what attraction?
Robbie Williams / Peter Andre

Planning "musical" comebacks?

Not on my telly!! id rather have my eyeballs picked out with poo encrusted crackwhore used needles and have them rammed up my nostrils and be left to watch myself suffocate.

Unless MTV would like to do a reality version of celebrity death match with those two in it. Id actually pay money to view that and i recon id even buy the DVD.
(a girl called harry, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:42, Reply)

Quoting Family Guy
at every possible moment in a conversation.
It wasn't funny on there and it's not funny now.
(and now for someone completely different, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:40, Reply)

Third time's a charm
I once saw an old atlas published by the anti-Mussolini society. They had completely omitted Italy from the map (oddly giving Austria and Switzerland a coastline.

I just couldn't see the fascist nation.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:36, Reply)

What is TEH attraction?

The occasional abbreviation is fine, they make sense and save time. LOL - I get it. BRB - I get that too.

But intentionally writing 'teh' instead of 'the' is pathetic in the extreme (there are 100's of other iterations on this theme...but one example will do for now).

Just because what you say online appears on a monitor rather than out of your mouth, there is no reason to behave like a sub-literate seven year old.

It isn't cool. You're not members of an elite club. Get over yourselves.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:33, 11 replies)

Candles and tealights
or tealites if you're that twee about it.

What is the fascination with having candles lit around the room? It's not the fucking 1970s or the three-day week. Put the bastard light on, or at least buy some nice wall lights.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:33, 1 reply)

Bindun yet
What annoys me is people who comment on how many B3tans have misinterpreted the question.

If it has bindun, then I don't see the attraction of pointing out the above.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:28, Reply)

I haven't had sex for 6 months.
I don't get it.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:16, 2 replies)

Chill Out
First message, be gentle and hold me close afterwards.

Why so miserable on here? Life is a lot more enjoyable if you just relax and smile. It's the mother of all clichés but here me out. I was never miserable per se, but I had a very short fuse - would never be wrong in an argument, have had to stop myself from pushing tourists in front of oncoming tubes and used to get abusive at the first sign of confrontation. I thought that was how I'd be and there was no changing that.

Wrong.

It wasn't even difficult, a lot of things wound me up, in fact if I didn't like something I wouldn't just not be interested in it and think nothing of it, it would aggravate me and I'd hate it/him/her. But I decided that life is here to be enjoyed, and I told myself to chill the fuck out. That was it.

And you know what? It worked, I love myself (and before anyone asks, I mean that in both a spiritual way and a I lie under my duvet tossing off like it's going out of fashion way) and I'm a much nicer person for it. The most important thing is I've stopped having the urge to shove the elderly who are in my way into fast approaching vehicles. Nothing winds me up anymore, I just laugh. Prime example being Jordan and Peter Andre. Previously I'd read an article and shout out various curse words for a good forty minutes before attacking the next person I saw reading the latest gossip about them in the Daily Sport. Instead the chilled out me chuckles at said person's choice in tabloid.

Seriously people, I'm not one to tell people how to go about their lives, but time spent moaning is time spent wasted.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 11:48, 3 replies)

Shopping
I've now started to do the weekly food shop online, as I found it such a palaver actually going to the shops. Reasons for this include:

- When people stand in front of the products I’m trying to get to and don’t bother moving out of the way, even though they can tell I need to get to the shelf. I know what I want to get, they don’t, but they never move. They just stand there looking gormless.

- People that eat stuff on the way round and then pay for the packet. Can’t they wait a few minutes until they’re outside? Better still, drop the empty packet on the floor

- The amount of people that follow the person who reduces prices around. Weirdos.

- There is always something that I require out of stock

- People with bad trolley etiquette. They leave their trolley and go swanning off to get something else, but they leave it in front of a popular shelf, such as the milk. I put random items in the trolleys of people that do this. I also hate it when people don’t ‘give-way’

- The fact that some people will walk up and down the aisle in front of the checkouts for about 10 minutes, waiting for one where they can get served immediately, when they could have just queued up and waited patiently, and would have probably got served quicker.

- Thick check out staff. No need to expand on this point – just make sure I’ve got a supply of plastic bags and I’ll do the rest you thick cunt

- Old boys that plod around shops (with their wives) with their arms behind their backs

- You’re looking for a parking space but there doesn't seem to be one available. What’s this? Someone’s leaving – look! they’re loading their shopping into their car! Just wait here until they finish. That’s it little shopper man, take your trolley to the trolley bay and then get back in your car. What are you doing? Why aren’t you moving? The reverse lights should come on in a bit and I’ll get in your space - It’s busy, there aren’t any others around. HURRY UP YOU FUCKING COCKSPANNER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? READING? FUCKING READING?! FOOORRRRGODDDDSAAAAAKKEEE!!

