Don't get me started on David Kelly

( WormuIus, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 13:08, 4 replies)

I picked up a flyer for a talk by this guy once:
Benjamin Creme. Great name, sounds like a character from the Mighty Boosh or something. I'll quote a bit from the page so you don't have to click it.

He asserts that the second coming prophesied by many religions will come in the form of "Maitreya", the World Teacher. Maitreya is the name Buddhists use for the future Buddha, but Creme claims that Maitreya is the teacher that all religions point towards and hope for. Other names for him, according to Creme, are the Christ, the Imam Mahdi, Krishna, and the Messiah. Creme says Maitreya is the "Avatar for the Aquarian Age" and is currently living in London since 19 July 1977.

He has his own website, of course: www.share-international.org/

The videos of the Star Sign are priceless. About half of them are quite obviously just Venus. The rest - probably just aeroplanes combined with a failure to understand how digital zoom works.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 13:08, 1 reply)

Serious Note
As a law student you come across some unusual criminal law cases, but one always stuck in my mind, Benjamin Geen. He was a nurse from Horton General Hospital convicted of trying to kill 17 of his pateints in the fallout from Harold Shipman's murders.

He was convicted on a statistical analysis of unexplained respitory arrests at his hospital.

What wasn't known by anyone (at least I hope it wasn't known by anyone) at the time of his trial was that the 'adverse pattern' which was used to show that the only explanation was Geen's involvment, was parralled in other comparably sized hospitals.

The spike in respitory arrests is actually a nationwide trend towards respitory arrests during the same six month period. In point of fact, other hospitals had more of these incidents than Horton General during the same period.

I genuinely don't think the crimes he's been convicted of actually took place.


He is currently applying to the CCRC.
you can read about his case here:
www.freebengeen.org/
( WormuIus, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 13:05, 7 replies)

Bin Laden
According to our over dramatic next door neighbour, Bin Laden isn't really dead
it was just Obama trying to steal the lime light from the royal wedding apparently.
(FootOfTim, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 13:03, Reply)

The biggest conspiracy is the giant ponzie scheme that is capitalist economics. It can only survive whilst there is never ending growth (cancer) fuelled by higher & higher levels of indebtedness. In the UK we really went for it by simultaneously destroying our manufacturing base and relying on pulling money out of thin air from the ‘service economy’.

I have sympathy with the ‘lizard people’ conspiracy theorists, and it certainly acts as good allegory for how a certain part of society operates.

Surely the only reason that the government can now be thinking that the risk of private mortgages should be underwritten by us tax payers, so helping to feed the house price cancer again, forcing more people into higher indebtedness for longer portions of their lives, that only benefits banks…surely the only logical reason is that the Lizard people are behind it all. A decision like that is beyond incompetence and stupidity.

They may not have scaly skin, but they’re still fucking lizards.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 13:02, 4 replies)

They sexed up the dossier
So that they could invade Iraq.

45 minutes.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 12:59, 3 replies)

The plot of The Matrix was just what most humans were thinking anyway,
so the machines made a feature film out of it as a focus for everyone's anxiety and to reduce the truth to the form of popular fiction to stop people suspecting. WAKE UP BALDIES
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 12:59, Reply)

The Chemical Brothers
aren't even brothers. and don't get me started on the Arctic Monkeys.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 12:56, 5 replies)

On a wing and a prayer
I went to a seminar last night about computational methods in phylogeny, basically using high end computer modelling to predict and group evolutionary trees. They are working on looking at the evolution of bird species, but are having trouble making any graphs of the information as they only have half of the numbers about the way the bird’s ability to fly has developed.

Personally, I don't believe them, sounds like a right wing plot to me...


sorry
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 12:55, 3 replies)

I like the conspiracy theory that says...
That G W Bush and his government were capable of fooling the entire planet into thinking that terrorists flew planes into the WTC except for relatively few relatively thick people who reckon they can see controlled demolition explosions taking place.
(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 12:49, 1 reply)

Linda Mccartney was murdered for knowing too much
Fact: Linda McCartney didn’t die of cancer; she was killed by Paul McCartney for being about to go public with the news that he wasn’t the real Paul at all, but a replacement for the original Beatle who was killed in a fake car crash in the mid 60s by his bandmates for resisting their attempts to oppose war, go all psychedelic and encourage mind-expanding drug use in teenagers. The photos of Linda looking ill with cancer were faked by the media, who were totally on side with Paul, as they see him as an important boost to Britain’s economy. A group of Liverpool gangland leaders have threatened to kill any journalists who break the silence.

