b3ta! - D - SharkTrousers, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:19, archived)
# Yay Solent Green
Tramps never tasted so good!
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:20, archived)
# 15% reconstituted pork gristle
15% reconstituted turkey gristle
10% rodent excrement
10% whole rodents
5% insect larvae
20% donkey genitals
25% MSG
May contain traces of nuts
Not suitable for vegetarians or humans
(I helped save b3ta! techierob, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:20, archived)
# Booo at reconstituted gristle.
The reconstituted stuff has all the goodness taken out!
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:22, archived)
# Great Value and 95% fat free!
also 95% Turkey and nutrient free!



hehehe - woo!
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:22, archived)
# "95% fat free even though the original ingredients were 98% fat free"

or something
(I helped save b3ta! Reckless_Rik, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:26, archived)
# Let's face it it's form Norfolk
so it's got to be a bit odd!

Only 3 good things ever came from Norfolk - Stephen Fry, The Great Architect and the main road back to civilisation!
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:28, archived)
# *coughs* (with slight Norfolk accent)
G'Ning!

Edit: let me guess, it's still 3, isn't it... ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:31, archived)
# Ok, 4 good things and Sid too!
That's 5 goods things.

Yes there's 5 good things to have come out of Norfolk!

/Spanish Inquisition
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:33, archived)
# Ah, Sid's not from Norfolk.
He hails from Nottingham. However, I think spacehog would like his vacated place on the list... :)
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:35, archived)
# But I'm guessing tha he currenlty resides in the land of the flat Earth?
So he counts!

He probably came from China or somwhere similar originally - or is he a natural Nottinghamonian Monkey?
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:38, archived)
# Both residing happily in the midlands now...
Surely you've heard of the roaming hoards of Nottingham monkeys. Twig has to fight his way to work through them every day...
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:45, archived)
# No,
but maybe their range doen't extend as far south as me - they can't get past the A14!
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:52, archived)
# you mean the students?
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:53, archived)
# Oh, is that what they were?
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:56, archived)
# yes!
(I helped save b3ta! spacehog, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:38, archived)
# *cough*
I already got you a ticket on the 'good from Norfolk' bus!
www.b3ta.com/board/4774808
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:41, archived)
# *boo hoo*
what about me?
(I helped save b3ta! spacehog, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:32, archived)
# hehe
We're all coming out of the woodwork now.
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:34, archived)
# you two are gay?
that explains it then
'Ning!
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:37, archived)
# 'ning!
nice to see another non-flat earther joining the discussion!

I'm beginning to wish I never said anything now - it was all meant in the best possible taste!
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:40, archived)
# just to confuse matters
I'm from Nottingham not Norfolk and I'm not Sid
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:41, archived)
# Huzzah!
another East-Midlander!

I'm confused now!
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:44, archived)
# By crikey!
*parties*
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:51, archived)
# "I'm not Sid" Eh?


Soz.
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:52, archived)
# no
I'm Horatio Nelson
and so's my wife
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:54, archived)
# Hoorah!
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:56, archived)
# I tried to join the Flat Earth society once
but I don't think they took my entrance essay very seriously. I know I didn't.
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:45, archived)
# Hehehehehe!
I bet it was a good read!
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:49, archived)
# I might have to try again.
I'm sure I had some very inventive rebuttals of current scientific thinking.

I expect they turned my application down because they read it and thought I was a bit of a nutter. I just wanted to see if I could persuade the lab I was working for at the time to pay for my membership of the Flat Earth society!
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:53, archived)
# It would be a great thing
to have on your CV. :-)
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:54, archived)
# Arf!
they turned your application down becuase they read it and thought you were a bit of a nutter!
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:56, archived)
# I'm sure they weren't looking for people
who disbelieved in a round Earth for quite the sort of reasons I'd be likely to put.

It's a shame they didn't tell me that was why. I could have started a collection of rejection letters from crackpot organisations who thought I was too wierd to be allowed to join.


Now that's not a bad idea....
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:00, archived)
#
it would be up there with 419 scammer-baiting!

