b3ta.com board

Home » Messageboard » XXX » Message 9428031 (Thread)

i'd clean him

i'd clean him good.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:31, archived)

*prepares bucket of cold water for SM*

(

The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:31, archived)

bucket's not gonna do it

better get the hose ;)

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

i love hoses

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

Best of all the water dispensers?

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:35, archived)

me too...

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:36, archived)

And perhaps a cleaning woman...

;)

(

Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:46, archived)

yep!

i may have to hire a cleaner again, i hate housework

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:48, archived)

Yes, but she must be homely

So she can't compete with us for his affections

(

Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:48, archived)

my auntie.

she's got hairs on her chin so long she can lay them out as tripwires. she looks like a mad catwoman.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:50, archived)

She's hired!

So, who's to have him over Christmas hols, then? I'll rock, paper, scissors best of three with you to get him for New Year's Eve...

PS. Got any mistletoe?

(

Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:52, archived)

you can have him christmas

i'll have him new year.
i've got special christmas knickers with mistletoe all over them ;)

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:53, archived)

Done, done and done!

Can't wait to unwrap him

(

Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Thu 7 May 2009, 14:04, archived)

i'm always at mum's for christmas

i'm not letting her near him!

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 14:06, archived)

Happy candle day!

(

kinks rock over London, rock on Chicago, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:32, archived)

thanks :)

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

only as Logan though.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:32, archived)

Because he has a beard?

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

Pretty much.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:35, archived)

What about mutton chops?

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:35, archived)

All facial hair is better than no facial hair.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:36, archived)

Please tell that to my boss

I didn't shave today and he's not very happy.

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:37, archived)

Does it affect your ability to do your job?

Are you customer-facing?

If the answer is no to both tell him to sod off, and tell him i told you you could say it

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:37, archived)

That's the thing, I'm allowed to wear a Tshirt, cargos and trainers (unless a client is coming in)

But a bit of facial hair and it's a nono.

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:40, archived)

If anything the beard is the source of all power.

If you can get it to grow into one feature with your hair then it powers up like the deathstar and fires a laserbeam out your nose.

(Jeru War and Piss, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:40, archived)

I think I love you

Beardy men are the BEST

(

Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:41, archived)

Except trampy beards.

Trampy beards are a bit eeehhh.

(Jeru War and Piss, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:44, archived)

What's a trampy beard?

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:45, archived)

You know, the ones that are all manky and have birds living in them

And are grey and bedraggled and smell

(

Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:47, archived)

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:49, archived)

One with a shape shaved into it

I think I'm confused about the definition of 'berad'

And 'trampy'

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:47, archived)

Deep breaths, Scarry.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:49, archived)

This kind of thick unkempt beard that combined with long hair makes you look like a tramp (and about ten years older)

twitpic.com/47nll/full

(Jeru War and Piss, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:50, archived)

Or a member of a thrash band

which you don't want to hear my opinions about.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:51, archived)

They have tramps fronting thrash bands?

That would be quite cool to go see a band and there being a manky dog tied by a bit of rope to the microphone stand.

(Jeru War and Piss, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:53, archived)

Fuck him, who is he- Thatcher?

Tell him if he's got a problem with your facial hair, he damn well better have a problem with all the women in the office's facial hair too. To their faces. Like a big brave boy.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:38, archived)

There are no womenz in this office

Well our accountant is, but she only works Tuesday mornings.

(

Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:39, archived)

Ah, nuts.

I'd just say 'well you expect me to have to deal with that (gesture to his face) all day, what's your problem?'

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:41, archived)

^THIS

let him front hairy mabel from human resources and tell her to shave that sprouting black mole on her chin!

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:40, archived)

Pffft

You tell 'em.

(

FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Thu 7 May 2009, 13:40, archived)

It fucking annoys me.

Not just because I eventually want all men to be banned from using razors.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:41, archived)

you really like

the hasidic jew look, don't you? ;)

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:45, archived)

They should all look like cro-magnons, smash.

Cro-magnons or pirates.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:46, archived)

FUCKING SHITTY MAGNONS

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:47, archived)

You make me laugh at least once a day, you loon.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:51, archived)

\o/

I'm happy with that strike rate

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:53, archived)

Oh God yes, PIRATES

*drools some more

Not the Somalian variety though, I'm strictly after the Jack Sparrow type

(

Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:50, archived)

Luckily, I've got a lookalike of my very own.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:52, archived)

You lucky thing!

*envies from a distance

(

Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:55, archived)

i wouldn't say no to being dragged into hugh's cave

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:51, archived)

Yep, control freaks.

I try not to eat them too often.

(

FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Thu 7 May 2009, 13:51, archived)

shave every day, except for a patch on your cheek

then paint a big mole under the unshaven bit

see how he likes that

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:41, archived)

^this^

my inability to grow a convincing beard is countered by my phenomenal Noddy Holder-style acoutrements

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:37, archived)

I can't grow a beard and I'm nearly 32.

