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This is a question I'm an expert

I spent four years of my life acquiring a PhD. This makes me an expert in the use of transparency in computer interfaces. It's not a hugely useful or interesting expertise, but it's all mine. I'm pretty hot at sitting on the sofa, too.

What are you lot experts in?

(, Thu 23 Jun 2005, 14:43)
Pages: Latest, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, ... 1

This question is now closed.

Finding virgins
I have had a few partners *ahem* but they have all been virgin or really unexperienced. Its not a good thing, teaching sex can get boring. All they do is poke and ask if that was it.

Like all students, wasting time when supposedly revising (politics tomorrow), hence my current obbsession with Cliffords Puppy Days on at 11, 3 and 5. (1 puppy, 2 puppy in a puppy bed, the littlest one has fur that's red!)

Spyro 2 and Year of the Dragon. I can talk you through the levels and orbs/eggs.

Putting out wine. I work in a supermarket, ever noticed how there are so many different wine in such a small space? Well it's too much for many shop workers, but not me. From the shape alone of some bottles I can tell you which rack, which self and whereabouts on the shelf.

Lyrics. I can remember 80% of words after one hearing so I sing along with stuff too much. So it pisses me off when friends sing songs wrong

Should Americans be prohibited from burning their flag? My coursework title and i can argue and counterargue all the..erm arguements.

I wouldn't say an expert but I'm unbeaten on Tony Hawks 3 and Underground. Also pretty good at Sonics 1,2,3 + Knuckles. Didn't like 3D or the new stuff.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 12:35, Reply)
it is aluminium (i'm a chemist)
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 12:01, Reply)
More of a skill, than expertise...
I've got amazing eyesight - I can recognise people from 100s of metres away.

I also know the names of all 92 Football League Clubs' stadiums, and the capital cities of pretty much every country in the world.

If I know it, I can tell you the track and the band playing it within the first two bars of the song being played on the radio or in a club. But that's pretty tenuous, that one.

Oh, and whilst I remember, I've been told by many a young lady that I'm very, very good with my hands...
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 11:54, Reply)
Poor spelling really gets on my wick... AND I'm quite honestly dyslexic. So don't go pulling shite excuses out of the bag.

Let me explain:

Yogurt. NO. it is YOGHURT
Aluminum... NO listen up CLOTH-EARS there's 2 I's in it. ALUMIN_I_UM
Donut. NO. That reads 'dooo-nut'. They're made from Dough. It's a Doughnut. Yes, I'm aware of the fact that it's tricky, and can be pronounced "duffnut" if you're sufficiently smart and get the Joke... yeah, like that's gonna happen.

There are so many of these things that I can't be bothered to write them down.

You know who you are... Stop doing it. Spell correctly, or everyone will think you're stupid.....

Plus.. I'm an engineer... This one is international:
Mandrel/mandril: "A spindle or an axle used to secure or support material being machined or milled"
Mandrill: It's a Fucking BABOON alright? they're big scary frikking toothy bastards with in-build red white and blue war-paint on thier faces.

I assure you: It is NOT "nearly the same thing". They are quite astoundingly different.

Snipper: thing for cutting or snipping
Sniper: Person who is engaged in, or expert at sharp-shooting, the word originates from the tricky sport of shooting Snipe... a rather fast Duck.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 11:40, Reply)
Unreal 2k4, get me on a tower and all you will hear is a killing spree (till some smart arse in a raptor missiles me. :-(

Oh and Xwing aliance, the force is strong with me.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 11:36, Reply)
Iron-sight respect.
I was the captain of a team who set the range-record for the "falling plate" competition at Altcar ranges a few years ago (just a shade under 16 seconds if i remember right)... L98A1 Non-Auto version of the SA80) Also with IronSites...

Much respect for scoreage noted below!!
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 10:07, Reply)
Engineering Design Techniques withing Medical Manufacturing SME's
and drawing landscape pictures using a pencil held between my toes (right foot only - I'm crap with my left)

and masterbation (using my hands, not toes)
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 9:01, Reply)
Removing florets of cauliflower
From dilated ankle pipes. A delicate procedure requiring both patience, ointment and Gerbil Pepper. Not to mention...so I won't.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 9:01, Reply)
Making the Perfect Breakfast
Poo Eggs (named after a friend who showed me how, but I now make it better than her)

Forget dipping toast soldiers into a runny boiled egg. Just spread 3 min eggs over your buttery toast. (If you like Marmite, put a bit of that on your toast as well.) Timing has to be exact for the toast to be the right temperature and not left to long to go soggy. Egg has to be very runny (but cooked!).

