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i was to say that there's

a potential photoshop this challenge on this page:

but someone appears to have beaten us to it:

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 8:12, archived)

Oh my

goodness me

philip.greenspun.com/dogs/sky-blue-jeans.jpg

Where'd I put that LLB pic?...

Binst

(

binster, Tue 13 Nov 2001, 16:06, archived)

A b3ta guide to make an instant web game

1. download a game engine from flashkit - there's loads to choose from.

2. Stick in some stupid images from the b3ta board.

3. Add sound sound - using google searches like "expolode wav" or "squawk wav"

4. Publish.

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:49, archived)

B3TA

the new punk rock.

(Zannusi-Beatz, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 8:02, archived)

ah yes

similar to the sniffing glue fanzine hmm? Can you find the link to this?

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 8:13, archived)

google

has failed me

(Esteban, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 9:34, archived)

It's spelt

Sniffin Glue, y'see.

(Ernest Thesiger, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 12:40, archived)

i made a

rubbish game if anyone's bored, it'll pass a few seconds.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:39, archived)

Can I take issue?

That's the best game I've played on here yet and have sent it to everyone i know.

(milk_explosion, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:56, archived)

hurray!

I thought the silence was ominous.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:57, archived)

Although

I am noting an inconsistency in Ms Gordon's answers. Could chaos be an ingredient in this game?

(milk_explosion, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:03, archived)

all the answers are correct

It's just some are very badly drawn.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:42, archived)

If I don't see the garden soon, someone's gonna get hurt

Darn those pesky Christy Brown children!

(milk_explosion, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 8:36, archived)

I actually consider it to be

one of the best and funniest web games in existence - however, ist it actually possible to get away with not painting her house?

(bastardizor, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:11, archived)

Must. See. Garden.

I've been forced to paint the house twenty times. But I must see the garden, I must see the garden. I must.

(

mrbrong, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:20, archived)

The garden is lovely

but you don't get to see it for very long.

She's a busy lady, Ms Gordon

(

chthonic, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:32, archived)

"Better than Starsailor but worse than everything else"

Is truly class. I doff my cap.

(milk_explosion, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:40, archived)

thankyou

sadly my original plan for the game had to be abandoned - it was to be "Who's the mummy?" where there's a kid's picture of their mum, and three photos of mothers and you have to guess which is the correct one.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 8:06, archived)

I prefer this one

but why did the other one have to be abandoned? It sounds reminiscent of the timeless "Who's baby?" with Bernie Winters and his sexual companion Schnorbitz.

(milk_explosion, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 8:24, archived)

it was abandoned

due to it taking hours just to find a single picture of a mother and a drawing of her. I suppose, I could have just lied, that would have made it somewhat easier.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 8:32, archived)

I won!

Hooray for me! What a lovely garden!

(thellama73, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 8:25, archived)

fantastic

sparks website is very b3ta in style. I like the glowing eyes.
(video section is also very good)

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:01, archived)

ooh jakob nielsen wont like that

ooh jakob nielsen wont like that site very much. nasty user interface, though lovely flash splash.

(steeev, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:56, archived)

Two religious old dears

have just visited me. Apparently the bible can stop wars and create peace. Yeah, right. They soon buggered off when I told them I'm from Belfast...

(

Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:00, archived)

I saw "Christ on a Bike" - the Richard Herring show

on friday. He has some funny stuff to say about Religion & bibles & stuff. Best bit was Richard remembering the whole of Matthew - Chapter 1. I.e. the bit about the ancestry of Christ... and making it funny. Quite an achievement.

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:10, archived)

Is that where everyone begats everyone else?

It does go on abit.. What is begat anyway? It's a silly word.
I like to imagine Mary telling Joseph that she's pregnant. "but it was the holy ghost, honest, and then this angel called gabriel came down to have a chat too." What drugs was she on? And Joseph believed her?

(

Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:21, archived)

that'll be the section

He pointed out that - although Matthew managed to trace Jesus back to David and thus fulfill old testiment prophecy - he did this via the male line.... i.e. via Joseph - who didn't father jesus. Thus the Bible is a load of bollocks.

(except I rather like the stuff in Leviticus about casting women from the village who art on thy blob.)

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:33, archived)

I don't know if it's true . . .

but Moses apparently found 11 commandments written on that rock. But he decided not to tell the world about "Thou shalt not abandon thy baby in the rushes" to preserve his mother's dignity.

(milk_explosion, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:37, archived)

17 commandments

The covert commandment is about 7 seperate commands:

"You shall not covet your neighbor's goods. You shall not covet your neighbour's house. You shall not covet your neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his bull, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbour's."

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:47, archived)

the writer could learn a little about subbing

"thou shalt not covert" would have sufficed.

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:49, archived)

Or if the presbyterians are right

Just "Thou shalt not" would have done - one commandment with a million uses.

(milk_explosion, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:54, archived)

"Thou Shalt"

That's the B3ta one commandment.

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:03, archived)

That's my favourite commandment

If only God had thought of it. Maybe he was just in a bad mood or something.

(milk_explosion, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:04, archived)

number one

Should be thou shalt worsip false imaged that thou hast
photoshopped.

