Gah!
First time I've felt homesick since moving to Oz.

This didn't help:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfznp3XlrNw

It used to be the song in my head every time I crossed the High Level Bridge after a week in London......

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 2 Aug 2009, 14:22, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morphine-derived pharmaceuticals are great!
I had the mother of all neck pains yesterday and spent most of the day asleep trying to forget about it and taking assortments of drugs to try and ease the pain, plus rubbing Biofreeze on the area, to no avail.

The missus then suggested I try some codeine phosphate and paracetomol as a last resort, which I did at around 8pm.

I can't remember the last time I felt so stoned off my box. Everything was in slow motion :)

Neck still hurts, but not as bad as yesterday. Trip to the chiropracter tomorrow, possibly.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 2 Aug 2009, 13:32, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What is this place
?
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Sun 2 Aug 2009, 10:51, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's Sunday Morning. Woo-Yay. And Fluffeh!

( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 2 Aug 2009, 7:39, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Somebody told me you're all cunts.
This can't be true, tell me why you're not a cunt.

Prizes to be won.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 2 Aug 2009, 1:19, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Posted this on QOTW, but figured I'd give you all a laugh
This morning, I had to drive to a place around 30 miles away to sort out some stuff for my boss.
In July last year, the State of California passed a law that talking on a cellphone while driving is illegal, unless you have a bluetooth headset or in built bluetooth in your car. I have in built bluetooth.

Halfway home, I got a phone call, but the BT didn't kick in, so without thinking I just picked up the phone.....even though the highway patrol was behind me.

Lights go on, I said "oh fuck". Pulled over for the CHP, and when I rolled down my window I just started laughing. He asked if I knew why he'd pulled me over and I said "yeah, I was on the phone, just write me the ticket".

Turns out he pulled me over because I had a brake light out, so got a fix it ticket AND he hadn't actually seen me on the phone but wrote me up anyway for it.
$20 fine for being on the phone while driving (which in reality comes to $98 with fees and penalties), and $3 for a new brake light!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 23:06, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Woooooooo OOOOOOOOHHHH, we're half way there, take my hand, we'll make it I sware.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 22:46, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Blackpool - twinned with Detroit
I've just done my first Blackpool of the year.

Half empty coach, three quarters empty coach park and when the rain eased from stair-rods to a gentle downpour I went for a little walk.

I've never seen as many glassy-eyed junkies in my life.

Blackpool used to be sun and fun - a huge treat for us Northern 70's kids. Today was like Don De Lillo in 3D.

I'm struggling to be enthused about anything this evening. Enthuse me.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 21:53, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

May is a legend
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/surrey/8179678.stm

Can anyone say they wouldn't if they could? I used to dream of doing this.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Sat 1 Aug 2009, 16:41, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Has anyone ever used ACP* to sedate a dog?
*Acepromazine

Our dog is so terrified when we take her to the vet, the vet recommended giving her 50mg of ACP an hour before taking her to the surgery. Which I did at 10.30 this morning (but stupidly stuffed the tablets in a tiny sausage roll - otherwise she coughs any tablets up). Consequently, the drugs were still sitting happily in the sausage roll when we took her for her appointment. The effects kicked in 3 hours ago and she is still stoned off her tits and can barely walk. I've looked the drug up on google and ask.com, but none of the info states how long the effects last. Bradycardia and hypotension are common side effects, so I'm keeping her warm.

Anyone got any advise?

Where is beckyconsonants???

EDIT/
I forgot DG has beckyletters' number! Bless her, she rang from work before with sterling help. Hurray for lovely people on b3ta! :-D
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 15:51, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How are you wasting your saturday ?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 12:09, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Reasons Not To Be Smug... (with thanks to Jim_Bob and his earlier post)
1) It turns out that reason the MBike wasn't idling very well was not that the carbs needed removing and cleaning (4hrs), or that the choke sender bracket thingy was damaged and wouldn't return on its own so needed to be removed, straightened and refitted (2hrs). It turns out we need 4 new spark plugs (2hrs) before i re-assemble the fuel-lines and refit the tank and all (1.5hrs).
2) It's absolutely PISSING down here, so even if i get this lot done today (doubtfull, as i'm looking after weeblaireau untill ar least 3pm) then i'm still not gonna get the bike out on the road today...

i guess after 5yrs another day or so isn't gonna make much difference?

but still i'm a wee bit disappointed...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 1 Aug 2009, 8:40, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking hell.
Tonight, one of my co-workers asked me if I've ever sent money through Western Union.
Yup, I have, so I asked him what he was sending and where.

"Oh", he replied, "I got this second job for a guy who's in Nigeria for 6 months, doing errands for him around OC. He wants me to cash these money orders, buy some art supplies and send him the rest of the money. And I get $300 a week"

Hello ALARM BELLS. I quickly brought him up to speed on Nigerian scams involving money orders and Western Union, and so I looked it up for him and showed him it was indeed a scam.

Thank fuck he never cashed the money orders. So, he's off to call the FBI, and take the checks into the bank they're drawn on.

