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Good night b3ta, and Good Luck

From the Third World America challenge. See all 278 entries (closed)

(Cluck needs a holiday, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:43, archived)

I hope Paris Hilton is just another statistic.

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Halk, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:44, archived)

Why does america have so many aids?

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:44, archived)

monkey sex

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:45, archived)

The Fleshlight was invented by a retired police officer.

Now, they get a torch as standard, don't they?

NEVER nick batteries out of a policeman's torch. That should be a rule.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:46, archived)

and that was

Capitan wow's FACT of the day

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Sir T. Skellington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:47, archived)

fleshlights are a tad weird.

Sex can't be so hard to get that you have to resort to fucking a torch, shirly?

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:48, archived)

Do you ever wank?

If so, exactly.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:49, archived)

Yes. but not into a torch.

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:50, archived)

Well see that's just you being vanilla.

You never know, it might be awesome.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:50, archived)

I suppose.

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:52, archived)

Exactly.

Never say never. Especially to a policeman's torch.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:53, archived)

but but but

what about a japs-eye/end spring connection?!?

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Sir T. Skellington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:56, archived)

That's the risk you take.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:57, archived)

O_o

GAD-ZUKES!

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Sir T. Skellington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:59, archived)

YARGH

made me cross my legs, and hence squish things...

Mind ouches and real ouches!

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Tu9 01100011011101010110111001110100, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:03, archived)

it is awesome

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M3Essential and The Essentials. LIVE!, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:55, archived)

AWESOME! FOR SERIOUS?! TOTALLY!

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mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:57, archived)

gag me with a spoon!

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M3Essential and The Essentials. LIVE!, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:01, archived)

*inserts cutlery*

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Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:45, archived)

but really

if you need to elevate the menage á un to the point where you want to imagine someone else is there
just get someone else involved

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mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:55, archived)

If I wanted to imagine someone else was there

I'd probably go and get them too.

Do no men think about what it would be like to fuck a lady torch then?

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:56, archived)

ersatz vaginas will never be as good as a real one
because all it will do is counterpoint the fact that you do not have access to a real one at that juncture

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mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:58, archived)

Maybe you do.

But maybe it's still preferable to use the fleshlight.

Like a fluffy sheep vagina. And I have no idea why that came to mind first.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:00, archived)

cripes, that's a bit forward!

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mutster101 fell over, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:50, archived)

Oh come ON, we're all humans.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:50, archived)

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

kidding dude :D

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mutster101 fell over, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:51, archived)

I beg to differ.

*differs*

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Tu9 01100011011101010110111001110100, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:52, archived)

*points* furry.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:53, archived)

*ahem*

*closes curtains*

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Tu9 01100011011101010110111001110100, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:54, archived)

Not as forward as a girl i didn't know walking up to me and talking in detail

about sex, masturbation and lesbian porn.

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:53, archived)

do you have her phone number?

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mutster101 fell over, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:55, archived)

I only saw her once.

And decided i didn't like her for reasons unrelated to that.

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:56, archived)

YOU mentioned sex first.

And I hadn't planned lesbian porn for ages yet. We've got artificial insemination, cock rings and spanish fly to cover first.

Turn to page 97- Daniel read the first paragraph please.

QUIET AT THE BACK. Is that gum?

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:55, archived)

Skip to spanish fly, I want to reference "Brass Monkey"

for Caewan

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:56, archived)

When I want a help teaching I will get a supply teacher

for you all to torment for a day.

UNTIL such time you will turn to page 97. And I want nobody's voice in the room except Daniel's. The first three I hear get detention.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:59, archived)

When Caewan was staying at my house

he kept saying I fancy Killerkitti, so I told him he must fancy Smash Monkey.
I kept singing "SMASH MONKEY! THAT FUNKY MONKEY!" to him.
Then when he left, he was still signed in on IE, so I put a large image in his profile declaring his love for her.

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:01, archived)

Oh yeah, i remember that.

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:03, archived)

but smash monkey is above the age of consent

so it's not grooming

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:03, archived)

I'm not grooming Kk, though. :]

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:05, archived)

keep telling yourself that

and it might hold up under polygraph

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:38, archived)

Hahahahahah!!

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:49, archived)

That's detention.

Ah-ah-ah, no arguing, I did warn you. Any more and you'll go to the Headmaster's office.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:03, archived)

Get the cane.

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:06, archived)

I would be arrested.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:07, archived)

Oooh handcuffs

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:08, archived)

not if he asks for it

he's over 16 right?

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:08, archived)

Soon, soon...

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:09, archived)

I think it's different if it's a pupil

loco parentis and all that.

Oh yeah, and also no he's not.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:09, archived)

oh yeh

that old chestnut.

although in the absence of any teaching qualifications you may get off

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:11, archived)

I partly understand this.

Partly not

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:01, archived)

SMASH MONKEY

THAT FUNKY MONKEY

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:02, archived)

You fancy KK.

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:03, archived)

Quiet, you'll give the game away.

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:06, archived)

I'm not really sure I want to ask, but...

"Spanish fly"?

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Incredibly Ordinary Dave needs your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:59, archived)

el fligo, signor

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mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:59, archived)

You'd make a good teacher.

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:00, archived)

I don't have nearly enough patience.

