I went through three months of hell last winter
tearing my new house to pieces to make a super massive kitchen. because i like sitting in the kitchen and having a beer. I am so fucking smug about it that the cupboards are full to bursting point with croissants.

This is the view from inside the kitchen during the snow



and this is it now. tonight i will have the doors open, sit on the sofa and do a bit of grinning. mainly because i'm now utterly crippled by debt and can't afford to do anything else.


(Alphabet Soap boshboshboshbosh, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 16:13, 11 replies)

90s XMAS Party
Location: Aberdeen
Guests: 600
Drink: Free
No of Bars: 4
Duration: 12 hours
Hosts: Oil company

Cost: 1/4 Million

It was some party
(fire_exit, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:57, 28 replies)

Quick honeymoons
Not me but a mate...
Was that time in our lives when everyone was getting married, we'd (well the other half really) had been planning ours for a couple of years and other friends were doing the same, however this one couple who are very good friends were adamant that they didn't believe in that crap.

To cut a long story short they didn't want to be left out and got married as well, with all the other weddings they had 1 week to get married and return from honeymoon so they wouldn't clash with all the other weddings that summer. Took 8 weeks from engagement to the do.

The honeymoon was 2 nights in Dublin, every single bit of cash they'd received as a gift include parents etc was to be blown on the honeymoon, think something like four grand was blown in just over 48 hours on food, drink and god knows what.

They returned to a hefty credit card bill for the wedding
(bluehamster, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:39, 1 reply)

Top Tip:
Engage in conspicuous consumption all the time by having incredibly low expectations.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:26, 1 reply)

Bali Wedding
I'm getting married in June and have just paid a 10% deposit to the venue who arrange everything for the special day, I transferred 6,500,000 to their account last week leaving just another 59,000,000 to pay.
I've also got to pay for the meal for 30 guests at 850,000 per head.

Thank fuck it's all in Rupiah and not Pound sterling.
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:01, 8 replies)

Everything I do at the minute is ostentaious
i'm on the dole and living off the missus.
(GunProof Grandad Killed your favourite uncle on, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:56, 3 replies)

My CEO regularly takes the company private jet from NY to LA
To get his hair cut.
( admiral crunch holds the newsreader's nose squarely, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:14, 7 replies)

Bacon Sandwiches
I insist on having at least 3 slices of bacon in a bacon sandwich. Sometimes even 4. The standard 2 just isn't enough and just feels like a mouthful of bread.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:57, 37 replies)

I was getting ready to post on Monday...
but thats my weekened screwed ( www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-14380587 ) hate it when suppliers let you down.....
(Studentken is looking for motivation on, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:54, Reply)

I have 3.5 terrabytes of Harry Horn
none of which is downloaded from Torrent sites.... all from legit network sites where you have to sign up as a member in order to gain access

I'm not proud of what I've done, but I will admit the mrs and I love having a near infinite supply of filth to watch any day of the week whilst we're rutting away
(Anne Frank started to build a loft conversion on, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:50, 6 replies)

I spunked £250k in a year
on gambling.

I haven't got an addictive personality. Well, I don't think I have - when I realised it was taking over my life, I just stopped. Didn't wind it down slowly or anything along those lines. I realised that it was making me a person I didn't want to be.
I have a young son, and would spend Saturday afternoons looking at all sorts of mental football leagues. Not putting hugely risky bets on, but £2k a time on a team that was 5-0 up with 5 minutes to go, just to get a 20 quid profit. Stuff like that.
It didn't seem like there was highs, or lows, but equally I'd still feel my heart beating faster. But, equally, I felt like I was missing out unless I was in front of a laptop and internet connection. Spending time together as a family over the weekend was difficult. Evenings were spent betting on Bulgarian's Women's Netball Divison 3 playoffs and other lesser heard of sports.

Best profit of all was winning 900 quid on some crap bingo website. Paid for a new Smeg fridge freezer. Worst loss? Chasing losses on a Liverpool/Chelsea game. 1200 quid down in two hours.
Highlights? Walking out of Ladbrokes every two days with 5 figure piles of money. Just to spend it all again.
Lowlights? Getting turned down for a mortgage because the bank regarded me as a significant risk. They looked back over 6 months of statements, and pointed out me spending 12k in one weekend.

