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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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A parcel came, but I was in work
I went to the redelivery site and they said I could have it sent from the Depot at the End of the World to my local Post Office.
The Post Office they dictate I must use is a mile away and in a totally different 'village', for want of a better word.
My local Post Office, ie the one I use, that is only half a mile away, is 'not in my Post Code area' and therefore they will not post there.
They won't post it to my nana's because that's a different postcode as well.
Ok then you twats, have it your way, redeliver it to my address on Christmas Eve, but I bet you fucking won't.

Who do you suspect of LIES?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:28, 253 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Your fiancee

(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:33, Reply)
As long as he's lying to you and not me, bitch...
And it's only one 'e' for male fiancés.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:38, Reply)
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:42, Reply)
Quit runnin yo mouth!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:47, Reply)
He said a lie to me
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1013548
(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:53, Reply)
Gosh, you're not THAT cruel!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:00, Reply)
Meatloaf
Says he'd do anything for love but he won't do 'that'.
I bet he would in a heartbeat, the mongrel.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:41, Reply)
for ages i asumed 'that' ment anal
how sad I was to be told it was leaving
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:44, Reply)
It's never specified as anything in particular, including both leaving and anal

(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:52, Reply)
This gives me an idea for a rock opera of last tango in paris

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:53, Reply)
Freddie would approve.

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:00, Reply)
Now to write
firstly I will be needing a list of terms for sodomy
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:03, Reply)
any thread involving Darth, Monty and al will provide all that material.

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:10, Reply)
It could be as big as silence of the lambs the musical

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:11, Reply)

www.jonandal.com/audio_silence/06%20Put%20The%20Fucking%20Lotion%20In%20The%20Basket%20%28Buffalo%20Bill%20And%20Catherine%29.mp3
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:16, Reply)
shit
I was told it was tromboning. what a let down.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:53, Reply)
rusty tromboning?

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:55, Reply)
she's a fiend for it

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:07, Reply)
"SAY WHAAAAAAAAT"

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:09, Reply)
Anyone who refuses to like the Pixies
fact.
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:41, Reply)
Ooh!
*puts Doolittle on and bops about*
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:45, Reply)
I have a strict musical policy of
"getting some 1990's up in this bitch" I suggest you join me
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:46, Reply)
This is a song about a superhero called Tony
it's called Tony's theme
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:54, Reply)
*Loves the Pixies*
*waits for Monty to appear and piss on our chips*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:08, Reply)
They rock so hard

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:10, Reply)
I saw them at Reading a few years ago
they blew my mind. Alright, so my mind was full of drugs* and booze and could probably have been blown by a discoball, but they were fucking awesome.

*well, I'd had a fair number of spliffs but frankly it just made the moment more beautiful
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:29, Reply)
Amazon
or possibly/probably royal mail. Somebody has got my Kick Ass dvd and it isn't me, and it was dispatched 2 weeks ago. Royal mail are an epic bunch of cunts though, I agree wholeheartedly.
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:42, Reply)
I shall give them the benefit of the doubt
but God help them if they disappoint...
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:51, Reply)
Pretty much everyone
I'm a mistrustful sort.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:47, Reply)
really?

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:49, Reply)
WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT???
You're another one, aren't you? Spying on me through the TV. You won't catch me you know. I know who you work for.

(fizzzzz....)
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:56, Reply)
I have an iPod full of your thoughts

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:58, Reply)
That's a very unappealling prospect
Although the mucky thoughts might fetch a few bob if you sold them to Men Only as "True letters."
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:04, Reply)
Are you willing to trust me long enough to perhaps arrange some remixes?

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:09, Reply)
Mucky thought remixes?
I'm not sure what sort of authorities you'd need to notify if you downloaded my head to an i-pod.

Interesting concept - I'll go along with it if you're prepared to submit to the same experiment. Otherwise we'll call it a draw.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:17, Reply)
I could possibly be executed
but then hopefully my death would not be in vain
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:18, Reply)
Unless by injection
In which case it'd be in vein.

Sorry - that's the sort of pun I'd normally expect of Jeff.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:27, Reply)
I was hoping that redheads would be considered even sexier

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:33, Reply)
The Thought Police
Care not about skin or hair tone.

