When drunk a few years ago
I ordered 500 quids worth of toilet paper. Yep, toilet paper. On a CapitalOne card. I had fun playing with it when it arrived, building forts and suchlike, but I only crap as much as the next bloke. It wasn't long before I realised what a complete fool I had been. Most of it was skipped a few weeks later.

A mate of mine swears he didn't put the idea into my head when I was wankered, but I don't believe him.

My parents (bless them), have recently given me £1k to help out with my financial problems. Maybe on his deathbed I'll tell my father where £500 of that actually went.
(The Secret 7000 ...join us. www.secret7000.co.uk, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 23:48, Reply)

Chrismas stuff
this Xmas I went a bit overboard in buying gifts for people - a guitar namely to one of them, which without actually planning financially ahead, means I have
maxed out my £300 overdraft, leaving me a week with zero cash.
Dumb, I know, but since it was pretty much a month's wages, I should learn to not be so fucking generous to people.

Still, the little fucker better appreciate it.
( moohalaa, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 23:42, Reply)

uni
I'm going to be in at least 19000 grand debt at the end of uni and that's not including overdrafts which I've spent £200 of alerady (I'm in my first year) the best thing is, after uni I'm going to have to do another however many years to be qualified in what I want to do and then not be guarenteed a job as what I want to do is very popular apparently.

it's quite depressing really as I'm starting to regret taking the subject.
(lei, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 23:31, Reply)

Currently in second year of uni...
... therefore the debt isn't too bad - yet.

Recently recieved my first statement from the SLC to gently remind me what my debt for my first year was, £3.5k, not too bad, just over the minimum amount that they will give you. However the parents decided to bugger off to France earlier this year and run a b&b, therefore they have fuck all to give me so the SLC, in their infinite genorosity, decide to give me an extra grand loan and the grant and pay my fees. I thought this was great until I realised that even with the extra money I can only just afford to get by, because I do a course with several expensive field trips each year. Fuck knows how I managed last year.

So I'm not looking forward to 2009 when I will be at least £12k in debt and have to start paying it back. I also have a credit card which is ok at the moment but I see it getting maxed out in the near future along with the overdraft. I also plan to study for a masters after completing this degree - am I mad??

On the other hand my boyfriend has never had a credit card, he is 26, and he was also wise enough to avoid uni. I think he was the smarter one. But according to Mr Blair all graduates earn more money than their less well educated counterparts.

Hmm how many people do I know who have finished uni and still work in shitty jobs that require next to nothing in terms of education??

Wow I have to agree with other posts that this really is cathartic, and in some ways a relief because even though I will have a lot of debt at least I know how to control my £500 credit card! And am not daft enough to rack up stupid amounts of debt on loans etc.

*edit* apologies for length!
(wench, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 23:29, Reply)

Currently Amidst
I'm plagued by increasingly nastier letters from the Inland Revenue. I've got to pay back some tax I was wrongly given as a rebate two years ago, plus interest.

I hate them. They bad. Make. Me. Talk like. Lion-O...strength..fading.

Snarf.
(Whitesnakelover, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 23:24, Reply)

Advice
I think the best advice here is simply don't get a credit card, loan or anything like that.
and guys, when a credit card has 15% APR, that means you have to pay them 15% MORE than you spend (and don't pay back at the end of the month.
IE i spend 1000 a month on my credit card. I pay back 500 at the end of the month. i have to give the company 575 quid. so if i spend 12000 a year, pay back 6000, i have to give the company an EXTRA 900 pounds. not so great.
(RooRooRasputin Lover of the Russian Queen, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 23:15, Reply)

I'm just loading the magazine...
Then I'm going to either blow my brains out or go on that long awaited killing spree I have always promised myself.

That's me and debt.

On the plus side:

1.) I own many pointless things.
2.) Carol Vordeman loves me.

At least, I think that's what all those adverts that she fucking whores herself on mean?