Which is a shame, I'd find it rewarding.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:01, archived)

meh

girl i was chatting to on fri was telling me she loves giving fellatio, hates receiving cunnilingus and prefers being fingered.

her mates wouldn't fuck off and give me a clear shot though

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:57, archived)

She hates receiving blow jobs?

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:01, archived)

Hrmf.

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Halk, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:02, archived)

Heh! Triplepiss!

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:03, archived)

Around 15 years ago...

My little brother was at a party, saw some bird he fancies and told his mate "I'd love to suck her cock". I'm his best man next year, and I'll need to somehow work it into my speech without being quite as graphic as he was.

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Halk, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:04, archived)

a lad at my school

once said something similar. dunno if he's still alive to be fair

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:06, archived)

Oh god.

I'm not letting anyone be my best man if i get married.

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:08, archived)

that's a very expensive operation

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:09, archived)

YOU BASTARD

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:11, archived)

badum-ching

you young uns correcting my improper slang

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:04, archived)

I read a lot.

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:06, archived)

i tried

~~to inflate my lady friend by blowing into her mimsy~~ to give a woman a blowjob....

...she didnt like it

/ninja's

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Sir T. Skellington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:04, archived)

You just put her lips together and blow?

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my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:05, archived)

could've at least spelt mimsy right :D

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:05, archived)

;-)

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Sir T. Skellington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:10, archived)

Video jug told me about 90 women a year die from this.

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:06, archived)

*pop*

???

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Sir T. Skellington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:09, archived)

Yes.

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:11, archived)

img.photobucket.com/albums/v694/Tu9/animation62.gif

(nsfw)

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Tu9 01100011011101010110111001110100, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:15, archived)

Very dangerous, is forcing air into a mimsy.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:15, archived)

because queef follows shortly afterwards?

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:18, archived)

Or death.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:20, archived)

i see

i shall take my chances, just won't use compressed air

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:22, archived)

how and why?!

sheerly it just come rushing out as a high pitched "fweeep"

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Sir T. Skellington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:23, archived)

She hates getting her cock sucked?

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Halk, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:02, archived)

She was a girl?

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:02, archived)

Hmm.

But what's up with the whole fleshlight thing?
You have free hands.

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:50, archived)

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mutster101 fell over, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:50, archived)

Look at the pointiness on that buttplug!

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:52, archived)

yeah i know, you're not the first person to point that out but I cba to go back and adjust it

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mutster101 fell over, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:52, archived)

I once phoned Hastings Direct and asked for buttplugs.

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:57, archived)

ah, the maturity of youth

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mutster101 fell over, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:01, archived)

This WAS years ago, so I was even younger than I am now.

So ner!

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:04, archived)

they've only existed for 2 years

so it wasn't *that* long ago

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:07, archived)

I've moved house twice since then, and I spent two christmases in my last,

and one in this.
That does sound about right, but I was less mature than I am now.
Yes, I know.

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:10, archived)

Needs more pair of scissors

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:52, archived)

Want to trade?

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my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:52, archived)

see, this just proves it. all birds are geeeeezers on the side.

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mutster101 fell over, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:54, archived)

We should be investigative journalists.

Uncovering these filthy birds who are leading our youth astray.

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my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:55, archived)

my sister

was seeing a special for a few months a few years ago

he was very special, wouldn't want to go anywhere near his torch

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:50, archived)

I live below one.

But she is a she.

Although given the traditional shape of a torch that hardly excludes her.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:51, archived)

makes it almost obligatory

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mutster101 fell over, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:53, archived)

I think I've just made it so I can

never think of torches in a platonic, normal way.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:54, archived)

I have little difficultly thinking of inanimate objects in anything other than a platonic way.

(Jeru War and Piss, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:55, archived)

I have a slight love for my homer cup.

It's just the perfect mug.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:02, archived)

I have two.

What does yours say on it?

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:07, archived)

Something about learning new stuff.

I don't know, I'm drinking out of the dirty 18th birthday mug.

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Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:11, archived)

That's my favourite!!

Every time I learn something new it pushes old stuff out of my brain.

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:12, archived)

Every time i learn something new

it pushes something old out of my brain

used to have that on a poster on the ceiling above my bed, some truly inspirational stuff to wake up to as a teenager :D

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:13, archived)

Oh yes, the joys of arbitrary teenage rebellion.

I had "I WILL KILL YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP" scrawled in blood on my ceiling. My father was a wheeze.

(Jeru War and Piss, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:16, archived)

nah

i never bothered rebelling, you get away with much more if they think you're towing the line, and they'll buy your alcohol for you

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:19, archived)

^This, muchly.

Except I no longer have need for alcohol :P

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:22, archived)

On the crack already?

(Jeru War and Piss, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:25, archived)

pancreatic failure?

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 22:26, archived)

i think even platonics is a bit beyond normal

"hello torch, will you be my friend?"
doesn't really work, does it?

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mutster101 fell over, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:55, archived)

platonic?

as in bum-sex with young boys?

(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:55, archived)

oh. i see

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Cae1, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:47, archived)

YOU have aids!

_{_{_{NOT HIV, BUT FULL BLOWN AIDS!}}}

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Sir T. Skellington, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:44, archived)

AIDS: LIKE HIV BUT BLOWN

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ClanSoul, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:46, archived)

be sure that you see

that this is not HIV....

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SiX and his hat, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:49, archived)