Oh man...
Yes, another porn story. A few months back, the guy I was into at the time came by my place to hang out. We were in my room, and I mentioned I had an anime series he wanted to watch. So we switched places, he sat down at my computer, and I sat across the room. He was flipping through the folder and stumbled across a huge file of porn. I had it saved (I mean, come on, everyone watches it, but the smart people delete it after) in order to burn it onto CD for a friend's 18th birthday as a joke. After some very embarrassing explanations, he didn't really believe me.

Could have been that my friend's birthday had been three months previous. Hey, I'm not that punctual at gift giving, alright?
(chaoticmatter, Sat 11 Feb 2006, 3:57, Reply)

emo
If you search on google for my ex-girlfriend's name as a phrase, the top result that comes up is a post by me, to the effect that:

i) I want to get in touch with x, who was my first girlfriend, at uni in the early 90s.

ii) We broke up very quickly due to pretty bad problems that I was going through at the time.

iii) I've always had a sense of a missed opportunity, if we'd met now and so on.

iv) I am Morrissey (more of an overall conclusion from the previous points than a point in itself).
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 11 Feb 2006, 3:19, Reply)

History and cache problems?
Ghostzilla.

Genius.
( pineapplecharm D d M Y, H:i, Sat 11 Feb 2006, 2:52, Reply)

oh dear....
recently being the only techie living in my halls i usually get all the shit favours (no sexual, yet my email is.... ;))

and most of them is cleaning porn ridden machines of their trojans and virus's. so fast forward to the interesting bit

my friend kitty brings around her laptop. and on this is this spyblaster piece of nasty shite which has taken over ie. fucknobsocks i know for a fact she has been looking at gay porn. so i place a £10 bet on this.

so as she is using xp, i fire up her cache. lo and behold.

bum troublers annonymous. the dirty bitch
(konigsred, Sat 11 Feb 2006, 2:32, Reply)

Backing up mate's PCs
Is always a risky business. Even riskier was whilst said mate was watching the process... and entire folders of anal babes, Little April, Tawnee Stone, and a couple of horse porn videos were copied to my external drive. I've never seen anyone as cool as a cucumber, especially when he said the horse porn was kept to gross people out, and that it was perfectly natural for men to, shall we say, soap the snake. I have to say I do agree with him, although a lot of my friends are now convinced I am gay because I keep on sending them to team-vibe.net. Google this at your peril people, it is NSFW!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 11 Feb 2006, 1:58, Reply)

I'm the only techie in my family
So it's never happened to me. Although I was quite disturbed finding some of my Mum's "jucier" msn conversations. Poor woman doesn't know I have the convo logger turned on... I have since erased said logs and turned off the logger mainly for my own peace of mind, and also to never have to read again, and I quote "I would love to be rogered by your huge black cock whilst you finger my arse". Not computer related, but cleaning the house as Mum's away at the moment, but almost as bad as finding a rather large rampant rabbit under her bed. Almost, but not quite.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 11 Feb 2006, 1:54, Reply)

Kate Garraway and Google don't mix
When I was a horny teenager I once searched Google for 'Kate Garraway naked'. I forgot to clear the form afterwards so when my mam walked in and looked over my shoulder she saw what I had earlier been searching for. Ever since then i've not been able to watch GMTV when my mam was in the room without going beetroot red.
(Peter Sutcliffe's Right Bollock, Sat 11 Feb 2006, 0:27, Reply)

Scat porn.
Okay, so me and my new boyfriend didn't get together in the best of ways. By that I mean I was (still am) married and he's kinda my husbands (well not so much now) best mate...well while I was with my husband we were falling for each other and realising what a bad situation it was, did the decent thing and tried to put each other off of each other.

We did this by telling each other all our bad habits. We were being mainly serious but our natural way with each other is to joke, so he added he liked a bit of the old midget porn, I said I didn't mind as I was quite partial to a bit of scat. Anyways, we fall in love, I leave hubby, we get together.

Now I should also mention that I tend to chat a little bit to the lovely people of b3ta on /talk (hello you lot). Anyway sometimes we get a bit kerrrrazy on there and do really wild things, one time we were all searching IMDB for funny words or phrases to see what hilarious titled films there were out there. Cue the bloke with the telescopic penis film etc etc...anyways me being me types in scat, don't think anything came up, so I didn't think anymore about it. Gone, forgotten...but it's not is it? Gone I mean.

