Alt Q
I would have a version of Monty that didn't harp on about his sister's illness like some sort of grief porn, in a constant bid to get people to feel sorry for him. A version that didn't use that illness as an excuse to be unbelievably racist against an entire continent based purely on the fact that the same sister went to a country she knew was rife with rapists and HIV, and just so happened to go through something so totally, unimaginably horrible, that, although from the sound of it she lives a more rewarding and fulfilled life than the man himself, or indeed many of us here, that she may not appreciate her business being touted about on a sick joke website.

I'd love a version of Monty that didn't brag endlessly about doing highly illegal Class A drugs on a public internet forum. I'd love a Monty who didn't call his ex a 'mental bitch' for not allowing him to see his daughter all the time, despite then, two days after the very first day he actually got to spend with his little girl, coming back on here and bragging about 'hoovering up fat lines with an east end gangster'.
I'd love a Monty who took into account the feelings of his family when he was popping pills or snorting cocaine, I'd love it if he thought about it for a second and realised that even though they would probably forgive him and support him, the shock of finding out that he has been arrested and cautioned (or possibly worse, depending on how much he's caught with, especially after that time he was publicly declaring that he had been asked to use his house as "storage") for possession and forced to attend rehab sessions, which he inevitably will, would be completely unneccessary and hurtful for them.

I'd like a Monty who acted his age and wasn't so easily swayed, I'd like a Monty who didn't become infuriated with people much younger than him on the internet over differences of opinion or musical tastes. I'd love a Monty who didn't whinge about his financial problems and then go back to bragging about the repeatedly aforementioned MASSIVE DRUGS.
I'd love a Monty who didn't call every new person on here a MASSIVE NONCE, because not one single one of them for the last couple of months was me.

Basically, I'd like a Monty who wasn't Monty.

Merry Christmas B3ta.

MASSIVE NONCE
xxxx
(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:21, 14 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

F.O.B.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:22, Reply)

you've got to hand it to him
he puts in a great deal of effort
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Yes.
But so does Lee Evans.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Cheers, Monty
Just so you know, I am only saying this to hold a big mirror up to you, hopefully you'll take a look at yourself and change before it's too late. I know what it's like to make a mistake and end up fucking up lives and relationships over a mistake, except that I was 24 when I made my mistake, you're old enough to know better.
(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Holding up a big mirror, eh?
snnnfnffffffffffnnnnnnffffffff

Cheers, Merry Christmas.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

So you disagree?
You don't think that eventually your attitude is going to get you into trouble, that some day you might actually get caught and end up causing your family yet more grief?

EDIT which, in turn would cause problems between you and your ex allowing you access to your daughter?
(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

at least he won't found balls deep in his daughter

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:54, Reply)

POTD!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:58, Reply)

up lives and relationships over a mistake, except that I was 24 when I made my mistake, you're old enough to know better your sister

Obvious strikethrough is obvious.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:55, Reply)

still good though

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Alrite Bert

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Fuck off Bert!

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Tell me that I'm wrong.

(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

You're wrong.

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

on which point?

(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Pretty much all of it.

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

would you like me to find links to back up what I have said?

(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Not really.

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)

well then, you can disagree with me
but unless you can disprove anything I've said, you can fuck off you pathetic, desperate, dried up old fuckbag
(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Haha!
Ok.
( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Why do you obsess over internet people
It's not helping your mental instability
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

So...
...does this mean that Ann Margret's not coming?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

POTD!

( Peej, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

There's a FMJ quote for every occasion

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

you're not wrong

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Alright Bert
How's your sister, and the 12 fingered freak you two created?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Don't know, haven't spoken to her in a long time for obvious reasons
I hope she's alright though
(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

You're either hiding behind a fake name
or bert.

Fuck off Bert
( Peej, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

DO ME DO ME

(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

you're fat and rapey
but there's not much else to you
(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I think he meant he wanted you to fuck him

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

not even with yours

(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

fat charming
rapey witty
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Oh come now, that's not fair
It's well documented* that Psychochomp is amongst the most charming and witty of rapey types.



*Mostly by Chompy himself, now I come to think about it.
(Cave Duck, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

that's unfair
he's not fat.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

fucking ugly then
generic bert insult is generic insult.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

hello bert
how's thecathater?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Banned already :(

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

fucking hell
that was some ninja banning
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I think that's a record

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

*points up* whose the cunt?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

that's Bert

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

the ghost of b3ta past

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:40, Reply)

You know full well who it is, Bert ;)

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

yay he's back. More please bERT.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:52, Reply)

This is excellent
A+ would read again.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:52, Reply)

i like breasts

( broadsword, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 19:28, Reply)

I like YOU

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 19:51, Reply)

oh man this is gold

( Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 20:13, Reply)

i fucking love you've been framed

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 20:45, Reply)

Excellent internet

( WormuIus, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 21:31, Reply)