Jordan / Katie Price
I know i'm not the only one, in fact I hope after recent events we all hope she goes the same way as Jade Goody, but what is, or ever was, the attraction with this thing?

I've met both her and Peter, at seperate events way before they met each other and I can honestly say I'd rather stick my willy in his mouth whilst he's gargling hornets than ever have to be stuck in the same room as her again whilst every other man tries to chat her up and she has the nerve to turn them down.

Apologies for the lack of punctuation, but then this is a rant
( A Rory Borealis here under duress, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 8:21, 4 replies)

Windows
I just don't get why people would pay to have something on their computer that renders it almost useless.

When you turn the thing off, you should be able to walk away. Instead on my work machine (where I have to use the sodding crap), I have wait 20 minutes just to make sure it actually turns off.

Then sometimes, in the middle of using it, it badgers me to 'update' - I postpone for as long as it will let me, then it does it anyway. Then it makes me stop what I'm doing while it forces me to reboot the bloody thing.

...and the worst thing is, people pay money for this 'experience' and tie themselves into expensive 'upgrades' - upgrades that more-often-than-not will render half your hardware obsolete forcing you to spend even more money replacing it.

Nope. I just don't get why most of the world actually chooses to use it when there are so many alternatives that don't do the things I have mentioned and actually let you get on with working.
(dchurch bah, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 8:13, 6 replies)

Vic and Bob.
Never got it. Never found it funny, more infantile than funny.

"I know, let's make a show where we coo at a carboard dove and all shout "the dove from above" - people will love it, it's comic genious."

...and Vic still owe's me a pint.
(dchurch bah, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 7:56, Reply)

Jobby
people who take their work home with them. you're not at work anymore, stop boring me by talking about it.
(injektilo smoking the weed that killed elvis, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 7:43, 1 reply)

Hair-Shirt Hamburgers
I'm posting this from my blog, since it fits the question. People go nuts about some expensive hamburger joint, but I find most of them inedible.
____________________________

It's interesting how the laws of form and function do not apply to gourmet food. Gourmet hamburgers, in their attempt to appear to be a kind of handheld cornucopia, are almost impossible to eat with your hands. So much produce spills out of them while you eat that you need a knife and fork to clear your plate. The worst part, however, is the near insistence on the use of hard, crusty rolls.

Crusty rolls are the product of a mentality that regards food as better the more physically punishing it is to consume. Hearty chunks of fibre stuck inextricably in your teeth, gums abraded near to bleeding by the carborundum crust, flour all over your face and clothes, and filling squeezed out the back due to the rigidity of the fucking thing. Texture is fine and dandy, but sandwich something soft between two crackers and see if it stays there when you bite into the little bellows you've just created. And it's nearly impossible to tear puffy wholewheat rolls apart without a grimacing, messy gymnastics routine.

Also, whoever gave trendy eateries the suggestion that it was a good idea to replace lettuce with rocket deserves a herbal enema administered with a fucking firehose, although I suspect they'd enjoy that. When the garmish overpowers the flavour of the patty and sauce, your hamburger has failed.
(Ladyfingers is in your wardrobe,, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 7:03, 5 replies)

People
who, while driving, feel the need to swerve left before turning right, and vice versa.
It does not serve a purpose of any sort.
Where did these cunts get their license and where did they pick up the idea?

Where?
(JTR JTR, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 6:57, 4 replies)

Tribalism
You know - this team vs that team, red vs blue whatever.

I know simple brains might cope better with binaries I just don't get blindly supporting something no matter what.