Ask yourself this one question: A TV maths 'genius' basically is telling you to get into debt. Either she is secretly a bit thick or thinks that we are all scum.

Either way, deep down, you know that the guardian of the dictionary is waaaaaaaay hotter.

The cute scary one I mean.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Thu 23 Nov 2006, 22:50, Reply)

£3000 party fund
i have a crappy history of paying things back, i will spare you that history. basically in TWO MONTHS i've racked up £3200+ on just having a good time. on a credit card.

this is going to take a while to pay back, as i'm only 21 and have a shit job which pays a wanker's wage.

silly me eh. no i havent learned my lesson. the minute its payed off i'm gonna do it all over again next year. it was worth it i tell myself every day, and i dont lie. I'm gonna **PAR TAY** till i die, cheers natwest ;-)
(mr kyle he's a silly bastard, the one who posted before me, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 22:39, Reply)

one hell of a honeymoon...
my friend (let's call him A) had a whirlwind romance with a girl called B. they were engaged after two months and married four months later.

on the first day of the honeymoon, A announces that he has something to tell her.

he's £75K in debt.

and why's he waited til the honeymoon to tell her?

"because if I told you before, you'd have never married me."
( biscuitbiscuit is in ur garden, watering ur plantz, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 22:35, Reply)

When I was about 14
I ran into one of those scary heroin addict types that hassle people for money on trains (you know the type - "i'm not on drugs, I just need money to get the train to see my fifteen dying children"). I was fucking scared of him and ended up giving him a tenner to make him leave me alone.

Still angry about that cunt 7 years later, and I generally never give any money to beggars now because I consider I've already given more than I planned to.
( kingofpork is the king of pork, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 22:33, Reply)

Debt
Relevant one this time:A friends ex-husband was an alcoholic, very opinionated architect.
1. Architects are very common. Architectural jobs are not.
2. Being opinionated and rude will not get you on good terms with the bank.
3. Neither will racking up debts of over 20 grand
4. Neither will nicking your daughters dinner money to buy booze because your cred cards are maxed out.
5. Not telling your wife any of the above will cost a lot. Divorce is not cheap.
Fuck knows how much he owed/owes but it's in excess of 100K.
Alcohol fucks you up. Try heroin.
(DustyD, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 22:30, Reply)

Unsecured debts
£65K on plastic? Jesus. I thought I was doing well with my measly £30K in unsecured debt.

Umpteen credit cards, various "consolidation" loans which got pissed up the wall, loan for a new motorcycle, several store cards, etc. etc. etc. It soon mounts up.

Didn't quite make it to CCJ, though, but it was close. One day I woke up and did what I should have done ages ago: cut up the cards. All of them. Then phoned the creditors and poured out my sorry sob story about being a foolish spendthrift and would they mind if I paid them off at a few quid per month? All said yes, but 'twas too late to save my credit rating. My Experian & Equifax reports had loads of positive digits in my payment histories (hint: a string of noughts is good; it means no late payments) and those didn't come off for years. One of the creditors I'd defaulted on was my own bank's credit card.

Some years later I figured I'd try for one - and only one - credit card. No-one would touch me, except Crapital One. And they gave me the dizzingly sky-high credit limit of... wait for it... £200! Yes, two hundred pounds. Oh, and something insane like 24% APR as well as a £30 annual fee. Not that the interest mattered to me as I paid it all off each month, but still. Anyway, cue many, many months of slamming into the credit limit as my salary - and thus spending power - had increased much more than they'd let me spend.

Crapital One: "Mr. Flake, you must learn to stay within your credit limit."
Me: "But if you'd increase my credit limit, we wouldn't be having these discussions. You can see that I pay off the balance in full, on time, each and every month, without exception. I can afford more than £200 each month."
Crapital One: "But we set your credit limit for a reason, and you must learn to stay within it."
Repeat ad nauseam.

Eventually the limit rose in fits and starts to the stratospheric heights of £500.