So a few weeks later, i'm sat here, with me new (and gorgeous) fella and we're posting on b3ta (we are that hardcore) and generally browsing the internet. We end up on IMDB looking for a film, a film that started with an 'S'. So I start typing, leaving the auto complete to proudly display my recent search of scat. Cue boyfriend with very loud girlish giggles (near on asthma attack kinda scale) and much pointing and more laughing.

Now he seems a bit concerned as to whether I am actually into scat or not, nearly everytime we meet scat is mentioned. He's still wondering now...

I apologise for length, but lets face it you didn't read it all anyway.
( diffy maybs, Sat 11 Feb 2006, 0:08, Reply)

Michael Flatley, is that you?
Working technical support, I spoke to a customer who was convinced they had a faulty save file. After telling them I could probably resurrect said file, they sent a disk to me. Without remembering to remove a video of some bloke sucking his own cock from it. And the bloke looked exactly like Michael 'feet of flames' Flatley. Arrrghh!

I deleted the movie and sent the disk back. Maybe I shoulda replaced it with a riverdance clip. Damn.
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 23:26, Reply)

It wasn't the computer that gave him away, it was the window...
Right, it is entirely possible that I could get fired for this one...

I work in a support capacity in a company. One night I was bringing some work around to one of our more senior members of staff.

I walked into his office and stood by the side of his desk, to put down the large and complex document he was working on and to point out the difficulties that had arisen. Throughout all of this, he was saying "fine, yes, ok, that's fine, ok, yes, thank you" and REALLY trying hard to get rid of me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the nearly naked young lady on his desktop. Something told me this wasn't work related...

A few months later (and in the intervening period I have been VERY careful about entering his office) I have need to hand over some more documents. I stop at his door. I knock. I announce I have these documents before I even enter the room. I approach his desk and deposit the document. I ensure at all times that I cannot see his monitor.

Problem.

He has a window office. It is late at night. It is dark outside. His office is lit up with bright lights. This combination of ultra-bright office and darkness outside tends to make windows as reflective as a mirror.

So during the whole of the long walk to his desk, my eyes are transfixed by the scenes of naughtiness reflected in the window.

So, I can be fired for sending personal e-mails, but he can't be fired for looking at nubile young wenches taking it up the wrong 'un? Push comes to shove, I'll spill all to IT...

Worst of it is, I've been to his house and met his wife and kids! And he had the daughter of of one of the foreign partners staying with him and described her as "a delightfully mature young woman".

*shudder*
(lawofnations, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 23:25, Reply)

Md's again

are any Md's NOT surfing the web for pr0n in company time? Whilst being the outsourced IT guy for a telecoms company that was based in offices next to the shopping centre in Northampton, that began with V, ended in h and are now owned by talk talk, circa 1999 I was confronted with shed loads of smut, all straight just of the interacial type. I wasn't the only one who found this out, as the laptop of the md was sent down to London to be repaired and the technicians down there discovered it, thus leading to a long conversation and demonstration of what we'd found to a cowboy hatted texan 25 minutes off a plane from Dallas.

So, to combat this the MD decided on the master plan of hiding the bookmarks under a folder in IE bookmarks called "Sx stuff". Oh the resourcefulness of these people.

I also worked in byte before pc world bought it out - in the technical department. Yep it's true pr0n was the first thing we looked for, let me tell you if you had smut on your machine and you bought it into Milton Keynes byte between 94 and 96 we copyed it and circulated it. TV grabs, piccy's home shots, all that shit, it's on some nerds hard drive right now....
(Too_Fast_For_Love, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 22:22, Reply)

Actually..
b3ta almost gave away my secrets. When I was posting this piece of crap, If you look, I have an address bar at the bottom. I had to change that to b3ta.com so when my GF and mates looked at it, it didn't say pussy.org

hehe
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 21:35, Reply)

my dad again
must have clicked on one of the set this as your wallpapers links

i thank god for his sake my mum doesn't know how to use this thing. (it was a lady website though *phew*)
( m-a-t-t -- formerly mini hasn't been on here for EVER!, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 21:13, Reply)

When I was 13...
...I first got a computer. I had no idea how the Internet and wanted an email address. I was told that Hotmail would be the best for a simple start by the computer guy (who was obviously no expert in web based email) I asked how to get it. He said, go to google and search.

