'I'm a metal head'
Me: So who are you into?

Them: bullet for my Valentine.

Me: right...

OR

Them: I love drum and bass

Me: Who's your favourite artist?

Them: Pendulum.

Me: I see...
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 19:52, 8 replies)

Sizes

Two aspects to this. Firstly, the above example. We don't all speak Italian - and when I hear a drink being called "grande", then that implies "large". Also the "tall" one: imples "large". So it's extremely misleading that both of these do not in fact mean the largest size.

Secondly - why do food outlets insist on selling things as "Regular", "Large" and "Extra large"? What's wrong with "Small", "Medium" and "Large", eh? Is it somehow a sin to label something as small?

Bloody nonsense marketing. Just call things what they are!
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 19:44, 13 replies)

Liaise
"Maybe he should liaise with someone from the IT department"
Liaise? Liaise? What? I could have a chat. I could have a meeting (if I wanted to bored myself to death). But Liaise? Have a liaison with someone in IT? Maybe with some soft music? With a picnic? On a fucking river bank? Have you just heard a new buzz word and you want to try it out? You fat bearded fuck. Liaise? Get an unpretentious vocabulary you twat!

I've been wanting to get that off my chest for around 10 years. First post as well.
(tall-pants : pants for the tall, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 19:33, 2 replies)

Apologies if this has been covered
but does every F1 racing driver and pundit been pre-programmed to use the clause "For sure" into every single interview/soundbite that they ever get?

It's like they're initiated - "This is the steering wheel, this is the throttle, this is the brake. Now say 'For sure' every time you see a microphone"

Piss at boiling point, and if you follow F1 you'll see and hear it at every opportunity, just like when you buy a new, different car and seemingly all the cars on the road you notice are of your make/model.
(Dr Teeth Who asked you, you fuckin' hobbit?, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 19:24, 1 reply)

The plural of 'text', as in 'text message'
is not fucking 'texes' or 'textses', you absolute gargling cunt. 'Texts' would be right, 'messages' will suffice if that's too hard to pronounce.

/essexboywhoprobablyshouldn'tcaststones
( Dave McF wrote some words on, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 19:19, 5 replies)

'You're joking' - and others..
'Hi, sorry I'm not up to it today, my old dear passed away last night..'

'You're Joking!'

No, I'm not, why would I joke about such a thing?

There are others, however,
Women who refer to you, or others as 'Hun' 'Chick' or 'Babes'

'Chimley' (instead of Chimney)
'Screem' (instead of screen) or
'stuffning' (instead of stuffing at Christmas)

'At the end of the day' - I don't know why that bugs me, it just does.

'Chillaxin' maybe I'm getting old to 'get' the yoof of today, but 'chillaxing' just does'nt sound right.

and finally, those alternative descriptions for someones job, or supervisory position eg.

Team Leader, Representative, Liaison Officer..

'Yeah, been in this job a few years now, I'm a team leader for a waste management company'
'So, you're a binman then?..'
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 18:57, 2 replies)

"Thangyewverymuch"
A word which seems to have replaced punchlines on The Now Show.
(costas, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 18:53, 2 replies)

Glass is Half Full or Half Empty?
Surely it must always be half full? You can't have half of nothing. Unless you mean halfWAY to empty... Hmmm.
( awayfromthenumbers, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 18:48, 6 replies)

"Enjoy your drink" bloody wetherpoons have started this as part of serving in many outlets
It is jarringly odd and makes me think "Why? what have you done to it?".
It brings to mind comedies where some villain has spiked some innocents drink and is saying it to be even more nasty.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 18:41, 1 reply)

EYE
Academics, they should know better really, shouldn't they?

Recently the term 'Viva voce' (Vee-va Voh-chay), roughly meaning spoken exam, has shifted in our universities to just 'viva', pronounced vEYE-va.

It's not a sodding vEYE-va it's a Vee-va voh-chay. As in "Viva, Las Vegas!"
Elvis 1, Recent Academicals 0
( Peapod Has returned to the fold on, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 18:38, 2 replies)

Could/couldn't care less pedants,
herd your eyes this way

www.wisegeek.com/what-does-i-could-care-less-mean.htm
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 18:15, Reply)

anything a politician says
particularly if they've just been asked for a yes or no answer
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:55, Reply)

"Investing in public services"
It's not investment, it's "Spending".
(davywavy, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:52, 4 replies)

I'm not being funny but......
I hate this phrase. What makes it worse is that it's almost always delivered with a stern look and a sense of self perceived wisdom.
(Taunting Lunatics Belming at you since, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:51, 1 reply)

"I've done India"
"I've done Thailand"

Done it all have you? Seen every single part of the country? Nothing left to see?


