alright?
practically killed myself at the end of last week (booze, spliffs, acrid tar smoke and no sleep, followed by playing a gig till 1am) and have managed to prolong my cold into its record third week.

how are you doing?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 9:07, 125 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hey Gonz
Since when did you turn into such an insufferable cunt? You used to be a nice guy
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 1:35, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

FFS Al
Removing a post from a thread and then going back in to say that you'd deleted it, plus remarking on the picture above it, really smacks of retardation of the highest order.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 8 Nov 2009, 19:26, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have a black eye
Went to the Arizona State Uni vs University of Southern California American football game yesterday. I was doing the cougar prowl among the hot college boys, when my boyfriends son was jumped on by a bunch of guys. Of course the old man got involved and when he went down I got in there. Punched out 3 guys before getting hit myself and the cops breaking it up!
My first fight since school!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sun 8 Nov 2009, 16:58, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cheeky cunt
tricking me into posting stuff on an HSH thread. It's all gone now, I'm not having that, becky and Clendrix would never let me live it down.
(Bazongaloid, Sun 8 Nov 2009, 15:53, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Anyone else in the long dark teatime of the soul?
on this lonely wet Sunday?

EDIT: Home Sweet Home
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 8 Nov 2009, 15:05, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Arsebiscuits!
I take my eye off b3ta for a few weeks and I miss all of the fun.....

Enzyme, one of the voices of reason on B3ta, gets a stalker....

*flounce*

Once upon a time it was me that attracted the crazies....

Anyway Baz, or Ritchie, - let me give you a little education. You do know that, by sending an email to someone you also send the IP address of the computer you were logged on at when you sent it? So, with a quick reverse look-up we know your provider and approx location?

Also, Cr3 knows his shit and can also pull the same info from the B3ta logs? So, on the offchance that anything does happen to Enzyme, you're off to the Strangeways Hotel you spotty, Racist, Sun-reading, Chelsea supporting scum.

And can I add my name to the list of people who would really like you to come and have a go?

Enzyme is a nice guy. I'm not.

Oh. And I might spend tomorrow looking you up and publishing what I find on you. And trust me - I'm *much* better at it than the best part of you (that was the bit that dribbled down your mother's leg...)

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 8 Nov 2009, 11:22, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This is a big thankyou to everyone at the Mancs bash for a lovely night......
right up to the point that I got so drunk I blacked out.

Many thanks to the lovely chaps who got me back to my hotel and whoever gave me the plastic blue dragon, erm thanks that's unless I picked it up of the street.

To my shame I was so ill I had to book another night at my hotel and only got home Sunday morning. So a big sorry to the room cleaner who had to clean up red bile from the bed and bathroom.

I am never getting that drunk again ever.It's just not becoming of someone of my age.
( girlinthehole, Sun 8 Nov 2009, 10:49, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, after three days of Gastro-Intestinal fury I know where I'm staying today...

( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 8 Nov 2009, 8:01, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Please, PLEASE tell me that this is a photoshop.
Otherwise I will have to dedicate my life to hunting this kid down and twatting him to death.

Gah! (sorta NSFW-ish)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sun 8 Nov 2009, 0:34, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Since we're here on lies of the week...who wants to play a game of two truths and a lie?
If you've not played it before, the idea is you say three things about yourself, two must be true and one must be a lie. Then people guess which one is the lie.

My three things are:
I don't like cherries
I've had more than 12 piercings
I was once suspended for breaking someone's jawbone
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sat 7 Nov 2009, 21:19, 58 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This picture sums up how I feel about last night.


This place is pretty dead. How has everyone been? I got very drunk and danced very badly and laughed A LOT.

Do people have lives outside of the internet then?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 7 Nov 2009, 18:01, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hot cheese. Edible napalm.
I caused one of my housemates to discover this by accident.

Picture the scene. You are a dirty scummer student, who has decided to wash all of your shirts in preparation for going out, as well as finally getting around to doing some washing. As a result, you have nothing to wear on your upper half for a few hours. So you sit around in the living room for a bit, waiting for your shirts to wash, before deciding that you want something to eat. You go to the kitchen, and decide that as you can't be arsed to cook properly, you shall have that old staple, cheese on toast. So you make it.

Just as you are getting it off the grill and are plating up, your housemate (in this case, me), falls down the stairs with a sudden, rather girlish shriek and much swearing in a manly fashion. This sudden shock, coupled with the fact that you thought everyone was out in town, causes you to fling your hot cheese on toast everywhere.

