"It's important we learn the lessons..."
How come a this is a politician's stock answer to any major cock up? The phrase just means nothing any more, they just trot it out to make it sound like they are doing something proactive after another tragedy caused by missed opportunities and gross incompetence.

Here's a lesson for you: If you are doing your job properly you won't fuck things up in the first place and then you won't have to go on TV trying to awkwardly explain it all away with trite comments like this. This has been proven by scientists with graphs and 9/10 cats preferred it.
( Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:34, 3 replies)

CAD
I teach basic web design, bit of html, bit of css and some photoshop chucked in, also some indesign and illustrator, for some stupid dumb reason this is called CAD as the course leader thinks it is computer aided design and not just bloody basic design.

CAD is making tractors and buildings and stuff.
(bluehamster, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:24, 5 replies)

Go compare! Go compaaaaaare!!!

Prob'ly bindun, too lazy to check

Apologies for length... and for making you all sing that to yourselves for the rest of the day
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:17, 6 replies)

4chan and other internet phrases used in real life
i hate 4chan at the best of times, and when people start saying "winrar!", "fail", "shoe on head" and all that gumph in real life i want to shrink inside myself like a piece of candy floss on a tongue.
( Spunky McPunk not dead yet, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:16, 1 reply)

Banal Statements
Please "Refrain from Smoking"....So I can smoke its just that you disapprove?

"Your Call is Important to us".....So pick the frigging phone up then!
(frightfullybored, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:15, Reply)

I like football,
but I really don't see the bloody point in interviewing the ball chasers at the end of it, unless you want 50 sport orientated phrases and a whole bunch of 'Captain Fucking Obvious' statements all wrapped up in a 2 minute interview where nobody says anything at all of worth. What it all boils down to is basically:
'How do you feel it went'
'Good' OR 'Bad'.



At the end of the day...
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:10, 1 reply)

Pointless euphemisms
Using "Tony Blair" instead of cunt.
Or pronouncing Satan as Baroness Thatcher.
Or saying 'Fair and Balanced' when they mean 'lies and biased'.

Feel free to add your own.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Stupid fucking Americans that say....
...."I feel so blessed"

"Innit?" is another one. Unless you are Sacha Baron Cohen - only then is it allowed.

"Touching base"
You won't touch anything you cunt.

Oh, and using "blud" at the end of sentences is particularly tiresome. To quote Danny Dyer: "What part of me looks like your fucking blood?"
(god_is_a_ghoti Carpe Deum., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:04, 4 replies)

What really annoys me is any variation on the phrase
'Americans are so fat/dumb/annoying'

Lazy, bigotted stereotyping from people who can't be bothered to see beyond their own limited worldview.

Me = Not American.

edit: See above. Because, yeah, it's only Americans that say that...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:02, 3 replies)

With all due respect
I'm now going to rant at you showing you no respect what so ever.
(chilling, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:59, 4 replies)

Maccy D's
Fuckky U.
(Axeman Jim, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:58, Reply)

"Touch Base"
Or any office-type lingo of that sort.

People starting sentences with "At the end of the day", Yeah, but to be fair" and "I'm not being funny but..."

I also dislike people ending sentences with "Do you get me?".

There's a girl in my office whose response is often "Is it?", even if it makes no sense. E.g.
Me: "I'm not religious"
Her: "Is it?"

Although in saying all that, I have realised I'm part of the annoying generation who sprinkle the word "like" in sentences... I hate it but can't stop :-(
( awayfromthenumbers, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:56, 2 replies)

Unnecessary swearing.
And I do mean unnecessary.

If a football slams into your testicles at pace, you are quite justified to exclaim "Oooh, fucking hell, that hurts". If your boss sacks you for something you didn't do, no-one is is going to complain if you refer to him as a "Bastard","Arsehole" or even as a "Fucker". If some random thug on the street gives you a kicking and robs you of your money, you're damn right, the guys a cunt.

What I don't approve of is the use of the most explicit language for the most mundane incidents. If someone (ie: a celebrity, journalist, an aquaintance or a stranger on the street) acts in a way that irritates you, or has different beliefs to you, it doesn't make them "a massive, total, cunt". That is a complete over reaction, it doen't make you look big or clever, or even cool and edgy. It just makes you look like either an uneduacted oik who can't think of an intelligent way to express yourself without swearing, or a drama queen who blows off at the slightest little thing.

"Cunt" used to be a great word, but its overuse has now diluted it to such an extent that it doesn't really shock anymore. Newer words don't have the same pure, raw, one-syllable punch that cunt once had, so think before you swear, think of how it makes you look.
(specialbrew, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:55, 9 replies)

Myself
I can't stand people who refer to themselves as "themselves". That's something that really annoys myself. I'm sure that it annoys yourself as well, and therefore please refer offenders to myself so I can educate themselves to the mutual satisfaction of myself and yourself.

At school, myself had, ironically, an English teacher who would always refer to himself as "myself". Himself went on to have a nervous breakdown, himself.
(Axeman Jim, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:54, 1 reply)

"Clever" responses to polite questions
I was just reading some of the earlier QOTW when I read someone's response to "I hate myself for using the phrase "Could I get..." in shops instead of "Could I have..." or "I would like..."" where some bright spark had replied:

"Whenever people say this to me I reply 'maybe' and then just stare at them as they haven't actually requested anything other than confirmation of a possibility."

