I wouldn't say yo mammas ugly..
but when she cries the tears run down her back.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:36, Reply)

Mild racism
For whatever reason, whilst at secondary school, the ultimate insult was to refer to someone as "You Stupid Arab." Which did me no favours when I got a job with a lebanese insurance broker
Oops
(The Hooded Bean is in my pants Can't resist a Fanny/Tranny Joke, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:36, Reply)

Larger ladies, dressed to 'impress'
A typical conversation among my peers may go;

1 - "You should've seen the tart Steve pulled the other night!"

2 - "Why? Was she fit, like?"

1 - "Nah, she looked like 10lb of shit in a 5lb bag"
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:35, Reply)

I was in the local boozer...
...discussing a young lady and someone said 'Oh, [name deleted]? Community snale that one.'
I wittily riposted with 'What?'
'Oh you know, everybody's adder'.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:35, Reply)

last week..
2 kids arguing, girl called him a wanker
Boys reply "your just pissed because your dad burnt an inch off your pissflaps"

Classic
(wifebeater Funkier than a BinBag of Affro's, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:35, Reply)

More....
One of my coaches down in SOuth Carolina used to call a guy a "Fire Island Faggot." I always thought it was brilliant because the kid was Hawaiian...HOWEVER, I later found out that Fire Island is a big gay beach resort on Long Island about an hour from NYC.

D'oh!

Maybe the coach knew something that none of us knew?
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:35, Reply)

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said
"Sorry, no professionals."

Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:35, Reply)

pub bores
i've passed stools that were more entertaining than you
(bollox, not again, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:34, Reply)

Yo mamma's
so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

Thanks to Mr B. Manning for that gem.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:34, Reply)

And finally...
The very, very, very fine expletive from Clerks II

"Sex nuts and retard strong" - I wish I got to use that one more often!
(TC, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:34, Reply)

The ultimate insult!
When I was about 10 or so, all the kids in my street would ride out bikes about the bottom of the cul-de-sac, explore bushland, annoy the neighbours, etc.

One of the more annoying members of this little gang had her even more annoying cousin of the same age stay over from England (no offence to Brits, most of you seem quite lovely). This girl immediately took a liking to one of the boys in the group named Daniel.

Annoying girl took every opportunity she could to show off by acting really tough whenever he was around. She was horribly rude to her own cousin and myself by generally being a big smart ass and swearing. She was quite fond of the phrase, "Fuck up!" which I've always found rather odd.

One day, Daniel brought his skateboard with him. Now us kids had all had a go on his skateboard and had learnt how to do this little maneouvre which I can't quite remember the name of, but it went something like this: You hold your backfoot on one end of the skateboard to hold it at an angle, push down on your front foot at the front of the skateboard and do a 360 spin. Nothing fancy, but us non skateboarders were pretty chuffed we could do it. (if any b3ta skateboarders know what this is called, i'd love to know!)

Annoying Girl seized Daniel's skateboard. He asked her if was a skateboarder.
"Oh yeah," she bragged, "I skateboard all the time."

"Can you do a [whatever that move was called]?" asked Daniel.

"Of course I can!" she said.

"Go on then."

She hopped on the skateboard, began to tilt it to one side... and promptly fell off. We cacked ourselves laughing, of course.

She kept trying, and failing, and we kept laughing.

"Hah!" laughed I. "If you can't do that, you can't really skateboard at all!"

By this time, the annoying girl had gone red in the face with sheer frustration. After all, she had just been caught lying, her attempts at looking cool had failed, and she was continually falling on her ass in front of a boy she liked. My comment had obviously sent her over the edge as she kicked the skateboard away and stormed back inside, screaming over her shoulder,

"DICK OFF!"
(TheChicken Five hundred thousand points from Gryffindor, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:34, Reply)

Said by a friend:
"Yeah, your sister is good, but your mother does that thing with her tongue"
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:34, Reply)

Being Southern and Living In NYC
I used to have people who frequently greeted me (at a pub) with "Hey, its Citadel from Dooowwwwwn South!" And I would respond with:

"Hey! Its a Jackass from DOOOOWWWWWN My pants!"

It got me a free pint! I HATE it when New Yorkers try to fake a southern drawl...like fingernails on a chalkboard!
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:34, Reply)

A pal, you understand.
Not me. His favourite expletive for a long while was "c*nt my f*ck box" - I have to this day no idea what it really means. He only stopped using it after predictive text turned into "aunt my jewel box". He says that now instead. But we all know what he means. Even if we don't *know* what it means. If you see what I mean.

Gonna stop now.
(TC, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:33, Reply)

Well
Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!

I admit it, I had to google "Yo Mamma Insults" - it seems white men really can't jump.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:33, Reply)

She's got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:32, Reply)

The Best
one of my old officers
used to come out with to
the men was "you turd burgling ass maggot"
spunk bubble and the only reason i aint
your dad is cos the dog beat me up the stairs.

Oh and scabby cunt licker was a favorite by
me mates and penii or penass .
( Trollman, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:31, Reply)

angrymanxman
yo momma's so ugly bigfoot takes pictures of her
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:31, Reply)

Vipros
Well yo' mamma so stoopid she sold her car for petrol money.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:31, Reply)

So many from school
Highlights include:

"The Pilsbury Dough Cunt"
"Gay Rape Bait"
"at his party I met his mum and girlfriend, there was one bitch there"

Watched a teacher get called Mr Dildo (he had parkinsons)

"She left her first foster family because her foster dads dick wasnt big enough"

Before that I went to a private school where abuse was to call someone a "Flump", not exactly in the same game eh
(wifebeater Funkier than a BinBag of Affro's, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:31, Reply)

a/s/l?

( Your watch is BACK, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:30, Reply)

angrymanxman
that's funny, because yo momma's so fat she has to put her belt on with a boomerang
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:30, Reply)

Almost unanswerable (only almost mind)
That's what your Mum said!

Classic!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:30, Reply)

Military Taunts
There are TONS of BRILLIANT ones:

"You've got a face that would make a freight train take a dirt road in a monsoon!"

More to come! Stay tuned!
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:29, Reply)

Someone
called me a big fat bastard. They didn't look so smug when I told them I'm only this fat because every time I fucked his mother she gave me a biscuit.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:29, Reply)

kids in vietnam
have this idea of asking tourists for loose change, cos a pound coin in vietnamese dong is worth quite a bit.

so my mate gives this one scamp a fifty pence coin. the kid puts on a face like leon just tried to butter his pucker and starts bawling that it's not enough and he wants more. amongst the stream of high-pitched vietnamese comes (in amusingly broken english) "I hope your children have no nose"

That freaked us all out. Imagine having no nose, that would be a terrible curse
( gravytrain, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:29, Reply)

The best
one of my old officers
used to come out with
( Trollman, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:29, Reply)

Vipros
Well, yo' mamma so fat she fell broke her leg and GRAVY poured out!
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 15:29, Reply)