Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
« Go Back | Popular
Big thread scares and confuses meI may have mentioned that I recently came into some money. The question is what to spend it on. Obviously most of my male friends are encouraging me to buy an iPad or an Xbox Kinect or a massive fuck-off TV, but currently I'm favouring laser eye surgery. This will cost about a grand but I reasoned that by not having to buy contact lenses it'll pay for itself in 4 years. Does this reasoning, and reluctance to buy flashy technology, make me old?
What's caused you to construct elaborate arguments to justify the purchase of lately?
Alt Q - Should people be made to take tests before they're allowed to breed? Easy tests, with questions like "Do you find Little Britain funny?" and "Would you name your progeny Wayne or Beyonce?"
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:16, 194 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
That's the thing, we don't need a new computerI just fancy an iPad (or Macbook Air, if we're talking about an actual computer)
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:24, Reply)
Very powerful computer for less than £500It's probably 2 or 3 times as powerful as a mb air and has a terabyte hard drive. (Which is big)
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)
There's no monitor thoughyou'll have to use one you already own or buy a new one.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Just had a look at the SpecIf I had the money, I'd buy that today.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:37,
Reply)
Kneel!(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:34,
Reply)
Just in case you scan back up here,I don't think you've been given the appropriate credit for this, take three points
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:53, Reply)
It moves really slowlyand occasionally bites you if you poke it.
And over winter it disapears and you think you've lost it, but then in spring it comes back and bites you again.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)
My aunty had one that followed her everywhere(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:40,
Reply)
Everywhere she went, in this big office they worked atthe terrapin would just change his direction and start walking towards her.
(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:13,
Reply)
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:29,
Reply)
POIDH(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:55, Reply)
I thought that was rather witty.Because the 'your mum' meme really is too easy and obvious, and is one Al is prone to using. Thus what might have appeared to the terminally simple as my actually using the 'your mum' meme, was in fact a satire of said usage.
I'm wasted on you cunts, I really am.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:55,
Reply)
Bit of a swollen jaw but no bleeding.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:02,
Reply)
Sorry got distracted and had to have an argument.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:10,
Reply)
Ah, good.Do wish her well from me, and say Hi to Steve Harris from Iron Maiden (ask her to check Facebook, I was being very witty)
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:21, Reply)
Will do. Not that I approve of Iron Maiden humour.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:29,
Reply)
Two thingsIf you have to explain a joke then it's not funny. And doing so makes you look like Chompy, a look only Chompy can wear well
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:06, Reply)
I didn't think I was going to need to explain it.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:14,
Reply)
You should know your target audience enough to know in advance that this would not be the casePersonally I'm still trying to decide whether you really did mean to infer that Al is in no position to deem a meme boring with your original post, or whether you realised that you were letting yourself down and backtracked quickly. In either case two things are true; a) it really was very clever, and b) it was too subtle for us mongs
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:21, Reply)
I am not so utterly patheticthat I would retrospectively pretend to have made a joke when I hadn't. Please be asssured of this.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:35,
Reply)
Consider me assuredI think you just called 75% of the board utterly pathetic
Not ME, obviously
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:43, Reply)
There are worse names out thereI recently found out about a child called Tequila.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:21,
Reply)
I don't blame them.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:22,
Reply)
Not soI live in Norfolk. Getting the papers to pass border control isn't easy. Or cheap.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)
I'm already viewed with enough suspicion round herefor my lack of webbing
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Regarding laser eye surgery...Pros: Likely to correct the defects in your eyesight for a good many years to come
Cons: After all the safety talks I've had to sit through, on the subject of 'Why you shouldn't point a laser at your eye'...would you really feel comfortable paying somebody to point a laser at your eye?
Alt Q: I don't know, but I've decided to call my hypothetical daughter Crowsephine and my hypothetical son Minotaur.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:24, Reply)
The prospect of the surgery is the main thing putting me offIt scares the living fuck out of me
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:25, Reply)
Especially as you're awake when they slice into your eyeball and then fire a laser at your face.(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)
Top encouragement there, al.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:29,
Reply)
^ thisdo NOT watch the videos on youtube unless you want to freak right the fuck out. On the other hand, everyone I know who's had it done has been completely overjoyed. Just be aware of the risks!
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)
Are these videos of actual surgery you're referring toOr Al's homemade collection?
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)
She thinks it's youtubeit's actually just a tube I attached to my crotch.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)
Well, both I supposeI suspect the latter is unlikely to be found on youtube and is likely to make me feel much more queasy, though.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)
apparently you can smell your eyeball burningwhich is why I am refusing to even consider it*
*plus, I'm too blind to get any real benefits from it
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)
Yep, smells like burning hair(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:51,
Reply)
-3.25 left and -3.75 rightplus the obligatory astigmatism
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:04,
Reply)
Glasses?More like telescopes or something! How do you find your glasses on a morning?
