Through a freak accident, getting twelve golf balls wedged into my arse in such a way that makes it really fucking difficult to get them out.
Then, whilst in a prone position on the bed whilst trying to extract the golf balls, the reanimated corpse of my grandmother walks into the bedroom, with the intention of telling me where the family has untold riches stored, with full access details. Unfortunately, the golf balls release themselves at high speed, penetrating her skull, this re-killing her permanently, leaving me with the shame of having my dead grandmother catch me retrieving golf-balls from my arse, killing her, and never getting my hands on untold riches.

I'm fucking terrified of that happening.
( Muns, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 10:52, 36 replies)

Whoah... me too!

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 11:21, closed)

I want to hear more about this 'freak accident'

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 11:24, closed)

Tiger Woods is half Chinese.
Therefore, you can assume he knows kung-fu.
( Muns, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 12:26, closed)

That happened to me, once.
It was a lot less upsetting than you'd expect.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 11:51, closed)

Spanky?

( Peej, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 11:58, closed)

Ah yes.
This common phobia is the manifestation of guilt at the exploration of one's sexuality as a form of assuming power and establishing one's id as a concept independent of the maternal unit; this creation of the identity through autonomous sexual desire then triggers fear of rejection by one's ancestors and being 'disinherited' by perceived symbols of wealth and authority.

Or you fell asleep watching the Ryder Cup again.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 12:22, closed)

+ Again.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 23 Sep 2014, 12:25, closed)

You'd be surprised how common this is.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 23 Sep 2014, 12:44, closed)

Yeah, it's totally plebbish.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 13:04, closed)

is that how plebs say 'plebian'?

(sock puppet 94980 your personal details here, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 14:00, closed)

Plebful.
Plebbery.
Plebatory.
Plebatorial.
Pleberized.
Plebbed up.
Plebbed out.
Plebbed over.
Police officer.

Take your pick, or invent some new ones.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 14:04, closed)

like bare pleb innit

(sock puppet 94980 your personal details here, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 14:10, closed)

Plesbians.

( Muns, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 14:10, closed)

Plebulous

( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 14:18, closed)

Plebbie Ploes Plallas

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 15:04, closed)

Plebbledash.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 19:28, closed)

'plebeian'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 14:18, closed)

Served.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 14:25, closed)

oed lists both

(sock puppet 94980 your personal details here, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 14:30, closed)

Don't listen to them , they probably say afeenium instead of athenaeum.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 14:43, closed)

I bought a poster of a tennis girl scratching her arse from there

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 14:47, closed)

I'm not in the habit of saying either.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 14:48, closed)

Do you not belong to a gentleman's club?

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 15:19, closed)

To quote Groucho Marx:
Fuck clubs.
(Though I am a life member of The Oxford Union, for some reason)
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 15:31, closed)

Do you not belong to a fuck club?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 15:32, closed)

I thought I did once,
But the Rule and Equipment Committee snottily informed me that gimp suits are not an appropriate substitute for Plus-fours.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 15:40, closed)

nonsense.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 17:02, closed)

'king oik.
Listening to JEWS!
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 15:35, closed)

That reminds me
I must to take my fuck club to the French polishers.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 15:41, closed)

Polish frenchers
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 17:42, closed)

Golf?
I didn't have you down as a racist.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 18:04, closed)

he's prolly a leftie ... robs balls from decent hardworking white people on golf courses and sells them to buy maijuana cigarettes and patchouli oil for his dreadlocks

(sock puppet 94980 your personal details here, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 18:11, closed)

I've never stuck a toy up a muff in my life!
Thank you very much.
( Muns, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 9:43, closed)

yeah right
you're probably dressed as a pirate and cooing over a mint 1980s bobba fett as we speak
(sock puppet 94980 your personal details here, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 11:19, closed)

What can I say?
I think that the trousers have flair, and that Britain First posts are worth sharing on facebook.
( Muns, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 9:42, closed)

Happy Candlebitches

( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 12:05, closed)