Good morning fellow reprobates.
I feel like shit and look like shit. In essence I am shit.

How are you?

Alt Q: if you could have your own version of Monty, which Monty would you have?


Mine would be a few inches taller and a big fan of Bowie.
( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:01, 219 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Haha, gutted, I'm fabulous

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:07, Reply)

I'm fucking knackered
Had a couple of mates over last night, had a couple of drinks, I ended up getting to bed at about 3, fook knows when they did. I'm so tired it's not even funny.

You couldn't be shit if you tried, my dear.

Alt: One who shares his drugs.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:09, Reply)

I'm alright
figure I'm going to have a pretty fucking boring day ahead of me though

I would have a version of Monty that didn't know how to use the internet, so I didn't have to know he existed.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:13, Reply)

haha

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:51, Reply)

I've just realised I'm tickety Boo.
Everybody else in the office has "flue like" symptoms so I have the window open to get some frsh air.

At the risk of causing embarrassment, I wouldn't change the Monty we have now. If he were changed, his weaknesses might be overcome, and he could take over the world.

This would not be a good thing.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:22, Reply)

You work with chimneys?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Yes,
I'm not going to edit that now.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I woke up late
I fucking hate waking up late it meant I forgot my hula hoops.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:22, Reply)

Were you entering a competition then?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Hahahahaha 70s lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I should be really happy and, I suppose, quite proud.
Piglet is 21 today but I won't see him until Friday. This is making me a bit sad.
I'm so looking forward to sharing some good rum and a nice cigar.

Alt: The full one. For laughs.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Last year was the first year that my step daughter was away for her birthday and that was an odd experience.
We have a cassette of a corny personalised version of "Happy Birthday" sang by Coco The Clown that's been played on every birthday since she was about three (which has been much to her embarrassment since the age of about seven). Last year we rang her up and without a word from us played it down the phone - she burst into tears.

Do you wait until after his birthday before putting Christmas decorations up?
(Cave Duck, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:34, Reply)

Awwww
I like this!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Awwwwwwww!

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:41, Reply)

..... and then she said "Stop ruining my life with that fucking stupid tape you complete bastards"

(Cave Duck, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Hahaha!
I like this too!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Yup. Tree etc will go up this weekend when he returns and can help.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Likewise. I think it's important to keep their birthday as a seperate and special event, though it must be difficult for those born even closer to Christmas than this.

Now that you're a few months down the line, how is retirement shaping up?
(Cave Duck, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I'm enjoying it so far.
Taking everything at a slower pace, longer to do stuff etc.
However I have discovered how much I bloody hate housework. It can fuck right off.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Good.
Don't be a slave to the house, it only needs to be generally clean.
Washing and ironing are a pain though.
(Cave Duck, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:15, Reply)

I'm reasonably excited
We have our work Xmas meal today at 3pm, and the UEA Dancesport Xmas ball tonight at 7, which means two massive Christmas dinners within a few hours of each other and drinking all afternoon and evening.

Alt Q - I'd have a pet Monty, who I would keep in a kennel under my stairs and feed with rabbit droppings and unicorn tears
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:29, Reply)

i managed to get myself a 7am meeting this morning with a new client
this pissed me off because it meant getting up at 6. and then when i got there she may have been the most beautiful girl i've ever seen. at 7 in the morning. nothing gives you a more inferior start to the day. AND her flat was really nice. i am tempted to give her really shit advice (on purpose this time).

EDIT - on plus side, have just bitten the bullet and upgraded flights for jamaica. it feels a bit selfish but 9 hours on a flight with 3 kids each way? it had to be done! now the threatened snow just needs to fuck right off. please.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:31, Reply)

Grand, thanks.
Alt: I'd have the King of Calypso version so he could be called Monty Belafonte.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Hahaha!
I like this.
( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:44, Reply)

I'm super happy, life is grand
Alt: I don't know Monty, so I'll have the original version.
( jenpots, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:41, Reply)

It's probably best to be kept that way...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Not knowing him
or having the original version.
( jenpots, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Not knowing him

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:50, Reply)

oh.... :o(
That doesn't sound great.
( jenpots, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:53, Reply)

it's better than knowing Agnostic Antichrist

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:55, Reply)