Those that want to call this is Honda Accord territory - I've got accounts, screenshots, bank statements, etc.
(A Nony Mouse, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 11:15, 13 replies)

Socks
My elder brother used to know a crusty drug dealer who lived in a caravan in the car park of a derelict block of flats. This fellow was a full-on soap dodger with manky dreadlocks etc. His one luxury was socks. He would wear a brand new pair every day and chucked the previous day's pair out of the window, where quite a pile built up. Times were somewhat hard for the locals in those days and this fellow's castoffs were routinely harvested by other residents and taken away to a long and useful second life on the feet of a different but equally scummy person.

Oh, and my dad was DARTH VADER!!!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 8:28, 5 replies)

I once spend...
... 30 quid on a mint import copy of Einstürzende Neubauten's "Halb Mensch", got it home and admired it for maybe fifteen minutes. Then I opened the sealed untouched shrinkwrap, flopped it onto the Garrard Transcription Turntable, and played it, both sides, right through, twice. It wasn't really to my taste, although I'd stop a little short of saying it's the worst record I've ever heard.

I guess the most ostentatious thing I've done, though, is post an answer 380 weeks late.
(gordonjcp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 8:02, Reply)

I saw my mother eating a sandwich I'd wanked into while she was wearing a pair of headphones

(McChinaman banned, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 6:02, 1 reply)

a poor student in Plymouth
and we decided the best course of action one Saturday night was to go to the pub (just for a change y'see) and after countless double house g&t's, bottles of Old Rosie and possibly a Gas Chamber i woke up to realise my girlfriend was away, i was on my friends sofa with a whole packet of cocktail sticks Airfix glued to my arm and half a lime down my pants... I woke my friend, his girlfriend, his housemates, our friend down the road, our other friends down another road and proceeded to the butchers...

We then splurged as much as we had in the pub (a.k.a a lot) on a huuuuuge lump of pork, bacon, mushrooms, veg, and wine and went back for bacon, egg and mushroom sandwiches then dedicated the rest of the day to producing a high standard pork roast dinner, roasting it for over 6 hours and ending up with a meal better than any carvery or posh restaurant roast. We ate till we couldn't move, quaffed wine till hangovers were something for the next day and sat watching funny telly. For that hungover day we ate like true bourgeoisie, and went to bed with full term food babies.

And were poverty stricken for the next fortnight :)
(saint_edward, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 5:30, Reply)

Wow
I bought a Rustlers last week...
(Speshal, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 3:10, 5 replies)

I believe I was
around 10 years old. My dad took me on a steam train ride to Warwick. We went for lunch in $restaurant, where I ate an 18oz T-bone steak and refused help from anyone. I was very proud of myself and have not been able to reproduce the effort since. How does that work?
(cypherspace is not a toaster, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 1:19, 2 replies)

this one time....
and sure hadn't I been a graphic designer for yonks at this stage, and many years ago it was too. And wasn't everything done with a little mouse and a pointer on screen.... need an airbrush ? mouse to the tool panel, select airbrush, click, mouse to file and spray away... and so on and so forth (I realise you're mostly skilled tayto shoppers on here so I won't go on.... Anyway wasn't it one day and I back old school doing some drawing with an actual pencil and paper and happy I was with the change... So I make a small illustrative error and do I reach for the eraser with my free hand ? no, no I don't. The years of 'edit undo' were drilled into me so deeply, that with out so much as a shred of conscious thought after making the error the tip of the pencil followed by my right hand and the rest of my right arm glided smoothly to the top of the page (actual paper) and they and I were both confused for a second as to the absence of the 'edit undo' feature.

Oh how I laughed to myself.

Then this other time I posted something on the qotw a week late. A heinous crime I know, please don't call the rozzers..
(The Cats Twat, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 23:46, 4 replies)

Lifelong Poppadom Ambition
I like poppadoms and that pickle and chutney stuff.

One day I went to my local indian (shimla in shipley, pretty good) and troughed about 30 of the things. No starter, no main, just poppadoms.

That is all
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 22:55, Reply)

Paper Round Dairy Box
Many MANY moons ago I had a paper round, I was well chuffed - a fiver a week! (Well it was a big round and about 2 miles from paper shop)

Anyway saturday came and it was time to spend my first salary. Thing is I like chocolate, and whenever my mum ever had a box of chocs I was only ever allowed one at a time.

So, I bought the biggest box of chocs that a 1990 £5 would buy, dairy box, and troughed the lot at home in front of ma and pa.

They were very yummy and well worth it.
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 22:54, Reply)

american express? that will do nicely
a friend of mine bought a house last month on his credit card.... he now has 47 properties.

