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This is a question I don't understand the attraction

Smaug says: Ricky Gervais. Lesbian pr0n. Going into a crowded bar, purely because it's crowded. All these things seem to be popular with everybody else, but I just can't work out why. What leaves you cold just as much as it turns everyone else on?

(, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 14:54)
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Star Wars
Every week on QOTW and IC there are Star Wars related entries which always get a lot of clicks. Some of them are quite funny but for most: you'd have to really, REALLY like Star Wars to find them even vaguely amusing. What's going on? I went and saw the first film when it came out and thought it was great but I was SIX YEARS OLD. Grow up.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 20:02, 7 replies)
Shut the fuck up about Twilight
Or I shall take your box set and beat you to death with it.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 19:32, 4 replies)
Planned social occasions
I mean a works outing, family party, xmas do, we've all been there. Where the saddest, dullest and least imaginative members think that the idea of a formal gathering is a guaranteed recipe for a GOOD TIME. Then there's the anxiety of what to wear for the said venue. The two or three hours of staggered arrivals that basically fall into two camps: early nerds or supposedly later cool dudes (not), this is also a definitive guide to those with drink problems. Then there's the politics of whose round you're in or how's the tab being split. Not to mention the fact that most of the attendees hate the sight of each other and have only turned out because it was "by invitation", "for a good cause" or worse still "it's xmas". And the day after everybody gossips about the others or misfortunate soul who disgraced their good self by over-indulging and possibly actually enjoying themselves!

I met an ex-workmate for a pint in early October and he told me that the anual xmas do is on 4th December this year, oh whoopee! (I didn't think). So that amounts to a dozen or so 40+yr old blokes doing a less than a handful of town centre pubs, where despite the fact you aint seen each other for another year, you can't hear or speak as you each try and get a round in, whilst it's 5-deep at the bar! All the while gurning at each other and letching at girls young enough to be your daughters. Then spending more on a taxi home than you've spent all night and a lousy shit beer headache in the morning, oh what joy!

Why do some people think that's a good idea, year after year, when in my extensive experience, it just isn't?

BE WARNED: Anything that needs to be planned well in advance as regards enjoyment is going to be shit, even a holiday!
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 19:30, 4 replies)
Trolling on the internet.
Yes, I am looking at you Flidmong.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 19:12, 20 replies)
Forgot, Heroes
Sorry folks, watched the first episode. FORCED myself to watch the second one, hoping it would improve. It didn't. The acting was atrocious and I have never been so bored. Oooh, apart from...

Gone with the Wind. Two of my friends were obsessed with it through school and could (and would, damn them) quote the entire first page of the book at me. I watched the film. Four HOURS of ham acting, bad kissing and utter crushing boredom that has made my life devoid of four hours I can't now retrieve. I didn't care who Scarlett slept with, married or loved. I didn't cry at the many deaths. I just wanted to slap every single last one of them. My friends included.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 18:51, 3 replies)
Fucking True Blood.
Just no. If I wanted to see two people with stupid accents, covered in blood, and giving each other a good knobbing then I'd go round Sheffield on a Saturday night.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 18:50, 2 replies)
feminine looking men
For the past few years i've been noticing that more and more blokes around my age (between 16 and 20) look more feminine than I do.

Long floppy hair, soft voices, smelling of a whore's handbag and wearing those impossibly tight jeans that make their legs look like toothpicks. I know that this type of guy is usually found in the so called "emo crowd" but the look is starting to spread.

What's the attraction? O.o Personally I like to look at guys who actually look, well... manly.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 18:24, 6 replies)
Fanatical Anti - Fascists
Having randomly found myself near the recent demonstration of the English Defence League (EDL). I couldn't help notice that:

1) The EDL were a bunch of poorly educated, ignorant fools spouting their repulsive and simplistic philosophy and yet were vastly better behaved and more respectful than those opposing them, the

2) Anti Fascist League, who were violent, aggressive and incredibly abusive to everyone, including the police and members of the public.

Extremists in general; what a bunch of knobheads....
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 18:20, 1 reply)
Commenting on daylight hours.
The amount of people, most of whom say it once a week or so, who say, every single year without fail "It's getting dark a lot earlier now" until in then starts getting light, when it becomes "it's staying light a lot later now." "oooh, it's 8PM and still daylight"

It's happens every year in a pretty uniform manner, it isn't surprising or interesting and most certainly not worth commenting on, all the time.

