Oh, Tess.
Please sit down, y'all, and get settled in for a long 'un. Oo-er.

This is a story of me and my friend Terese, also known to all and sundry as Tess. She's Danish, blonde, tall, into photography (like-what-I-am), likes the outdoors (like-what-I-does) and is stunningly attractive.

I kid thee not, she looks very similar to Scarlett Johannsen, but working for a web company in London. And she's gorgeous. Did I mention that?

Tess and I met many moons ago at a festival where she and her friend were face painting. I actually saw her friend and her friend painted my (31 year old, at the time) face with a large saltire (Scottish flag (of St Andrew)).

We spent pretty much the entire weekend together with me pointing up various photogenic subjects (i.e., musicians, still lifes etc) and we competed as to who could get the bestest picture.

On the Saturday evening we went for dinner at my favourite (Scottish) restaurant on Trafalgar Square and met my friend the organiser who gave us both back stage passes for the Sunday. On the Sunday we met for breakfast (Ed=serious, attentive male without any first-date-nookie ideas) before going off to the festival again.

We stay in touch. When we meet, we kiss and have been each others plus ones for weddings and parties.

She designs and builds a website for me for DS09 and acts as the creative director type but then - shock, horror - I discover (from her) that she's involved on a casual basis with another who appears to treat her in something other than the pedestal-placing that I desire to do.

So, dear reader, here's the question - do I ask THE question? There are many, many logical reasons why we should be together but then there's also the point of the famous film When Harry Met Sally - why fcuk up a perfectly good friendship with a relationship?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 23:55, 13 replies)

It's easy
I held a candle for her

See, she was carrying this candle, right, and... oh forget it I'm lonely and will be for the foreseeable future.

The girl I'm talking about is amazing though
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 23:39, Reply)

qotw
two for you this week
1.an ex of mine i met at a noize party she was wearing a pair of cat ears and a very long t-shirt(and as i found out later not much else)we sort of just got thrown together as we knew some of the same people it didnt last too long(a month) as other than music we didnt have much to talk about and it just ran dry
2i tryed to ask a girl out while i was away in ireland but that fell on its arse badly as she was pilled up to her eyeballs and obv not makeing sense so i let her be and went to another party down the road
(imgunnabesick rawr ^ \_/ ^, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 23:35, 2 replies)

This is so corny
I was in a gay club in Bradford aged about 18 (with a gay couple I lived with - I wasn't there for the ladies) and like most 18 year olds I was ragingly horny. On the night in question the club had a stripper on called Jake The Snake (his act involved his pet phython Sam). I had watched him strip and was very impressed ( and horny!) so decided to chat him up after his gig. As he was packing up my killer chat up line was.....
"Can I play with your snake?".
It's the worst and most cring-worthy line I have ever used and it still makes me barf to this day!
It did work tho....Although I wasn't very popular with the male gay population for quite some time for `poaching on their territory' OOPS!
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 23:17, 1 reply)

The lovely Mr Emperor Bob and I
met at a charity karaoke party thrown by some mutual friends.

I was hiding from some perv who gatecrashed, so got Mr Emperor Bob to stand in front of me, hiding me from perv's view. Later, he sang "7 Nation Army", bought me multiple gins, and invited me to a gig. A match made in heaven.

Strange as it may sound, from the moment I met him, I knew I wanted to kiss him. 10 minutes after properly speaking to him (probably merrily praising his White Stripes performance), I knew that I was going to kiss him. And within a couple of dates with him (proper dates, not just kissing at the party), I knew that we had a really good chance of having a good relationship.

It's been over 3 years now, I moved in with him at Easter, and I've never been happier. This is the first ever proper relationship I've ever been in (4 months with a flute-playing geek at school doesn't count, and uni was made up of, ahem, shorter-term liaisons), and I have the happy feeling that it's going to be the last relationship I'll ever be in.