What a cock. "Could I have..." could equally meet a smug response of "Maybe", "You could", "That depends if you have the money", etc.

Maybe "Go now shop wench and fetch me..." would be more to you liking?

Sarcastic responses to someone who's basically being polite annoy me. Of course, if someone is being a cunt to you then by all means show your utter contempt for them, but it is not their fault that you didn't work harder at school/hate your job/have the customer service skills of a baboon.

To a lesser extent twats who say things like "Standing here talking to you" when you've asked what they are up to. Fine, you can now stand there talking to nobody you social-retard, that's it think up more lame slights.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:48, 3 replies)

Politicians
"Let's be absolutely clear about this..."

This is a sure indication that a completely meaningless answer to a simple question is to follow. Or more likely, an outright lie.
(eesnahk, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:47, 1 reply)

Ah Ha - Finally somewhere I can complain about this...
...and this being:

American's who say "I could care less"

Do they not realise that they are effectiively saying 'Actually, I do have a certain strength of feeling regarding this subject. And that whilst trying to imply that this means nothing to me I've subtly used a term that, to the thoughtless and ignorant, means I don't give a damn, I've actually suggested that this is a thing that matters to me personally.'

Really - think about it. Once you have thought about it start using the correct term.

And really - I could careless about this. But I don't - I care about it.

See - thats a correct context. Well done.
(Shifty weeeee, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:42, 7 replies)

Listen!
Something that seems quite popular round here, is Listen.
Phone rings "Hello?" "Hi how are you doing? Listen.. I've got a problem with .."

ARGHHH im on a phone! I'm using a one to one audio communication technlogy. Funnily enough I am listening to you!!

It sounds rude too, dont tell me to listen, unless you think i'm ot paying any attention!
(Miggyman, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:18, 4 replies)

lipsmackingthirstquenchingacetastingmotivatinggoodbuzzingcooltalkinghighwalkingfastlivingevergivingcoolfizzing
pepsi.
(Skawt, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:18, 1 reply)

One of the quickest pearosts ever.

People who start sentences with any of the following phrases:

"I'm not being funny but..."
"Not being rude, but..."
"No offence meant, but..."
"I'm not racist, but..."

Any of the above phrases means that you immediately prejudice yourself against me as being a mouth-breathing moron, and I will immediately start hunting for a shitty stick to assault you with.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:17, 3 replies)

If you run your hand up my flagpole,
I'll probably salute.

All over your hymn sheet.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:17, 1 reply)

The "Oh My God" & "Do You Know What" brigade
An unhealthy amount of people start every sentence with these two at the moment & it drives me mad.
I blame Friends.

Also, anyone who uses "reboot" for "remake" is a cunt.
( ERG1008 is climbing in yo windows & snatchin yo people up, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:13, 1 reply)

Learn/Teach
That'll learn you. No it won't! It'll teach you you arsehole.
(Tetley, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:12, Reply)

The expression that annoys me
Is when people say "I must admit".

Please, you really don't have to.

Especially as your self enforced confession is going to be about some inane dribble nobody cares about.

In fact, when you started the conversation with "I must admit" we all guessed it would end with a declaration of your secret liking for a television show or possibly a snack food and zoned out.

Mind you, that all said, I must admit that I watched and enjoyed the first episode of Dr Who the other weekend. Well, the bit with that nice lady dressed as a police kiss-a-gram anyway.
( Dervel OTBC, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:03, Reply)

"Could you send me an invite?"
No. Invite is a verb. If you are so mortally terrified of 4 syllable words that 'invitation' is beyond you, say "Could you invite me?".

"Can we sit down at some point today?" "But I already am sitting down."

This is a little bit off topic, but it's almost appropriate - our Global MD was giving a webinar(!) the other day, introducing our little business to the enormous American conglomerate that has bought us out. He actually, sincerely, and with no trace of self-awareness used the phrase "The world is now truly global". That's through Brent and into Bush territory. Luckily I had my phone on mute as Mr Tourette briefly inhabited my vocal cords...
(Mumm-ra, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:03, 4 replies)

Am I alone here...
...or does it bug the hell out of anyone else that no-one in the X-Men films knows how to pronounce "Xavier" correctly?
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:03, 10 replies)

not corporate cock speak but...
as there's alot of talk about incorrect grammar, when did writing "I would of" instead of "I would have" become acceptable? I know people that actually say this too. Not "would've" but "would of"... in a fucking conversation!!

Riles me the fuck up!
(jedi bastard, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:01, 10 replies)

When people...
.... end a discussion with "it's just one of them innit?"

I'm not sure if's a Manchester thing or not but it makes me want to remove and boil their skin.
(Elmintrude has lumps of it round the back, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:54, Reply)

While we're on the subject of annoying words and phrases
The current Cadbury's ad campaign can fuck right off and do it sideways for extra measure.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 12:48, 2 replies)