I'm getting confused
I wish Poppet would come on and tell me that you're all lovely really.
( jenpots, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Yes, she must be a very accomplished liar by now.
She's been on here for AGES.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I'm a cunt.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:59, Reply)

Really?
Or the b3ta version of a cunt, meaning you're a cunt here but in real life you're actually quite decent.
( jenpots, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:06, Reply)

No, I am a proper one.
This lot will vouch for me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

oh....
ok, I'll be your friend.
( jenpots, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

it's not true
he's a lovely marshmallow in real life. He let me cuddle him and he said 'nommy sammiches'.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)

She won't say that about me, she thinks I'm a terrible person
Granted, I am a terrible person, but that's not the point.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:24, Reply)

well you totally.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 15 Dec 2010, 13:43, Reply)

I have a hangover
I blame my new BFF, Spamela Hamderson.

And I would have the very old Monty because that's what I thought he was until I met him.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:43, Reply)

I bet Pam is a right hoot.

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:45, Reply)

+ ers

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:46, Reply)

She played them down
Mine were covered too. We're, like, twins.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:50, Reply)

except that i doubt yours are plastic?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Indeed
Mine are squishy dumplins
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:57, Reply)

I've lost track
How big are hers nowadays? Exact statistics, if you please
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:53, Reply)

I didn't honk them!
I think they are either smaller or just the fact that they were corseted in a certain way made them appear smaller.
Her body is amazing. I don't know where that cellulite went, but it's gone.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:58, Reply)

When you have her sort of money
There are ways of making parts of your body disappear. Or embiggen, if you will
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:06, Reply)

She got involved for a bit.
I don't ask for photos with 'salabrities' but I thought I ought to for my cousin who adores her.
And now my cousin hates me for meeting Pamela at all.
She is the one who congratulated me on my engagement and then said "Oh no, there's just me who's single now. Really devastated xxx"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:56, Reply)

I'm going to sound like a right brown nose here
But I think Monty is perfect as he is. He hates Bowie, loves his kid and makes me laugh on a daily basis.
( Peej, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:43, Reply)

you've got his kid and Bowie mixed up there

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Monty is Bowie's dad?
Fuck!
( Peej, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I've just iced some rainbow cupcakes for Applebite
and covered myself in icing sugar like a retard. A sugar coated retard if you will.

I would have Monty in pill form, easier to swallow.

EDIT: I really didn't mean that to sound that dirty.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:46, Reply)

*licks*
Nyommy!
( jenpots, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:47, Reply)

yes you did

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Not originally
but I decided not to change it, so I'm filthy as an afterthought
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:48, Reply)

I'll accept that
how are you? aside from being sugar-coated
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:50, Reply)

pretty good
I've got a potential job interview tomorrow, yay. And my parents are coming over today to go to the Christmas markets in Manchester so that means I'll get bought lots of food.

They're meeting Wiggy's parents for the first time tonight though, eeshk.

How are you? How's the secondment? Pool still an unacceptable temperature?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:53, Reply)

glad to hear it
My parents and those of my mrs met briefly at our graduation, but we all went for a curry together a little while back. It was painful. My dad fucking loves to talk. Mostly about boats.

I'm good. Secondment is a little dull at the moment. Today is going to be particularly long and slow I think. On the bright side, the pool was 27 degrees last night, which is fine.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Wiggy'ss dad loves to talk about boats
so hopefully he and The Captain will get on ok.

I hope the chlorine turns your hair green.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:57, Reply)

splendid
It seems unlikely, it's the least chlorinated pool I've been in
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:59, Reply)

well I hope you get water up your nose and start spluttering for a good four or five minutes.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:01, Reply)

and i hope
that someone is filming this at the time.

sorry vipros, but it would be funny.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:02, Reply)

unfortunately for you
there is no one else there

that's right, I have a nice heated indoor pool ALL TO MYSELF
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:04, Reply)

well film it yourself then
don't be selfish
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:05, Reply)

I'm not just going to provide you with a video of me in swimming trunks
you'll have to try harder than that
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

this is a challenge
*sends x-rated gaz*
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

result

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:17, Reply)

my friend was dating a pakistani GP recently
she suggested that they go for sausages and beers at the christmas market. slight ignorance of his religion there, then.

this lack of compatability may explain why she got a hilarious text a date later saying: "you must give urself to me unconditionally. this stuff about a relationship - i don't make decision about that. until next year at least, i can't. but i do feel i am ready to make love to you."