Why do people love shopping?
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 11:47, 17 replies)

breakfast radio
why can no radio station just play decent music in the morning? why oh why do we have to listen to hours of shit?

it's bad enough to have staggered out of bed at 6am for a day of torture and stress, never mind some inane shite pouring out of the radio whilst you're straightening or curling your hair about what the dj's cousin's daughter's dog's goldfish spread on its toast that morning. why do they think we care? why do they think anyone cares? for the love of god, just play that funky fucking music, white boy!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 11:44, 3 replies)

Crocs and the little things you stick in them
Why?

And i really understood i didn't get the attraction when i suggested that someone might like those little widget things to go on them. With names or a gnome or summit. He looked at me like dirt " Those look stupid" were his kind words as he flounced off.

Why wouldn't a 47 year old gay man with a Crocs collection of over 10 pairs in different pastel shades want some sort of Croc adornment?
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Tue 20 Oct 2009, 11:33, 1 reply)

OK, I'll join in.
You know what really grinds my gears? This Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan with all those little outfits, jumping around there on stage, half-naked with your little outfits. Ya know? You're a... You're out there jumping around and I'm just sitting here with my beer. So, what am I supposed to do? What you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you're trying to - why why are you leaping around there, throwing those things all up in my, over there in my face? What do you want, Lindsay? Tell me what you want? Well, I'll tell you what you want, you want nothing. You want nothing. All right? Because we all know that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is - is just bogus.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 20 Oct 2009, 11:31, 2 replies)

Random irritations, part 3 irritate with a vengeance
My final list of these I promise

1, Breakfast tv, Im looking at you gmtv I only want to see the news in the morning I dont want to know about fashion and about some puppies that have done something cute, the same goes for bbc breakfast I dont need to know about some book or tv programme, just show the news.

2, Football, half of them look like ladyboys, its supposed to be a sport not a fashion show.

3, Alcohol, to me they all taste and smell alike, how do wine experts get all the smells and flavours out of a bottle when I smell it I feel like I should use it to remove wallpaper.

4, Nintendo wii, its rubbish, you get bored of it after 5 minutes and the choice of games is either mario, pokemon or crap, give me a 360 anyday.

you know what really grinds my gears, when i cant find the droids im looking for
(hypr_like_a_monkey, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 11:05, 7 replies)

Fred ‘Arse-banana’ Durst...

I really cannot abide the Limp Bizkit sneering fuck-knuckle that is Fred Durst.

I actually met him once – I was at a clinic in LA that was testing people for organ / body part compatability for sick relatives etc.

The dopey cunt walked in and said that he wanted to donate his corneas. His fucking eyes! – right there and then – before he was dead! What a cock-split!

Anyhoo, as if that wasn’t bad enough, when he approached the reception counter, all these buzzers went off, balloons fell from the ceiling and these people rushed out telling him that he was the 100th cornea-related case that had gone into the clinic that week, and he had won a prize!

You could have knocked me down with a hefty punch as I watched the smarmy git take receipt of a lovely antique hat and coat-rack, only to throw it back in their faces and say that he was sacrificing his eyes ‘for the sake of humanity, not the gifts’

Well, obviously that was too good an opportunity to miss and I called the newspapers, telling them the story.

You should’ve seen the headline the following day: 'Eye donor ‘ton’ Durst and the hat-rack shun'.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Tue 20 Oct 2009, 11:01, 6 replies)

I'm a pretty normal, reasonable adult
I don't hate anything. Don't hate anyone. The only thing I can't abide are people who bad-mouth other people for the sake of trying to fit in. Who the fuck wants to do that? Oh, and tapas. That stuff is fucking evil.
(Lizard King, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 10:59, Reply)

The only thing that hacks me off is erectile dysfunction...
...or maybe I'm just going soft in my old age.
(Pastabator earned his brown wings with your girlfriend on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 10:47, Reply)

This really gets on my nerves
This is a free website, people. Free. If you want to contribute to it, do so. If you don't don't. But why the fuck bitch and moan about how various elements of it are shit? Lets face it, the majority of us on here - people who contribute and people who lurk for the most part, should be doing some work instead. You come here because it appeals to you, for whatever reason, so just stop bitching about it or fuck off and check out the news on the BBC or something.
(Errin C, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 10:43, 2 replies)

Ok, seeing as everyone else is at it...
Guitar Fucking Hero.

What. Is. The. Point?

As far as I can tell, this 'game' involves pressing buttons on a big plastic guitar in time to some arrows appearing on the screen.

Fucking why? What do they see in it? For the price of an XBOX 360 and a copy of Guitar Hero, you could actually buy a real guitar. And an amp. And you wouldn't look like a cunt.
(Flap Burger hasn't really got a burger made of flaps, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 10:16, 11 replies)

Just thought of another: Radio & TV presenters
Some are good - intelligent, articulate, interesting.

BUT, if the Radio 1 breakfast show is the "top seat" in broadcasting, how the fuck is Chris fucking Moyles the best possible person they could've chosen out of the entire country? And what about the One show? For fuck's sake - It's BBC 1. Is there really nothing better they could be doing with BBC1's airtime than have Adrian Chiles fat face flapping about on it? I find it hard to believe that there is no-one else in the whole country who could go on TV or Radio and be less brain-meltingly annoying or mediocre. Just find two or more actually interesting people and sit them in a room with a camera, it's not like there's not enough shit going on in the world that you have to fill airtime with stories about funny shaped vegetables.

