Those cinema ones remind me of the time
I went to watch Van Helsing with a few mates, and there was the advert before where the kid gets run over, but he's already dead so it passes straight through him, we had all seen it before, the advert that is, as it had been out for about 6 months.

The part where the kid goes, "It's her party tonight, but I'm not going..."

And my mate shouts out, "'CAUSE YOU'RE DEAD!"

Cue everyone pissing themself and me not being able to watch that advert without pissing myself ever since.
(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 20:51, Reply)

PE teachers deserve it
After the 3rd Year C team trudged off the pitch following another 78 - 5 humping off of another school's D team, we retreated to the changing room to apply deep heat and plasters, in order to survive for the rest of the day. Instead of letting us leave and get on with our lives as we'd have all preferred, the coach turns up and starts giving us his best 'Hard luck, you looked good for the first 9 seconds...' speech, which went on for ages.

Itching to get up and leave, we tried hinting that we weren't interested. At the point in the speech when he began making excuses he said 'Now you're all quite young, as a team you're very raw...' to which I wittily interjected:

'Aye, yer maw.'

I think it was the fact that it rhymed made him pause for long enough for someone to say that they had to get a move on.
(thePontificator, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 20:50, Reply)

On my birthday a couple of years back
Duran Duran were playing Sheffield Arena ON my birthday, so I got tickets and me and my mate Matthew went. The played 'the reflex' with their usual panaché, and in the lull after the cheer that followed, my mate Matthew shouted, "You r-r-r-r-rock!". Cue much hilarity. Mainly from me. Happy days.
( Tone Depear fucking rocks, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 20:49, Reply)

JFK
In GCSE history for some reason we had to watch Kennedy getting shot. I never understood why, since we were learning about Russia at the time. Maybe the teacher had the decorators in or summat and just wanted to see a man die. Anyway, just as his cranium explodes in a shower of brain, blood and bone, Chris shouts in his best Southpark voice "Oh my god! They killed Kennedy" immediatly followed by the entire class shouting "You Bastards!" We never got to watch videos after that.
( Furness, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 20:17, Reply)

Not mine..
Sat in the cinema the other week, not exactly full (about 20 of us in the 500 seats) there was a row of studenty types behind us. Before the film they played that Road Safety ad with the monumentally irritating kids messing around filming themselves on a mobile phone.

Immediately after the kid gets hit by the car one of the student types behind us shouted out: "Yeah! I'd have run 'em over too".

I can't see that advert without smiling now.

Other stories I could post include that time we saw (unwillingly) "MC Lars" and his "Post Punk Laptop Rap" ... I don't think there was anyone in the crowd who didn't heckle that pile of shite.
( The Glum Reaper cannot solve your problem because he has no jam, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 20:04, Reply)

Excuse me...
Are you all pretending not to see the error in JackB's post down there? Is it the terror of confirming that you're an atypical t'interweb nerd? Oh wait, it's probably because you've all stopped reading as the answers mostly consist of the same three fucking stories told over and over again.

So anyway, I once saw someone ask Harold Bishop off of Neighbours why he was so fat and he shouted "SHE'S IN THE ATTIC!". Ahhh good times.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Sun 9 Apr 2006, 19:50, Reply)

Not exactly a heckle...
I used to drive to work in a village and often gave my workmates lifts.

Sometimes we'd see another workmate, let's call her Clare, walking along the same route, a distance of a few miles. I'd say, let's pick Clare up! but my other passengers would say no, ffs, don't! without explaining why.

One day, Clare finished work at the same time as I did so I innocently offered her a lift home.

She jumped in, wound the window down, and stuck her head out of the car window.

Then it started.

Every time we saw a man, fixing a car or walking or riding a pushbike, she shouted filthy suggestions at him. She propositioned old blokes with dogs, young blokes with pushchairs and youths on mountain bikes, and I nearly sh*t myself when the local beat-bobby pedalled into view - on balance it seemed less dangerous to speed up than let her heckle him too.

During our 15 minute trip home, it seemed that every man for miles was out enjoying the sunshine, only to be asked to get his c*ck out, or be asked if he'd like to suck Clare's - you get the idea.

I dropped her off at home in shocked silence, and next time I saw her walking, I carried on driving.

Mysterious.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 19:34, Reply)

back in college...
I wasn't around, but this happened to my husband and has become a legend among our friends...