This is approaching the longest chat thread I've seen on here for quite a while! :)
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:05, archived)
# You started it. *points*
Well... you did. :)
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:09, archived)
# Indeed!
I wasn't complaining - it's fun to have a chat and a bit of banter, rather than just 100's of posts just saying 'woo!'
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:13, archived)
# *agrees*
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:18, archived)
# woo!
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:21, archived)
# Yes, I was going to say,
long chats like wot I used to have with twiggles, before he became a part-timer. :)
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:23, archived)
# woo!
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:24, archived)
# Woo! times 1,000,000!
Yay
Hoopla
Dibnah
etc!
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:26, archived)
# I own more articles of woodwork than just my closet.
(just between you and me though, I've alway suspected that Sid might bat for teh other team.. we've never spoken about it though)

'Ning!
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:41, archived)
# why
do you suspect Sid of being a bit lah-de-dah?

does he have impeccable dress sense? enjoy flower arranging? own the soundtrack to Fame?
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:45, archived)
# Seems to take a bit TOO much care over his appearence...
He could of course just be a metrosexual monkey.
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:53, archived)
# he sleeps
with trains?
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:54, archived)
#
And crappy old British small hatchbacks?
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:58, archived)
#
and free daily newspapers?
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:00, archived)
# on trains?
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:01, archived)
#
and an alternative music venue in Chicago?

Ok, I had to search for that one!
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:02, archived)
# Ok, 6 good things and any other Norfolk b3tards
That's 7 goods things.

Yes there's 7 good things to have come out of Norfolk!

/Spanish Inquisition again

Happy now!?
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:36, archived)
# *giggles*
*sings 'Have yew gotta loight boy?' to self*
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:38, archived)
# and the sanitation, reg.

edit: Let's not miss out Horatio Nelson
(I helped save b3ta! spacehog, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:40, archived)
# Arf! Mindpissy edit!
www.b3ta.com/board/4774852
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:47, archived)
# wow! double mind-piss
pythonage and nelsonage
(I helped save b3ta! spacehog, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:58, archived)
# Ding! Ding! Ding!
"1000 bonus points!"
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:04, archived)
# Coleman's Mustard
edit: and you musn't forget Horatio Nelson
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:42, archived)
# Hell yes!
And don't forget Horatio Nelson. Huzzah!

Edit: Huge Arf!
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:47, archived)
# He can't have liked it that much.
He moved down near me. There's a restaurant and pub in Morden Hall where he used to keep his strumpet.
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:56, archived)
# who did?
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:02, archived)
# Sid?
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:04, archived)
# On a train?
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:04, archived)
# Reading a newspaper?
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:05, archived)
# With
Horatio Nelson
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 12:36, archived)
# Ooooh, ooh, oooh! I've got another one...
Sale of teh Century!
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:08, archived)
# Hark!
is that a barrell I hear being scraped? :)
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:14, archived)
# and don't forget
Trisha
(I helped save b3ta! spacehog, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:16, archived)
# pffft!
I think we need a new barrel. The bottom's gone on this one!
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:19, archived)
# Anglia News?
and Look East - with a bloke called Kim!

Please don't say Alan Partridge - I fecking hate him!
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:20, archived)
# Roger Taylor from Queen.
(King's Lynn if I recall correctly)

Edit: your username must have made me subliminally think of that one.
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:21, archived)
# Kings Lynn is close enough to the border to make a run for it!
also, time to think of another username!
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:24, archived)
# True, true. Very near the border...
I hailed from Yarmouth... about as far away from civilisation as you could get... unless of course you wanted to escape to Suffolk!
(I helped save b3ta! Doc G and Sid the Monkey may contain traces of spatula, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:26, archived)
# But you made it
and that's what counts! :)
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:30, archived)
# Delia Smith
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:25, archived)
# C'MON!
LET'S BE 'AVIN' YOU!
WHERE ARE YOU?

etc.
(I helped save b3ta! Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 11:31, archived)
# arf!
turkey ham is made from
policeman who go afoul
of the law.
(I helped save b3ta! Purple Onion, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:27, archived)
# that's lovely!
(That guy with a hat., Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:31, archived)
# I
Don't know many people from Norfolk that actually eat that crap, well only my dad/uncle/grandad/sister/mum.


YAY! to the pic"!""!!""
(ACuntLikeYou I'm hated for loving, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:38, archived)
# that
is fucking woo
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:40, archived)
# Ta muchly
How are the adventures going?
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:44, archived)
# you
would need to speak to Dave The Hat Oddjob, I am merely the puppet to his evil puppet master
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:47, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! brianftang www.brianftang.co.uk, Wed 15 Jun 2005, 10:44, archived)