Superman
When I was about 4, my dad used to go on about how he was a fighter pilot in the war and other bollocks like that which I would pass on to my mate along the road. When my mate's dad met my dad for the first time he said, "So you're Jim's dad. I thought you'd have a big 'S' on your chest"
( High Lord Phanty, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:04, Reply)

my mum
told me that cadbury's mini eggs were poisonous. we had little easter arrangements of nests in our living room.

it didnt stop me trying them tho. I always wondered why rat killer tasted of sugar.
(magictorch, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:03, Reply)

A long time ago......
In the early ninties - when there was nothing on TV, and a young'un had nothing but coal to play with, I had a discussion with my dear mother.

I said - "Mother dear. Will I be happy, will I be rich"

Here's what she said to me - "Que sara sara."
Slightly confused by this anti-englified response I asked - "What the f*dge does that mean?"

"It means kill Sarah. Sarah." she replied, catatonically.

I'm currently serving the 10th of my 13 year sentence.
(Market Man, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:03, Reply)

My parents told me
that the metal cutting edge on tin foil and clingfoil boxes was hot.
I believed that for years...
( bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:03, Reply)

My mum didn't mean to lie
but i took it literally. When we were leaving a theme park i wanted to go on one last ride, but my mum said "if we go in there we'll never get out." (talking about the crowds holding us up)

That haunted me for years thinking of all the people that i saw go in and were probably still trapped
( Badger_Phenomenon, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:02, Reply)

My mom still maintains to this day
That it's dangerous to have a bath right after you eat a meal. I don't know if it's true or not, so it might not technically be a lie, but it seems highly unlikely...
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:00, Reply)

My older brother used to tell me
that my other brother could time travel. He even made me a book about it called 'Henry and the Dinosaurs'. I believed this until I was about seven.

He also used to tell me that there was a monster in our cellar that had been asleep for a hundred years, and if I made too much noise it would wake up and eat me.

He also told me that there was a type of organ that played a note that if anyone heard it they would start to disintegrate. I was terrified of listening to organ music or going to churches with an organ in them.
( Comma, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:57, Reply)

Speaking as a parent myself, and therefore lying through my teeth...
My seven year old son pointed to the condom machine in the pub toilets and asked "Daddy, what's that?"

"That, son, is a chewing gum machine."

"Can I have some then? They've got fruit flavoured."

"Err... I haven't got any money."

All well and good, but he now asks me the same question wherever we go, and I am obliged to pretend that I am broke. God knows what he thinks the "Novelty" flavour are.

I once cracked the "Two quid a packet, but *what* bubbles" gag to him, just as a test, and he didn't have a clue what I was on about, which, I suppose, was fortunate.

Downfall, naturally, in front of a large audience in the Gents' in Tesco. The little bugger.

I also convinced him, on Children in Need night, that we don't have to donate any money because "we've already done our bit."

"How's that then."

"We gave fifty quid to the children's home to get you."

The threat to send him back always works in those sticky parental moments. Maybe we should come clean sooner or later. He thinks "Oliver" is a documentary.

Edit: Have also told my kids that a) if they get out of bed, killer clowns will eat their brains and b) the really tall steel chimney at the hospital is in fact a rocket that's landed in someone's belly button. Result: son who is phobic about his navel and a daughter who had a panic attack at a birthday party. Whoops.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:56, Reply)

My parents told me...
That eating the crusts from my sandwiches would put hairs on my chest- all well and good, but my sister will probably never forgive them for making her eat hers too.
(Me and your sisters- at it. DVDs/Videos 10 quid., Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:55, Reply)

That when the ice cream van music plays
It means that they've run out of ice creams. bastards.
(baroo_the_cat Valley of Weights, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:54, Reply)

Lie: "we're going to visit Granny"
Truth : Aged six, I noticed mum packing lots of things into giant traverling case.
"What are you doing?"
"Packing your case.... We're going to visit Granny"
"Oh! Goody! I like it at Grannies."

after 4 hours in the car I couldn't help think it was taking longer to get there than usual.

