On behalf of haku...
this is a good example of why you shouldn't get DVDs from eBay.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 4 Jan 2008, 18:30, Reply)

i quite like my
knock off south park pillow, where all of the characters are different colours :)
(iamdean!x, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 18:18, Reply)

i know
i'm a stuck up snob, but i always believe you get what you pay for. if you want it, it's always worth spending as much as you can afford (or about ten times more in my case, usually). this is esp true for bras and shoes.

however, the bedshitter did not agree. there are ducks swimming around with looser arses than that guy. bedding for a fiver that had only male prestuds and a hole in the middle (to be fair he was only going to shit all over it). holidays only in hotels with two stars or less. shoes for £7.50 from brixton market that had worn through before the end of the street...

also we once had a house christmas party where we set a £1 limit for presents "as a laugh". i decided noone would stick to this and bought really nice things for the other girls. er, no. the laugh was on me as they unwrapped really nice champagne or perfume.

i unwrapped: a pink plastic ring (that looked like a dog's bottom and turned my finger purple for weeks); a fake stethoscope (wtf? i wouldn't even ruin a naughty nurse outfit with that piece of shit); a 99p impulse sample spray (what about the other penny, you tight bitch) and, worst of all, a pack of post-it notes. clearly robbed from work.

also i missed last week's qotw, but would like to say that the dumbest most painful thing i have ever done to myself is to succumb to that awful stomach virus whilst spending christmas in antigua. HUMPH. 3 days barfing up water and stomach lining is not the best way to spend time in the caribbean...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 18:15, 5 replies)

Bootleg Ipod.
I knew full well it wasn't real. But I didn't care because it was only £20 plus p&p.

What I wasn't prepared for was a terrible user interface and it having an abnormally small jack socket so I had to use the SHITE pre-packaged headphones which gave up after about 10 minutes of use.

I now have an iaudio jobby, it's the tits.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 17:45, Reply)

Poundland goodies
A few months ago I was on a rather long camping trip and the button came off one of my favourite trousers. Since I was living in a tent I needed to find a sewing kit somewhere, and Poundland had one which seemed adequate for one button.

Except it didn't have any needles. There was a little container for the needles which it was supposed to contain, but it was empty. Unfortunaterly it had been quite a trek, and going back to argue with Poundland would be more effort than it was worth. Somehow I managed to use the needle threader to get the thread through the fabric, it's not like it was much use for anything else!

To their credit, my best find in Poundland was a card reader, which to my amazement actually works on my mobile phone's memory card. I've used it loads of times and it's still better than Bluetooth which spazzes out after transferring about 2 photos. I still can't believe Poundland sold me a useful computer-age piece of technology for £1 and it wasn't remotely shit.
(GothicTechie, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 17:44, 2 replies)

Freeveiw
Living in a house of student, we needed a decent telly system. Got a hand me down that worked fine, but wanted freeveiw. Cheap housemate (buys everything on eBay, EVERYTHING) gets a cheap freeveiw box, which we gave him our share for.

The sound or picture would skip every few seconds, oddly on the punchlines to any jokes. Spent m onths woundering why people were laughing at topgear.
(Mong goose, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 17:17, 1 reply)

Tin opening.
I bought a tin opener from our local shop for about 49 pence and it literally fell to pieces while open it's 3rd tin.

I wouldn't mind but it's not exactly meant to be used for anything other than opening tins and it couldn't even do that...even for 49p.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 17:10, Reply)

During Euro 96
when the Three Lions song was being rammed down everyones throats, my friend (ahem...) bought an England shirt from Romford market.

It had two lions.
( Farmfoodsman, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 17:03, Reply)

Ebay packard bell laptop
Words to strike fear in anyone. Bought it, it was awful. Could fry an egg on it after 5 minutes use, felt cheap and horrible. Luckily I got shot of it as unsuitable, but cost £40 postage. Bloke flogging it was nice enough though.
( Greenbat, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:59, Reply)

I've actually picked up some great stuff.
For about 50p, I managed to buy a lovely retractable craft knife (stuffed with tissue-wrapped extra blades) from a street vendor. Made by "Runii" (apparently Chinese).

It's made from heavy, high-quality plastic, unlike the violently expensive ones I bought from proper hardware stores over the years.

The blade sits securely in a metal sleeve inside the grip, which prevents the blade from lopping off your fingers if the plastic should split. Which does happen if your cutter is poor quality.

