Sensible Soccer on the Amiga
There was a time when I was truly a god at this game. I have beaten people - literally - with my eyes closed. I could play through entire league competitions without conceeding a goal and scoring at least 15 goals a match.

There is no comedy value in the sad truth that there was no global Senisble Soccer League with TV money and sponsorship and somesuch. If there was I would have all teh money now and be laughing - laughing I tell you! Mwa ha ha HAAAA!
(lemonymillenniumbaboon, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 16:21, Reply)

I am an expert
in....

....talking bolox, which in turn makes me an expert in not getting a job :(
(OhArse Select * from newJobs ORDER BY salary DESC, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 16:06, Reply)

protein topology
(actually, am nearly an expert in many levels of protein structure).

what is protein 'topology', well you are clearly bored enough to be reading this so...

all enzymes are made of protein, and they are folded into different shapes - a bit like origami. I am a bit of an expert in the ways in which they fold (there are around 1000 folds).

cool, eh? (no, I know...)
( The Alchemist king of the needlessly complicated, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 15:55, Reply)

i am an expert in . . .
absolutely bloody nothing!
( Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 15:45, Reply)

I am an expert
in giving absolutely useless descriptions like him from off the telly.
( Fictional Emma, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 15:27, Reply)

head
or cakebaking


:( my life feels wasted
( Kittenpants, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 14:58, Reply)

I am an expert
Writer of tedious and pointless posts.

See told you.

I do a mean Touche Turtle impression, but apart from that I am not really that impressive, anyway I find underachieving much more to my liking.
(Taco Tickler, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 14:46, Reply)

falling asleep in the park at lunchtime
three times in the last two weeks! they actually noticed yesterday though, which was a bit of an arse.
( gravytrain, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 14:32, Reply)

I am an expert in ...
secrets.

I prefer to keep other peoples than have my own, but once i have someones secret, i can keep it until i die. however, although i cant prove that until i actually die (and they're written in my will or something), my references are that not one secret has been spilled onto ears that should not hear said secrets.
try me.. tell me your secrets..
(marcblitz, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 14:26, Reply)

refreshing
I'm really good at the Opera mouse gesture for 'refresh'. I did it just then and everything.
(bloodyHassocks, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 14:25, Reply)

NLP
Neuro Linguistic Programming


Dull? Yes

But I charge £1400 a day for telling people all about it.
(penrose your dog's got tits, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 14:07, Reply)

Hmm Expert at.....
*Can whistle with mouth open in very high annoying notes

*Making a scarily life like baby crying noise (Which i take great pleasure in doing in Ikea near the kids section, makes parents fly off to check their crotch spawn are still in one piece muwhaha)

*Wiggling eyes. Hard to explain but i can make my eye balls shake all wierdly, only know one other person who can do this.

*Trumping all the time.

*Blowjobs. So i've been told. They don't call me Dyson mouth for nothing! :\ haha.

All of the above make me the expert at p**sing off my mother :D haha. *Minus the blowjob one obviously*
(lehcar_woo, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 14:00, Reply)

I'm an expert at failing.
I can fail something in such a way that is difficult for most people to manage. My speciality is fucking up my chances of succeeding before I even begin. The key to a spectacular failure is actually trying to do well.
(King In Crimson, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 13:53, Reply)

i'm an expert at confusing people
they have REAL trouble telling whether I'm funny or not.

i don't know myself.

it's hilarious.
(riedacher_bertram, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 13:51, Reply)

reading
I can finish a whole book.

I can measure pieces of string as well.
(bloodyHassocks, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 13:47, Reply)

2nd post!
I'm expert at not finishing thi
(BraveSir, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 13:46, Reply)

Programming.
I can program in C, C++, Java, Javascript, PHP, Amiga E, Pascal, Delphi, Visual BASIC, and ARexx, as well as Signetics 2650, 6502, 6809, 68k, x86, ARM, and Z80/Z180 assembler.

I am also looking for a new job either in bristol or working from home ;-)

pete _at_ petergordon _dot_ org _dot_ uk
( Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 13:43, Reply)

Soup-a-geek
I am PHP Engineer so tremble before my powers, brief mortals. oooo

also good at making that joke which makes everyone laugh so much they forget what they were going to say, thus ending the conversation. not always good.

quite good at spanking as well - it's all in the timing and doing it that little bit harder than they are expecting....
(bloodyHassocks, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 13:26, Reply)

Space Channel 5
Any platform, any version, I can play it thru with the sound off.
(theSHALROTH Gaga's tits are on fucking fire!!!, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 13:24, Reply)

Being annoyed by plans for ID cards...
both on a gut level and a practical one.

Shall I sign this? http://www.pledgebank.com/refuse/
(haberman is singing in the changes, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 13:14, Reply)

Goldeneye
I pity all of the fools claiming to be 'expert' in the art of Goldeneye.

I am truly unbeatable, the rest of you mortals should cowar from my greatness!

I will take anyone on anytime, anyplace!!!
(smirkyj, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 12:59, Reply)

Beer
My expertise is beer.

While a fairly acomplished consumer of said beverage, I am also a qualified expert- I have a Bsc in Brewing and Distilling. Four glorious years spent learning about the ins and outs of making beer and visiting as many breweries as possible (and being given stupid volumes of free beer).

And most of my friends did boring things like medicine where you only learn to save peoples' lives.
(greenycrimson I stole the from pyschotherapist, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 12:55, Reply)

I hate them!
I am now an expert in trying to fix IPOD's, they break so fucking much, I tell the dunces on the phone to stop interupting me and continue to quote statics from the diagnostic test screen.
(JinDod, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 12:03, Reply)

Mazes
I can do mazes. Give me a maze on a piece of paper, i'll draw the way through it straight away.

And did you know, if you're in a maze, and you keep your right hand on the right-hand wall (or left hand on left-hand wall) and walk around the maze, you will eventually come back out (so you'll never get stuck in there, it may just take ages to get out....)
(emma_fisi, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 12:02, Reply)

eerie....
i'm spookily good at catching items that fall off things or are thrown to me. like eggs rolling off the kitchen side, or pens. it's like my own little super power. reflexes like a cat - that's me! 100% success rate unless i am being called upon to perform.
lh
(localhost, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 11:33, Reply)

Pro Evo Soccer 4
I am the master. I am sure there is someone who can beat me but i am yet to find them.
Also pretty good at Mario Kart on the SNES. I know everyone says this but i actually am.
( studlywonder, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 10:36, Reply)