to be fair, i guess he's only saying what a lot of guys think on a third date, but it made me laugh a LOT.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:56, Reply)

ahh that standard third date "give yourself to me unconditionally" text....the memories!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:00, Reply)

at least he made his intentions clear, i suppose
perhaps he should give lessons to english/american boys with their whole chandler bing "hey, i'll give you a call" thing.

she was really offended when i laughed, but i just couldn't help it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Like you've ever had a third date.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:02, Reply)

i don't think this works when she lives with her bf
that's like a million third dates, no?

so even on the "that's the joke" scale, this doesn't work.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Nipped in the bud!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:05, Reply)

i'm sick of that bloody picture
it makes it very hard to pass this page off as research
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:06, Reply)

What picture?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

that simpsons picture of ranier wolfcastle
with the appalling grammar at the bottom
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Oh gawd yes.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Maybe I should have gone with "made it to the third date"

(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:06, Reply)

not really, no
no joke about kitty being too single/undateable/unattractive to get to a third date counts when she lives with her bf . try a different tack altogether, i'm sure you have hundreds to annoy her...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:08, Reply)

oh he does
thousands
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

actually just being himself
that's the only one he needs
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

that's quite funny
and quite odd
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:00, Reply)

his english was excellent but quite archaic apparently

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:01, Reply)

being from Pakistan doesn't actually automatically make him a muslim, though.
top honest sex request though. fair play.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:07, Reply)

of course not, but this guy was
it was honest, but it didn't work. his cock remains resolutely unsucked. he should have pretended he was keen, that works on most girls :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Ah, the old skool "lying for knicker entrance" approach. A classic.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:23, Reply)

twats the lot of you!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Not all of us!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

THEN HE BLEW HIMSELF UP!!!!111!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Sugar coated
Best kind of retard
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:48, Reply)

Sugar Coated, eh?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Excellent!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

where's Al? I've found his Christmas present:
www.amazon.co.uk/Dancing-Empowerment-Embodiment-Samantha-Holland/dp/0230210384/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1292406185&sr=8-3#_
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:47, Reply)

£52 is the price of empowerment.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:49, Reply)

God I didn't even look at the price, that is ridiculous.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:49, Reply)

the girl who put the link on facebook wrote "what the hell?" above it
so I wrote "hahaha!" but now other girls have started writing about how good it is so now I look like a dick.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Just say you were laughing at the price.
Then you'll look like that Martin bloke off that website.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:02, Reply)

It can't possibly be £50 good.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Not even the photos of the pole dancers would be worth £50

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

not when they just join fb for free and perve over yours!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

mine are quite reserved, they just use me to get to pictures of Applebite's ladygarden

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

it's certainly the closest they are going to get

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

yours certainly aren't

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

sadface
mine have comedy value
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

your face has comedy value

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

your mum has comedy value
my mum's face has comedy value
the end
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

your end has comedy value
as does your mum and your mum's end
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Sorry you're not too well. Hopefully it at least gets it out of the way and you'll be fighting fit for the Christmas break
All is well, here. Very enjoyable Chinese meal for step-daughter's birthday yesterday. And, her Dad insisted on paying for us all.
Buffet tea and cake with other relatives tonight.
(Cave Duck, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:51, Reply)

lol - Monty isn't tall enough...
even in his top hat, the tiny bastard.
( thealternativefact, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:02, Reply)

It's not a criticism I have had levelled at me before, I must say.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Blousey is a demanding woman.

( thealternativefact, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

I like tall men.

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:26, Reply)

we are definitely better than short men

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:28, Reply)

At what?
Turning up for bashes for longer than an hour?
Getting cars to start?
Remembering to bring tobacco?
I think not.
( thealternativefact, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

haha triple burn
she burned you Vipros. You been burned.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

*wonders why he bothers*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

*wonders the same*

( thealternativefact, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

*won't in future*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:50, Reply)

: (

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:57, Reply)

talk to clendrix about it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Moody northerners.

( thealternativefact, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:04, Reply)

you're the one holding the grudge

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:05, Reply)

About what?

( thealternativefact, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:07, Reply)

well, grudge is perhaps the wrong word

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Please clarify what it is that I'm holding.
I might be missing out on some fun.
( thealternativefact, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Penis?