My husband and a few friends went to the opening night of the re-released original Star Wars while in college. Just before the previews there were advertisements about some chicken restaurant, with a huge rooster strutting across the scene. Well, a friend of ours yelled out:

"that's the biggest brown cock I've ever seen!"

Everyone in the theater started laughing. Maybe they even tell the story to their friends too, everytime they talk about seeing Star Wars.
(thelaw, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 19:32, Reply)

Bull
Dooley: www.snopes.com/movies/actors/zadora.asp
(Poogle, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 19:15, Reply)

The Friday Night Project
shittest thing on TV with or without Jimmy Carr, straight Greham Norton just does not work...

anyway, about a year ago, when Jimmy Carr did present, me and my now ex-girlfriend went to go see it at the London Studios after arranging for me to ask Kelly Osbourne a question.

I was well excited because my question, which had been accepted by the prodution team (over the phone!) was:

"Kelly having now such a successful music career and life as a part time model, has it ever struck you to take a leaf out of your mum's book and sort your face out?"

I was so excited that I would get to do this on telly, as any counter-culture piss taking cunt such as myself would be.

We had arranged to meet the production team in the pub over the road so that's where we went rather than directly to the studio. I was a little disgruntled about not being able to queue as they were handing out free beer to everyone. Cunts. Got in the pub, met the team and they are giving out bits of paper with peoples questions. However these questions were not ones sent in, just ones made by the complete and utterly guest pleasing production tem...I got the last one left and was not happy: "Kelly what kind of guy turns you on?"

Fuck a duck, not happy!

Got to asking the question after the most lifeless hour of my life which would later be cut to make 15 minutes worth of footage. I stood up and gave a pervy smile for comedy effect and then went "Kelly....so...what kind of guy really tuurns you oooon?!"

Sharply responded to with "Not you!"

I then pull a complete Paxman and shout from my seat

"I think I speak for all the men in this room when I say that the feeling's mutual!"

I was cut...what a bunch of cocks, that was the funniest thing to happen all night.
( Grundlebiscuit, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 19:04, Reply)

Jason Donovan...
...was playing at our student's union bar. A few steps down from the arenas that he used to sell out in his heyday.

Anyways, the story I'm told is that members of the crowd began to chant "do you take it, do you take it, do you take it up the arse? do you take it up the arse?" etc

to which mr donovan replies:

"no, but kylie does."

huzzah!
(widdy, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 18:50, Reply)

Can't remember the band
Some generic nu-metallers.
The Heckle:
Can you do any Cliff Richard?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 9 Apr 2006, 18:48, Reply)

At a well-attended all-night fillum show
at UMIST in about 1980, we had reached the bit in 'The Omen' where Gregory Peck goes back to his house after a funeral, knowing that his little son is in fact a terrible murderer.

He enters the front door silently, looks around warily, and stealthily climbs the stairs. Tension mounts - where is the killer? Will Peck be the next victim?

Suddenly, a drunken voice called out from the back, in Panto stylee, 'LOOK BE'IND YER!' and the place exploded with laughter and applause, totally destroying the 'moment'.

Yup, it was me, and I'm sorry.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 18:39, Reply)

jack dee
i saw jack at the playhouse years ago with an unknown mark lammar in support when mark walked out on to the stage someone shouted get off you c**t to which mark replied thanks dad. very funny at the time.
(come2whereimfrom .co.uk, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 18:14, Reply)

Remembrance day assembly in college
Utterly boring pisshead deputy head of college has been rambling on about remembrance day to a big hall full of students, who were understandably getting hot and bothered, considering she is irritating and nasal, and we all wanted to run around and do student stuff, like not go to lessons and talk shit.

So, as is her custom at the end of an assembly, she decides to play a track out over the speakers in the hall, which will have some vague reference to whatever she has been chatting about for the past half hour.

Considering its remembrance, and you are supposed to show some respect and all, my mate pipes up, and shouts/sings:

"HUH! WAR! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!"

to naught but rapturous applause to those of us around him, and stern looks and a later arse-kicking from this deputy head.

Also, his length and girth are quite respectable.
(fantomex, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 17:56, Reply)

Poor, poor actors.
My dad went to see the story of Anne Frank on stage once.
When the Gestapo burst into her house, he stood up and shouted:

"SHE'S IN THE ATTIC!"