There's a famous (among craft types) Japanese brand of blade called an NT Cutter. It is well renowned and of a truly high quality standard. I have owned one, it was stolen. My cheap blade is actually better.

Oh, and it has a nifty locking system that doesn't require the twisting of an (easily lost) screw.

I may be overselling it, but if you ever encountered the nightmare that is a razor-sharp cutter with a poor housing and failed locking mechanism, you will understand my joy.

I've also bought a lot of padded zip-up CD carriers (plastic sleeves inside) from tat shops. They work, they're cheap. They protect my porn stash.

A lovely little keyring with an very bright LED bulb that has really saved my bacon once or twice. It also has a little compass which seems to work. I suspect that I will never need the compass except for some hare-brained office exercise or similar.

A little manicure set I keep in my desk. It works, repeatedly clipping off annoying hangnails and neatening breaks. It cost less than a can of Coke.

So, yes, most of the stuff you buy from these shops is crap. But you can usually see it's crap before you buy it, and with care, some of the stuff you can acquire is a top notch bargain.

Bravo China!
(Ladyfingers is in your wardrobe,, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:57, Reply)

Not really cheap tat
Just remembered this one. When I was rather younger than I am today, one fine afternoon, mummy Blue came home pleased as punch having found a real bargain: a pair hightop trainers for a fiver. I can't remember the make, but these were the real deal, not some cheap knock offs. I couldn't work out how she got them so cheap, until I tried them on...

I was rather excited with my new unannounced gifts and spent ages getting the laces just right. Then came the moment of truth: trying them on...

The first shoe went on without any problem at all, but for some reason the other one was rather tighter. I bet you can guess where this is going... Yes she had bought a size 5 and a size 6. I kept them for years at the back of my wardrobe; hoarder that I am.
(Blue_in_Exile, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:54, Reply)

Cheap Great Crap
Sometimes, just sometimes, it can pay off.
I've been buying hyundi batteries (yes) at 15 for a quid for ages and they are great. Obviously not as long lasting as duracell, but you would be surpised, and at the cost they are far better than other batteries.

Ive also bought a MMC USB card reader that is small and works perfectly, that has saved me lots of time and effort! For one pound!
(Orkran Mild Euphoria Ensues, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:52, 2 replies)

Anyone unfortunate enough...
To know the London suburb of Sutton, might know the auto dealer/spares shop 'Larry's Shack'.

They once had a Jaguar on sale for £100.

Some chums and I were tempted. Buy it, thrash it for the night, dump it.

Went past Larry's again a few weeks later, it still hadn't sold. Now reduced to £50.

Couple of weeks later, £30.

The last time we saw it, bearing in mind it was a Jag and, according to the blurb written on the suprisingly intact windscreen, "A good runner", it had been reduced once again.

To £6.

The motoring equivilent to trying to catch a bullet with your teeth.
( sir_spicious2000 Crap I've watched: www.filmplop.blogspot.com/, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:52, 2 replies)

No funny stories about me...
I've bought tat a few times, but my stories tend to be frustrating rather than funny..

However, a friend is different. We'd been up Oxford Street all day, as we both had a few quid to spend, so wanted something nice.

He saw one of those crap "auction" places. You know the sort. You bid on all sorts of brand names, get given your goods in a black bag, and get told not to open the bag until you leave the shop, and they invent some sort of excuse to stop you.

I was saying the whole time it was a scam. He was convinced it wasn't. He had been looking for a new camera, and the auctioneer got out a brand new Pentax SLR, and started the bidding at £20.

I was saying "Don't bid", but he did, as did one other person. My friend eventually paid £50 for the camera.

This would have been a good deal, if the camera had been a Pentax. We got outside the shop, and opened the bag. Saw the cheapest looking camera I have ever seen. It can't have been worth more than £10.

He, being scared of his Girlfriend's reaction, gave the camera to me. When I got home, I threw it in my wardrobe and forgot about it.

A couple of years later, I was clearing out the wardrobe, and found the camera. It went in the skip.
(Ok, I'll get me coat, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:49, Reply)

Cheap weddings don't always end up in disaster.
My parents got married in a registry office, and they've been together for 25 years.

The poor bastards.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:40, 1 reply)

Expensive tat
A neighbour of mine bought a very shiny new Porsche once. It cost him a fortune, looked lovely, and was just about light enough for my £30 Volvo to tow to the Porsche garage every couple of weeks.

Length of car: 4.3m, length of oily dribbles: most of Great Western Road.
(gordonjcp, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:38, Reply)

my pal bought a load of condoms from the 99p store as stocking fillers one christmas....
never again...