Click "I like this" if I just made you vomit a little bit.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 23:16, 6 replies)

Breaking the ice/porcelain
My current boyfriend spent too much time on computers in his first 6th form year so got relegated to mine, and as soon as i met him, i decided i likes him A LOT.

First week of term there's an ice breaker party at the local football club cue me being very drunk and trying to chat him up and failing miserably.. He walked off to go to the toilet and i followed him.
Once in there he turned around rather shocked to see me and i thought to myself "keep it casual don't go crazy or he'll see you for the crazy person you really are" so i decided to 'casually' sit down on the sink, which immediately ripped away from the wall pipes and everything.
I looked at him, looked at the cloud of dust settling behind me, ran like the wind out of that toilet and didn't look back!

I got a two hundred pound bill for the sink, but i got him the next week as well! and that was 2 years ago! :)
(rosie-pie, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 23:11, Reply)

lost a friend and didnt gain a boyfriend
Back in the day when i was still at school, my best friend was madly in love with this guy we used to hang out with.
She managed to pluck up the courage to ask him to meet us at the park where she would ask him out. She made me come along so it wouldn't seem like such a set up.
He turned up, she asked him out. He said no as he was in love with someone else, turned and looked at me, and told me he loved me!!!

i'll never forget the look on her face! i declined.

She has never let me forget it! however we don't speak anymore because we fell out over something else. The lying little hoe-bag!
(VodkaMargarine When there is no Brandy Butter..., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 22:57, Reply)

bloody yanks

Some bloody Yank is now going out with the last girl I asked out.

I asked and she said she liked someone else which seeing as she spoke about him sometimes in that kind of way was probably true.

Then she just gets over that and goes out with a different guy, the Yank.

Bloody Yanks !!!
(Master of Muppets, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 22:28, Reply)

i was working as a barman in a dodgy gay bar
when i met him.

he was also working behind the bar. i asked him if he wanted to go out after work. went to fabric. bought pills. took pills.

*wavy lines*

still living together 7 years later.

the lesson? dont buy drugs from french dwarves.
(imallamallama looking forward to llamageddon on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 22:26, Reply)

Never been any good at it
He'd asked me out a few times and I would always say no, lets just be friends. He made me a mix tape, cant remember what was on it but by then a little strumpet was cosying up to him and I didn't like it one bit so I gave him his mix tape back.

Cunningly I'd recorded Eternal Flame by The Bangles on it. It worked somehow, as we went to Alton Towers the following weekend, then the pub and were an item at the end of the evening without a word being said.

It will be 20 years next month to the date we went to AT but as neither of us asked each other out, we're not really together.
(Brumdee, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 22:25, Reply)

the usual
He bought me ale, took me home and did "very bad things to me"

Now we are engaged and buying a flat together. yay!
( hedge_diver, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 22:14, 1 reply)

I hung out with
this girl I liked for months and months. Finally I asked her out. She politely refused, telling me she thinks she might me a lesbian. Bugger, thinks I. I'm still not sure whether that's better or worse than another guy... I now spend my days on the tube cutting myself and masturbating.
(Aatxe, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 22:09, 5 replies)

A very dear freind of mine...
...Once E-mailed me to say that he was getting a LOT of undue interest from a colleague.

Later in the week he rang me while he was on the way home: "She's following me: it's not the first time"

As all good mates should, I advised hm to steer clear of the stalker... they only cause trouble.

Predictably, their wedding was great, And their first kid a year later was a boy... And she's most definately a Keeper :D
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 22:06, Reply)

I was a youngun
We where doing our A levels. She lent me a pen - I fell deeply in love. For six months we where the firmest of friends. We went places and such and though I felt for her deeply I never mentioned it.

So one day I asked her out - to the cinema. She said yes. It was (and still is) the best day of my life. I loved her, and she agreed to go out with me. I told everyone.

At the end of the day she came up to me, my love, my date! In front of all our friends she told me that she didn't fancy me - and thought that I was asking her out as a mate. No - one let me forget it!