So I searched for Hot Male.

I decided to keep quiet about the whole incident until my parents were looking through the history.

It was also my first experience with porn. Men bumming each other...not quite to my taste.
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 20:52, Reply)

my dad seems to think he's a computer genius
he types the porn websites in google cause then they wont appear in the history, he didn't quite figure out about auto-complete. the most disturbing one i've found as of yet is analvalley or cumdrippingsluts *shivers* i've since turned the save option off google to save me from (any more) mental scars
( m-a-t-t -- formerly mini hasn't been on here for EVER!, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 20:50, Reply)

not really MY undoing
My friend in sixth form gave me a CD to put some music videos onto (he didnt have internet at the time) and of course us being locked in a battle of childish pranks at the time, i did get him his music videos. I managed to fill a CD with midget porn renamed as the listed music videos. Apparently his dad was in the room when he turned on the first undersized orgasm. extra points for that.
He still hasn't forgiven me.

edit: Just been informed that there was granny and animal porn on there too. i AM a naughty boy.
(Grizzly, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 20:34, Reply)

Early Powerpoint
The early versions of Microsoft Powerpoint included a handy screen saver utility. This screen saver searched your PC for pictures, and displayed them, completely at random.

Unlike tamer, better designed versions of this type of screen saver, any image, in any folder on your hard drive was fair game. Including all the nasty little banner ads otherwise ignored during a 'normal' porn search.

You used to hear about teachers and businessmen losing their jobs because in the middle of their presentation child porno or bestiality images were displayed six feet high. Said screen saver is the real culprit.

Yes, I found this out the hard way. Fortunately it was a group of like-minded fellows who saw a photo of a busty young topless girl, dive mask and snorkel tilted back on her head, holding up two huge lobsters, during my presentation on database design. Several of them asked me for a copy of the photo.
(danalan Pretty good, for an amateur., Fri 10 Feb 2006, 19:53, Reply)

Rollocks
Hi, I'm Rob Manuel and my computer has just given away a list containing the email addresses of tens of dozens of subscribers to the B3TA newsletter.

Help?
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 19:38, Reply)

DAMN YOU AUTOCOMPLETE
there have been various embaressing moments with friends round my house due to autocomplete. i tend to google image search any word that anyone gives me, so of course theres words like "rape" "horse fucking" and more on there... purely for laughs, you must understand
(harrietthespy, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 19:37, Reply)

Not ratted on me but a bloke I used to know
Apparently he was a computer tech and I was having problems with my computer (the DVD drive would cut out occasionally) so he offered to have a look at it for me. This meant I had to take the tower, monitor and all the wires to his house. He had the thing for a week and when I asked for it back he hadn't fixed it. So I took it off him and started changing everything back to the way it was (he felt the need to delete programmes he just didn't like without even thinking to ask me) for some reason I decided to look at Start then run, I clicked in the box to type something and was presented with a list of things such as 'clit.jpg' and 'tits.jpg'. Now he had now way of connecting to the internet so he wasn't downloading anything, all I can think of is he had a CD with these things on it or was looking in the hope that I had pictures of these things on my machine. I never said anything to him mainly because I decided never setting eyes on the Rascist twat was the best foot forward (he once told me he hated the Irish, especially the Northern Irish, it didn't phase him when I told him my mum is Northern Irish)
( Roxy_Hart is so so old, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 19:24, Reply)

Lesbo's
Not been my undoing, but once whilst ridding a mates pc of spyware i decided that installing AdAware would be a good start, so went to google and pressed "L" to search for the Lavasoft homepage which brought up the drop down box containing the search string:

"Lesbians licking each other out, no questions asked"

I don't know why i find it so funny, spose its the "no questions asked" disclaimer on the end.
(Nyphur, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 19:23, Reply)

the longest sentence ever.
All this talk of porn and viruses and what not really makes me feel like I should defwap my hard drive.

Anyway...