And don't expect me to watch their mighty struggles on the tele
(schrodingers cat now you see me, or not, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 6:36, Reply)

Work...
I mean I get the whole "need money to eat" thing, but those people who say they'd still go to work if they won lotto? Nope, just don't get it.
( difficultchild, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 6:06, 2 replies)

QOTW Off Topic.
I mean, really, I just don't see the attraction of a /talk for crybabies.
And that business with the Home Sweet Home pictures too.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 16 Oct 2009, 5:58, 4 replies)

With shit clothes
at fashion shows..
fair enough if its like sensible clothing,dress or somthing, but when you see people walking down the catwalk with a circle and a small pentagon of fabric on.. whats the point? you'd never wear it anywhere else..
(Bludfoot rushing out since, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 5:54, Reply)

Grown adults
...fawning over Japanese cartoons.

They're CARTOONS. They're not "anime", or fifteen other pretentious Martian ways to say it, they're ANIMATED PICTURES! Forms of entertainment! They're not insights into mysterious Oriental (god, I hate that word too) culture for you obnoxious fuckers to gnaw at like a bunch of lions fighting over a deceased antelope in a race to see which of you can think up the most hackneyed explanation for why there are women in leather bras and spiked green hair carrying automatic weapons and space robots. They keep children entertained so they bug their parents to go buy them plastic toys. That's all!

The international media spends hours and rivers of ink to ooh and aah over this mass-produced crap and people can't get enough of it. I don't get it. What is the appeal? Is it because of the exotic squiggly writing? Is it because cartoon women are more approachable than the real ones? Does it make you feel unique and underground?

Someone please point me in the right direction -- preferably toward a running wood chipper -- because if I hear one more word about Naruto Yayoi Hentai Bukkake Pokemon the 3rd, I'm going to start stabbing kittens. I mean it.
(The 2-Belo OH SHI--[Sound of impact][End of recording], Fri 16 Oct 2009, 5:21, 8 replies)

Sorry, I'm going to sound sanctimonious here
but I don't understand the attraction in not being able to understand that one man's meat is another man's poison.

I mean, I empathise with a lot of the posts in this QoTW, because a lot of what people think is shit, I think is shit as well.

However, if it's not actually hurting anyone - sod it, go for it. If spending your life on World of Warcraft or going to see X Factor Live or modding your Nova floats your boat - you do it.

Frankly, we're fucking lucky we have the choice what to like and dislike. There's something out there for everyone now - we can pick and choose our entertainments and friends and foods and sexual stimulations.

Have your prejudices by all means but someone is not a cunt, or an idiot, for liking something you don't. Saying any activity you don't like is a waste of time misses the point somewhat; it's not your time that others waste.

Not liking the majority of what passes for popular culture doesn't make you a better person - and it needn't make you a bitter one, either...
( I_Was_Mordred, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 5:16, 13 replies)

Burtonry
I sincerely doubt this is going to be a popular opinion, but Tim Burton is without a doubt one of the biggest hacks to ever (dis)grace the silver screen. Pretty much everything the man touches turns into a masturbatory attention-grab in which he abandons plot in favour of gratuitously wanky visuals and Danny Elfman scores (which, I grant you, are usually pretty good). Of course, because he's so 'offbeat' and 'quirky' people -- especially people my age, and even more especially girls my age that I happen to be dating -- flock to him like he shits gold.

To anyone who argues otherwise, I direct you to the Batman films. He had two shots at it. In the first, we were treated to a goddamn Prince song smack bang in the middle (plus Jack Nicholson's Joker, which is also horribly overrated); in the second, you need look no further than the Red Triangle Gang -- a team of acrobats. ACROBATS. In Gotham City. By the time Joel Schumacher and his benippled Bat Suit got to the scene, there wasn't much dignity left to lose. All this, and they came freakishly close to letting him ruin a Superman movie as well. And what about Edward Scissorhands? If that's not a Mary-Sue tale of the po' little misunderstood artistic boy who finally gets to stab the popular-but-cruel jock right in his evil little heart, I don't know what is. Quirky doesn't necessarily equal interesting, but it seems that no one's mentioned this to him yet.

So yeah. Tim Burton? No, thanks.
(Ellinikos contains a source of phenylalanine, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 5:15, Reply)

This is probably not politically correct
but, fuck it..........