The fat git only works 1 hour a day from home and says he's bored. You see money doesn't buy happiness....
(porefluid, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 22:13, 6 replies)

Just got the bill for teh wedding.
I'm not saying it would qualify as conspicuous consumption but I will now pimp my own arse for eurocents.
(joe is troubled Got all married and teh stuffs, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 22:12, Reply)

TheManWithThePlan insipred me, but that's NOTHING
I spent a Summer making cocktails in Marbella in-between Uni years. Went there with £200 and a grasp of GCSE Spanish - fuck knows how I survived...

I was paid a bit extra to help clean one of the regular's houses. It was a mansion with B&O this, marble that... but two items stood out for me. Versace do homeware.

www.versacecd.com/accessori/uk/acc_oro.html

Gold-plated swan tap: £20k
Embossed BATHROOM SINK/basin/watery, magical receptacle with a Medusa's head: £40k

Any they looked gaudy.

He didn't have a Honda Accord. He did have a model girlfriend and mirrored ceilings in the bedroom.
( elgordo, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 19:52, 4 replies)

He paid her £500...
to clean her house.

I work in public health research and occasionally this involves home visits. Every sex worker I've ever interviewed always has a stack of tales about lunatic punters with more money than sense. One woman worked as a dominatrix based in a nondescript flat in the southside of Glasgow. Her favourite client would visit once a month, put on some rubber gloves (nothing kinky, just a regular pair of Marigolds) and an apron over his clothes. Then off he'd go and spend two hours cleaning the flat from top to bottom, in total silence. At the end, he would thank her kindly and hand over an envelope with £500 in it. There was no physical contact between the two of them at any point.

Admittedly this was done in a private residence, so it's not exactly conspicuous, but it's up there in the top ten of weirdest things I've ever witnessed.
( ThisCaledonianClown has left it far too late, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 19:27, 5 replies)

I was a poor student
I still bought a tin of Heinz Beans though. The ones with little sausages in them.
(BoredCouncilWorker, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 19:04, 2 replies)

Several stories
My friend is quite wealthy-ish, and was in Monaco one year for the Grand Prix. He and his business partner were guests at Billionaire's (owned by a certain fat italian) of a guy who had been bought out of some F1 related company and was worth in the hundreds of millions. This other guy bought bottle after bottle of champagne, then fucked off without paying. My friend asked for the bill, and was presented with a tab for 15,000 pounds. Luckily his mate chipped in.

My cousin, who is at university, once said to me "first class is the only way to fly". Luckily he is earning a fortune as an intern at a bank. On the other hand he must be an utter tosser, though I don't know him well enough to judge.

Lidl do a lobster for a fiver. I will have one once a month or so, when I remember. Lovely.

I was in Westfield a few weeks ago with my friends, one of whom spent £14k on a white gold Rolex Daytona. Then we ate lunch there, watched a movie, and had dinner there. Stupidly I had parked downstairs, and when it was time to leave, the parking cost £22. £22 for parking?! Cunts
(trevorthecat, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 17:46, 7 replies)

Flash as you can get
I filled up my car, full tank, at a motorway service station. I live like a billionaire
(mattyAB, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 17:04, 1 reply)

Expensive pussy
The MD where I used to work was chatting to me one day, and I mentioned that I had cats. He said that his kids - like all kids - had been pestering him to get a pet, so he'd just bought two kittens. But not for him the pet shop, oh no siree. He'd paid about £400 each for a pair pedigree Maine Coon kittens.

Now, Maine Coon cats are great, and make excellent pets. But I can't help thinking that the kids would have been just as happy with any moggie from the local rescue centre.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 16:09, 10 replies)

Not all that conspicuous, I suppose...
At the end of last year, having booked tickets to a gig in That London, I assessed the high price and relative crapness of cheap hotels, and decided to get a £1600/night suite (heavily reduced due to undesirable dates/advance booking/hotel being fairly new and trying to attract custom, I'm not *that* stupid). First class ticket there, of course, just to start things off. It had a massive double jacuzzi, showers that sprayed from every conceivable direction and angle, super expensive beds, champagne, view overlooking the Thames (and a helipad), lots of gratis odds and ends, posh restaurant, blah, blah, blah. We then had a strawberries and champagne on a catamaran trip down the Thames, and arrived at the O2 Arena. Whereupon I went for a piss, pulled the door instead of pushing, neatly wrenching it back past the doorframe, and got completely stuck in the toilet.

Karma doesn't want me to have nice things.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:58, Reply)