I hate that expression. Bloody biffs.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:28, 6 replies)

it is very concerning...
i know it makes me sound like some ancient pedant, but i'm so old that i qualify for the title: in order for me to understand any sentence that starts or includes that phrase the speaker really should say worrying or of great concern or something like that. for some reason it puts my teeth on edge. i have no idea why this particular phrase does this but it does. i just want to slap people who use it. that said, i mostly hear it on the today programme (see, i said i was old), mostly by politicians and the windbag interviewers and i would not be sad to see most of them fired into space strapped to the outside of the rocket.
(mrsrowe mrsrowe, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:27, 1 reply)

"Touch your oyster" Not an irritant, just funny,
If my Gran was still alive she would have had a guilty snigger. The repeated " don`t forget to touch your oyster on the way in and on the way out" on the tube rather than oyster card or card,is the thing. This is a very very old euphemism for a ladies front bottom.
Some of the variations sound very silly.

Edit, removed the qualifications, in the past I have been accused of making this up. Nope.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:22, 1 reply)

Hey Boggart
Pass the doobage...
(tingtwatter Eating loads of red meat since, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:05, 1 reply)

"With all due respect"
Can we get the new QOTW please ;)
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:03, Reply)

I believe other people have mentioned it
but I'm including a chart!



Disclaimer: chart found on internet many years ago, creator unknown, but it has helped me to win several arguments about the phrase.
(teff, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:54, 11 replies)

That begs the question
Ok- time to get this off my chest.
If you say that something "begs the question" when you mean "raises the further question" or "prompts the question" then you are revealling yourself to be utterly ignorant with an opinion that can be safely discounted.
"Beg the question" means assuming the conclusion in the premises.
Thanks. I needed that.
(Daoloth, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:42, 2 replies)

Oh yeah, and ironic, or even worse ironical, when they mean inconvenient, contradictory or hypocritical.

I blame Alanis.
(Matty73, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:40, Reply)

People calling ketchup 'red sauce'
makes me want to hurt them.
(Beelzebub's Ball Bag is pleasuring your wife on, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:31, 12 replies)

Outsourced
Haven't had a chance to see if anyone's mentioned it before.

Hateful word. It's a polite word for "We're going to shaft all of our loyal staff, rather royally, get them to train their poorly paid, inexperienced replacements, then heave them out the door with as little compensation as possible". Sad thing is, I've rarely seen a case of this working well. Seems to be that the service delivered is never better and usually of a much lower standard and the company ends up bringing most of the function back in-house as soon as their contract allows them. Still, it keeps shareholders happy for a few minutes, so that means it OK, to fuck about with people's lives.
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:29, Reply)

my boss is Henry Kissinger
My boss, universally known as Pauldemort, must listen to a lot of politics on the radio because he picks up every overused phrase used by all of the politicians. In staff meetings my co-workers tally up the number of times he says the following phrases:

- at the end of the day
- the reality is
- pushing the envelope
- quantum leap

Sometimes he says the first one three times in a single minute.

There'd be a drinking game but no spirits allowed at meetings. And it's hard to work when you've already passed out at 11 in the morning.
(Chronotis, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:27, Reply)

And she turned round and said..
And then he turned round and said... and I couldn't believe it so I turned round and said....

Do people spin round whilst speaking? NO!
I get visions of groups of people getting dizzy whilst talking with all this turning round and round and round!
(Miggyman, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:21, 3 replies)

"Quit following me"
"No means no"
"Rape"
"Oh god help me"
"How could you"
"Number three step forward"

I hate all of those. Usually when in that order.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:15, 5 replies)

A few most hated include:

"Rude boi" as in "aw you is a propa rude boi isnt u"

"thought shower" instead of brain storm. I mean come on, next you won't be able to call anyone a darky, spacca, or Nig...oops almost!
"Voddy and coke"
(sweenbag_2000, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:13, 6 replies)

Two that make me want to kill.
"Girl Power"
What the fuck does that even mean? The complex subjects of Feminism and Gender Politics distilled down to a moronic phrase that pissed teenage girls can scream at each other.
"Having a laugh" as in "I was only having a laugh."
No you weren't. You were behaving like a cunt and you are astonished that anybody called you on it.
(Big D, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 16:10, Reply)