Yer' nicked, son. Off to the Ministry.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:38, Reply)
Hang on, what?
In my experience it's the distance rather than the postcode that's a restricting criterion. Sounds like you're dealing with a pack of jobsworths.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:51, Reply)
Course I am
The world's full of 'em.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:51, Reply)
This is why I get stuff delivered to my work

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:52, Reply)
I'm going to get everything delivered to Nana's from now on
Well, not that stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:00, Reply)
How open minded is your work?

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:03, Reply)
Closed.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:05, Reply)
Do you work for puritans?
or just non-B3tards?
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:07, Reply)
Both really, save a few people.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:12, Reply)
I have only met a few b3tans. I should arrange a bash

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:13, Reply)
You're only in Leeds aren't you?
Keep your eyes open around June time for Blousies birthday bash extravaganza.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:17, Reply)
Sweet.
Indeed I am in Leeds
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:18, Reply)
Ooh!
*precums*
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:29, Reply)
You'll get felt up
I've just sold it to you now haven't I...
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:18, Reply)
To be honest it's mostly the women that feel each other up.
The guys are too shy.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:19, Reply)
apart from that one time

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:21, Reply)
Are you fucking kidding!
I nearly got fingered up my bum!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:22, Reply)
Well yes there is him.
You just weren't fast enough to get away.

It's a shame he's put you off bashes : (
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:24, Reply)
Oh it hasn't!
I just use that as a hilarious example of what can happen.
I was already beginning to conclude that I was not a basher.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:32, Reply)
You like your anonimity.
I respect that.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:35, Reply)
I read that in a scouse accent!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:47, Reply)
Good grief!
I was about to protest that nothing that exciting has happened to me at a bash, and then realised I can't in all honesty complain. Plus I don't really want fingering up my bum, come to think of it...
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:25, Reply)
Its not a good way to make friends

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:27, Reply)
Exactly!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:27, Reply)
Don't let a near-molesting put you off bashes!
I'd like to meet you at some point.
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:31, Reply)
I don't like the idea of turning up at something advertised on the internet
and being on FLickr and all that, and there being people you haven't chosen to meet, but you're assumed to be mates with.
A cliquey secret thing, maybe, but I dunno, bashes don't seem, erm, natural. Do I mean homogenous, or is that red-top milk?
Oh fuck it. THERE'S A RISK OF MONGS!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:34, Reply)
Hahaha and becuase they effectively came from the internet
it would be like the ultra-mong9001
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:36, Reply)
It's far more grown up than you think it is : )

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:37, Reply)
They drew a cock on an innocent man's neck
in YOUR house, lady!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:40, Reply)
Hahahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:42, Reply)
Busted : )

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:44, Reply)
McFly!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:49, Reply)
Fightstar!

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:52, Reply)
*I'm out*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:56, Reply)
Hahaha
that's why you choose your bash carefully! I thought you had been to some, anyway?
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:38, Reply)
I've been to two
but I'd rather just meet up with people than go to an event, I've found.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:43, Reply)
My bash was relatively mong free apart from Al.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:43, Reply)
Says you
Lord Mong-tague Of Bealieu!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:48, Reply)
One never includes oneself when referring to one's guests.
That would be frightfully common. Now run along and steal some tyres.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:51, Reply)
Technically berk
I did 'give you a ring' in Bristol - But that was because I couldn't get hold of sick-note.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:45, Reply)
Hmph
So not only are you pointing out my lack of bash-based man action, you're also making me second fiddle to Blousie. *flounces*
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:53, Reply)
Jeff fiddled with Blousie?

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:55, Reply)
*There there*
You made the best cakes. And that makes you pretty awsome.

Blousie would have been upset if I hadn't tried to call her.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:55, Reply)
Damn right!
Apart from trying to make me drink that awful cloudy cider, you were very charming.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:00, Reply)
That cloudy stuff was vile
Aspalls all the way.
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:02, Reply)
To be fair, I'd drink Domestos if it was offered.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:04, Reply)
But it doesn't have any alcohol in it..

(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:06, Reply)
I'd use it as a mixer.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:10, Reply)
Mmm, pinefresh!

(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:16, Reply)
Woo!
And berk does make fantastic cakes too!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:03, Reply)
Faux conciliatory post
is not conciliatory enough. *pouts**

*is joking
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:02, Reply)
Are you only joking about the pouting?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:04, Reply)
I'm joking about being annoyed
although I can pout if you like.
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:07, Reply)
If you want to pout, you feel free.
Are you a regular pouter?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:10, Reply)
Not really
I only tend to do it when I'm pretending to be annoyed for dramalols.
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:13, Reply)
So we've established that you're NOT upset?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:15, Reply)
Naw, course I'm not
why, are you about to say something that's going to change that? *looks suspicious*
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:16, Reply)
Nothing.
At the moment.