3 friends 3 morning after pills.
(rossydizzle, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:36, Reply)

Two Of My Best Friends Are Identical Twins...
Now, after completing his degree one of these twins (who we shall call Ben, for that is his name) went travelling around the world, whilst the other (who we shall call Danny for a similar reason) stayed at home. And so, around 10 months ago he planned his trip. He would set off for South America, where he would spend a few months travelling from country to country before carrying on to Asia where he would fly to Japan for a while with the aim of finishing in Taiwan for one week before flying home. Everything had been planned and budgeted for. He had had all of the correct injections and immunisations and got all the right equipment, and so it was with an eager anticipation that he set off on his travels.

However, upon arriving in South America he realised that things were a lot cheaper than he had anticipated. Infact, by staying off the main tourist routes and staying in cheap hostels he soon realised that his trip wasn't going to be nearly as expensive as he'd alotted for. Indeed the single most expensive things were the regular trips to Internet Cafe's to keep in contact with everyone at home. And things remained that way all the way to Japan where he found himself in a sea of cheap consumer and electronic goods, with enough money left over to get whatever the hell he felt like.

Noticing how cheap everything seemed to be, and the veritable plethora of choice available he decided to go online and ask his brother if he wanted to bring anything back for him, and after careful consideration Danny settled in typical style on... Japanese porn. It was agreed that Ben would buy the porn, and that Danny would give him the money for it when Ben got back in the country.

And so the splurge began. He bought a digital camera that was twice the spec that you'de get over here for the same price. He bought an Optimus Prime with little magnets in the fingers so that it would grip its gun when you put it in its hand. He bought a digital video camera, a mini hard-drive the size of a credit card and so it goes on. But despite this, he still had a lot of spare cash to go to Taiwan with. And so, after spending month after month in little shitty hostels, he decided to go out with a bang and booked himself into the most expensive hotel he could afford for the last week.

Now, just like in a film, we cut to Danny's porn:

Once back in the country Ben had charged Danny the princely sum of 50p for said porn, that unlike most had not come in a case as such, but instead in a plastic wallet. Nor had it got a title on the disk itself. But Ben had said he'd bought it from a street vender, since it was cheaper and so nothing more was thought about it. And so, Danny set himself up. Disk in the DVD player...check, knob in hand...check, play button pressed...check. And so, he settled down to a good old wanking session. The quality wasn't top notch, and he could see his reflection in the screen, but it'd do for 50p. Soon his boy custards would be flowing. That is until about 10 minutes in... when he realised that he wasn't wearing any jeans...but his reflection was!

Turns out that Ben had totally forgotten about the porn until the last night in Taiwan, and rather than admitting to this, had decided to use his new video camera to film the hotel porn from the TV. Little did he know however that the camera had picked up his reflection from the screen when he had decided to watch it himself, and so for a good ten minutes Danny had been watching a porno of his own brother merrily tossing away. And that was the worst 50p he'd ever spent.
( Furness, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:31, 8 replies)

my mother
Ah, the 80s. When I was at school, there were strict regulations about what was cool and what was not. if you wanted attractive girls to acknowledge your existence, or to avoid daily bullying, you had to have Farah trousers (or golfing jumpers), Sergio Tacchini or Kappa tracksuit tops and Puma trainers.

I begged my mother for such things but she naturally pointed out that being a badly-dressed geeky nobhead was character building and that girls would like me for my personality (was she ever young?). So instead she used to buy me rip-offs from the local street market and tried to convince me that they were the same thing.

I recall having a golfing jumper manufactured by Gino Ginino or Paolo Bidet or some such shite that was to Farah what a skateboard is to a Ferrari. I looked like Ronnie Corbett and was laughed put of school. But I was soon back with a pair of Puna trainers, which looked ever so like Puma trainers if you squinted and pretended you were braindead. And had never heard of Puma.

But the nadir was when she bought me a pair of real (second-hand) Farah trousers - only ten sizes too small and in the colour "dysentery." No problem - using her seamstress skills, she cut out a triangle of material from the back and inserted a black triangle of elastic so that they would fit my waist. And make me look like a fucking retard.

It's her fault I was a virgin until I was 21.
(frankspencer, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:19, 10 replies)

Razors
I bought thirty Poundland razors for--guess how much?--that's right, a pound. Bugger those expensive ones. Seriously, what difference can there be between a razor that costs three pence, and one of those fancy ones where the replacement blades cost a king's ransom?

