I've just put Test Match Special on to listen to the Ashes
and it's two Aussies commentating! Now I like Aussies but I would really rather have an English chap. It just doesn't sound right.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sun 23 Aug 2009, 17:32, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Things that make you laugh like a drain when they're supposedly unintentional
For me it's usually people falling over, freudian slips and the word lollygagging. Right now it's the thread below and the usage of the word 'fluffers'.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluffer

I'm already going to hell for doing my best to make DiT cry on his wedding day. Sadly I failed though :(
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 23 Aug 2009, 13:39, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it THAT time of the week already? Seriously?


well i'd better get the fluffing kettle on then...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 23 Aug 2009, 8:19, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm sure I speak for many bored b3tans when I say this ...
POOFLAKE!!!

Wherefore art thou Pooflake?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love
And I'll click for thy punnage mightily.
(Que?, Sun 23 Aug 2009, 8:01, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I iz a futborl widdo
All theez b3ta weddingz wil end in cake tiers.
Wot haz clunged yor aspirashuns in the fukc laytly?
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sat 22 Aug 2009, 23:29, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am going to look at a condo tomorrow.
It will be the first home I've ever owned!

I hope I get it!

I'm excited, and they should accept my offer as I'm going to offer the asking price - it's been on the market 2 months!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 22 Aug 2009, 21:20, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What a weekend! England going well in the Cricket, Arsenal winning today...
Oh, and flim and I got married yesterday. Which was nice.

What life changing things have you done this weekend? Apart from ym.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Sat 22 Aug 2009, 17:27, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hey, it's my 2nd B3taday.
Fuck all of you cunts. I'm far more important.
(Bazongaloid, Sat 22 Aug 2009, 12:39, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's Saturday!
Woo and Yay!


( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 22 Aug 2009, 10:57, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ahhhhhh the morning after the night before!
Last night I....

Drank wine
Watched Iron Man again
Tried to lift my wife on to the kitchen counter top
Fucked it up
Got slapped and yelled at
Slept on the sofa!

How do your Friday night go?
( Peej, Sat 22 Aug 2009, 8:42, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just went through the must humbling experience ever.
I did work experience in a nursing home that deals with mainly dementia.

For three days, I followed and dealt with the care of these people, from waking them up at 7, dressing them, meals, toilet stuff, putting them to bed and the rest.

Some of the people there had lived brilliant lives; one had a PHD to her name. They had varying degrees of dementia, from only needing a small amount of supervision, to being doubly incontinent and unable to feed themselves and bed-bound.

I swear, I've came out of this experience a different person. At times I felt like crying, I felt so guilty having to make them eat, stop them arguing, and generally having to treat these people like toddlers. I am more ready than ever to do nursing.

What's severely humbled you lately?
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 23:31, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This from cr3 on /board
The machine that keeps us going: b3ta.com/board/9653184
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 17:12, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Word up bitches
Vipros is being beyond shit so I'll be slightly less shit.

Last night I had a dream I was cooking bizarre dishes including stir fry with worms not noodles, some cat based dish and I was about to shave a live dog ready for cooking but he looked sad so I couldn't bring myself to eat him.

The previous night I dreamt someone had died and I was wearing their slippers when suddenly they came in the room, gave me a massive hug and then zombied the fuck up and ripped part of my neck out.

I should probably stop eating cheese before bed. Any fucked up dreams you'd like to share? If not go and eat some cheese
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 14:45, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As it is Friday afternoon I thought I'd give you a bit of advice for the weekend:
adv
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 14:24, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

weird animals
www.b3ta.com/links/Weirdest_animals_on_Planet_Earth_according_to_the_Telegraph
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 13:50, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's Friday.
Blah, blah, weekend plans? Blah blah blah.

Prizes awarded for "best", "worst", "you're an idiot" and "smug cunt".
( Cawl, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 10:54, 67 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am officially excited now
Tonight I shall be playing records as I was boring you all about yesterday. My pal whose birthday it is tells me the legendary Andrew Weatherall is coming.

How much would you like to bet that I shall choose the moment he walks in to drunkenly take the record that is playing off the turntable instead of the last one, thus bringing the music to s screeching, embarrassing halt in front of one of the greatest DJs and musical icons of the late 20th Century?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 10:46, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

an attempt at 'humor' from some Yanks
a friend of mine who is living in the States sent me this, as she was deeply saddened by it...

in replies as it's quite long.
( ascorbate, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 9:32, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

In this game I'm playing
I travelled through a hole in the sky and I'm fighting constellations. They have names like The Hooded Warrior, The Burrowing Bishop, The Twig and Berries, the Skinflute, the Trouser Snake, the Pork Sword...

There's a theme, you see.

What's your favourite name/euphemism for the best of all the organs?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 8:13, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well, it's morning
A chair has been pulled up, the coffee's on, and the bacons are in the pan.

It must be...



Chat away to your heart's content, peoples.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 21 Aug 2009, 7:02, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How stupid am I?
This morning, Bomber cat leaped at the screen in my living room, knocking it out and escaping into the "big bad world". Oh crap, oh crap!

Lock Stealth cat up in the bedrom so he can't escape, and find Bomber under a chair on my patio. Grab the little runt and bring her in and lock her in the bedroom with Stealth.

It's 5 minutes before I have to leave for work, and I'm frantically cutting up a cardboard box to tape over the frame so burglars don't get in....and then, I had an epiphany.

I walked over and closed the window.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 21:40, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

HSH this evening


I've just watched Mr Bean's Holiday, having been told it was shit, and really enjoyed it.

What's pleasantly surprised you lately?
( Maladicta, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 20:01, 58 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

There's a food chain out here called Jack In The Box
and I've just discovered their breakfast food is waaaay better than McDonalds.

What culinary delights have you discovered lately?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 19:12, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have just had my first and proper evah massage.
It was fucking ace.

I would recommend it to anyone.
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 18:26, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Stress
I've been so stressed today that my eye has been twitching constantly. I swear people are starting to think I'm crazy...
What annoying things seem to happen to you to make a bad day worse?
( Mellicious is made of candy, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 18:16, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My other half
has just let no fewer than SIX excellent job opportunities pass him by because he was *so sure* he would get the job he's just applied for. He didn't get it.

I'm upset for him of course, but I'm furious that the stupid bugger didn't bother to fill in any other applications before they closed - in fact hasn't bothered to fill in any other job applications at all despite whinging about his current job and saying he'd start looking for new ones 6 weeks ago. I haven't told him I'm angry - that would be an unnecessary kick in the knackers given he's down already for not getting this job - but I am. I really am. B3ta, is this mean?

Alternatively, how has your slack-arsed attitude got you in to trouble recently?
(berk, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 16:47, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Due to a long-time lack of attention from, and past indiscretions by, members of the opposite sex I'm debating going gay.
What I need from you, my fellow b3tans, is a list of pros and cons to homosexuality to consider before making the leap.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 16:41, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Slow day for OT today
what are you all doing?

Better not be working!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 16:12, 61 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just had an email from my boss to the whole office saying
"As Pavlov told his dog: There are spare jaffa cakes by reception.........."

mildly amusing. More importantly I can confirm that M&S Jaffa cakes are even better than the originals.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 13:21, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)