But at least if I know your state of mind, I can pitch comments accordingly.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:18, Reply)
'Molested by destiny' would be a good name for an Indie band

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:20, Reply)
fingered by fate

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:59, Reply)
Frotted by fortune

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:13, Reply)
pawed by providence

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:21, Reply)
DP by hubris and pride

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:34, Reply)
slapped about the face by the cock of kismet

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:42, Reply)
fist fucked by a deus ex machina

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:45, Reply)
the alabama hot-pocket of serendipity

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 21:01, Reply)
I suspect the Lib Dems of lies
they sold out for a lick of the brass ring. This wouldn't* have happened in Paddy Ashdowns day


*May have happened...
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:00, Reply)
Rather than Jeremy Thorpe's day
When they sold out for a lick of someone elses's ring...
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:06, Reply)
Just wiki'd
what a sordid affair...homosexuality, attempted murder...I never knew the Liberals were interesting once upon a time.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:11, Reply)
Won't someone think of the poor dog?

(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:13, Reply)
That bit was sad

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:14, Reply)
Poor old Rinka
It was Rinka, wasn't it?

Because the Liberal Party were viewed in the 70's in the same way that the Greens are viewed today that episode has been largely forgotten.

I'm old enough to remember it, and to remember how the Lib-Dems came into being (google SDP and the gang of four if you're not sure).

I'd like to trust them - they appealled to me pre-election - but I can't.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:24, Reply)
Men lie.
They lie to have their evil way with you. Or in my case they lie so they don't have to have their evil way with me.


Other than that, politicians and small children.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:06, Reply)
*Waves*
Evening Blousie.

I need to go to the shops and it's all icey and dangerous out. This annoy me.

How was your day?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:07, Reply)
Ok I guess.
The bookeeper turned up so my dad's happy.(She's been ill). Got home and had a lovey dinner of mash, posh fishcakes and peas. Had to use the shower in the loft for the first time. It's a bloody good shower.

Just chillin!
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:10, Reply)
What did the plumber say?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:10, Reply)
My dad's sorted it.
He was going to come tonight to do it but changed it to tomorrow. He's very handy with stuff like that.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:11, Reply)
Odd that a shower in the loft is particularly good
You wouldn't think it would have a good head of water. Must be an electric one with a pump?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:11, Reply)
It's not electric.
I was suprised too. I bathe more than shower usually.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:13, Reply)
I suppose if the mains water pressure is good enough
it won't make a lot of difference.

My loft's a bit chilly for a shower. I went up the other night to check for frozen pipes, and while they were fine, it was helluva cold.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:14, Reply)
It's a proper loft conversion.
Does get cold up there though.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:16, Reply)
The fact mine's cold
Means my insulation is working properly. The house is still not that warm though. My heating system is shite.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:29, Reply)
What sort of room was it before Billy Graham got involved?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:05, Reply)
Hahaha!
Silly!
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:08, Reply)
Humans would have died out millennia ago
if men hadn't been good liars.

Politicians have to lie. It's in the job description.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:09, Reply)
Woooo!
Where have you been young man?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:10, Reply)
I have a new job
which has a very restrictive IT policy.

Apart than that, I'm actually busy during the day now.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:12, Reply)
Still rockin with the lady friend?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:14, Reply)
Indeed so.
She had a shitty journey yesterday, but made it here late last night.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:15, Reply)
Men can't lie like my mother can

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:14, Reply)
Reminds me of the saying....
'You'll never be the man your mother was'.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:15, Reply)
Ha!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:17, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1013659
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:19, Reply)
I love Rusty.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:20, Reply)
I got her autograph years ago when she was in Snow White in Manchester

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:23, Reply)
A misnomer, surely?

(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:24, Reply)
BELIEVE

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:25, Reply)
*uses imagination*
*fails*
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:26, Reply)
Hahaha!
I wonder what she's up to now?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:25, Reply)
Probably still laughing her tits off!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:29, Reply)
Didn't she get sacked from TVam for product placement?
I'll bet that shut her up.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:46, Reply)
Legal from February next year
With disclaimers.