My mate was so paranoid about his girlfriend knowing he looked at porn, that he wrote down everything in the previously searched list on Kazaa (or something, i'm sketchy on the details) and then after searching/downloading for the usual donkey punching or whatever the kids are into these days, he'd delete everything ever searched for and reentered all the previously noted down entries... Probably with his still sticky hands...
(blackfacedfightinggibbon, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 19:08, Reply)

Never give me a blank floppy disk...
...if you've previously used it to store pr0n. A mate of mine did when I asked for a copy of a program he was using. I undeleted said clatty pictures, handed him back the disk and thanked him for the file. No more was ever said on that matter.
( Jimvin dropped plates on your arse at, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 18:45, Reply)

It's wasn't my secret, and I don't think it was a well kept one
I used to work for a medical school doing computer support. There was the one guy who had a PC in his office... adjoining the morgue! I kid you not. When me or my buddies visited him to sort out a computer problem he was having he would, 'accidentally,' leave a bookmarks window open with links to gay chat sites and other such bumstuffing paraphenalia. To recap...

1. He works in the morgue
2. He's gay
3. He want YOU (yes, YOU!) to know about it

I only went to his office once. Once was enough.
( Jimvin dropped plates on your arse at, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 18:28, Reply)

Dirty laundry in public.
I currently live in a student house, with five males. Obviously when not having fluked ourselves some sex, we often talk about it, dream about it and hatch cunning plans on how to obtain it.

Much to the annoyance of one of the boys, twenty two year old Joe, who amongst being a hippy, a paranoid stoner and an absolute miserable git, is still a virgin.

Coming up towards christmas 2005, Our Joe began to pester us housemates about when we were leaving, when we'd be returning etc. It left a hint of curiosity in our minds, but thinking of no logical reason as to why he would care, as we rarely socially interact with the whiney bugger, we ignored it and all made our plans to leave.

The day before i was due to get the train, i needed to check my tickets on line. The only housemate with an internet connection still remaining in the house, i was forced to ask Joe if i could quickly use his computer. He mumbled something, no doubt about his angst at his absolute failings with the fairer sex and left me to it. Leaving his e-mail account open.
Ever the crafty cad and with a nose for trouble i helped myself to a quick peek.

Where i found e-mails to a high class hooker in the local area. Arranging two 'sex therapy' sessions. To help him overcome his anxieties and erectile dysfunction problems. Dated for the next evening, when he would have the house to himself.

Oh how i laughed at his miserable life, and how this hooker, who specialised in servicing business men and sugar daddies would smirk at his tiny little hippy den (including bizarrely, having a pair of sandals nailed to the wall.) Oh how he'd rue paying 600 pounds (from a student budget no less!) to prematurely jizz all over her thighs and then somehow contort around her in the tiny single bed to apologize for the rest of the session.

Only, why would Joe use his shabby little pot den, when my master bedroom with its double bed and fine decor would be vacant.

Thats right. At this point i realised the point of his nagging. He was going to shag that rotten crotch in my bed, on my sheets. And i was too embarrassed to tell him i knew of his plans. OH NOES! I go home and cry into my christmas pudding, knowing that my duvet and duck feather pillows would probably have aids or the like when i returned

/he didn't shag her though. Later email snoopage confirms that he couldn't get it up. Both he and I apologise for length.
(I'm a schmuck, i did a schmucky thing. is unlurking thanks to unemployment, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 18:26, Reply)

Bastard computers!
Slightly off-topic, but...
I was flying a really important space mission, ooh, about four years ago. We were doing quite well, then the computer only decided to shut down oxygen generation and generally fuck up the entire odyssey. My mates were all killed, but I managed to get into the programming room and shut the bugger down. Had to listen to him sing a gay song about daisies first though. Moral of the story, stick with Macs, the HAL 9000 is plain shit.

Mind you, I had the last laugh when I flew through a mystical time portal and mutated into a giant space foetus.

Love, Dave x
(oranguturn, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 18:12, Reply)

There's a Professor that seems to be a bioinformaticist.
He gave a group of us a presentation (data projector, big screen) on how to search the NCBI Pubmed databases/ BLAST searches, etc. on his own laptop (a lovely Apple PowerBook). He made use of his bookmarks. One of them was for a penis enlargement site.

Was his Mac h4xx0r3d? I doubt it...
( drunkenoaf, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 18:06, Reply)

In the communal computer in the lab
I accidentally pressed the down arrow in the google text input box.

Edinburgh +gay +nightlife
and various permutations of (all including +gay) appeared.

Now, was it the Gay PhD student, his boyfriend, the gay lecturer, or the transsexual lecturer (he became a she, only to realise that she was a lesbian) that was searching for that?
( drunkenoaf, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 18:00, Reply)