Tech question
Right...
I've gotta hook a digital projector up to a laptop.
Easy, right?
Only problem is that I need the laptop to be about ten or fifteen meters away.

Is it gonna be a simple matter of getting a 15-meter VGA cable, or does such a thing not exist?

There's already an HDMI cable running from the projector, over the ceiling and into the next room.
Can that be used?
( Cawl, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 15:42, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today is big chocolate S day at work
where the company gives us a big chocolate S each

I bet that beats what your company has given you
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 15:24, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just been sent a joke
If you've heard it, then tough

Just bought an advent calendar from Woolworths. The windows are all boarded up and there's fuck all inside.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 15:05, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*bums*

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 15:01, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Amusing names
I'm currently doing finance for an orchestra in Norway, and I come across some great names now and then. But this one is the most amusing for this week (the poor guy).

I'm sorting out tax papers for foreign musicians that come to play here when my boss walks in and casually asks "Do you know about gang bang?" (this is Friday and the christmas party is tomorrow incidentally). To which my reply is a rather horrified "What??" This man is married and I will be married myself soon enough!

He blinks, picks up a piece of paper and shows it to me, puzzlement rife on his face. It's a receipt for instrument repair to be paid to a guy named Gang Wang. OH how I laughed, OH how my boss blushed.

We're never speaking of it again ...
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 14:45, Reply)

Name Change
I'm going to change my name.

Maudlin McCann is dead...
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 14:13, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Maths
Modelling with Sequences is fucking boring.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 14:12, Reply)

Eskimo Joe
I've off to see Australias 3rd best band (after Something For Kate and Silverchair) play in Manchester tonight.

Anybody else going?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:55, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Who wants to claim they aren't angry?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:26, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Kneel before me
internet LOLFATTIES, for I am JMG.

I demand your attention because my mummy never gave me enough cuddles when I was little, but I am your SUPERIOR in every way.

Bow now, and behold the almighty Baldmonkey, you girlfriendless, socially-inept, never-leave-your-bedroom-at-your-mum's-house, lardy nerds*.

i.e. me
(Jam Mister Geordie wants to build bridges, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 12:15, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Suggestions
I've got 8 pints of milk to last me until Monday, when the milkman will leave 4 more. I aren't going to let it go off, so what can I do with it? I reckon 3 pints will get used by Monday, but that still leaves 5.

Preferably a proper use for milk rather than pouring it into a bucket and soaking my genitals in, or filling balloons with it and throwing them at any old ladies that go past my house.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 11:51, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it just me or are I-Pods just a little bit shit?

Mine refuses to play certain albums, albums it happily played before. I've tried erasing, rebooting, reloading and retarding and nothing helps.

I'm about ready to brush the dust of my Sony sport walkman.

Shiney does not always equal good.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 11:36, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Radio 4
Why does "Thought for the Day" always get up my nose?

I sort of enjoy waking up to the Today Programme - the dulcet tones of John Humphries, Ed Sturton, etc., are soothing, and remind me that even though it's 7am and it's bloody freezing, there are still politicians and venture capitalists to be shouted at.

And then Thought For The Day comes on, with some pious prick starting out promisingly, reminding us of some thought-provoking event, before disappearing up his or her own fragrant arse in a lengthy monologue about how wonderful it is to be such a smug sanctimonious prick who has found inner peace within the confines of his own cavernous and deeply spiritual rectum.

Perhaps I should just get out of bed earlier...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 10:03, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

last nights news
I think it was ITV, 6PM.

The news reader announces that Karen Matthews has been found guilty, voiced over a shot of the locals. As she finished one of the women spoke the immortal words

"It must be true, its all round Asda!"

Well that settles that then. Who needs the BBC et al. Just go to Asda in Dewsbury for your news updates!!!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 10:01, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I see
b3ta as a frozen, wounded mountaineer stuck high on a mountain in a blizzard. Bounding towards him is a huge, slobbering, hairy St Bernard dog bearing a small barrel of life-giving rum.

Baldmonkey is that St Bernard. I see him as a huge, slobbery, licky dog with hair and a wet nose. And a pink, glistening dogs erection. A "Dogrection" if you will.

Baldmonkey, saviour of b3ta.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 9:24, 125 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I Also
have nothing much to contribute to this weeks QOTW.

I do however fancy Cherie Lunghi and Emma Watson, which would qualify me for both if I lucked out.

Any Experienced ladies / gentlemen of the world & borderline jailbaits / spotty little oiks you would care to admit to going a bit gooey eyed to?

edit how rude, is now gender balanced
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 8:41, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Patented hangover cures
I think we touched upon this in HSH a few weeks back.