A couple of months ago I figured I'd approach my bank and ask for a loan for a car. You know, maybe they'd forgiven my earlier fuck-up with their credit card...

So fuck me sideways, but the bank said yes to the loan. Not only that, but the "account manager" brought up his computerised gizmo thingy that tells him what he is allowed to offer me, and he only asked me if I wanted a credit card.

"Thanks very much, but I've already got one. Can yours beat it?"
"15% APR and a £5,000 limit. No annual fee."

*jaw drops to floor*

"Uh, yeah, sure, I'll take one. Thanks."

TEN TIMES the credit limit that Crapital One was willing to extend. Not that I can afford all 5K were I to use it, but it does mean I can put all my monthly spending on the card and not worry about slamming into some arbitrary limit. Looks like my bank has forgiven my earlier transgressions.

So fuck you, Crapital One.

Still, I've got some stupendous memories from that time. And the debts are all long-since paid. I think it might be time for another motorcycle...
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 22:27, Reply)

On my god this is so theraputic!
I have been having heart palpitations the last week or so because I'm stressed about my money situation, but reading some of these I'm not too far in the shit really!

I owe about 12k to the parental bank, but I now have a house in my name which I intend to sell in 2 years so the debt isn't too bad really. £1000 overdraft, £1500 on credit card and about 9k left to the student loan company. So in total thats about 24k of debt overall, and now I feel much better thank you very much.

Job is good though, with commission I can pay it off by the time I retire!
(Super Oaf Petit filous?, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 22:26, Reply)

Going to Uni
i'm now in my final year of uni, after having started a course some years back, hating it and changing over and starting again. Basically, I've been at uni for five years, in which time I've racked up five years worth of debt. Although I don't regret doing it, this debt is going to be roughly £15,000 when I go into full time employment.

I knew what I was getting into when I applied, so that argument doesn't work here. However, what I really really fucking hate is the fact that a few years before I started, I would have been given a grant, and would miss out on paying £15,000 back to the student loans company.

This is why I get really fucking pissed off when people come out with that "Tax Dodger" shit. I'd rather pay 5 years worth of fucking tax than have a 15K fucking debt to my name, on top of the maxed out overdrafts, you utter utter wankers. We aren't all content to fuck up our GCSE's and work menial fucking jobs for the rest of our lives, thanks.

I came to university to better myself, and to better my chances of coming out of it all with a job I actually enjoy and find rewarding, and that's what's slowly taking shape. So yeah, keep calling me a Tax Dodger. When I'm earning fucking £50,000 a year I won't have to dodge taxes will I? And where will you be? Still stuck in your dead end job moaning about the "fookin stoodents" and how they "don't know they're born"....

Seriously, to those people, go and fuck yourselves. You're lucky I'm well educated or I might have resorted to just beating you to fucking death by now...
( PMGT -Bacon., Thu 23 Nov 2006, 22:25, Reply)

Friend
I do have a friend though, who took out loan after loan to finance car after car.

He took out a loan of about 15k to buy a Saxo (har har) most of which was to cover a previous loan.

Then he took out a 20k odd loan to buy an Ibiza (again more laughing).

Then he bought a new shape Leon (I don't know how much that was) but I think in total he owed £25k plus to cover all that lot.

He then, with his current partner (Crazy girl from an earlier post) rolled his debt into their mortgage - 25 years to pay off a huge debt that he ran up way before they even met.

Mad? Very.

And he's run up more debts since. Some people never learn.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 22:24, Reply)

I'm good me
I got a full grant 12 years ago - mind you this was a time when fees were paid and a grant actually covered everything and left me with enough to live on :-)

Got a decent job paying a good wage and now I'm earning plenty - eyethankyou

I own a house worth £120k and a mortgage of £32k (Bought at the right time and value shot up)

Got a child though - that costs - a LOT

I still have no debts as my partner kicked my finances into gear - She's of scottish heritage and it's true about their financial savvyness!