Anyway - now it's fucking hillarious. Not so much back then.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 22:03, Reply)

Ahem
I once knew a girl called Becca
Who loved to wear really tight sweaters
I gawped at her tits
I went in for a kiss
But she punched me right on my pecker
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 22:01, Reply)

I was 8
So was she.
We were in class together, the teacher was nasty (subtle sidenote).
She had milky white skin.
And freckles.
Lots of freckles.
Cute smile.
I was 'in love'.
Weeks went by, I swooned when she walked past. Dribbled when I thought about her walking past.
Her name was Rebecca. Becca. Becky. She was beautiful.

I asked her to dance at the school disco.
"Go suck a rubber duck" was the reply.

I've not recovered. *twitch*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 21:58, 1 reply)

I live on my own with a cactus
Fuck you all
(SSSSS, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 21:58, 2 replies)

Im thinking of selling the rights to Disney
At a party

flatmate: Hi
girl: Hi
G: so uh, whereabouts do you live?
FM: xxx avenue
G: xxx avenue!! I have slept with five people on that street!
FM: wanna make it a half dozen?
G: sure!
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 21:56, 1 reply)

This one's about my sister.
My sister was 15 and was being courted by a very nice guy whom she didn't find attractive.

He finally summoned up the courage ask her out and started with "I've never really asked a girl out before..."

To which my sister said "Well, don't."
( Grampa, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 21:41, 2 replies)

How it happened
Until I met my wife-to-be I had never asked a girl out. Either we'd fallen into a relationship or she'd asked me. So I wasn't quite sure what to do.

So I was at some do at college when this huge girl turns up in a white all-in-one thing (it was the late 80's) and starts bouncing around all over the place. Well, I was impressed even if no one else was.

A few months later and I find myself in a position of power - I'm selecting people to be in the chorus of a show: they need to sing and dance. The big white-suited girl turns up wheezing (she'd just had an asthma attack) and limping (recovering from broken leg). Strangely she gets a role in the chorus.

But even my enormous conductor's baton doesn't impress her and as far as I can tell she's ignoring me. So I do the only decent thing and sulk.

Months pass and I'm playing in a rock band at an open air concert. Finally I pluck up the courage and ask 80's girl to come to the concert to hear me play. She turns up just as we finish the set. I'm so hyper that I overcome my natural shyness and, well , somehow we end up snogging all night in the middle of a field.

Unfortunately she's leaving the country the next day for months. This is in the time before e mail (shock) so we exchange letters. But when she returns she moves in with me. 7 days later I ask her to marry me. She says it's too soon. So 3 months later I ask her again and she says yes. And the rest is history.

Aah. Excuse me while I go into a romantic reverie.

And see - no alcohol or drugs: right kids?!
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 21:36, 1 reply)

A friend of mine
met her now husband when he arrested her stalker.
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 21:35, Reply)

my first date was a disaster,
and i'm bloody lucky that mrs. monk hung on in there.
i'd met her while interviewing her for a job she didn't get (because i fancied her, and figured it would be a conflict of interest if i employed her)
i was scheduled to meet her after work for a few drinks and dinner, but had been held up by a friend's photography project i was helping on that day.
my role in said project turned out to involve 'mutilating' and 'raping' a poor young girl in her prom dress. think torn garters, exposed boobs, big knives and lots of ketchup. whilst this was all tremendous fun, it didn't make a particularly good ice-breaker when i arrived an hour late.
we then went for impossibly spicy korean barbecue, and me being in single (and already drunk mode), neglected to pick up the bill, leaving it for poor mrs monk-to-be. for shame. i'm still taunted about this, 3 years later.

but wait! on top of all this, i then had the audacity to take her to a party hosted by my ex.

we're getting married next year.
( the brass moustache putting the ass moust in brache since, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 21:34, Reply)

Psychological Scarring
I have never been too good around the opposite sex.