(

Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:08, archived)

even worse - free presbyterians

NO! NEVER! NO! NO!

(

Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:03, archived)

Is that the same David as in David and Goliath?

He sent his mate off to war to get killed so he could have it away with his wife. The scoundrel!
Is that true about being sent away when you're on the blob? Where did they all go? Was there a special place that only women on the blob could go to?

(

Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:43, archived)

blob stuff = true

Leviticus is very strange.

It's instructions for a set of weird ancient priests - and it's explains about sacrificing birds for sin & stuff.

.... and not touching women who are menstruating - for they are unclean and you'll be unclean too. So you have to go out the village for a few days.

I suspect they the women quite liked having a few days off - without the dull priests and stuffed themselves with chocloate and slagged off men.

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:57, archived)

Sounds great.

Can we bring that bit back?

(

Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:59, archived)

Build you own cyber babe !

saw this somewhere else and thought of you guys (and gals) I think we could do much better.. and maybe have a version for the site where you could upload body parts pics like the kill your friends game and have a random b3ta'd person on the front page or something.. anyway see what you think
build your own cyberbabe

(

hal9000 sme, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:56, archived)

an emporer tamarin

lovely bart

(Esteban, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:38, archived)

make your

lord of the rings parody now...

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 5:05, archived)

larry lurex

larry modelling the silver unicorn.

(poohpot, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:21, archived)

argh! geocities.

sorry.. it's a broken image on my browser...

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:26, archived)

from bairns to zoos

http://www.sandiegozoo.org/wildideas/kids/got_questions.html

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:11, archived)

tiniest monkey

only 2cm tall

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:15, archived)

little monkey looks like this

I monkey movie lookalike good today

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:34, archived)

Monkeon

Are you a monkey? Is that really a picture of you?

(

Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:42, archived)

that's my mother

I'm 1/2 the size of the smallest monkey.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:44, archived)

Wow!

It mist be tricky to type then - or do you have a teeny-weeny computer and live in a teeny-weeny house?

(

Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:47, archived)

I have human sized hands

so I can type normal.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:52, archived)

are you actually

half-monkey, half-human-hand?

(

AndyK, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:59, archived)

how did you find my

web-cam!
I thought that was for pay only customers.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 5:01, archived)

I also found

your holiday snaps.

(

AndyK, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 5:10, archived)

ah! the worlds smallest

horse. That was a good holiday.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 5:16, archived)

before catching some rays

by the pool

(

AndyK, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 5:29, archived)

Ha,ha, ha

You are too fast. Hail to the photoshop king!

(

Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 5:08, archived)

I keep thinking that

it should be a canary. Like this:

or this:

(

AndyK, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:35, archived)

actually

I think that bottom one is just hideous.

(

AndyK, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:38, archived)

Flying (tiny) Monkeys!

the truth is exposed.

(nautone, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 13:14, archived)

That's hilarious

I can't help but imagine some kind of the teacher at the front of the class going "Hmm, let's see ... the tiniest monkey?" before another kid shouts out "Why have giraffes got purple tongues?" To which the teacher replies "Yes, John I'll be with you in a minute." "Miss? Does a camel's breath smell as bad as a dog's?" "Now, now children . .let's see: the tiniest monkey?" "Miss, do you have any information on the east african bongo?" "Aaargghh!!!"

Teacher has a nervous breakdown.

(milk_explosion, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:21, archived)

i thought this looks tasty

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:29, archived)

this pushed her over the edge...

Do you have any good pictures of raccoons? With both the face and tail showing?–Jessica

(Esteban, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:40, archived)

This is my personal favourite

What type of animal is called a Jennifer? What type of animal is called a Jake?

To which the teacher just looks aghast before managing to utter out the words "You what?"

(milk_explosion, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:58, archived)

How old are cheetahs?

Hahahahahahaahhaahahahaaaaa
haaaaaaaa haaa haaaa

(milk_explosion, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 5:01, archived)

this one is just silly

Some of my classmates and I did a play on capuchin monkeys and one type of butterfly. I was wondering where in the world you can find capuchin monkeys, and all kinds of butterflies.

(Esteban, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:41, archived)

you could train monkeys to do that job...

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:02, archived)

there are some that say I shouldn't make flash stuff with my girlfriend

'cause stuff like this happens.

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 3:28, archived)

I think

that's a reason why you *should* make flash together. There are far more destructive things you could do.

(

AndyK, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 3:33, archived)

well on monday nights

we drown kittens.

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 3:43, archived)

Isnt the butterfly angel

Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran Fame?

(bastardizor, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:37, archived)

no. It's David Sylvian

easy mistake to make - but I'm quite sure. I cut him out from a band shot of Japan. I had to rub out Mick Kahns fingers - they were touching his leg.

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:48, archived)

Aahh Duran Duran

They were my favourite band... I've gone all nostalgic thinking about them..

(

Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:52, archived)

yay. duran duran

I saw them play at the end of last year. it was quite good fun - when they played the hits - rather than stuff from the last 10 years.

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:57, archived)

I'm jealous

But I didn't know they'd done anything in the last 10 years... Simon Le Bon was quite a mover as I remember.