Including on Commercial Radio which I already despise with gut-felt venom.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:56, Reply)
Me.
I told my Dad I'd drive up to collect him on Christmas Eve. Looking at the long range forecast, I suspect that this may not actually happen.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:32, Reply)
Steal a snowplough.

(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:35, Reply)
This may be the only viable option.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:36, Reply)
Never mind the lies
What have I missed around here in the last few weeks?

Anyone dead?

Any flouncings?

Has Bert been back with his Hitlercock?

Has Rakky remembered her password?

And is anyone else as fed up shovelling fucking snow as I am?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:34, Reply)
Dunno
Bert, Workboresme, Battered

See above

I doubt it because I've never seen her here.

I have shoespikes. Fuck shovels.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:39, Reply)
Shoespikes don't help
if you're trying to drive anywhere.

The Rakky comment was just me trying to be funny. And failing.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:41, Reply)
Bert came back, had another rant and then got banned again.
I'm still single.
CHCB and catface are now married.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:39, Reply)
I gathered you hadn't met a bloke
so I didn't mention it.

Didn't know about CHCB and Captain V though. Congrats to them. Are they going by a double barrelled name now, like Catface-Ceilidhband?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:43, Reply)
Their baby is.
Catface Ceilidhbaby.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:44, Reply)
You should mention it.
I do. At every opportunity.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:47, Reply)
Yes, you do
But I was trying to be tactful and not point out the fact that you're not getting any cock.

I'm getting to be sensitive to people's feelings in my old age, y'know!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:49, Reply)
Aw! that's very thoughtful of you.
But it's not upsetting me as much as it used to so don't worry.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:51, Reply)
I lied to get out of going to my best friends house yesterday.
Mostly because I was dying, partly because I realised she's not my bff anymore and I just don't see the point in bending over backwards for her at christmas when we haven't been too bothered about seeing eachother for the last year.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:41, Reply)
get well soon
was it your works xmas do that killed you?
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:46, Reply)
nah, going out for a friends birthday, had a bottle of cheap champagne before dinner, half a bottle of wine at dinner
a few glasses in the limo on the way to the bar

and only had 2 beers while at the bar I was so drunk
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:49, Reply)
I had to carry my boss out of the bar at ours

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:50, Reply)
oh my my my
I don't exactly remember getting out of the limo and into my friends truck but I do remember shouting to turn up the heat
apparently she responded with "B isn't feeling well, I don't want to make her sick"

I said "FUCK HER"

haha
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:56, Reply)
Blackouts
natures gift of mercy
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:02, Reply)
Who have you promoted to the lofty position of bff now?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:47, Reply)
no one
my dog I guess
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:52, Reply)
good dog.

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:53, Reply)
she's bad actually, I'm hoping this food situation will sort her out.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:55, Reply)
She'll need more exercise if you feed her more.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:58, Reply)
she gets PLENTY of exercise, which is why she has become skin and bones

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:03, Reply)
Well give her more food and teach her to do silly tricks when you swear.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:07, Reply)
good plan
its like a four legged interpretive dance of the word nun-frottage
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:12, Reply)
Right, I'm off to work
In the ice and the snow and the misery!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:49, Reply)
Be safe!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:49, Reply)
Tigger has refused to go in my place

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:50, Reply)
I found George asleep in my bathroom sink this morning.
Bloody cats.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:52, Reply)
catsinsinks.com

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:52, Reply)
My stepdads cat
used to drink out of the sink and/or toilet regularly. I love cats but they really are mental sometimes.
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:54, Reply)
Cats do that
Drinking out of muddy puddles is another favourite.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:57, Reply)
I was lying to myself
When I got up this morning and I was all like 'I'll just quickly go online before I get on with the MASSIVE list of shit I have to do before tomorrow'.

Still here 13 hours later. But I'm drunk now, so it's ok.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:53, Reply)
I suspected my mother was lying when she said there was no Baileys left.
She was right, but now after a walk down to Sainsbury's we have more. And cigarilloes. Fandabbydozy.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 19:58, Reply)
I've never seen a cigarillo
I've only ever seen reference to them on customs information notices at airports.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:00, Reply)
Desperation smokes
The last possible choice before you have to sink to Menthols.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:04, Reply)
Menthols are ok in summer
its like an ice-cream for the lungs
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:10, Reply)
I can't do that.
Rothmans. Not as many as I used to, to but it's always Rothmans.

