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This is a question Festivals II

It's that time of year again

I was at a free festival outside Worthing in the early 90s, expounds Richard mcbeef off the internet. A bloke went mental on the dancefloor and started hitting people. He was restrained, calmed down, but then did it again, a good three times more. Eventually he was pursued around the arena by an ever-growing number of people, like in Benny Hill. He was chased into a massive nettle patch and ended up tied to a chair.

Tell us your festival experiences.

(, Thu 25 Jun 2015, 9:45)
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This question is now closed.

We'd all gather at a secluded messageboard, then the super secret Mod would ask us questions, on behalf of Dick McBeef. Sometimes, there'd be MASSIVE DRUGS, too.

Truly, it was the best of toimes.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:09, 6 replies)
My two sons set off to the V Festival separately, travelling with different groups of friends. Student son went the day before and accidentally left his ticket at my gaff.
Squaddie son picked up the ticket in the off-chance of finding his frantic brother among the thousands of music fans milling around the place, and bumped into him outside the gate. They hadn't even arranged a meeting place as they'd both just arrived and didn't know the layout.

What're the chances, eh!
(, Wed 1 Jul 2015, 17:54, 4 replies)
Glastonbury Virgin
I first went to Glastonbury in 1998. It was still fairly anarchic then - this was before the Superfence, so there were huge numbers of fencejumpers and crusties -- a much more eclectic crowd than these days.

My first impression was rather overwhelming. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to cope, to be honest. I looked around; there were dwarves, giants, wizards and witches, wild-eyed heroes, doe-eyed maidens, evil-eyed villains, and non-human creatures of all kinds, leering and chittering. There was an incredible noise, and an even more incredible smell. It was a huge city, offering pleasures and dangers of limitless variety. There was a tower in the distance, and river of mud oozing turgidly through the centre of it all.

Suddenly I realised exactly where I was, and everything made sense. Clearly I had arrived in Ankh-Morpork.
(, Wed 1 Jul 2015, 17:10, 2 replies)
I'm shocked my Angela Lansbury Gif thread didn't get more attention
She's obviously not as popular as I thought she'd be. I should put these to a vote really. I'd rather everyone was happy with the gifs.
(, Wed 1 Jul 2015, 14:19, 7 replies)
During the Edinburgh festival I bumped into Rory McGrath at Waverley station.
Literally. Unfortunately I didn't manage to knock the fat unfunny fucker onto the tracks.
(, Wed 1 Jul 2015, 14:03, 2 replies)
Now you fellas have said some pretty mean things.
Some of which were true under that fiend, Boss Grissom.
He was a thief, and a terrorist.
On the other hand he had a tremendous singing voice.

He's dead now, and he's left me in charge.

~~wavy lines~~

Now, I can be theatrical, and maybe even a little rough - but one thing I am not, is a killer.
I am an artist. I love a good party.
(, Wed 1 Jul 2015, 0:48, Reply)

(, Tue 30 Jun 2015, 12:19, 11 replies)
Middle of the night, GF gets up to go to the loo.
She had been gone some time, so I became concerned and got up to go looking about for her.
I found her at the bottom of an 8 foot hole in the ground that she had fallen down in the pitch darkness.
Ha ha ha ha ha. The end.
(, Tue 30 Jun 2015, 11:37, 5 replies)
I got a job working in the first Rock above the falls festival
It was badly organised, despite some larger bands like Blondie playing there. I was given a flouro vest but given no other instruction about what to do. So I smoked pot and sort of just hung around hoping to chat with some of the bands backstage. I was crossing the fields between tents and the stage when people started screaming. A brown snake, about 2m long, had been spotted right amongst the punters. people turned to me. Now I'm pretty live and let live when it comes to wildlife, but this was australia and the buggers are poisonous. so I wrenched a star picket out of the the ground with the intention of clubbing the slithering bastard to death. I went for a big overhead whack and missed it completely, it rose up and back coiling for a strike but fortunately my next blow connected and broke it's spine (it being mostly spine), and then the hippy druggy onlookers were treated to watching me stoving in its head to a bloody mess for good measure. I dropped its lifeless body in the bin. Took no joy from the whole incident.
TLDR cumquat whacks off snake in front of horrified onlookers
(, Tue 30 Jun 2015, 10:23, 5 replies)
Glastonbury, either early this century or late last one
I'd been out in the theatre fields with my mum and as it was starting to get dark we were walking back to her campervan. We got to a signpost at the edge of a field and stopped while she got her map out of the little thing that goes round your neck and peered at it with her torch. I was mostly watching the theatre people pack away when I noticed that one of the theatre groups wasn't leaving. There were about twenty of them, all dressed like borgified mummies or mummified borgs with red LED eyes, moving with quirky, angular movements and - when they wanted to - surprising bursts of speed.

"Don't look now," I said, trying to keep as many of them in view as possible, "But I think we're being surrounded." My mum, a no-nonsense headteacher with a tone of voice that could reduce unruly teenagers to quiet compliant kids in an instant, looked up and said "Don't be silly, what do you mean we're... Oh."

By this time we were at the centre of a circle of these things, slowly but surely closing in on us. My mum grabbed my arm. "What are we going to do?"

"Don't worry," I said, shaking off her grip. "I'll handle this."

I stepped forwards to confront the closest borg and drew back my cloak.* He advanced menacingly, but was stopped in his tracks by a familiar crackle, fizz and hum as I drew my lightsaber and ignited it. I jabbed it towards the borg with a couple of quick thrusts and he recoiled from its green light, giving me an opening to round on a couple of other mummies trying to sneak around to my right. Reversing my grip on the hilt, I kept the lightsaber spinning in a web of death** in one hand and took my mum's hand in the other, holding the mummy-borgs at bay and leading her to safety.***

I've written before about how I'd once managed to Jedi Mind Trick Luke Skywalker into giving me a free round of drinks at a pub in Wolverhampton, but there at Glastonbury, having saved my mum from monsters - that was the day I knew that was no longer a learner, I was the master.

*A grey blanket that I'd got from the Joe Bananas stall for a few quid earlier that day
**Like Arnie does in Conan 2
***Which was probably the nearest coffee stall or something

(, Mon 29 Jun 2015, 19:58, 42 replies)
Nothing more boring than people moaning about how much better things used to be, but I went to Glastonbury at the weekend for the first time in over 15 years.
It is now the poshest gathering on Earth. Everyone is called Guy, tall and toned, dressed as Where's Wally, and calls everyone 'Chap'. On Saturday we counted how many black people we could see, and we made it to 14.
Walking to our campsite two security ran over to warn us that there was a small puddle that we should be careful to avoid in case we slipped.
And the last remaining drug dealer was arrested by the Stone Circle on Friday night. As he was led away, a woman sniffed "good riddance! This festival doesn't need to be spoiled by drugs". I beg to differ.
(, Mon 29 Jun 2015, 16:54, 9 replies)

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