My Mum has given us money in the past though, but they were gifts for when little one was born, moving in to house, etc.....

Still no debts and lots of savings.

Sorry - totally off topic I know, but getting on top of finances is very important and the root of happiness.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 22:14, Reply)

eviction shame
i work for a housing association and once evicted a woman and her 3 kids for rent arrears - we gave them 10 minutes to get some possessions together. they walked off with a dog on a piece of string and a black bin liner each - i still fell bad about it... still, the woman was a proper smack-monkey who broke back in to retrieve her stash from insider her sofa - and i'd tried to warn it was gonna happen for weeks but the useless druggie twunt kept hiding from me.... moral of the story? pay your rent kids - or at least get your scabby mainlining arse to the housing benefit office... hmmm, doubt i'll get many larfs for this post!
( sir loafalot ended an eon of lurking on, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 22:02, Reply)

Simple...
Mortgage - £180K
Loan 1 - £60K
Loan 2 - £30K
Loan 3 - £7K
Outgoings :gt: Incomings...

Still mustn't grumble - the flip-side is...

Beautiful wife, 2 gorgeous kids, Full-time employed, Potential for own business on top, Play drums in a band or three

Altogether and on balance, happiness :gt: debts...

:rant: This country is crap though, it is made to get people into debt from birth till death. :/rant:
(dkintheuk, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 21:57, Reply)

Debt
This is the most depressing fucking qotd I've ever read. I thouht I was bad because I owed something like a grand on credit cards seven years ago; now married, kid and... no debt whatsoever (no credit cards either).
How the fuck can any country expect students to pay back 10-15 grand??? I loved being a student (17 years ago), OD was something like 300quid max and that was bad.
Hate to ask this but.... do students know what they're getting themselved in to financially?
Oh as for the guy in debt for paying for his girl friends tit job: muppett.
(I didn't mention; I now live in Spain and have no intention of coming back. You're allowed to cheer.)
(DustyD, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 21:52, Reply)

My fuckup?
I'm still living it. Uni cost me dear, being in London and all; about £25k into the red in total. So I figure the only logical thing to do is flee the country, which I did.

The letters keep coming; the court-cases keep passing by, and here I sit in sunny Spain getting cained next to my private pool, mid November on a chilly 25°c day - debt free!

Calling HSBC cunts while making “bum-bum! willy-willy!” noises at them until they hung-up the phone is one of the most satisfying things I've done in quite some time. They didn’t call much more after that.

¡Viva España!
( slippery doctore, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 21:51, Reply)

Easy way out
Due to mainlining debt in my sudent days in the UK my credit rating was so bad I cold not even get a bank account with an overdraft.

Moved to New Zealand a couple of years ago, phoned to set up a telephone line and it was done right away with a $500 credit limit. Kiwi companies dont check UK debts.

So finally got a creadit rating, and being very careful to keep it.
(sonichost, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 21:49, Reply)

Our next door neighbours
Did a runner owing people money and were kind enough to give the debt collectors my Mum's name and phone number saying she'd sort it out. Mum was getting threatening phone calls and getting very distressed so I phoned the police and told them about it.

The reply?

"There's nothing we can really do about it."

Nice.
(Chom, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 21:43, Reply)

Sorting out my own finances, then the missuses
I moved down to London after I left school. I arrived there with very little in the way of cash, so set up my flat by means of a credit card.
Which I then struggled to pay off. It took me about 4 years, and I've actually closed the account now. Capital One made a fortune out of me.

Since then, I've got my finances in order - I get a good wodge of my monthly income (about 2/3) on the 1st of each month. Across the second, third, and fourth of each month, all of my bills are paid. For the rest of the month, I know exactly how much I've got.