After a few early knockbacks at school I gave up on asking girls out. This trend continued throughout college and university fuelling my parents beliefs that I may be gay. Thats what you get when you have a half-Irish, Half-Scottish Father who thinks he is quite the ladies man, but has only his repetoire of stomach churning chat up lines to show as evidence.

So, time goes by, I drop out of uni and find a job. There are a couple of minor flirtations with ladies, but nothing serious. Then last Christmas, after travelling back up to my North Eastern homeland I met a lovely lady. She was the friend of a friend and we hit it off. We saw eachother a lot in the week before I was due to return to Manchester. All was going well until a particularly drunken evening a few days before my planned departure. Long story short...sharp nails, exposed genitalia, blood loss, swelling, embarassing trip to the doctors surgery and application of topical cream.

Since that fateful evening I have not had the courage to ask any other girls out. It's official, I have the fear, I may never fornicate again.
(fan-dan-go because mutton chops are cool!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 21:34, 3 replies)

Make 'em beg.
I'm presuming that by 'going out' we mean rooting each other in a semi-permanent fashion. I learnt at a very young age to pick the hot chick everyone is trying to 'give one' to / 'ask out' etc, get to know her but in no circumstances try to get into her pants. Seemed to work very well. They'd wonder why 'he doesn't like me' etc and when you finally hit the sack it was like you were 'doing them a favour'- quite a sweet reward for your forebearance. Machivallean - mebbee - but works... and you don't have to ask them out and risk getting shat on. Have been married for nearly 10 years to a nice lady I snagged this way.
( hismastersvice cunting flange-jammer, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 21:22, Reply)

For some reason,
I always seem to ask out girls that do some form of drama or performing arts.
Then wonder why i never noticed they were going to fuck me over.

Last one took me on holiday with her family, brought me home, then never made an effort to speak to me again.

I even pulled her out of the sea with elite baywatch sexyness one particularly rough day.

For fucks sake.
(Andaba Is Team GB Olympic Colouring Competitor, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 21:05, Reply)

Well
A good soundproofed basement, industrial strength chain around the ankle and enough rohypnol to stun a horse works for me!

There are a remarkable amount of one footed women who dont accept drinks from strangers where I live
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 21:04, Reply)

All thanks to copious amounts of vodka and quantro and a tricky lock
We first hooked up at one of his parties. My friend got wasted, locked herself in the bathroom and couldn't get out again. After about half an hour of this on either side of the door:

Me: Unlock the door.
Her:I want to come out, let me out!
Me: You have to unlock the door first. No, let go of the handle.
Her: I don't like it, Apple, let me ouuuuuut.
Me: Listen to me, unlock the door and you can come out. No, turn off the shower!

She stopped answering, everyone was dying for a piss, so the lock had to be broken off.

Five minutes later, I'm sat on the kitchen floor, upset that I let my mate lock herself in the bathroom as I'd been looking after her, and he comes and sits by me, angry at the fate of his bathroom door.

One thing lead to another, and about an hour later I woke up on the kitchen floor as after our intensive make-out session, we'd both fallen asleep (well it was four in the morning)and wandered off to find a bed that was more forgiving on my spine. The next morning, he avoided the issue, and though we kept meeting up for more make out sessions, it was about three weeks before the actual asking occurred.

I was at his one night, and someone rang him up. He put the phone down pretty quickly. "Who was that?" I asked.
"Oh just some girl. She wants me" He joked.
"O Rly? Well she can't have you." I joked back
"Am I yours then?"
"Yep"
"Does that mean your interested in a serious relationship now?" Suddenly all serious. I looked at him, unsure. "Yeah, that was my super-cool way of asking you out."

Much making out ensued.

Length? About four months, which is an immense achievement for me.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 21:03, Reply)

Mrs Bin's post has just made me realise the fact that...
I have never ever asked anyone to go out with me.


Apart from Mrs Bin a minute ago *laughs*
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 20:58, Reply)

I have never
been asked out.

FACT
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 20:52, 5 replies)