There is one good thing about tomorrow being my last day here...
As I sit here there is a telephone conference going on at the next desk. They're using a speakerphone, which has the unfortunate effect of turning one of the engineers into an American Blessed.

I will NOT at all miss having to listen to shouty conversations that make it impossible to think without my iPod on at full blast in my ears.

I'm very tempted to start singing, loudly.

EDIT: I know that they're doing it here because the other guy in here has the most powerful computer in the department, but still- conference room? Anyone else ever heard of them?

FECK! I'm just short of homicidal at the moment...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 4 May 2009, 19:26, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

I saw the Wolverine film today.
I loved it, and I do wonder why at my age I still prefer these films instead of chick flicks. The only other women I know off who is my age and who loves this stuff is my best friend in New Zealand. Are we weird?
( girlinthehole, Mon 4 May 2009, 18:54, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You know the tiny URL thing?
Makes urls to an unintelligable mashup of letters and numbers. Here's a slightly different approach - turn URL's in to Dickens quotes. I'm not sure how it's going to keep them unique, bit here's the one for B3ta (even knows to put in kittens!) - dickensurl.com/62b/I_used_to_sit_think_think_thinking_till_I_felt_as_lonesome_as_a_kitten_in_a_washhouse_copper_with_the_lid_on

Link if you want to use it: dickensurl.com/
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 4 May 2009, 18:48, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As seen in Viz:
simultaneously hilarious and terrifyingly possible.

And it's not "I love horses", I promise.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 4 May 2009, 18:17, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bloody hell...
Does Hanks think Angels and Demons is really that good?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8032514.stm
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 4 May 2009, 18:10, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

how did the dastardly pig cross the road ?





The Swine flu .
( fudboy high ideals and crazy dreams, Mon 4 May 2009, 16:29, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Here's a cracking game for Python fans
www.spamspamspamspam.co.uk/go/game/
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 4 May 2009, 16:04, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Following on from the Bossa Nova "Too Drunk to Fuck"
Have a Weimar 30's version of Salt'N'Pepa's "Let's talk about sex".

Max Raabe is the artist, pretty awesome.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 4 May 2009, 14:37, Reply)

Floating
I seem to have a vague memory of someone having invented a type of facility that enables you to float in mid-air by placing you inside a human-sized vertical tube while blasting air from the bottom at great speed. I cannot remember for the life of me what one of these is called or if they ever caught on, but remember seeing it on Tomorrow's World many years ago. The top of the tube would be open to allow the rising air to escape (presumably, if it was raining, the upwards force of the air would be sufficient to keep it out). However, this would have the dis-advantage that when not in use, the facility would be exposed to the elements and would get dirty pretty quickly (a bit like the mind of someone who's browsed b3ta for the first time). Fortunately, it's fairly simple to clean - you'd just have to...
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 4 May 2009, 14:27, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A game of word association
that doesn't involve a mallet.

I'll start...

COLOSTOMY
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 May 2009, 13:19, 100 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My ex-boyfriend's cock.
is one of the things I have typed in the message-bar above, along with "erq", "Plato", "Query concerning Philology" and "It was a blowjob.", according to the auto-completey thing.

What's the weirdest thing the bar suggests to you when you start typing? and how much does it say about you?

edit: not meant to be QOTW. I'm bored.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 May 2009, 12:33, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Church attendance correlates directly with sadism and immorality
www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/30/religion.torture/index.html

Argh. It's not like the fact that TORTURE DOESN'T WORK isn't out there and really easy to find. Or that torture has proved the biggest recruitment tool for terrorists they could ever have wished for.

This is just willful ignorance and primitive vengeance lust.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 4 May 2009, 9:56, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bored out of my bonce at work
so why not make me envious by telling me the wonderful, exciting ways you're spending today?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 May 2009, 9:49, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Howdy my lovelies!!
*bounces into b3taland*

How are you all today? What're you having for lunch - and - more importantly - what colour are you underpants?

I had an apple an a peanut butter sammage and my underpants are blue!
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 4 May 2009, 8:22, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Going to try my hand at stand-up pretty soon.
Anyone have any tips? Anything I should be warned of?
( Grokthought wouldn't pay that for Chinese 5-Spice, Mon 4 May 2009, 6:24, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have seen b3tan men naked
That is all.


You may comment or add to this if you wish.


This is the interent. It's allowed.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 3 May 2009, 20:10, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning everyone.
I had a yummy dinner last night, cornish game hens. Never had them before, and yes, they taste just like chicken.
What mundane shit have you been doing today? My day is just starting and I have reviews to write.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sun 3 May 2009, 19:01, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, gentle folks. I've been pretty much absent this last couple of weeks.
Due to work kicking off busy and shit like that. whilst i'm fair chuffed about all that something is bothering me...

is HSH deaded?

mock me not!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 3 May 2009, 18:46, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Random question that I can't find an answer to
Will the post office deliver tomorrow? have ordered some rather... sensitive... stuff, and my sister has a habit of opening any parcel that get's delivered. If it comes tuesday, nobody will be here to receive it, but if it's tomorrow morning I'll still be asleep.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sun 3 May 2009, 18:02, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Utterly bat-shit mental
Found this while trawling around another site. It's the ending of the US version of Life on Mars.

I preferred ours, I think.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxI_UwYThgU

10 minutes or so long, mind.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 3 May 2009, 17:10, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tee hee
I've just found a bossa nova version of "Too Drunk to Fuck" by the Dead Kennedys.

www.emusic.com/album/Nouvelle-Vague-Nouvelle-Vague-MP3-Download/11057035.html

Have you heard any music lately that's made you think?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 3 May 2009, 11:47, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dearest Off-topicers
the following story in my reply is probably not very safe for work - so I am going to put NSFW in bold right now.

NSFW

It's about halfway done. Not sure whether or not to finish it. edit - feel free to tell me what you think. :S
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 3 May 2009, 10:22, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Does

The BBC show the 125 & 250 bike races or just the motogp does anyone know please?
(Halfy By light alone, Sun 3 May 2009, 9:41, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wake up you yobbos!
I'm bored.

I'm writing an erotica. Deciding whether or not to post whence done. Will not post unless you want it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 3 May 2009, 8:10, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

a well important question this
have always wondered about this since I stumbled into here.

When you say Glaswegian - how do you actually pronounce it?? Glas-wee-gian or Glas-way-an???

With love, fluff and a bit of tummy lint
Vamp.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 3 May 2009, 2:58, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

With which cooking implement shall we spang DG?





( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sun 3 May 2009, 2:35, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Right, if you thought the last one was bad...
People of Middlesbrough have long held a grudge against their neighbours.

The local council decided that enough was enough, and under cover of darkness dropped a planeload of cooked chicken products, covered in a slightly sickly batter and bechamel sauce.

It was parmogeddon...


You'll have to look it up, OK? Suffice to say that this references a particular "delicacy" that people in Middlesbrough are famous for. Just trust me.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 3 May 2009, 1:41, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The French Government have issued the following advice regarding swine flu:
Whilst the disease is considered to be highly contagious, travelling to Mexico is not considered to be a high risk as long as you proceed with cochon....




I'm so sorry; kill me now
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 3 May 2009, 0:45, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can someone please help me?
Why in the hell do I find this picture so funny?


( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Sat 2 May 2009, 20:17, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

google is no help
will two circles of combined diameter equal to one larger circle fit through the same gap. if the gap is flexible?

(eg. if you have a hole of diameter 10cm, will a circle of 6cm and a circle of 4cm both fit through at the same time?)
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Sat 2 May 2009, 19:13, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)