*shakes head at the naivety of it all*
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 1 Aug 2009, 0:52, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What famous person was in the bar when you proposed to your significant other?
Steve Harmison was buying drinks for folks in our local club when I went down on on knee and couldn't get up again due to my old age to ask my missus if she would do something special for me.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 31 Jul 2009, 22:18, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Where the fuck is everyone tonight?

( Maladicta, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 21:01, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I deserve to be flamed...
I have a confession.

I slate the Daily Mail at every instance I can - I hate the bloody thing; all the self-rightous, pompous bastards telling me how bad the UK has got because they once was a bloke with a Burberry cap on outside their electric gates etc...

...bus secretly, I love going to their comments for each article on their website and stirring up the trouble.

Sadly though, I quite agree with some of the comments on there, which must mean I empathise with Daily Mail readers.

Am I Fckued?
(dchurch bah, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 17:25, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Reasons to be smug!
1. I'm off work for the next two weeks
2. I got off work today two hours early
3. I'm off to a rock festival next weekend
4. I got rid of a nasty piece of work trying to masquerade as a girlfriend.
5. Just got my copy of the Blur Gig in Hyde Park.
6. Erm... all of the above!

What do you lot have?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 31 Jul 2009, 17:02, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How did you end up doing the job you do?
I became so disillusioned with life as a Jobcentre monkey that I spent every spare hour I had filling in applications for jobs. Some, on the face of it, were a desperate attempt to be doing anything other than trying to persuade people that working for a living was a really good idea… I eventually managed to secure an admin post with a now defunct public body, and that got me a step on the ladder in community regeneration work. I found I enjoyed it, did a degree, and through a convoluted series of events and restructurings ended up here. It’s as far from what I originally studied to do as can be, but I (mostly) love it. Apart from the bureaucracy, which is a bit shit.

Alternatively, if Gordon's / leader of choice's fiscal policies have rendered you with more spare time than you'd like, what time did you get up this morning and what's the best episode of Trisha or Jeremy Kyle you've ever seen?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 31 Jul 2009, 16:56, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I fancied a name change
It's a portmanteau.

and this is the first time I've used that word, and will probably be the last
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 15:37, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just got off the phone
to a bloke called Ted Holiday.

Who have you spoken to of late who has a brilliant name?

Alternatively, what are you doing this weekend?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 15:26, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Brilliant
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lincolnshire/8177107.stm
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 13:47, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Down there V
Gary McKinnon has lost his extradition appeal. For those not aware, McKinnon hacked into US military computers looking for evidence that the Septics had been suppressing intelligence proving the existence of UFOs.

I've got two questions about this, firstly is it right to slam someone in jail for basically being a massive fucking idiot and secondly, where do you draw the line between somebody committing a crime maliciously and committing a crime because you're a moron?

I personally don't think this guy should be dragged out of the country and put in front of a foreign court in order to spend probably the rest of his natural in a foreign jail simply because he was mentally deluded enough to do something tremendously stupid.
( Kroney, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 12:18, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm learning things today
After hearing my friend ask someone if he wanted some cake, , I quipped that it sounded like kyke and called him a racist. He'd not heard of it so I found a site listing the various ethnic slurs. My god, some of them are amazing. Did you know that in America around 1910, oriental people were called "cunt-eyed"? Or that a racially offensive term for a black person is "moon cricket"?

Am I wrong for thinking moon cricket is about the funniest thing I've heard all week?
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 12:10, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bah!
I'm having a shit day - just found out I'm working all weekend and most of next week as well - so that's 11 days straight without a day off. This week I'll have done a 54 hour week.

But the worst bit of today (and the thing that really has made it a crappy day) - I killed a woodpecker. Poor bastard never stood a chance.

How's everyone else?
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 12:02, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just told someone at work "Get your finger out "
and sure enough he got on with his allocated task ,on reflection though , I'm left wondering if many people do stick their finger in their arse when they're skiving . Me ? I just pop on here .....
( fudboy high ideals and crazy dreams, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 11:58, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A true gent.
news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/8177945.stm

*doffs cap*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 31 Jul 2009, 11:25, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Jesus Christ. This is fucking horrific.

news.uk.msn.com/world/article.aspx?cp-documentid=148899494
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 11:00, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I passed my end of term exam!11!!!!1!1
And to celebrate, I shall be having MOAR BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER this evening with lovely people. I'm working all weekend, but don't really mind as it's my first weekend in 4 months for obvious reasons.

What are you lot doing this weekend?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 10:40, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I got paid!
I know this doesn't sound so exciting to most people, but this is a) my first paycheque as a real adult in the UK with responsibilities and everything, and b) my first pay since starting working here in May (it's taken them that long to 'locate' my details on the system and set up may salary payments).

So far I have bought a DVD box set for my fiance for his christmas present (hey, it's in the sale), and a pair of shoes. I should probably pay my rent sometime soon too.

Any suggestions for what else I should spend my hard earned dosh on? bear in mind I'll probably have a baby to spend next month's salary on, and then I'll be on unpaid leave for a few months, so this may be my last chance to fritter away money. Ever.
( ascorbate, Fri 31 Jul 2009, 10:23, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)