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:10,
Reply)
I think I'm going to claim title of "the most myopic person on b3ta"But my sig is awesome.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:14, Reply)
You think your sig is awesomeIt actually says:
sdfjsfnjfn jgn dfjg d gdg
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:17,
Reply)
I know rightI'm -6.5 and -6.25 (plus the aforementioned astigmatism) and I thought my eyes were bad
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:13, Reply)
Am very temptedWill be looking into it as soon as the cheque clears. The only thing I've always, always wanted* is to be able to wake up and not have to go "where are my glasses, I can't see a fucking thing"
*I have given up on playing centre-forward for Nottingham Forest and England on the grounds of age and crapness
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:25, Reply)
This was the best part for me, the day afterStanding at the window and being able to read car reg plates without glasses or contacts
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:31,
Reply)
I know it makes me old and dull to admit thisBut that is as close to my idea of heaven as I can imagine you could put into words, without gratuitous reference to Kelly Brook
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:33, Reply)
I agreeJust think, Kelly Brook viewing without glasses!
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:36,
Reply)
No danger of them falling off due to vigorous movement during viewing!(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:44, Reply)
Blimey, that is quite extreme.Do ugly blokes steal your glasses to try and improve their chances of copping off with you?
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:15, Reply)
It's traditionfor people to pinch my glasses and say "bloody hell! You're blind!"
I *know* that.
I am sick of randoms asking me stupid questions (see piercings too)
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:18, Reply)
Well in that case, I apologise for not understanding who you were referring to.(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:27, Reply)
Accepted and forgivenStill wish people would stop asking me if my piercings hurt though. Twats.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:30, Reply)
Oh my god thisAnd I've only got stretched piercings in my ears, can't imagine how often you get subjected to that nonsense
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:34, Reply)
I can't believe peopleyou go and do something really quite unusual and people are surprised and curious about it. What the fuck is wrong with the world.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:37, Reply)
It is a dumb question though"Oh my god, you've had a needle stuck through part of your flesh and then stretched the open wound! Did it hurt?"
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:46, Reply)
Why? Most people wouldn't do something that would actually hurt.It's not terribly sensible after all. And lots of people have never had piercings and therefore have no frame of reference.
So, seeing something unusual and wondering whether or not you are the sort of person who would readily inflict pain on yourself, they ask the question, because for all they know, it might not actually hurt which is why you've been so happy to have it done.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:49, Reply)
I see your pointBut to the best of my knowledge most people without piercings don't have them because either a) they have no interest, in which case why are they even asking, or b) are scared of needles and the associated ouchy, in which case they've no need to ask
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:54, Reply)
If the laser eye surgery actually makes you able to shoot lasers from your eyesthen I'd go with that.
Otherwise, I think diamond encrusted dancing shoes are the way to go for you, Darth old chap.
(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:25,
Reply)
NICEI wish, for the sake of attempting to create the slightest impression of masculinity, that I didn't love this idea.
But I do.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)
He's in de Thames, surely?(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:38,
Reply)
It would be more imressive than just having neon light strips on a corsa.(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)
Buy a camera.That way you have a prop to explain to your missus why you spend so much time in 'darkrooms'.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:29,
Reply)
Get the surgery!I've been trying to persuade Kitty to get it done too. Best thing I ever did - terrifying though, I won't lie!
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:36,
Reply)
kitty looks hot in her glasses thoughso it's ok for her to remain blind
(
djtrialprice, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:52,
Reply)
I'm sure she does, having not met herBut she posted on here about having issues with her contacts, etc
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:53,
Reply)
She meant she was having issues with people who supplied her with information and the like.(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:54, Reply)
AAAAAAAAAAAL!I'm in bed. How weird was that that I was in a band in Scotland with someone you went to school with?
(
djtrialprice, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:59,
Reply)
OMG IT'S SO WEEEEEEEEIIIIIIRRRRRRRRDWE SHOULD TOTALLY CALL OURSELVES THE WEIRD SISTERS AND WEAR MATCHING DRESSES AND BRUSH EACH OTHERS HAIR AND DO MAKE UP ON EACH OTHERS FACES AND HOLD HANDS AND WALK AROUND THE TOWN CENTRE TOGETHER!
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:03, Reply)
I don't knowI need one more person to think it's a good idea before I'm officially in.
(
djtrialprice, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:13,
Reply)
I think it's a very good idea.But then again I like men in dresses.
(
girlinthehole, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:15,
Reply)
YES!Now he HAS to do it. I'm going to have the best christmas EVAH!
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:17, Reply)
In all seriousness I know a couple of peoplewho've had it done. They no longer need glasses but it can make your vision fuzzy. Also, one of them has dry eyes as a result and is constantly taking eye drops.