"How long now?"
"Not long."

within the hour I was watching my parents through my tears, as they left me at Lisvane Boarding School in North Yourkshire.
( Happyperson, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:54, Reply)

My parents lied to me constantly...
and not just the silly crap about Santa Claus...

"You have to wait 30 minutes after you eat before you get in the pool, or you'll get cramps."

"You can't go barefoot in the mud because you'll get worms in your feet."

"I'll beat some sense into you."

"There's this big guy that lives in the sky, and if you're bad, he'll punish you."
( Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:50, Reply)

That I would grow up

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:49, Reply)

When I was about four...
my cat disapeared. They told me it had run off with a stray cat that was prowling around to have a family and all. Years later, I found out they actually got rid of it... by throwing it in a mailbox... ummm
(Bli, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:48, Reply)

Lies your parents told you
I stuffed half a packet of biscuits when I was a kiddie - choccie digestives, I believe - and when my parents noticed they told me that this packet had been open for ages and was full of lice. I feigned that I didn't belive them but that night I could swear that my stomach was churning and wiggling.
(yesplease, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:46, Reply)

That the tree I was sawing....
...a branch off for my Father wouldn't catapult backwards when the branch was severed and send me flying backwards through the air. It did.

Though, the best I ever heard was a friend of mine who was born in Africa......

He had an older brother who lived in Africa with the parents. They also had a pet monkey. Now, there were a great many family pictures prior to my friend's birth that featured his Mother, Father, Brother and the monkey. His parents told him that the monkey in the pictures was him and they started shaving him because they were embarrassed by him monkey body hair. He believed this till he was 14. He is a ratehr disturbed man these days.
( sick_boy, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:46, Reply)

Aeroplanes...
That if we left the upstairs landing light on...planes would land on it.
(SoberKing, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:46, Reply)

my brothers are twins. not identical, but twins.
anyway, about a month after they were born, my mum read a book that said many twins can feel depressed by not being 'older' than the other, so when they were old enough to ask (i think they were about 4) she told them one was a whole year older, and that they were not twins.
obviously by the time they went to school they figured out she was lying, but for a good two years i'm sure my brothers had permanent psychological scarring.
( lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:45, Reply)

I was told
that my father was a pilot on a space freighter and was dead. The truth was very different

/Luke Skywalker
( betpet is the fun in dysfunctional, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:45, Reply)

my mum said that
when the ice cream van was playing music, that meant it had run out of ice cream...
( expf, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:44, Reply)

Not a lie by my parents but by a primary school teacher.
This happened when I was 7 or 8.

We had this right old battle-axe of teacher for religous education.

She explained why there were black and white people in the world was that in the Garden of Eden there was this pool for the 4 children of Adam and Eve to wash themselves.

They all got filthy dirty and the first two used up all the water so the other two were left black from then on!

This was back in the un-PC and "unenlightened" days of the 60's so the attitudes behind it seem all the more appalling as we did have some Afro-Carribean kids in the class!
(Doctor Evil, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:43, Reply)

My mum once told me
that thunder was the sound of clouds bumping into each other. I believed that for years
( Dogtanian, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:40, Reply)

Bullys are more scared of you and are whimps
All you have to do is stand up to them.


Well that was a BIG mistake.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:40, Reply)

My Mommy always said..
there were no monsters. No real ones, but there are.

and in my experience, they're usually to be found hosting 'You've been framed'!
( spatuluk, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:40, Reply)

ho hum
Don't worry, that's normal for a boy your age.
( SuperMatt, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:39, Reply)

Sorry - sold out!
My Dad - bless his miserable jazz-loving socks - used to tell me that the ice cream man only sounded his van's irritating siren when he'd sold out.

The cunt
( CarlosTheJackal, protector of innocence, taker of liberties, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:39, Reply)

erm
we don't favour your little brother over you.
(Wonchop Where are your goggles, boy?, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:37, Reply)

Santay.
They told me that there was this guy Called Santa Claus who delivered presents to people on christmas eve.
(PJ, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:37, Reply)

That if I told the truth
I wouldn't get in so much trouble.

Big Lie.

I have no "I like this" boo!
(Bezmina, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 13:37, Reply)