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Many thanks.

( thealternativefact, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:23, Reply)

seems unlikely around here
your sig has reminded me of a classic Gonzism from yesterday, although my search skills are so shit I can't find it :-(
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:26, Reply)

I just want someone to look up to.

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)

this
Though my current bf is the same height as me, it's the shortest I'll go.
( jenpots, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:40, Reply)

that's probably what he said

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I should probably say I'm 5'9''
and he's actually a tiny bit taller than me. And he's aces and makes me very very happy :oD

..... gaaaaaaaaaaaay
( jenpots, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

I still feel a bit blerrrugh
from getting back so late on Monday/Tuesday morning.

However, I have a bowl of coffee and delicious porridge.


Alt: I want the Monty that isn't a massive gay in denial.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

"delicious porridge" is an oxymoron

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

coffee and porridge in the same bowl?

( jenpots, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

OH FFS
Customer: "Hello, we've changed our email address and we've not received any of our email reports this morning."
Me: "That's odd. How long ago did you notify us of the change?"
Customer: *awkward silence*
Me: "Hello?"
Customer: "...I'll get back to you."

5 minutes later: I get emailed a notification of address change.

ITS NOT MAGIC YOU MORONS YOU HAVE TO TELL US
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

ha, class!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Alt Q
I would have a version of Monty that didn't harp on about his sister's illness like some sort of grief porn, in a constant bid to get people to feel sorry for him. A version that didn't use that illness as an excuse to be unbelievably racist against an entire continent based purely on the fact that the same sister went to a country she knew was rife with rapists and HIV, and just so happened to go through something so totally, unimaginably horrible, that, although from the sound of it she lives a more rewarding and fulfilled life than the man himself, or indeed many of us here, that she may not appreciate her business being touted about on a sick joke website.

I'd love a version of Monty that didn't brag endlessly about doing highly illegal Class A drugs on a public internet forum. I'd love a Monty who didn't call his ex a 'mental bitch' for not allowing him to see his daughter all the time, despite then, two days after the very first day he actually got to spend with his little girl, coming back on here and bragging about 'hoovering up fat lines with an east end gangster'.
I'd love a Monty who took into account the feelings of his family when he was popping pills or snorting cocaine, I'd love it if he thought about it for a second and realised that even though they would probably forgive him and support him, the shock of finding out that he has been arrested and cautioned (or possibly worse, depending on how much he's caught with, especially after that time he was publicly declaring that he had been asked to use his house as "storage") for possession and forced to attend rehab sessions, which he inevitably will, would be completely unneccessary and hurtful for them.

I'd like a Monty who acted his age and wasn't so easily swayed, I'd like a Monty who didn't become infuriated with people much younger than him on the internet over differences of opinion or musical tastes. I'd love a Monty who didn't whinge about his financial problems and then go back to bragging about the repeatedly aforementioned MASSIVE DRUGS.
I'd love a Monty who didn't call every new person on here a MASSIVE NONCE, because not one single one of them for the last couple of months was me.

Basically, I'd like a Monty who wasn't Monty.

Merry Christmas B3ta.

MASSIVE NONCE
xxxx
(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:21, Reply)

F.O.B.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:22, Reply)

you've got to hand it to him
he puts in a great deal of effort
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Yes.
But so does Lee Evans.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Cheers, Monty
Just so you know, I am only saying this to hold a big mirror up to you, hopefully you'll take a look at yourself and change before it's too late. I know what it's like to make a mistake and end up fucking up lives and relationships over a mistake, except that I was 24 when I made my mistake, you're old enough to know better.
(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Holding up a big mirror, eh?
snnnfnffffffffffnnnnnnffffffff

Cheers, Merry Christmas.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

So you disagree?
You don't think that eventually your attitude is going to get you into trouble, that some day you might actually get caught and end up causing your family yet more grief?

EDIT which, in turn would cause problems between you and your ex allowing you access to your daughter?
(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

at least he won't found balls deep in his daughter

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:54, Reply)

POTD!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:58, Reply)

up lives and relationships over a mistake, except that I was 24 when I made my mistake, you're old enough to know better your sister

Obvious strikethrough is obvious.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:55, Reply)

still good though

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Alrite Bert

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Fuck off Bert!

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Tell me that I'm wrong.