(
djtrialprice, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:56,
Reply)
I had dry eyes beforehand and was very short sightedThey are now better than 20/20 vision and not dry as I dont need to wear my lenses any more. I'd recommend it to anyone
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:57,
Reply)
I guess this probably isn't adecision that should be made based on anecdotal evidence.
(
djtrialprice, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:00,
Reply)
I know a lovely couplewho called their kid "Dolce Lee". Pronounced "Dollsy", of course. Because they're thick cunts. They don't even know what Dolce means, they named the poor fucker after D&G :/
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)
The Mum of someone I used to work with was a school photographer.One day whilst working in a slightly rough school, she came across one young Mum who had brought in her pre-school daughter to photographed with the older sibling.. She was quite surprised to learn that the child was called Ellesse, and asked the Mum how she'd decided on the name.
"I cudn't fink of owt, and then I looked at me trainers"
Lucky she hadn't been wearing Gola or Adidas Kicks, really.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:59, Reply)
My best mate swears he knows a family with the surname 'Caravan'Who named their daughter 'Iona'
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:07,
Reply)
I'm gonna call shenanigans on that oneAlthough I did once read a letter written by a lawyer who married a banker
Sue Mee and Rob Mee
*facepalm*
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:11, Reply)
Back in my days working at the driving school we took on a pupil called PennyWho had recently married a Mr Less.
"Oh, it's not the first time he's had this problem," she said, when I remarked upon her name, "Before he met me, he almost got engaged to a woman called Ruth."
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:14, Reply)
LegendUnfortunately, my name doesn't lend itself to puns, and I'm not allowed to take a surname if I marry.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:16, Reply)
Very rare forrin surnameThere's only 5 of us in the UK, me, my two sisters, Mum and Nana. Gotta preserve it!
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:31, Reply)
Good answerAlthough I was hoping for something slightly less likely, such as a bureaucratic error granting your surname listed building status
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:37, Reply)
Put a little of it away so that you can attend a bash next year.(
girlinthehole, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:46,
Reply)
If I do thatThen EVERY one of you buggers will be insisting I buy the drinks, and frankly I only like a handful of you
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:54, Reply)
I still don't get itAnd lack the enthusiasm to work it out. Not enough coffee as yet
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:15, Reply)
I'd only like a handful as opposed to I only like a handful thus saying you would like to cop a feel.Which I am totally in agreement with.
(
girlinthehole, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:17,
Reply)
Aha!Very good, and not a terrible idea - "want a drink? Place your nork... here"
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:27, Reply)
If it works, you get commission20% of each nork-grope. Basically you have to hope that the fifth girl who falls for it is happy with giving out a freebie
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:39, Reply)
Right, name me five B3tans who'll trade gropes for drinks*waits patiently*
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:47, Reply)
So I hear.I also hear belated congratulations are in order.
I've just booked my time off over the festive period.
11 days off in a row for the price of 4 days holiday.
That's why I love Christmas.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:20, Reply)
You're not robbing a nursery school nowWith me it's a full-time job. Now behave yourself
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)
Congrats on the victory over the queen of menopause btw.Play your cards right and you could be the next CJ from Eggheads.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:17, Reply)
Thank you very much sirAnd I am both flattered and horrified by your suggestion
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:27, Reply)
Nice...and in a half hour show too!
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:43,
Reply)
If it helps I know several people who have had the surgery and they totally rate itand they had it done years ago.
Opt for the more expensive one though, otherwise you get a guy using a scalpel on your eyeball to scrape it before they get the laser involved.
(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:19,
Reply)
*technicolour yawn*My extreme sensitivity when it comes to letting anything remotely dangerous - like, y'know, KNIVES - near my eyes is the main thing stopping me
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:28, Reply)
pay for the more expensive oneand they do it all with a laser.
(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:32,
Reply)
When I got mine done, they used what appeared to be a hole punch!EEK!
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:41,
Reply)
Am wondering if, as the laser tilts towards my eyes, I'll have the composure to say"Do you expect me to talk?"
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:41, Reply)
I will say no as you will not be able to breathe due to sheer terrorspeaks from experience, the big girl
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:42,
Reply)
You're almost certainly spot on thereIt certainly won't ease my tension if the surgeon gets it and replies "no, Mr Foxtrot, I expect you to die!"
/Basil Exposition
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:49, Reply)
Get the laser eye surgeryAnd one of those money boxes that you have to take a tin opener to get into. Put the cost of contact lenses each month into the tin. In a year's time, celebrate the anniversary of being the strongest link by cracking into the tin and spending the goodness inside.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:43, Reply)
That is a fucking brilliant idea!My contact lenses cost me £22 a month so that'd be £264. Madam, I am in your debt
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:50, Reply)
It relies on having the memory to put the money inAnd the willpower not to crack into it. But if it works then its awesome. It's how I save for christmas.
(, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 12:13, Reply)
« Go Back | Reply To This »