A lot, it turns out.

They had no lubrication strip, and one blade. Gent's ones in black, ladies' in pink. Obviously I went for the ladies' one.

I then made possibly the biggest mistake of my life. I decided to shave my minge with one of my remarkably cheap purchases. Perhaps this would be a good answer for last week's QOTW, because one should never shave one's minge with a Poundland razor. One will be left with a horrific red rash and, bizarrely, most of the hair still remaining.

Did I learn my lesson? Of course not, I'd spent a hard-earned pound on thirty of the fuckers. It was like a game of Russian Roulette. Some were sharp, some were rather like shaving with a spoon. My legs now look like those of a miserable goth because of the number of Poundland-induced wounds.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:12, 14 replies)

Coach holidays
To Disneyland Paris. We stayed in an industrial estate motel for four days.

Yay for working class parents.
( its_hatorah_bitch is b3ta the devil you know on, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:07, Reply)

Cheap T-Shirts from the market
I can't remember how much they were, but they were ridiculously cheap. At those sorts of prices, I could wear them once and throw them away, so I didn't really mind if they shrunk or disintegrated the first time I washed them.

But I hadn't banked on them not being dyed with colourfast dyes, and I washed them with some of my decent clothes. The result, predictably enough, was that my decent clothes ended up pink.

It's pretty obvious with hindsight, isn't it?
( Horatio P Lemming, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:05, Reply)

My grandad recently bought a coat from a charity shop...
He came to my house beeming with delight and showed off his new coat. For starters, he said it was real leather when it was obviously some cheap plastic crap that had never seen a cow.

Then he stated it was "designer" proudly. Now I know oldies aren't famed for their style but he looked like an eastern European taxi driver in a deep communist winter.

He said after buying it he put his hands in the pockets and pulled out about ten plastic bags from every pocket and gave them back to the shop.

To finish, the coat had dandruff. For whatever reason as he walked he left a gently fluttering trail of white powdery stuff - I really do dread to think.

Needless to say he's chuffed to bits with it...
(pubic_alopecia, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:03, 2 replies)

Archie the bear - worse than useless.
I think it was under a tenner, which as kids toys go these days is pretty cheap, but Archie the bear turned out to be the most annoying toy known to man.

To describe him: He has plush arms and legs but a solid plastic body with three buttons on the front. Pressing any of the buttons wakes him up, and he doesn't have a timeout - he'll go on forever until you squeeze his paw.

This doesn't sound too bad until the thing ends up in the bottom of the toy box. One slight shift of stuff and one of the front buttons gets pressed, causing the little furry bastard to sing and chatter away until you dig through all of the other toys to find him and then squeeze his paw. After this had happened about half a dozen times, we got rid of it.

I've seen them on sale quite recently, so they're still out there. Parents beware.
( Horatio P Lemming, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:02, 1 reply)

cheapest wedding ever
About 90 quid for the licence/ceremony.
£220 for two rings (mine is steel and cost £30).
£60 for her dress.
Reception about £15 (cups of tea with cake on Brighton beach.)

I have a colleague who paid £10,000. He'll be paying it off for the next five years.
(frankspencer, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:01, 10 replies)

My wife
she cost seven pounds + P&P from thait-brides.

within a week her cock fell off
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 15:46, Reply)

Pound land drill bits...
...are apparantly made from cheese.

I was trying to drill a hole into the kitchen from outside... the drill bits had no tips on them after about 1 inch.

You gets whats yous pays for and all that.
(SillyMoo, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 15:45, Reply)

There's a few stories on here about hideous clothes we had to wear when we were kids...
My ex-stepdad used to be like that.

I'd get a new coat for Christmas and then be told I wasn't allowed to wear it "cos it's for best".

Then I'd have to wear hideous hand-me-down clothes and let my nice new stuff grow steadily too small in the back of my wardrobe O_o

I mean, seriously: what's the point of that?
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 15:43, Reply)

More shoddy pliers
Pound land pliers.

When using them to try and straighten some part of my old lawn mower they snapped in two sending a large sharp peice of metal flying past my head, narrowly missing my eye.

On the plus side there was a nice whooshing sound as it flew past so it wasnt all bad.
(SillyMoo, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 15:43, Reply)

MD 20/20
It's super cheap & SUPER skanky!!

I once bought some as a desparate teen but NEVER, NEVER, EVER again!
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 15:39, 9 replies)