Abloobloobloobloo!
EdgyJokeBloke: waaaaah! waaah! boohoohoo! baaaaaawaaaaaaaah!
AnnoyingPoster: stop it! mummy! mummy! boohooohooooooooo!
Person Who's Got Me On Ignore: I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! But I don't care and your life must be shit! Aboohoohoohoohoo!
(comedy bully grrrr, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 8:00, 2 replies)

Not quite a fight as such...
Back in the late 1950's my parents were coming back from the cinema one night, waiting at the bus stop.

My dad, 6'4" 18st and pretty much all muscle standing by my mum, 5'2" and as light as a feather.

The bus duly arrives, and my dad, the gent, lets her get on first (one of the old Routmasters with the open back). She's barely stepping on when a chap comes running up, leaps on the bus, pushing my mum out of the way and proudly claims to the ticket collector "Made it!".

"No you didn't" my dad said, as he leant forwards, grabbed the blokes ankle and pulled back, sending him flat on his face. He then calmly dragged him off the bus (face down) and onto the pavement. Then let my mum get on again.

Amusing enough, but when my dad told his workmates they apparently asked what my mum said to him afterwards.

"Nothing." he replied. "For about two weeks."

Women, eh?
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 7:44, Reply)

As a kid growing up in a land-locked country in Africa
I saw a few things that kids aren't meant to.

One of my friends getting taken by a croc on the river boat landing of the local flying club, baby (large dog-sized) lions catching & eating an adult goat in a cyclone fence enclosure, the aftermath after one of my mums flying students walked into an airplane's propeller (moments after shouting "Clear Prop!" and hand starting it).

But this experience took the proverbial cake.
I was riding thru the bush near my home on my Raleigh Grifter when I came across 2 blokes unloading soggy, red hessian bags into a shallow pit in the ground.
I skidded to a halt. All three of us did double-takes at each other. They started shouting at me in bemba and began to run towards me waving their bloodied pangas.
To say the least I cheesed it the fuck out of there as quickly as I could.

I found out a few days later that one of the local gardeners had gone missing. He was suspected of having raped a few of the young girls in the area.

This is the 1st time I've ever told this tale (by word of mouth or "in print") ever.
That must have been a hell of a fight.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 7:07, 3 replies)

A few years ago
I used to suffer with PTSD and was awaiting therapy, I also had major anger issues. I was generally a happy chappy if no one bothered me and I could bimble around in my own little world getting on with life.
However having anger issues is a strange thing, there is the saying "I just saw red", well I never saw red I would "feel red", then just go crazy bonkers.
One new years eve, I had just popped to my local Premier shop for a reasonable deal on a few cans of booze, when upon leaving the shop a hand grabbed me, and told me to hand over my money and drink.
In front of me were 2 guys, one pinning me up to the shop front and the other one shouting in my face.
The next thing I remember is trying to fit one of those plastic crates that local shops always have stacked outside (that they use to get their Rola Cola deliveries in), into one of the guys ears as he was curled up in a ball. His mate was slumped against the wall. Anyway the police turned up, the shop assistant was a witness and I was in the clear.
Still today I do not know what happened, I have absolutely no memory of the fight, just before and after.
( The invisible ham Fig rolls are the best, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 6:25, 1 reply)

when i was 14 i tried to punch a lad in the year below me
i missed and punched the wall, breaking my knuckle.
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 22:51, 5 replies)

It's on.
Battered - yet again you have shown your worth as a human being. Firstly you clearly exhibited your failure to understand even the most basic precept of marketing and publicity by constantly giving apeloverage lots of free advertising for his book in the name of you harassing him for posting a picture [shock, horror!]. Constantly. I honestly suspected that you were a patsy or sock-puppet for a while because you did such a good job.
Now you have shown your complete lack of empathy by clearly not understanding what grief and bereavement are about on any level whatsoever. I'm pretty sure you only apologised because it was a condition of you becoming "un-stepped". (Mods - so not all stepees are equal? My stepping was a whole week, not just a day and I sure as fuck didn't harass and accuse someone over the fact that their girlfriend had died.)

AB - you got married. Well done. From what little interaction I've had with your missus she seems like a balanced and vivacious person. I'm sure she relishes spending time with you amidst both of your busy schedules.
Yet here you are for many hours of the day and night posting what really amounts to little more than drivel. Arguing and trying to wind up strangers on the internet isn't really a 'thing'. Ultimately you're just wasting time (as am I but hey I'm not here half as as much as you are and tbh most of the time I spend here is when my family is asleep).
AB, get off the computer, go to bed and have a lovely warm snuggle with your missus.
BTW: Your "Archives" aren't an achievement, they're actually kinda obsessive and creepy.

Shambo - altho you spend much of your time here as well my suggestion is the opposite.
If you are half as much as a cunt in RL as you are here no-one & I mean absolutely no-one deserves to be subjected to your arrogance, bile and invective. You spending hours here spitting your hatred must be a genuine respite for your family.
Keep it up.

inb4 - "upset on the internet", "not going to fuck your wife for you", "cheers", "alright", "something, something OkCupid" and... EDIT: pictures of Steve MacDonald/Noel Edmonds etc.
Oh, I'm sure there's something else I've forgotten.
EDIT: Wait that was it - sheds.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 22:35, 53 replies)

I won the last fight I was in
I was 14. He'd thrown my pencil case out the window (among other previous violations). Because he took the next day off while I showed up i was declared the winner in the schoolboy calculations, though my knuckles swelled up so much I couldn't write.
Never been if fight since. They're silly things that bruise your knuckles
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 21:58, Reply)