The missus was in a slightly worse position when we hooked up, with a 1400 quid overdraft, and 1500 quid on a credit card. Monthly income is £1250 for her. Told her to set aside £75 each month that the bank would automatically reduce her overdraft by - it's slowly coming down. The credit card now gets rate tarted around every 6 months or so, which means she's paying next to sod all for it.

People - sort out your finances. It's not worth paying out a good whack of your income each month just to service your debt.
I put this into perspective with Her by working out that from her £1250 income each month, she was giving £100 to banks in interest charges and late payment charges. That brought it home.

On the other side of the coin, the house we have a £42500 mortgage on (and I'm overpaying £300 a month on) is now worth £130000. W00t. \o/
The building society reckon we'll have it paid off 8 years early if we carry on at this rate. Yay!

Sorry, that's not really what you wanted, is it?
( shadyron, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 21:42, Reply)

I never had the chance...
I left school at 16, went to catering college and was working in the kitchens as a middle-rank chef by the time I was 19.

A year later, I was starting at 6am & not finishing until 2am. This was allowed by law as we had breaks of an hour or two between breakfast, lunch & dinner so it meant we were only working 40 hours per week but actually ended being on site for 70 hours or so.

I applied for several credit cards or loans, only to be refused. My brother, on the other hand, had dropped out of uni & was making more per week on benefits than I was.

As if that wasn't enough, he also racked up a £2,000 debt on the credit cards. (doesn't sound much when compared to the student "loans" of today but this was back in the 'eighties)

Soon as he (or rather Mum & Dad) paid off that debt, the credit card people increased his credit limit.

So, no - I never had the chance to rack up a massive debt problem and I'm still bitter & twisted about it.

You lucky, lucky bastards
( four styx, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 21:33, Reply)

Donating to b3ta.
Only kidding.
(Woody999, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 21:30, Reply)

Funnily enough
we are in the middle of a muddle right now. Got the old fine snowball problem. Fiver overdrawn without realising (since when did debit cards carry on working when you have no money left? ) and couple of month later we have fines all over the place. Problem is by the time we found out we were overdrawn it was too late.
Pissed me right off when they accuse of us of "abusing credit", oh yes I abused credit in giving you £39 for a bloody letter.
However that lovely Martin Moneysavingexpert and his fine reclaiming publicity is helping us out now. If they hadn't of been so rude, rang us 4/5 times a day with a blimming automated harrassment system even though we'd already spoken to them that day, we'd not have taken it this far.
( moogy boobles, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 21:27, Reply)

My Mum
Picture the scene: It's the mid 1980's, a Sheffield Council estate, two young boys and their mum are hiding under a table in the front room, and there's two burly men banging on the door.

Me: "Why are we hiding, Mum?"
Mum (whispering): "Ssssh"
Me: "Who's that at the door, Mum?"
Mum: "Ssssh, keep it quiet"
Me: "Why aren't you opening the door?"
Mum: "Because they're Jehovah's Witnesses, and if I open the door they won't go away".

Yes, my mum told me for a good few years that big troglodytes almost busting through the door weren't actually baliffs trying to repossess the TV and the Stereo. Nope, they were Jehovah's Witnesses trying to preach the Good News of the Lord Himself.

Either I was a bit dim as a kid for believing that, or my mum is a very clever woman.

Either way, those Saturday afternoon hide-and-seek sessions were always entertaining.

Oh and yes, I do have an innate fear of Jehovah's Witnesses as a result. Even the doddering old ladies.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 21:21, Reply)

picture purfect
I am not a lazy student wanker unfortunately!

But i do owe my ex wife about 200 quid for divorce fees etc. She has a picture of mine that was a 21st birthday present and is super cool - I haven't spoke to her for well over a year. I would like my picture back - but it will cost me 200 quid and I'll prolly end up shagging her ( this is no bad thing she took it well up the wrong un on many occasions)

So its a moral dilemma do I PAY to get my own picture back or wank my cock till its sore and not say owt???
(whothefk, Thu 23 Nov 2006, 21:20, Reply)