(

Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 5:04, archived)

as 'they' point out quite often

on Rock Profile - they did 'Ordinary World'.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 5:17, archived)

and Come Undone

was pretty good. er.. but you can leave Pop Trash out of the cd player - thanks.

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 5:36, archived)

didn't they do a misjudged cover

of 'white lines' too?

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 5:44, archived)

911 is a joke

was the really odd one. White Lines was kinda OK. Gawd - I have too much 90s Duran in my head.

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 5:54, archived)

quite a mover

for a fat bloke

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 5:36, archived)

can you make a

'space harrier' type game with the butterfly person please???
it would be a lovely spin off.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:13, archived)

if only there was a bunch of freeware flash game engines

I could drop graphics into. That would rock.

(

rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 4:26, archived)

I love

the way you got the sound distorted on everything, even the softy piano bit - props

(oafyuf Horseloaf Horesloafsson, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 17:53, archived)

I have a new friend

She's called Legz.

(

AndyK, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 3:21, archived)

Larry Hagman's Vision

Ugh, this took me all night. I'll animate it later.

(thellama73, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 19:16, archived)

awe-inspiring...

set to a pitch-slipping mix of the dallas theme it would be complete...

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 2:38, archived)

in fact

if you can be bothered to continue with Mr hagman's acid visions, I'll dust off me cubase/acid and have a bash at constructing a soundtrack for it...

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:52, archived)

I found this:

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 15:47, archived)

I call him

Mr Chimp

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 15:53, archived)

fantasticly

silly chimp.

(Esteban, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 15:53, archived)

Hes not silly

he just observes a motorway

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 15:56, archived)

and here's me thinking he was a huge tennis fan

(Sul, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 16:52, archived)

I could see him

licking the sticky part of rolling papers.

(IncoherentDischarge, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 1:22, archived)

I always knew there

was a good use for monkeys.
And when they're done doing that, you can send them out to the shops to buy crisps.

(

AndyK, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 3:22, archived)

is this

his friend?

(Esteban, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 18:10, archived)

Jesus H Christ...

He looks a lot like George Bush.

(Fidel, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 18:13, archived)

My messages

I'm on the decks, not just anything that moves... it's hard to check your messages when you have a MULLETin board.

(Decks, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 15:28, archived)

can anyone

draw me a quick shoe. I need a shoe for my web page. I can't draw with a mouse.

(Esteban, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 14:43, archived)

course you can, fool!

get down with the Bezier, you'll be fine.
what kind of shoe?

(

pep, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 14:46, archived)

I want it to look

hand drawn, if I use the bezier it will look too neat.

(Esteban, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 14:54, archived)

Here is a shoe for you, i drew it, very quickly, honest.

(Naughty Tortoise, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 14:52, archived)

ah hahahahahahahhaaaa

that's the first damn shoe you get to in google! The laziness!
;0)

(

pep, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 14:57, archived)

Come on guys

I really need a shoe here.

(Esteban, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 15:02, archived)

can't you draw it by hand & then scan it in?

I'm sooooo lazy. Also - I'm in osx and I'll have to open classic blah blah to open illustrator 9 and then .. and then.. you know, I'll end up doing some real work.
Oh piss. i have so much to do.
So anyway. What kind oif shoe?

(

pep, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 15:08, archived)

I am lazy too.

Right, where is that pen and paper - wish I had my graphics tab...

I should be watching TV really.

(Esteban, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 15:19, archived)

yes - the type of shoe is a brogue or some sort of smart shoe like that.

(Esteban, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 15:28, archived)

aarggh...

now I've started work.
damn.

(

pep, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 16:29, archived)

yes

also the best, i defy you to find a better shoe

(Naughty Tortoise, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 15:18, archived)

I got this in the post yesterday

(Esteban, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 14:13, archived)

oooooh

I need a couple of spare wigs

(Sul, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 14:15, archived)

Treat your self this

Xmas. Go on, splash out.

(Esteban, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 14:18, archived)

except Kansas and New York?

are they wigs? Why aren't they in the deal? I want a Kansas one - will it make me look like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz?

(

pep, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 14:32, archived)

Why

would anyone want two wigs? is that one for .....'downsatirs' too?

(Naughty Tortoise, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 14:22, archived)

think about it

one for work, one for evening wear. I wonder how you wash them? In the washing machine? Eugh.

(Esteban, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 14:25, archived)

I made a little something with my brother this evening

The noble spirits of fallen Norse Warriors feasting for eternity
do you like it? or is it a load of shyte?

(

crab_bloke), Sun 11 Nov 2001, 13:31, archived)

another

masterpeice, beats the fuck out of Brookside

(Sul, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 13:45, archived)

fucking

sound our Joel

(Naughty Tortoise, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 13:52, archived)

I never realized

that there was an Alex Veitch

(Kimbo, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 17:23, archived)

Triffic stuff

but was that the Blackest Metal you could find?

(Ernest Thesiger, Sun 11 Nov 2001, 19:30, archived)

*gag*

that's. touching. lovely. beautiful.

(

AndyK, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 2:52, archived)

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