What I can't stand are those Muslim's, mainly women but, quite a few men who used to be normal people. They never used to really care what religion they had been born into and they only had the loosest of connections to it. Then some religious zealots fly planes into a couple of buildings or blow up busses and kill shit loads innocent people and they seem to feel the need to suddenly become all Muslimafied.

They start wearing burkas to work and need to stop in the middle of a meeting to go and wash their feet and have a pray in a language they don't understand. They can't work on Fridays because that is their sabbath but, they still expect Sundays off too. They bring in the anti discrimination board when the office Christmas decorations go up, but offer them a sandwich in daylight during Ramadan and it's a jihad against your entire family for not respecting their religion. Suddenly their Christian friends who they used to hang around with are infidel scum and they can only hang out with other Muso fuckwits. All of a sudden the bacon and egg role they used to eat for lunch is the food of the devil and they launch a campaign against the local chippy for not serving halal fish.

And then the normal people are accused of discriminating against them when we don't bend over backwards to accommodate their new found allegiance for Allah or vilifying then when we find their conversations of sympathy and understanding for the terrorists distasteful.

Honestly it gets on my wick.

I also feel the same way about over the top right wing Christians and other religion infused cocks but, at least they only try to convert you.

Let me lay down while you put on your boots, it will save time.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 4:25, 15 replies)

sleep
i can't sleep now, it's fucked, now i'm understanding people who get fucked.... honestly now i'd say... put me to sleep. i never before understood being put cold to sleep. i envy you all....


kill me, or at the very least, just put me to sleep


the continued awake now has started to hurt... just help me a wee bit... sleep is good and nice and gentile... share it....
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 4:19, 1 reply)

I dont get
Fat Goths

People who love going to church

Men who dont like anal sex with a lovely lady

The Killers

Any show that is "on ice"

Men that think a posh phone will get them laid

Women who sleep with men just cos they have posh phones.

Australian "bitter"

The Krankies

Barak Obama.
( Beejay Proper old bastard, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 3:15, 3 replies)

Will Ferrell
Just don't get why people think he's funny. Leaves me completely cold.
(Thomas_The_Spankengine, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 3:02, 1 reply)

murdering prostitutes
So.Been.Done.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 2:55, 1 reply)

fat fuckers in track suits

( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 2:43, Reply)

10 pages in 12 hours
really?

WTF is that all about?
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 2:17, Reply)

Life
Sorry, but I just don't get it. Fuck all this.

I took a whole bottle of Valoron about 20 minutes ago. Cheers guys, it's been fun. See you soon.
(Tiktock Beating off flamers with a shitty stick, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 1:15, 15 replies)

Okay..
People who wink at you whilst telling you a shit joke.

People who pretend to be 'wacky' and then regurgitate up what ever shite has filtered through the wretched remains of their inner skull in the last 24 hours. Such as 'Waaaazaaaaap' 'Doh!' or 'I don't belieeeve it!'

Ringtones. All of them.

English people who play American football.

Twats who live their life by status updates.

Olives.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 1:04, 7 replies)

Bindun but...
Religion.

I don't understand how people who can otherwise be intelligent, be duped into worshipping a giant man in the sky or having good "karma" so they can be reborn as a super-models tampon.

How is it that Christians, Jews and Muslims seem to believe they have a "peaceful" God (Except of course for the warring minority within each religion) When HE in every scripture orders the massacre of millions of people, another interesting fact to note about this, is that satan, the great evil doesn't actually kill anyone.

I kind of understand why European pagans worshipped nature, but then where the hell did human sacrifice come from? What possible good could come from removing people from the earth in the name of Woden?

Buddhists and Hindus, Religions of pity, they work by assuming that they are better than everyone who is not of their persuasion, so that everyone else gets reborn as a dog turd, while they get reborn as a Golden Lotus or a Cow. So as an act of goodwill, they give you moeny or something else because it will increase their "good karma", this is a paradox, because you're being selfish, and wait a moment, that's "bad karma" open your eyes you mongs.