NB: Does not apply to those living in obscure polar regions who have about 4 hours of daylight per year, you can talk about that if you want.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 17:44, 4 replies)
Playing tennis I could understand. It's fun, it's good exercise. I do like to play tennis. However, I do not understand why so many people watch it. There is no sport more boring to watch than tennis. You've got two people essentially playing large scale ping pong, and people will watch for hours. There isn't much room for variety either. The ball will go over the net, or it won't. It'll hit the racket or it won't. What makes it even worse is deuce, which changes nothing but makes the game about 3 times as long.
This summer my dad spent hours on end watching wimbledon on tv, and I just could not get my mind around all those people in the stands watching two people hit a ball back and forth. I mean, that's all it is.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 17:41, 3 replies)
A couple of things that have been very briefly hinted at
that really irk me more than they perhaps should (I know I may be repeating things slightly but at least I'm not talking about the X Factor or Apple FFS):

Idle conversation - Just because I am here and you are here doesn't mean we *have* to talk. If you have something genuinely interesting to say then fine. Otherwise just leave me alone. The only way 'small talk' is acceptable to me is if I am vaguely familiar with a person and either I or they would like to try to get more familiar to make future meetings easier (i.e. in a work situation).

Door Hoggers - We all know them; the most common place for me to see one is on the bus, as it is the form of transport I use most frequently, but they can also be seen on trains, 'planes and myriad other transport media. They are the people that feel they MUST be first on/off said mode of transportation. I don't care too much, 'cause it doesn't really prevent me from alighting as and when I wish to, but it does bug me alot to see people who need to stand by the door of the bus a full three minutes or more just so they can be first off.

Also in this category are people who hog train doors and then press the 'Door Open' button a million times, as if such an act will make it open faster and they can use the 3 seconds it takes for the train to actually come to a complete stop more valuably, somehow. THEY WILL NOT OPEN unless the train is stationary. Now let it be said that some health and safety stuff is bullshit, because it surely is. This however is common sense, no?
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 17:34, Reply)
Talking in questions
Why do people do this and what's the attraction to this particular mode of speech? Either they're so unsure of what they're saying and seek corroboration for each and every utterance, or they have some kind of retardation.

I try to compensate the balance of the universe by responding to all unnecessary raised intonation with a question of my own, thus:

cretin: ...and so we were on holiday?
me: Holiday? What's that?
cretin: We went skiing?
me: That thing on the snow with those wooden things - what are they called, skis?
cretin: Uh yeah, and it snowed? quite heavily?
me: Now snow. Yes, I've seen that before. Really cold, comes from the sky, yes?
cretin: ...
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 17:30, 8 replies)
Here's a nice list of things that I personally don't understand
Mince Pies - I hate them, but every single year, when my Mum gets a fresh batch out of the oven and eveyone digs in, I'll always try one and end up throwing it out after a bite and for the next 5 minutes I'll feel like an outsider because eveyone else is enjoying their shitty mince pies, all smug and festive.

Salad and sauce as standard - I like to taste my burgers and sandwiches. If I order a ham & cheese sandwich, I want ham & cheese. Not ham & cheese & lettuce & tomato & mayo & whatever. Pre packed sandwiches are completely out of bounds for me because they have all of these extras. Also, if I ask for a burger with cheese and bacon, please give me it. Don't assume that everyone shares your love of onions and tomato sauce and lettuce and all the other shite that goes on it. And don't look at me like some sort of paedo when I ask that all the salad and sauce be left off.

Shit TV Shows - Lost (good to start off with, apart from the odd fake polar bear, but should've changed it's name to 'Found' a long time ago)
Prison Break (they broke out of prison in the 1st series, so I stopped watching, assuming it was over. It wasn't.)
Any soap, anywhere (Are people seriously so dull that they can be entertained by these things? The acting's shit, the script is shit and nobody's ever happy. It makes half an hour feel like about a week)
Reality TV (Last time I checked, record executives didn't give you the time of day, let alone sit and watch you every week as you butcher yet another classic. There's nothing real there)

Rugby League - The Aussie national sport. I know, I'll pick up this egg shaped 'ball' and run at a gang of massive fellas, get twatted, roll the ball back to one of my mates for them to have a go, five times and then the other team has a go. I've treid to get into it, but for someone who's grown up playing football, there's no skill involved in this game. And AFL's shit too. A point for a miss? How do you even miss an infinte tower of a goal with no keeper?

Motor 'sports' - Sports are played by athletes. Drivers are not athletes. (Edit - looking at this, I can see where I went wrong. I know the drivers have to be athletic, what I should have said was, "I don't understand the attraction of something as a sport if you rely on an engine to win")

World Poker Tour - Why is this on ESPN?