CURSE THESE GENES.

Sorry, I meant:

FUCK ME I'M PETER PAN.

(

An Eagle in Your Mind, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:39, archived)

^this

I have to wait 18 days before it becomes noticeable that I haven't shaved

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:42, archived)

My brother-in-law's back hair grows at about two miles an hour. It's mental.

He is massively foreign, though, so that's to be expected.

(

An Eagle in Your Mind, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:47, archived)

Shit off, are you really?!

You're going to look about 40 when you hit your 90s.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:42, archived)

Either that or my face will collapse when I'm 35.

But yes. I got IDed at Download festival last year. Actually INSIDE the festival. I mean. For fuck's sake.

(

An Eagle in Your Mind, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:45, archived)

I thought you were my age.

Don't get all offended by that. Bet you will now. Damn.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:47, archived)

It's kind of a default setting, really, isn't it?

I think 'yeah, you're about my age' about pretty much everyone I ever meet, so I reckon I'm usually the offender rather than the offendee.

(

An Eagle in Your Mind, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:52, archived)

I'm 24

and have been told in the past couple of years that I liiked about 30, about 18 and about 25.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:53, archived)

I know the feeling.

I got IDed buying booze at Christmas. I'm 32 as well, and might be able to manage a beard if the 'tache is optional. Maybe.

On the plus side, people usually guess my age as being around 21-25, so it has its benefits.

(

Matazone has new icons, but is keeping this one, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:49, archived)

That's a tad harsh, Joe.

I've met her, and I thought she was lovely.

(

Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:42, archived)

This with fucking BELLS on

I love my blokes bearded, with that slightly scruffy look.

*moons over Hugh a bit more*

(

Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:39, archived)

Mmmm, stubbly

(Mrs Trellis GIN, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

Exactly.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:35, archived)

yes

he's so much sexier when he's not being clean-shaven and australian

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:35, archived)

Preach, preach.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:36, archived)

clean-shaven only works with extremely square jaws

such as brendan fraser

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:38, archived)

Oooh yes

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:43, archived)

It's the sideburns, right?

chicks dig the sideburns

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:36, archived)

Sideburns are awesome, Joe

(yes yours are even better)

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:37, archived)

My profile pic does not do their current state justice

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:38, archived)

I look forward to the meet with baited breath

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:43, archived)

hurrah

*buys extra velcro*

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:45, archived)

Horoay for dangling from Joe's face.

(

Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:45, archived)

haha

this shall be our sneaky plan for the bash

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:49, archived)

oo-er!

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 7 May 2009, 14:07, archived)

Rumours are...

he likes musicals, and is unmarried in his 40s, and has played gayers on stage

AND happy candlemas!

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:34, archived)

*LOL*

So, what are you saying Joe?

*continues laughing*

(

J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:36, archived)

I'm just saying there are rumours about those things

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:40, archived)

hehehe

They're not rumours, The story about him doing Carousel on stage is in the trades.

bascially, he's a close friend of Dorothy.

(

J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:43, archived)

thanks

at least i could go shopping with him. he's still one delicious chunk of arm candy!

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:36, archived)

Allow me to burst your bubble...

He likes musicals, played Peter Allen in "The Boy From Oz"
Happily married to Deborah Furness, and has three kids.

Bitch. I'd have him so fast his head would spin

(

Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:41, archived)

All this

Have you heard him sing? *goes dreamy eyed*

(Mrs Trellis GIN, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:42, archived)

Mrs T, the man is a walking wet dream

Being able to sing as well is almost too terrible for the rest of the men on the planet to compete with.

May I join you in your drooling?

(

Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:45, archived)

"Happily married to Deborah Furness, and has three kids."

Now we're talking beards....

;-)

(

J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:47, archived)

Outta my way, woman, I saw him first!

Can't wait for the back scratch afterwards...

(

Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:38, archived)

there's enough for all!

still mine, though ;)

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:40, archived)

Well, for you, I'm willing to share

But I get him on Saturday nights

(

Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:43, archived)

Happy candle day.

Try not to do anything too risky with the candle.
{;-)

(

FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Thu 7 May 2009, 13:39, archived)

0_0

i hadn't actually thought of that! my filth gland is running dry!
*worries*
also, ta!

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:41, archived)

Heh

My filth gland has been reactivated by the appearance of a traditionally built lady.

(

FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Thu 7 May 2009, 13:45, archived)

traditionally?

you mean rubinesque?

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:58, archived)

Ooooh yes

Built with solid foundations and enormous flying buttresses.
*nearly exhausts architectural euphemisms*

(

FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Thu 7 May 2009, 14:06, archived)

you know what they say

if it's not baroque, don't fix it.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 7 May 2009, 14:11, archived)