JPS or L&B if I can't get Rothmans, but I find myself smoking twice as furiously.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:17, Reply)
I find its best to put quality smokes over quantity smokes

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:26, Reply)
Menthols are horrible. I was smoking them round my aunt's earlier.
It just feels like someone's poking the back of your throat with a pin.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:20, Reply)
They're just what I call tabs.
And seeing as my mum gave me her card, I bought Lucky Strikes. Beautiful, beautiful, Lucky Strikes.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:21, Reply)
I can do them.
If I absolutely have to.

I'm picturing the BarryfromEastenders family home as a fug of smoke and empty bottles - possibly with nicotine stained pets wandering dazedly about.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:26, Reply)
Lucky Strikes are ace!
Then after that Camel Blue are my weapon of choice behind Richmond Superkings when I have money.
And I wish that were true, it sounds class. Truth is my mum despises me smoking in the house (but has accepted defeat on that) and this is my first alcoholic beverage for about two months.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:28, Reply)
You are a personal hero
I take it you mean the Red ones?
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:27, Reply)
Damn right playa.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:29, Reply)
Low tar = childrens fags

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:30, Reply)
Exactly.
I also use Marlboro Reds as my victory cigarettes whenever I win an accumulator because I'm too poor to buy cigars.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:32, Reply)
Have you tried the new marlbro bright leaf?

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:37, Reply)
They're what I used to smoke all the time.
The silver/grey ones. They're ace but since moving onto superkings I find it hard to go back to normal size fags.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:41, Reply)
Addiction is a beutiful thing to watch grow

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:42, Reply)
I'm not an addict I just LOVE cigarettes.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:45, Reply)
Me too me too

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:49, Reply)
I love how I thought I was fine.
Used to only smoke when I went out. Then it became two or three a day. Then five. Then ten. Now it's about fifteen. I don't think about money normally anymore, if I have a tenner I think 'that's two packs of tabs' not 'that's a tenner'. I don't care about how bad they are for me, just the cost. Seeing as I don't drink when I go out, or pay for food ever, spending about three quid a day on tabs is fine by me.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:53, Reply)
Roll-ups are your friend.
I spend £6.50 a week on cigs, and I smoke like a chimney.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:59, Reply)
Yes but then I'd be conforming to the student knobhead cliché.
The next arsehole infront of me in Tesco paying for rizlas with a load of copper coins is going to get booted in the head.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 21:03, Reply)
I'm not a student
I started smoking roll-ups at 15.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 21:07, Reply)
Jealous
It's microwaved pre-mulled wine and roll-ups round mine.

I am so classy.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:03, Reply)
I too am drinking and smoking
but fro extra class I am listening to Dokken. Go me
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:11, Reply)
I am listening to Peaches
I am THAT classy. By the way, did it say above that you are from that there Leeds?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:14, Reply)
Yep.

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:15, Reply)
Do you feel a bash comming on?

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:15, Reply)
Ooh. Could do.
*waves* I assume you could see that, you're bloody close enough.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:16, Reply)
Leeds is good times
btw is your profile pic in the Eldon on woodhouse lane?
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:22, Reply)
It's not. But I have been there a few times.
Both the pictures of me are in my local in Bradford.

I think we should do a post-xmas West Yorkshire bash.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:27, Reply)
Best not do it in wakefeild
I cannot go back there for drinks. I got into a fight with a condom machine and I cant remember in which bar.
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:29, Reply)
Leeds or Bradford I think.
Wakefield is shit.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:30, Reply)
Leeds stays open till 4am weeknights

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:31, Reply)
This is true
Also, AA is coming to stay with me next week

*plots short-notice bash*
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:32, Reply)
Im off to the south for xmas

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:37, Reply)
Boo!
Fine, I'll stick with my original plan of 'get him drunk, have a party and go to a gig'.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:38, Reply)
Bradford suburbs
Central Bradford is hideous.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:34, Reply)
Agreed in some ways
Although I would ask you to make an exception for Delius.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:35, Reply)
Don't know it.
I've lived here for eight years and I've been into the centre maybe four times in the evening.

Far too easy to get the train to civilisation (Leeds).
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:41, Reply)
It's pretty good
They have good real ales, good music and I sometimes get to go to lock-ins. Which is me sold really.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:49, Reply)
Where are you?
I'm in Bradford.