Even atheists get my goat, I don't care if you don't believe in God, just fuck off and let me go through life without going to your stupid rally whilst vaguely applying Nietzche's work to your goals, you egotistical prick.
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 1:03, 6 replies)

Exactly the same as Smaug
Ricky Gervais. Lesbian pr0n. Going into a crowded bar, purely because it's crowded


hate them all

Ok, I'm up for maybe a bit of the pr0n, just as long as they don't look like Huffty.
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 0:57, Reply)

I hate bowling.
Despise it. Would rather babysit a family of skunks than go bowling. In fact, skunks would provide me with a lot more entertainment. I think they'd behave like a cross between a cat and a rabbit. I'd love to have a skunk. I'd make friends with it, feed it carrots, and we'd sit and watch Bones together, cause any skunk of mine is going to be crazy about David Boreanaz.
Who is also, btw, WAY cooler than bowling.

fucking bowling.
(fai is rocking khaz modan server as of, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 0:56, Reply)

Please would someone explain?
Fake breasts. I honestly do not understand the attraction of them.

1) They stand out like they are made from plastic.

2) They are made from plastic.

3) They feel like rocks.

4) You can't squeeze them.

So.. what is the attraction?

Just face it, slim girls tend to be less well endowed. If she is a size 6 (that's 0 for 'Merkins, because you are all, without any exceptions, clinically obese) she will be less well endowed than a curvy size 10 or 12. Unless of course she is that one in a million. In which case, well played.
(jshaftoe, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 0:52, 15 replies)

Noticing most people think the title of this QOTW is "list all the things that annoy me", rather than what's been asked
however I will answer this as close to the brief as I can.

Now, I hate, no..loathe something that everyone else seems to love. I've been branded a freak and an outcast for this loathing, and nobody seems to share my distaste of this gruesome foodstuff.

My loathing?

crisps

Fucking hell where do I start?

1) The smell.

I'm sorry but they smell...awful. Rotten. Biblically rank..
Not just the cheap ones full of MSG and chemicals, but the "posh" ones too. The really do honk. People seem to be able to scoff them down and have a polite conversation whilst reeking of pickled onion and spare rib. They make your clothes and breath smell terrible. Am I really the only person not to be able to stand the odour of them? And Natchos with dip? Fuck right off, especially now they infest cinemas nationwide. I won't have them in my car.

2) The sound

I can't stand the crunching and smacking sound people make while eating them. I'm sorry but it's really annoying. Million times worse than popcorn.

3) The habits

Eating the dregs of the bag by tipping the bag into their mouths...ripping it fully open to make a makeshift plate..giving the empty packet to the dog to lick clean...

EWW EWW EWW!!!

4) Marketing

"British sea salt and organic malt vinegar, slowly oven roasted..." FUCK OFF! Salt and Vinegar!!

Sorry guys, I know crisps are a staple foodstuff to most people, but they do indeed leave me cold.

*awaits inevitable backlash*
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Fri 16 Oct 2009, 0:44, 9 replies)

Homeopathy.
What a sack of lies.

I also don't understand what people see in:
Cosmetic Surgery.
Christ on a bike, why do people do it? A cross-section [haha, pun] of the human race seems to be bent on making themselves all look exactly the same. Like a human version of McDonalds, I suppose. One Taste Worldwide...

Electric Cars.
They're still going to run on mostly non-renewable electricity, for fexake. And get a green-painted one too while you're at it, that'll save an extra forest or two while assuaging your throbbing eco-guilt a little more.

Really cheap & nasty food.
Why do we devalue our food so much that it becomes little more than edible rubbish? Only a minority (mostly the rich) used to be obese, now look at us. Remember, the food's half price - now you can buy twice as much!