Which also leads me to this: Why the hell does the media feel the need to pander to the lowest common denominator rather than fly slightly higher in the hope that it might encourage the masses to engage their brains a bit further.

Why do Radio 1 wander out onto the street with a mic to ask braindead twunts their opinion on the news when they always get the same response: "Well, y'know, I fink, it's, um, it's quite bad, innit? And they, um, should like, um, do sumfink about it?"
Why not ask someone who has a brain for an actually interesting opinion or analysis so that the inarticulate twunts might learn something, even subconsciously.

I thought the stated purpose of most media (pr0n aside) was to inform, educate and entertain.
(fridgefreezer inserted a topical reference into his sig on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 9:49, 7 replies)

Fancy dress parties
It seems to be people who have too much time on their hands like school teachers who love fancy dress parties. They get all excited and continually want to know how you are getting on with your costume.

I can't be arsed. I don't enjoy it. Surely it is enough that I am coming to your fscking party.
(thrain, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 9:36, 6 replies)

Wickerman in the Twenty-First Century...
Standing round in Siberian temparatures, feeling my nipples go hard and break off under my cloths, wading through the mud and small inbred children with the type of mullet Billy Ray Cyrus would be proud of. Wondering how long its going to be until my cock shrivels up completely and I can legally change my name to Susan or Sharon and start singing like Aled fucking Jones...

I might pop off to the fast food stall and spend one of my hard earned fivers on a hotdog thats so charred and blackened the best scientific minds on CSI would be hard pushed to carbon date the fucker. Then I’ll trudge back, dodging the piles of vomit and cow pats.

Then I’ll wait a while longer, freezing, absolutely fucking freezing...

And then it happens – what we’ve all been waiting for. Some cunt from the council sets fire to a pile of broken up furniture, damp wood and autum leaves, sending a ploom of thick, acrid smoke bellowing into the air. And we stand and watch as they burn an effigy of a famous terrorist who tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament a few hundred years ago.

Then they set off a few fireworks. Then we go home.

All very Wickerman (only without the tits and vag).

I really, really, really don’t see the fucking point...
( SpankyHanky, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 9:24, 4 replies)

Andy Warhol
Precursor to today's "ooh aren't they so clever at marketing" artists ... whereas they (plus Warhol) just seem like people who couldn't hold down jobs in marketing, have fearsomely banal ideas, and have one major flaw in their entire approach to art ... since 'art is what they do, by definition' but money is what keeps them going, then if we stop paying attention to them, perhaps they'd piss off and gets jobs in Greggs...
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 9:15, Reply)

Australians calling Brits whingeing Poms
Untrue. Really. Yes.
(roysin, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 9:13, Reply)

Instant coffee
It's powdered shit, a steaming cup of cynicism and contempt for humanity. It was invented by an Englishman (no surprises there) working in the Brazilian coffee industry, who hit upon the idea while monkeying around with some carbonised gunge he'd scraped off the inside of a coffee roaster. That's basically what you're drinking.
But what massively, totally, utterly fucks me off is how millions pretend that guzzling down this liquidised faeces and affecting to be indifferent to the taste somehow makes them working class heroes, with anyone preferring the real stuff depicted as poncy middle class poseurs.
Here's some news for these twats: your average Ethiopian peasant (fairly working-class, I'd wager) starts his day by roasting and grinding his own beans, brewing up, then slowly savouring the flavour. This is probably his only bit of "me-time" in a crushingly hard life. Offer him some Nescafe and I bet he'd cock-punch you.
(mudskipper, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 8:58, 3 replies)

why do we always hurt the ones we love?

( d d, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 8:45, 3 replies)

Final Destination.........2
Ok, these films are not for me full stop, but I get the fact that other people like different things. However, tell me please, if you will, what makes this destination so much more final than the last one?
(Sammyhaswoefullyneglectedyou, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 8:45, 1 reply)

Pet Hates And Don't Gets'
Chavs. Make it legal to cull them, please. Had a couple on the bus today - bawling in their knuckle dragging Gloucester accents, attempting dub karoake, and rolling up bloody joints...

Chavs who play shite "chipmunk" RnB off their phones in Public like it's some sort of right of theirs to pollute the air, that they so thoughtlessly steal from the more evolved.

Male Fascination With Lesbians and Lesbian Porn.

It's 2 or more women getting it on, they're not interested in Men. Period.
I lived with a couple of Lesbian girls many years back, and they spent most of their time dying each others' hair.

Cyclists on Pavements When The Road Is Safe To Use.

Why?


And [of course] that vacuous media whore, Jordan.
(caescarna Hell's Roomba, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 8:08, 3 replies)

People...
People from the middle ages who talk in riddles - wankers!
(Saaandwich, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 8:07, 2 replies)