Pokies - For the Aussies on here, you'll know what I mean. Pubs and bars have dedicated so much space to these things that there's an average of about 1 square metre of space left for everyone else to sit down and enjoy a drink. All you can hear is shitty pokies music and bells going off everywhere (and if you're one of those cunts who have a pokie song/bell as a ringtone, please die, slowly in front of your entire family, you twat). I'd rather keep what little money I have for booze than risk it on the stupid odds you get playing pokies.

Babies - Everyone turns into a retard around a baby. They all look exactly the same and you're probably scaring the shit out of it by making all those faces.

Loud music in cars/headphones/mobile/coming out of a speaker on your window facing out into the street - Why is it always the worst kind of music? You'll never hear a bit of Beatles being pumped through a massive sound system in a Skyline or a crackled mobile phone loudspeaker. It's always chipmonk Rn'b which has been twatted with auto-tune. You knobs. And also, modern "Rn'b". Rn'b is rhythm and blues, like Motown, not Akon.

Skinny jean bashing - I personally wear skinny jeans and can say that there's a surprising amount of room for my junk. Fair dues, I'm no donkey in the cock department, but for me, they're comfortable. The people having a go at them need to try them before they knock them. After all, I've tried baggy jeans, and bootcut and any other cut over the years, and skinny jeans, in my opinion, look good with more of my clothes and don't feel half as tight as they look. Probably the stretchy denim they use.

There's probably more, I've got a lot of hate but I reckon that's enough for now.

Edit - I never realised that motorsports was the B3tan's sport of choice, but I seemed to have hit a nerve over it. I probably should have guessed though, as it involves sitting down for a long time.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 17:09, 16 replies)
Can't believe I didn't think of this before:
Saying the word 'lol' out loud. As in:

*Person 1 tells joke*

Person 2: "lol"

Me: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh"
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 16:58, 12 replies)
This is a little dated but...
Yu-gi-oh. My brother was into it, and I once tried playing it when it was popular. Basically the other person puts down a card, you put down a card that can beat it, he puts down another card to beat yours. That's all it is. What the hell was the big attraction? Also, I'm seriously sick of Twilight and movies based on children's literature. Except Horton Hears a Who, I quite enjoyed that.

One other thing- what's with salads? Sure they're healthy, but they're tasteless rabbit food. If I ate nothing but salads I'd live to be 100, but what sort of life would it be? I'd rather eat pizza and be dead tomorrow than live to 1000 on salads. It's no way to live.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 16:50, 1 reply)
They never seem to do a bloody thing and they're a bugger to swallow. You might as well stick them up your arse for all the good they do.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 16:40, 4 replies)
Thought of another.
This may be a little off topic, as I'm pretty sure everyone else feels the same way.

Nature documentaries that aren't narrated by Sir Dave. When he dies the best genre of TV program will become unwatchable.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 16:31, 9 replies)
Telling everyone about your mundane life via Facebook
I really couldn't give a shit:

a: what you are eating for fucking breakfast, yum!
b: that your really excited about your tossing wedding plans.
c: that you've coughed twice and are feeling a bit poorly
d: that you had a great weekend with the girlies, love you hunnies xxx
e: that your team beat another team in a sport I couldn't care equally less about
f: that your having a such a great time out with your friends, you've had to stop and use facebook to let me know
g: that it's nearly Friday, yay! or
h: your pissed off it's monday again.

Please just fuck off. Only let me know if:

a: you've won the lottery
b: you've had a boob job
c: you've suddenly become single
d: you have a terminal illness
e: you fucked a celebrity
f: you got fucked by a celebrity
g: you've got free tickets
h: murdered Katie Price

Thanks in advance.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 16:30, 10 replies)
Also... the Beatles
I've never got round to listening to all their stuff, so the other day I downloaded their back catalogue and started listening... fuck me it's drivel. It seems to break down into two things:
1) Inane cheery pop arse
2) Drug induced abstract arse

Edited to add:
3) One or the other of them noodling around with some new bit of technology such as a tape loop machine. Just because you got there first doesn't make it good.

Now deleted and downloading the KLF back catalogue instead.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 16:24, 5 replies)
White chocolate
Just to add to the message below:

White chocolate is not chocolate.

Proper chocolate is made from Cocoa Beans, Sugar, Milk. The key thing being cocoa beans (co-co powder for the uninitiated).