Paul paid someone to kill George Harrison a few years later, as he had been threatening to go public. Coded lyrics on Harrison’s last album “Brainwashed” detail how he was forced to agree to the murder and his later guilt. McCartney divorced Heather Mills after having similar suspicions about her, and ensured that she was portrayed as a wailing harridan by the media so nobody would want to interview her. The woman who ranted on telly was a stunt double. Fact.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 12:43, 5 replies)

The Chemical Brothers are entirely made out of chemicals.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 12:34, 10 replies)

Rubik's cubes? Rubik's cubes?
WHAT WERE ALL THAT ABOUT?!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 12:29, 3 replies)

Also David Shayler
I'll post this because I can't be arsed pearoasting the creepy tale of my mum's prediction of Princess Di's death.

Out in Edinburgh once my we spotted a bloke in the Cameo bar in Tollcross who looked a lot like David Shayler. This was when he was apparently hiding out in France and couldn't enter the country without getting lifted.

Later, when my mate was stood next to the guy at the urinals, he drunkenly said: "You know you look a lot like David Shaylor."

To which the lookalike replied: "Sorry, never heard of him."

After turning away to walk out the bog, the man paused, turned back to my mate and said: "Would that happen to be the former MI5 agent who . . ." He then proceeded to quickly rattle off Shayler's entire life story in intricate detail, before walking out the pub and disappearing for good.

Left my mate a bit shocked and confused. We always thought it was odd that in the space of one second the guy decided first that he didn't know who David Shayler was, and to then display an encyclopedic knowledge of his life.

Was he really in France?
(Barry Subchimp, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 12:26, 1 reply)

America.
Really? With all the stuff and things? That seems a bit far fetched doesn't it?
( Ya What Skiddlyboop, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Jurassic Park was a true story
and happened on the Isle of Wight in 1993
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 12:17, Reply)

David Shayler
David Shayler stayed for a bit at my friend Julia's house. She was a social worker and flirted on the peripheries of hippydom. Crystals, being nice to people, that kind of thing.

Anyway I caught up with Julia and asked what he was like. She said "he's nice, not very tidy but pleasant enough. He thinks he's Jesus. I'm not sure that he is, but I never swear in front of him, just in case".
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 12:04, 1 reply)

An open letter.
Dear Conspiracy Theorists,

Conspiracy theories are just that – theories. When you begin to use facts (actual, real facts) to back them up they start to become more than theories and could possibly attain the status that you think they deserve – i.e. truth. If you continue to ignore facts in favour of your own misguided belief that you alone know better than the vast majority of people, including many experts on the subject, then you will continue to be branded as a nutter.

Please note:

The twin towers were brought down by aeroplanes hitting them. For evidence of this, please refer to the footage of a fucking aeroplane hitting each tower. A big aeroplane, flying very fast and full of fucking jet-fuel. This is enough to bring down a skyscraper, as evidenced by the US National Institute for Standards and Technology ( 1.usa.gov/ieAvGz ), American Society of Civil Engineers (http://bit.ly/twA2oQ) and the UK’s Institution of Structural Engineers ( bit.ly/s0k98s ). The main argument against these reports was presented by a Professor of that World renowned institute for academic excellence, Brigham Young University (entirely funded itself by those luminaries the Jesus Christ Church of Latter Day Saints – better known as the Mormons). His field of expertise? Nuclear Fusion.

The Freemasons are a society of generally well-meaning old men who have a focus on self-improvement, being in the company of friends, a bit of the theatrical, charitable work and some good old-fashioned drinking. The secrets of Masonry have been “unveiled” dozens of times, and never have they been revealed as being a secret world government. There are funny hand-shakes, trouser-rolling, special words and acting out a few stories generally from the Old Testament. Everything that goes on inside a Masonic Temple is available if you look for it, either in a library or just on the internet. The United Grand Lodge of England ( bit.ly/7WCyp2 ) are remarkably free with the information that they provide, and if you don’t want to trust them then look at the hundreds of websites that go into intimate detail about their ritual. Seriously though – it’s actually a little boring if you’re not involved with it yourself. You can also go to the Grand Temple in Great Queen Street for a visit if you wish (it’s free), see where they meet, introduce yourself to some Real Life Freemasons and ask all the questions that your heart desires.

The Bilderberg Group is an invitation only group of politicians and business leaders that meet so that these people can get together and talk freely and informally about the state of business and the economy without fear of it being reported in the press. It was set up with the intention of building international relations in a comparatively informal environment and its tradition of secrecy is why it remains a successful tool for commercial and political discussion.

If you believe that space-reptiles have enslaved humanity using mind-control, then you need to take the tin-foil off your head and get yourself to a psychiatrist. Quickly.

The thing is that if a conspiracy theory were true, we would know about it. If there were a secret cabal of people controlling the world, then don’t you think that somebody involved would’ve blabbed by now? They’re politicians for crying out loud – they can’t even keep their personal dirty laundry out of the media – how do you think they’d keep something like that out of the media? We have government secrets revealed by ministers walking out of 10 Downing Street, the most photographed door in the WORLD, with documents the wrong way round. These people couldn’t keep a secret if their life depended on it.