Try it, but don't get as good as me or I won't be the expert any more!

Ginger Hobbit
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 8:15, Reply)
pursueing the wrong type of men
All my ex bfs are either gay, deviant or criminal. I just never seem to be attracted to guys who are half decent. At some point a dark secret always emerges. *sigh, gess I'll have to turn lesbian.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 6:36, Reply)
Getting away with things
I never get in any trouble. I never get caught. Or if I do, I can lie my way out of trouble . . . and I love it!
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 4:50, Reply)
Wobbling eyes
to Feelslikehome, yes I can do that high-frequency eye-wobbling thing too, found it out one day staring at the back of a seat in a 4x4 in Yosemite. It's useful at work for working out from a wall of TV's which are 100Hz or not, "Just give me a moment whilst I wobble my eyes", "Huh?!", "Never mind, you'll see"...
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 1:42, Reply)
Applying vasaline
to a sore arse. *continues to rub arse*
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 0:57, Reply)
Bolloxing things up.....
Especially my first posts on the board...
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 0:43, Reply)
I am
the tetris god
(, Wed 29 Jun 2005, 0:22, Reply)
maintaining the freshness.
Its very important to keep good hygiene, this is why I keep several sticks of deororant close by (bedroom, bathroom, in my car, at my desk...)

-spring fresh
(, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 22:43, Reply)
Im an expert in Mario Kart
I think, well none of my mates can come close anyway.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 22:38, Reply)
I can talk back wards fluently.Not the word order,just the words themselves.Most people think I'm making it up,until they spend 10 minutes working out what I just said to them and realise that I can really do it.Besides,it'd take me ages to make stuff up that sounded convincing.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 22:13, Reply)
Fixing Things
I seem to have this ability to fix things by simply taking them apart and then putting them back together again.

Great you might think except in my job I am meant to diognose faulty products that customers have sent in.

I end up sending it back with a note saying no fault found.

Usually breaks down again as soon as they try it out at home but it worked for me - honest.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 21:56, Reply)
King of..
Foozeball! Recently overthrew the old King of Clubs, I now have his crown! Last game I scored 6 goals without the ball actually hitting the pitch.

Oh and also I can do the high frequency eye ball wobbling. Scares the shite out of people. To others who have this expert talent: I salute you!
(, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 21:32, Reply)
escaping from handcuffs
i can fold my hands so they are the same size as my wrists
thus letting me slip out of handcuffs and the like
however i cant get out of the cloth ones :( boo

it's really useful when making a plaster cast of your hand though
(, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 21:10, Reply)
Oral Sex
Mind you, it's only my opinion and I do like to blow my own trumpet...
(, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 20:11, Reply)
Ima expert at...
Posting replies that never get on the best page, really i am...

I dare you to prove me wrong!!!

No length its all depth...
(, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 20:02, Reply)
Pop Tart Cuisine
Too long in the toaster, they burn and go dark brown and disgusting

Too short and the filling is still solid.

Three minutes is genuine perfect cooking time, and then you remove from the toaster with oven gloves on and eat IMMEDIATELY.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 19:07, Reply)
.. in "car fault diagnosis by smell"
My turn to do morning dog walks last week – so drove to park in wife's newly purchased car. On return, walked past old parking spot and noticed wet patch on ground.
First thought "Oh joy, 156k Mondeo not such a clever purchase”. Worried that patch could be oil, water, clutch/brake fluid etc, but couldn’t see what part of car was bust, so went back, picked up handful of gravel, and used my powers of nasal deduction:
Yep, it was a leak alright - where dog had pissed against wheel earlier..

First post virgin, how about my enormous length, have you ever seen a bigger one, really..promise?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 18:21, Reply)
IT Procurement
I work with the government and list amongst my many success the CSA software and all the DSS and Tax Credit stuff.

I have some cooooooool plans for teh whole ID Card thing up my sleeve as well... should be great!

NB not really, don't rant at me and that
(, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 17:25, Reply)
avoiding those "charity" workers who stalk the streets in a posse trying to tack you to a directdebit for any charity. One up from the foodchain from double glazing salesmen.
I normally slalom through them at rapid speed.

Also quite a expert on speaking like a pirate.
Yarr! Avast yee!
Told you I was fluent in piratetish.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 16:53, Reply)

(, Tue 28 Jun 2005, 16:39, Reply)

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