The BNP.
I really don't see how any human being with more than a few seconds of education and a suggestion of any common sense can even consider having ANYTHING to do with these ignorant specimens.

Mobile 'Phones.
Every time you buy a new mobile, an African child is made homeless and provided with a nice AK-47 free of charge. Just as long as he kills his parents with it.
OK, that was a cruelly sweeping generalisation, but you get the idea.
(Connor Lingus is running this monkey farm now, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 0:37, 4 replies)

I kinda feel like victor meldrew but here goes....
kylie fucking minogue, ugly, horse faced convict, just because she got her arse & tits out in a video doesnt make her fit.

when "out on the town", going into a bar and asking for a pint of bitter and paying £4 for a pint of cold, creamy shit that is so bland i could be drinking water for all i know.

these spotty little oiks with multi coloured pants showing above their jeans - pull them fucking up!

peter andre.

lost. a polar bear? in a jungle? what?

exercise.

BMW's.

festivals - standing in a field full of shit, mud & piss, straining to see some band, no thanks.

Australia. Everyone talks like theyre always asking a question and the country is full of things waiting to bite you whilst you shit.

Cars. I dont care how long it takes to get from 0-60 or how many horses it has "under the hood". If it moves, it doesnt breakdown and it keeps me dry and warm, thats fine by me.

facebook. keep in touch with people you barely spoke to at school - great.

Fried eggs. I really want to like them but after the yolk has gone, im just not interested.

Alton towers. £30+ quid to spend most of the day queing, and all so you can get driven around a glorified train track for 90 seconds.

Sex and the city. Four women who like drinking, spending time with their mates and shagging. riveting.

Walking. As an activity. It is merely a form of transport, nothing else.

Dogs. They shit, dribble and moult everywhere. Theyre are not the same as having kids - if my dog was "crying" at 3am in the morning, i'd kick it outside, social services however frown upon this if you do the same with kids.

friendly neighbours. I want to be able to walk to my car or cut my grass without having to engage in puerile small talk, just because our houses are next to each other.

organic food. its been grown in shit but it costs twice as much.

all american "comedies", friends being the worst culprit.

sambuca. its just plain nasty.

Premiership football. Non league is "where its at". real football, with real players and real fans.

comic fucking relief. dont come to me, asking for a quid to sponsor you whilst you do a sponsored wank or something, and then look offended when i say no. I contribue to charities, of my choosing, every month, not once every two years like you do so, dont try and make feel like a cheap skate.

Salad. It always looks nice but no matter how many times I eat it, I always expect it to taste nice, only to discover I'm chewing soggy paper.

Summer. Maybe suffering from hayfever doesnt help but you cant win - we either have a decent summer in which case you spend 3 months having a permanently sweating arse crack and ball bag, or its a washout and you spend 3 months waiting to use your barbecue.

Reducing my carbon footprint. I dont care if the planet ends up imploding, as long as it doesnt happen in the next fifty years, so I can shuffle off in peace. It'll be the kids' problem, once theyve solved the problem of clothes that fit & talking properly, they can sort out their planet.

I think im done.
(Singo69, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 0:19, 2 replies)

Although it's already been said
I just don't get the appeal of the new so-called R&B.

Look, old school R&B never did a hell of a lot for me either- Diana Ross and that lot just annoy me. But even though it's not to my tastes, I have to give them credit, as back then you had to have some basic raw talent to make it. You had to be able to carry a tune, to be able to project your voice, to have a decent sense of timing, to be able to sing harmonies on key.

But this new shite? You could take Alfalfa from the Little Rascals and make him sound like Barry White. There are enough electronic gizmos out there to take any crap that you put into a microphone and make it on key and on tempo, even if you're slurring like Amy Winehouse and croaking out sounds that don't exist in nature. All you have to have is a toned athletic body and a pretty face, and the studio wizards take care of the rest. They've taken the musical talent out of it in favor of models and technology.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 16 Oct 2009, 0:14, 2 replies)