He wasn't even thrown out or anything!
(Dooley, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 17:53, Reply)

Heckle
I once heard a story about the actor who plays Harold Bishop in 'Neighbours'....

Apparently whilst on stage, somebody shouted "Why are you so fat?"...to which he replied "Cos every time i fuck your mum, she gives me a biscuit!"

(*whether this story is actually true, i don`t know but i`d like to think it is)
:0)
(Uncle Cletus, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 17:49, Reply)

Comedy Club
I heard this from a member of the audience at the Frog and Bucket in Manchester:
Comedian: "where are you all from then?"
Bloke: "My mother's steaming cunt"
(khd, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 17:18, Reply)

Many apoligies for this, and not just for length...
So I was at this parents' stand up night. Fat woman gets up on stage.

"Why are you so fat?"
"Because every time the ice cream man plays music he's run out of ice cream!"




Wait, that's not right...
(Dyslexic Pidgeon, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 17:12, Reply)

kids show in a holiday camp
well me and my terribly drunk cousin were forced into going watching this show which they were doing at the club in the holiday camp.

it was some harry potter rip off. me and my cousin had a good laugh at the main actor because he was fat with a terrible wig on.

it was up to the part were the main actor had stole "barry potters" girlfriend. so "barry potter" walks in and asks whats going on.

my drunk cousin stands up and shouts "barry he's been doin yer bird"

cue about ten five year olds askin what that means
(torture bunny lives under the kitchen sink, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 16:11, Reply)

at a school assembly
a well meaning but old, fat and rather dull teacher at my school recited the words of Martin Luther King's most famous speech. However, on the second reading of the words "I have a dream" a boy at the back shouted "Was it a wet one?"
(jms, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 15:35, Reply)

Apeloverage...
I don't go for cutting. I go for subtle old chum. Which is quite a shame as you're about as subtle as a sumo wrestler in a china shop.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 9 Apr 2006, 15:24, Reply)

Ian Brown
A whole moshpit and I once heckled Ian Brown when he was supporting the Manics in Cardiff around 2002. I hate the arrogant monkey-faced tw*t. He threw bottles at the crowd and offered everyone on. He was laughed off after one and a half songs. Ha! Take that monkey-man!
(Bunnygirl, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 14:53, Reply)

excellent stand-up retort to persevering idiotic wasted heckler

"look, this is my job mate; i'm at work-
don't piss me off when im at work, its just not cricket.
do i hassle you when you're at work?
do i come round and knock all those cocks out of your mouth?"

accompanied by the cock-knocking equivalent of the 'young man...' bit of the YMCA dance
(wormald, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 14:45, Reply)

not so much a heckle as...
About 20 + years ago, when the expression that follows was far less common, I was sitting on the top of a decker bus going past Camber well Green at Christmas time. As it drew up to the stop on the side of the Green, the sound of the Sally Army choir singing Christmas carols wafted up the stairs. A young black guy at the front remarked : "wicked sounds, man." There weren't many people on the top deck, but we all cracked up. Don't you miss those old double deckers too? The new ones look far too big for the road, why oh why did they get rid of the old ones, I bet they still work, and I loved the little ticket machine that was hanging round the conductors neck, with the little handle on the side..where have those all gone? length is always great for me
(cherrypie, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 14:32, Reply)

an Australian politician...

...from what was then the Country Party, is supposed to have given a speech in Parliament which included the phrase "I'm a country member".

The response: "yes mate, we do remember".
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 14:25, Reply)

Noel-Coward-esque banter.

QUOTE: "Once again trying to think of something funny to say to bring down other posters as his own life is so dull"

probably not the most cutting criticism in the context of a question about heckling, surely?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 14:24, Reply)

The latest Star Wars trainwreck (spoilers)
The end of the film, as the baby that you know is Obi Wan is born... The tension builds as the child is lifted into a melodramatic pose against a sunset. The cinema is silent; it's one of the few engaging scenes. The lighting makes the wet Obi Wan look very dark, so the breath-holding filmhall suddenly resounds to the over-loud voice of a mate of mine:
"Holy shit! Obi Wan's black!"
How we laughed...
(JackB, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 14:15, Reply)

GANDHI!

HITLER!

VOMIT!
( Malchick, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 14:14, Reply)

I see Apeloverage is back
Once again trying to think of something funny to say to bring down other posters as his own life is so dull...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 9 Apr 2006, 14:13, Reply)