The fact is that people who believe these things have an inherent desire to believe that they are something special – that they have a special insight into the world that others fail to see. Personally, I feel sorry for them.

The fact is that the world is generally a rational kind of place – Occam’s razor can be applied to many things to explain it. Secrets are hard to keep, people talk and when people have power they make sure that people know about it. That’s what it comes down to. The only real truth is bit.ly/bKEJmU

Regards,

Normal People
( Hunter Stockton was murdered by a bicycle wielding axolotl,.,.,.,., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 11:55, 22 replies)

The Big Pharma Conspiracy
Everyone who has been involved in criticism of Supplementary, Complementary, and Alternative Medicine (SCAM) will have heard of this one. (While I'm on, go to Google news and type in "Burzynski Clinic".)

"You're not doing it out of concern for people being ripped off, or even from a sense of justice and that cheats shouldn't prosper, but because the Big Pharmaceutical companies are just interested in keeping people sick, and they are paying you to attack us."

I wish it were true. I could use some extra cash.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 11:43, 3 replies)

Osama Bin Laden was killed years ago.
Hence no photos of the body released, and his immediate "burial at sea".
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 11:42, 1 reply)

HIV does not cause AIDS
HIV deniers say HIV does not cause AIDS, it is in fact caused by anti-HIV drugs, and the truth is being hidden by greedy drug companies.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AIDS_denialism

Matthias Rath - AIDS delialist - badscience.net/files/The-Doctor-Will-Sue-You-Now.pdf
( notoolsovernight you're all luvvly an' 'orrible, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 11:38, 1 reply)

Socks. Washing machines.
Need I elaborate?
( P-MONKE We're all fucked, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 11:26, 21 replies)

Religion is just a social control mechanism.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 11:24, 7 replies)

There is a secret cabal of wicked men who conspire to wreck older relatives' computers in inexplicable ways; ways that shouldn't even be possible.
And in this way, they keep myself and my fellow nerds from achieving our potential. When we should be working on smart AI and solving All the World's Problems, we are instead bound by the invisible shackles of family tech support, and the world's rulers breathe a little easier.
Each broken update, each un-updated anti-virus, each inexplicablly porous firewall cows us a little more until we mutter "Left click, no... left click, NO, LEFT CLICK, NO, QUICKLY PRESS THE LEFT MOUSE BUTTON ONCE, NOT TWICE, ONCE!" in our sleep, and our brains turn to swiss cheese.
Bill Gates, I'm looking at you.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 11:03, 1 reply)

New Chronology
Mathematician Anatoly Fomenko is a supported of the idea of New Chronology - basically that our histroy is around 1000 years shorted than your history books tell you, and that many figures from antiquity are in fact much more recent historical figures. He's done lots of work to prove this, correlating texts to show they relate to the same events, correlating dynasties to show that lines of kings hundreds of years apart are actually the same. Garry Kasparov, the chess player, is apparently a believer.

You can read all about it here: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Chronology_(Fomenko)

There used to be a bizarre website about this which seemed to imply that this change in history is (wait for it) a conspiracy by the hidden controllers of the world (not sure who this is, probably jews), but it seems to have been taken down now. Proof, as if it was required, that the theory is correct.
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:50, 1 reply)

An early design for the Confederate flag
looked like this:



But the designer got a letter from Charles Moise, a self-described "Southerner of Jewish persuasion," who asked that "the symbol of a particular religion not be made the symbol of the nation."

He changed the cross to a diagonal one because "it avoided the religious objection about the cross."

So if you want to upset a member of Ku Klux Klan, tell them the Confederate States of America was subservient to the Jews.

PS The crescent moon probably proves the Muslims were in on it as well.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:44, 1 reply)

I can't believe no one has mentioned the biggest consiparcy of all,
one that affects each and every one of us, but no one seems to acknowledge. People seem blind to it. There are literally millions and millions of people out there who go about their daily lives among us seemingly normal in every way, yet are all members of some disgusting secret sect that allows them to run the country on their own terms without any thought for the greater good. And all they have to do to achieve it is get together once every few years and vote.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:43, Reply)

My wife does a bit of teaching
and her kids are obsessed with the Illuminati. Apparently Jay-Z is a member. And they got to Rihanna.

Can't say I've followed it all but it's become a bit of a catchphrase at home. Explaining everything sinister as "it's the Illuminati init".
( rob, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:26, 10 replies)

Diana
what we sayin ?
im personally calling shenanigans

accident my arse

The whole things a shame really i would have found much amusement from seeing a
Princess Diana of Wales has baby with arab boyfriend headline on the front of The Sun or Daily Fail.
(Cov Boy, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 10:12, 3 replies)

A plot to ruin ITV1
I don't really think it's true but, any time I see something they do,

Having This Morning on 7 days a week,
Paying over the odds for average presenters,
Loads of pretty ordinary reality shows,

I'm sure you get the idea.
(Mitchell Gant, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 9:58, 6 replies)