White chocolate is made from fat and sugar.

and as such it shud not be called choclate- call it "fatgar"

end of rant
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 16:18, 4 replies)
How in shuddering fuck is something that sickly sweet with a gacky nasty texture meant to be nice?

Dark chocolate though is food from the Gods.

And whilst I'm at it. Blow jobs. Fine for gaining wood inbetween shags. But why the fuck would you want your cock in a girls mouth, when you could be pounding away at her foof?
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 16:09, 15 replies)
Fake Tan
In what culture/society/race/continent on this planet is it considered attractive to be orange?
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 16:02, 4 replies)
2 things:
a) German cars on British roads, particularly those around 10 years old or older. Invariably driven by wannabe boy racers who think it's their divine right to be one car length further ahead of where they are, no matter how much of the highway code they have to contravene or how many peoples lives they have to endanger in order to do so. After a considerable period of observation I have learned that this behaviour is specifically limited to the drivers of these cars, and taxis.

b) People who can't take drugs properly. To explain, I was at a party on Friday. Come 7am, there were two conversations going on; firstly, whether David Cameron will be any good as PM, and secondly that all porn is terrible and inevitably exploits women. Had I had a gun to hand, people, I wouldn't be typing this now, but it would have been worth it...

OK, most people don't like either of the above any more than me, but they tolerate them, and therein lies the problem!!!
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 16:01, Reply)
The "real woman" brigade
Who the hell are you to say what is a ‘real woman’ and what is not?

I’m as shapely as a stick insect, and the last time I checked, my vagina was not molded from rubber.

I am not the Pinocchio of my gender just because I’m a single digit dress size, you cocks.

And I like pie, so shove it.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 15:57, 29 replies)
Whiney whine whine
Self-righteous meat eaters - I dont eat meat. I dont go around shoving this down peoples throats, I never preach about it, I never said I dont eat fish (altho I dont as I dont like it) so why do people always feel the need to lecture me about it and whine at me about vegetarians being whiney/ not vegetarian enough? Is it some kind of self doubt that meat eaters have that make them assume that anyone who doesnt eat it must be judging them?

Anti-religious nuts - I'm not religious but this really winds me up. Yeah religion has been used as an excuse in war and whatnot, and it is annoying when religious canvassers follow you down the street with leaflets, but Ive never personally known a religious person who gets preachy about it. So many people are waaaay over the top against it and go on as if its some new breakthrough, the athiest thing. it's like saying 'Hey, I know it's a nuts and innovative concept, but i'm starting to think that Americas getting a bit corporate, what do you think?'. At the end of the day, what is it that people get so wound up about? 'Hey this guy is such a bastard, he wants to think that there is some point to life that makes death less scary. What an absolute cunt'.

Cheryl Cole - 'the nations darling' - i dont actually know anyone who likes her and she is manufactured to within an inch of a life. I'm sure she got married to mask the fact that she was racist and the whole cheating thing was a ploy (that worked) to get people writing into magazines saying how sorry they feel for her and how they totally feel on a level. I almost want to start watching the x factor just so that I can stop watching it in disgust. I keep seeing her described as a 'fresh faced natural beauty' as well which is probably the opposite to the truth. Give me every piece of plastic surgery known to man and I'd scrub up pretty well too.

Peter Andre - for the past few months everytime i walk into a newsagents every magazine has a massive picture of his ugly mug and a headline which is either along the lines of 'i cant believe jordan is talking about me again', 'i'm finally breaking my silence over jordan', 'i would never lower myself to talk about how i think jordan is a pleb' or 'i wish i could spend more time with the disabled one who isnt mine but unfortunately most of the time i cannot be pictured with him' 'here is a picture of me in my pants talking about how I cant believe that Jordan is walking around in her underwear'.

My housemate (and people like him) - he's a twat. Most probably everyone has realised this but he hasn't. Yesterday he told me he could remember the first RHCPs album coming out when he was 9 (he is 22) and I said 'no way they've been around for about 30 years'. Then he looked it up on the internet and said 'actually they've been around since 1983' in a really smug way as if this made him right.

Apple - it's just really annoying how people who work at Apple think they're part of some kind of higher order when really they've actually just joined some form of quasi religious robotic cult.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 15:53, 6 replies)
It's nothing like liquor.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 15:52, 4 replies)
Facebook i can see the point of - but Twitter? Come on, it has NO USE WHAT SO EVER. Except to arselick some celeb as they tell you about their meaningless lives.

Please. nothing to see. next fad coming, move along.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 15:49, 3 replies)

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