(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

You're wrong.

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

on which point?

(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Pretty much all of it.

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

would you like me to find links to back up what I have said?

(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Not really.

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)

well then, you can disagree with me
but unless you can disprove anything I've said, you can fuck off you pathetic, desperate, dried up old fuckbag
(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Haha!
Ok.
( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Why do you obsess over internet people
It's not helping your mental instability
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

So...
...does this mean that Ann Margret's not coming?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

POTD!

( Peej, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

There's a FMJ quote for every occasion

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

you're not wrong

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Alright Bert
How's your sister, and the 12 fingered freak you two created?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Don't know, haven't spoken to her in a long time for obvious reasons
I hope she's alright though
(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

You're either hiding behind a fake name
or bert.

Fuck off Bert
( Peej, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

DO ME DO ME

(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

you're fat and rapey
but there's not much else to you
(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I think he meant he wanted you to fuck him

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

not even with yours

(the only winner on the internet, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

fat charming
rapey witty
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Oh come now, that's not fair
It's well documented* that Psychochomp is amongst the most charming and witty of rapey types.



*Mostly by Chompy himself, now I come to think about it.
(Cave Duck, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

that's unfair
he's not fat.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

fucking ugly then
generic bert insult is generic insult.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

hello bert
how's thecathater?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Banned already :(

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

fucking hell
that was some ninja banning
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I think that's a record

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

*points up* whose the cunt?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

that's Bert

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

the ghost of b3ta past

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:40, Reply)

You know full well who it is, Bert ;)

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

yay he's back. More please bERT.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:52, Reply)

This is excellent
A+ would read again.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:52, Reply)

i like breasts

( broadsword, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 19:28, Reply)

I like YOU

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 19:51, Reply)

oh man this is gold

( Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 20:13, Reply)

i fucking love you've been framed

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 20:45, Reply)

Excellent internet

( WormuIus, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 21:31, Reply)

Wow, I'm really rather upset.
:(
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

about the content, or about the ban?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

The content.
It's more than a little creepy, for starters.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

You could write something similar about a dozen people on here if you wanted
and were mentally ill.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:55, Reply)

it is quite creepy
The shitehawk further down makes some good points though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:56, Reply)

i do good shitehawking

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:03, Reply)

I really liked the Monty Belafonte one!
Edit: Plus he fucked his sister, you're always going to have one up on him.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:54, Reply)

depends how fit his sister is

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Butchers dog?

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:10, Reply)

*rubs thighs*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Jeff WILL be pleased

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:14, Reply)

don't be
I've never heard you talk about your sister, so that first point is way off.

The drug taking is something that you know you shouldn't do, but it's up to you to stop if you want to and I believe you've cut down quite considerably recently anyway.

He tells you to think of your family and how they would feel if they knew of your actions. How the fuck would his family feel if they knew just how unstable he is and that he purposefully goes out of his way to try and goad people on the internet just to get a kick out of causing other people hurt.

Everyone's got problems, I'd rather have yours than his.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Don't forget, he did fuck his sister

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:55, Reply)

trufax?
or internet trufax?
( jenpots, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Trufax

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:01, Reply)

ewww!

( jenpots, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:02, Reply)

i would say search it
but for your own mental health... don't. think bou and syncubus going at it for hours in a vat of oil whilst you are forced to watch with your eyelids pinned open.

this would be worse.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Half-sister.
But the really sexy half.
( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Hahahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:03, Reply)

This^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:56, Reply)

look you big spastic you know yourself well enough to know your limits and
tolerances, no it's not ideal but you do a sterling job anyway so who cares what Bert says, trust me compared to some of the parents I've come across you are a paragon of virtue.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 10:59, Reply)

he just goes for what he thinks are the weak points and then unfortunately is eloquent enough to press the buttons
we could all do that. but most of us have the basic human decency to realise that this is not clever or funny, so we don't.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:00, Reply)

No you're not,
everyone above is an idiot.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:02, Reply)

haven't you just included yourself in that?
i'm agreeing, not disputing, this fact btw.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:02, Reply)

When do you start being charming and witty?
I'll set my alarm....
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:08, Reply)

I like this.

( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Your rape alarm?
/obvious meme-related joke is obvious and memetic
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Probably September.
(Yet more meme).
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 15 Dec 2010, 12:08, Reply)