By everywhere, I mean all over your bare torso.

Apparently, being a first-hand eye-witness and not the actual victim, this hurts quite a lot.

What have you done so far this weekend OT that is highly destructive and amusing at the same time?
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sat 7 Nov 2009, 15:14, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Now here's a thing.
I've spent the afternoon drinking with my ex-wife.

That isn't unusual - we still get on fairly well and we have some joint investments that need to be discussed from time to time.

Thing is, it looks like she's heading towards divorce number two. She's left her current husband (the bloke she left ME for) and says it's the end. When I asked her why she ran through the same litany of reasons that she trotted out against me, seven years ago.

Now, I've spent seven years blaming myself for being an appalling husband but on the train home the scales fell from my eyes - it was actually her shortcomings as well as mine.

Frankly I feel like an almighty weight has been lifted from my shoulders by this revelation. I've been ringing my mates but sensibly they're all out on this fine Friday evening so I shall share with B3TA my euphoria in the knowledge that I might, after all, not be a complete shitshite.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 20:22, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If at first you don't succeed
try, try and try again

news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8347164.stm

and again, and again, and again, and......
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 18:54, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dumbass moment of the week!
I'm currently sat at the airport bar waiting for a flight to Phoenix, AZ. However, I'm lucky I'm not languishing in the city jail.
I was taking my carry on through security when they called for a bag check on my bag. Oh shit....I'd left my filet knife in there from last weeks fishing trip. I was lucky I never got done for a concealed weapon.

Fortunaately, they just confiscated it and let me off with a warning!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 18:04, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

No newsletter mention this week :((((((((
Let's relive the good times when I WAS in the newsletter.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:49, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I work in an auto garage.
We have 24 hour cctv surveillance, insurance out the ying yang and a pretty good community of folks that will call us if anything happens.
I make sure all of the vehicles are locked after they arrive and double check each one at the end of the evening.
It generally doesn't bother me when a customer asks "You're going to make sure it's locked, right?" Because if it were me in the situation, I'd want to be sure too.

But it really fucking gets my bean when someone incessantly bugs me about securing there vehicle when it's a piece of shit car, covered in sap and dirt, has been wrecked and is fucking full of trash. To these people I want to ask "Why? Are you afraid they're going to steal your half empty two liter bottle of off brand diet sprite? Or perhaps the McDonald's sweet and sour sauce packet collection in the back seat?"

Tell me why you're annoyed today.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:38, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Warning
rather NSFW pic on /board at the mo (barely-disguised goatse). I wouldn't go there if your boss is looking over your shoulder.

Edit: mod's sorted it.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:07, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You lot are shit
Where's al? Or someone, anyone with a sense of humour?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 13:59, 131 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Rubbish
I actually get to play on b3ta and it's all gone quiet.
Tell me something that will make me hate you even more than I do already.
( thealternativefact, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 13:58, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bastards
My Company (which made a profit of £2 billion last year) has just informed us that we're not getting a payrise because of the economic climate.

What news has made you feel like stabbing someone in the eye recently?
(McJuurgensHaircut is authorised and regulated by your mum., Fri 6 Nov 2009, 11:23, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My electronic item has a fault, can any of you fix it?
Alternatively what are you having for lunch today?
( Peej, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:47, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Urinal Laps
I've just been to the toilet and invented a new game. We have one of those big piss troughs at my work, and as I was in there on my own I decided to start doing laps, right to left from Angelina Jolie to Cameron Diaz and back again, to see how many I could do before I stopped peeing.

4 and a bit, it turns out, but I'm sure I'll be able to beat this record in the future. What do you do to alleviate boredom?

'going on b3ta' and 'your mum' will result in testicular cancer
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 9:47, 63 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm awfully frustrated
with the cold virus running around inside me, making my nose tickle so constantly and distractingly and sending my snot production gland into overdrive. I'm trying to get someone to cover the second half of my day so I can go home and die quietly in front of Loose Women.

When was the last time you skipped work and why? Also, recommendations for getting rid of this fucking cold quick-sharpish.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 9:18, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Things that really fucking annoy me part 10983894
I just asked 'is it the 6th today?', and got the reply 'yes, all day', said in a kind of 'ha - got you! Bet you feel really stupid now' way.

I have encountered this wholly meaningless smart-arse quip before and it pisses me off no end. What's the purpose of it? How is it either funny or clever? Can anyone explain?

Fucking twat.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 9:17, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)