Today I feel rough as a badger's arse*

What are your hangover cures?

* not a grammar badger's arse - that's quite smooth. Apparently.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 8:07, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's Fucking Friday
You fucking fucks.


( wanderlust, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 7:48, 224 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening all
Before I sleep for the night, and for all your strange 'morning people', I provide this for your viewing delectation:

uk.youtube.com/watch?v=-mKGzvVNtKg

If you would be kind enough to watch it, be amused/shocked, and then boycott those papers, that would be great :)


PoD
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 0:56, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

human nature
right why is this..

ok so i am out here in fucking dubai on my own, mrs spimf and the spimflet join me after i go back home for crimbo, but answer me this...

i have been eyeing a packet of dirt cheap, savers type choc chip cookies the guy i share with bought a month ago. FINALLY he opened them.

now the thing is - i cook steaks and share my wine with him all the time. (wine needs a licence and cost a FUCKING BOMB out here) so he would not have minded a jot if i had delved in myself weeks ago. we all earn a packet out here. what i save a month in tax alone would buy a decent second hand small car.

HOWEVER. now they are OPEN i sneaked one out then CAREFULLY replaced the packet.

why?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 21:52, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What bothers you most?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 21:40, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A little present for the /talkers


Made from this on links page says-it.com/safety/index.php
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 20:55, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wait there. Shut up for a moment.
The work I've done over the past week, bringing you sloth like QOTWers towards the /talk board is nothing short of wonderful.
Only now can YOU people feel confident to express your thoughts on a board that I, the internet's hero and rightful saviour uses.

I was recently sent mail from a young guy who, before he heard of my work. Would stay indoors all day, lying about conquests in his private life to people he'll never meet, and showing off at girls he'll also never meet.
That's poor form, right there.
Now Mr. X leads a much better social life, free of this cyber world of moaning and discussing about what's for dinner tonight.

But back to my original, and correct point.
It'd seem that some of you more hardcore nerds are still stubborn to allowing better internet into your lives. All I ask is that you embrace it like you'd embrace a gateaux last thing before bed at 5am on a weeknight.
I'm not just incredibly intelligent and so darn kind. I'm a winner.


Join us.
You stupid fat fucker.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 4 Dec 2008, 18:24, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

evening evening evening

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 18:19, 135 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Grr...
Ok, so does anyone here have any professional involvement with dealing with landlord rental disputes? If so, could they give me a gaz?

Short hand: Old letting agent tried to gouge £3k out of us for damages left in an old property. We fought his ludicrous claims and when he said "i'll take you to small claims court" we said "bring it on".

The judge took out most of the claims, and in the end we paid the much more reasonable fee of £900 (including court fees). The letting agent has now come back to us to say that he's charging us another £1k for his personal expenses. The tenancy agreement says he can do this, but, as per his original claim, his charges are ridiculous (£15 to write a letter, £60 to prepare a statement, £60 per hour in court etc).

Do we have a leg to stand on, and if we fight this, can he then claim additional expenses?

*seethes with rage*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 17:20, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

CAN EVERYONE CALM THE FUCK DOWN?
Tell me your witty stories about people who you have upset online.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 16:49, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

FAO Northern b3tards
I'm hoping to be moving to Manchester in the new year and I need advice on the areas of Manchester.

A couple of my friends live on Deansgate locks in the new builds, but to be frank, their flat is pokey and not worth it at £500pm.

I currently live in quite a large 2 bedroom flat and don't want to have to downgrade by too much, but obviously I'm aware that city centre living comes at a price. I wouldn't mind downgrading to a 1 bed as long as the rest of the flat compensated for it, I have to fit in my entire console collection, a very large rat cage and my pole, which needs enough room to swing a Kitty round it.

My budget is realistically £650 max as I will be renting until the mortgages pick up again and don't want to throw too much money away.

I love quirky flats and so I've seen a lot of converted factories that have gorgeous flats that are quite cheap too, but that makes me think the area is rough, so what I need to know is which roads are nice, which are for students (as I'd like to avoid them) and which ones I'm likely to get murdered and raped on (and probably in that order).

Thanks Mancunian b3tans!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 16:45, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yes!
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7764069.stm

Not that I'm planning on committing any crimes in the future, but I sure hated the idea that the government had my DNA profile on a database. And refusing to give a sample would have been an offence at the time.

Yes, I was arrested last year. And no, I wasn't charged.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 15:52, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Gah!
Surprise interview! I got a phone call 15 mins ago asking me to attend an interview at 4pm at a totally different company!

£9k pay rise potentially!

WISH ME LUCK!
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Thu 4 Dec 2008, 15:32, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

bah
no stories from me for this QOTW :-(
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:03, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)