Set up a bash - I'll be working that day but it's always nice to miss a bash that I could get to.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:23, Reply)
I know the feeling

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:24, Reply)
*loves Peaches*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:16, Reply)
I really, really love Peaches
Unfortunately, listening to her means that the next man I see is either going to get punched or sexed. I don't know which would be worse for the poor bugger.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:17, Reply)
have you seen the muppets
set to Fuck the Pain away?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:17, Reply)
Oh yes
It buggers 'sad kermit'
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:19, Reply)
No?
Sounds too weird even for me.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:20, Reply)
that puts me in a category of my own then!

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:25, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aGTNS13SDU&feature=related
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:20, Reply)
haha!
Quite well done too.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:23, Reply)
Everyone! *suspicious glare*

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:10, Reply)
*looks sincere*
I've just realised I can breathe through my nose again. Woo!


How are you Amberl?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:13, Reply)
I take it you're almost better then?
I'm good thanks. Better than I've been the last couple of days, I think I was actually quite ill. Just wrapped up presents and am bewailing the post
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:17, Reply)
My mum just rang to tell me she's poorly again : (
She keeps forgetting she's 67 and her immune system is not what it was.

Does your family live in the countryside or town?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:19, Reply)
They live about three miles from town
but luckily my mother is the sort of woman who'll drive through anything so the snow hasn't messed up too much
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:21, Reply)
I can just imagine : )
At least you've had time to rest up before the festivities begin.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:28, Reply)
this is true
Busy week ahead workwise?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:29, Reply)
Not really but there are things I should do that I will probably put off again.
Finishing on Thursday too : )
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:33, Reply)
And then after Christmas
off to Aberracion's wedding! I am envious since I assume the weather will be good
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:34, Reply)
*glees*
Don't forget New Year at DG and tourettes. *double glees*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:39, Reply)
Yes that's right Blousie
rub it right in
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:41, Reply)
Sorry : )

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:44, Reply)
I hope you have a fantastic time :)
give my regards to all three
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:47, Reply)
Will do.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:57, Reply)
Jealous :(
I have nothing planned bar seeing family, and at the risk of seeming ungrateful I will probably be tearing my hair out within 48 hours of getting home.
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:41, Reply)
I'm with you on the 'having nothing planned for new-year' thing.
Why don't people have house parties anymore?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:56, Reply)
They do.
I usually only go to house parties.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 20:59, Reply)
Okay.
Why don't people I KNOW have parties.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 21:01, Reply)
A thousand times this
Christmas is for family, new years for friends. It always used to be that someone would have a decent house party for new years, but for the past couple of years everyone has been dead boring and wanted to stay in and watch Jools Holland with their significant other. For fucks sake - you see them every day, and you've got the rest of your life to be old and boring! I'm too bloody young to be middle aged and dull *rages*
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 21:05, Reply)
I with you all the way berk.
Why the fuck would you want to take your bird/bloke out 'for a nice meal' before going home with a bottle of wine.

I mean, even if you actually like your other half, you can fuck them before you go out. How dare you bollocks up my new years by doing something all lovey.

New Year - a chance for friends to get together, drink too much and cop-off with a mates, mate.

Those are the rules. Not 'oh, we'll just get a chinese this year as the pubs will be busy and expensive'.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 21:11, Reply)
You sound somewhat sarcastic
but I stand by what I've said: I totally understand wanting to spend time with your boy/girlfriend. But you can do that any day you like whereas with new years everyone tends to be off work and can get pissed and have a giggle together, which we don't actually do as a group all that often. Possibly because most of my supposed mates are actually terribly boring, and it takes one to know one :(
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 21:16, Reply)
I wasn't be sarcastic.
It annoys me in exactly the same way as it annoys you.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 21:20, Reply)
I was very lucky with my group of friends from Manchester.
We all used to get together at New Year at someone's house. Now I'm lucky to meet up with new friends who also prefer staying in with mates.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 21:22, Reply)
nothing going on here for new years
I don't know anyone in the area and I think my family might get a bit pissy if I left early
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 21:01, Reply)
Why should you stick around for New Year.
You did the Christmas thing with them. I think they're being too demanding of you to stay for New Year as well.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 21:19, Reply)
It's a question of timing I guess as well
I'm not back at Oxford until the 9th, so I'd have to find somewhere to stay between the 31st-9th which is easier said than done. Oh well I'll stock up on icecream and shit TV
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 21:21, Reply)
Well next year plan ahead a little.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 21:23, Reply)
Exactly
family for christmas, friends for new year.
(berk, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 21:22, Reply)

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