I have no idea what I'm on but I need to stop taking it.
Last night I dreamt about red neck swingers and Joan Bakewell went to interview them. It didn't go well. Where does this shit come from?

I have another cold so I'm not a happy bunny.

Wassup homies?
( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 8:30, 109 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm never sure about dreams, they're odd things
I've been having some recently that have been so vivid, it'd hard to differetiate. I dreamed I was going to Glasgow, and in the morning checked my bank account, to make sure I'd not booked tickets I can't afford, haha.

Going to bed at 3am was not a good idea, but a pint of cordial and XO Marmite on toast was a good start to the day. If I'm still tired at 11, I'll get some Lucozade off the butty slag.

Aside from the cold, how are you?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 8:44, Reply)

It's the 13th January and so far I've only managed to get to the gym a couple of times.
I feel fat and sluggish.
( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 8:45, Reply)

Yes, but how many of those 13 days
have you actually been at home and able to go to the gym?

I'll swap you weird dreams for sleeping badly, if you like - I feel like I have two coalpits for eyes.
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Only 5 days on holiday but I had a bad cold before and I've got another one now : (

( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:06, Reply)

I've got a day off so the BT monkey can come and get my broadband on.
Other than getting up to let him in I plan on having a day in bed doing absolutely fuck all, coupled with some lounging around, the occasional nap, some general laziness punctuated with casual masturbation. Can I get some envy please?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 8:57, Reply)

*envies*
Although I have a problem with doing nothing these days.
( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Woo for broadband
But I am envious of the bed day.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:18, Reply)

I'm going to come over to your house and fill your replace your duvet with stag beetles.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:23, Reply)

This will help with all the wanking.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:27, Reply)

I have no envy for you Noel. I've been given the day off work, but in return I have to stay in while window monkeys do things to my windows.
I was intending to have a lie in and then go for a wander round London, but now I think it'll mostly be a sofa day.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Hmm, if the BT monkey comes and goes soon I might go out for a stomp across the countryside.
Or stay in bed. Tough choice.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Not unless you have a frenzied ADW
until you're spaffing naught but dust.

Then you can have some envy. And an icepack.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:48, Reply)

'Sup Beegee?
Noel, I've just made an anonymous call to the police telling them you're running a gay brothel out of your flat.

Enjoy your day of leisure being grilled down the nick.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:12, Reply)

I need to be well so I can get my new year's resolutions started.
How's my favorite drug fiend?
( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:19, Reply)

New Year's resolutions are a load of old cock.
I am feeling fairly fiendish, thank you. Went for a lovely Turkish meal last night, and then took Lusty round an old chum's, where his recently-become-ex who is a fucking raving loony talked complete gibberish at her non-stop for over an hour. It was absolutely hilarious.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:23, Reply)

I didn't sleep until gone 2am
I have counseling at 10, so figured there was no point going to work for an hour at the other end of town, as I'd only have to drive all the way back again.
Therefore I'm in bed for another 15 mins.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:17, Reply)

I've cut out the drinking in the week
and yet I still can't get to bed before midnight.

I dreamt about vampires, which included the line, "You're just a corpse infected with a magical parasite. You're the supernatural equivalent of ringworm." Which amused me.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:24, Reply)

That sounds like a Joss Whedon line

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:29, Reply)

google says no
it's mine, all mine, I tell you!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:19, Reply)

I have an embarrassing confession.
Following on from last week's realisation that I was wearing a Nombie t shirt - I actually dreamt about the cunts last night.

They weren't proper rotting-corpse type ones, but I woke up feeling tired and faintly stressed out from beating numerous women in the face with a spade and from swimming in the Regent's Canal to escape from the fuckers.

I feel ashamed. Dirty, embarrassed and ashamed.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Go stand in the corner and think about what you did.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:35, Reply)

I think B3ta has finally broken my spirit.
I feel like an American POW who has cracked under Japanese torture.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:37, Reply)

You want some waterboarding to go with that?
NOW GET BACK IN YOUR FUCKING CORNER BITCH
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:39, Reply)

*googles 'orange jumpsuit retailers in the London area'*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:40, Reply)

That sounds like an awesome dream
throw in some boomstick action and we have ourselves a 4th Evil Dead movie.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:37, Reply)

The awe content was absolutely nil.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:39, Reply)

We totally need to get together to talk about zombies and how cool they are
that would be super awesome
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:42, Reply)

We need to get together so I can punch your fucking face in
for talking like a 15-year old from California.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:45, Reply)

You're going to need that blood lust for when we talk about zombies
like soooo kewl!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I'm going to give you a wedgie and a bog-wash.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Way to narc on my buzz
NARC!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:53, Reply)

Morrrrnin
I stayed up too late, sewing.
Tiiired, eyes like pizzles.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Ello love, what's a pizzle?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Piss-holes in the snow?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Piss'ole.
Like a jizzle is a jap's eye.

I wondered who you were for a second. Now I know. YAY.
*picks olga up and spins her round like a record baby right round round round*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:48, Reply)

That's enchanting so early in the morning!
*screams to go faster*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Now I'm thinking about gyppoes.
Not happy about this.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:00, Reply)

You could think about gyppo weddings and how bouncy and colourful and bright they are
Or you could think about rainbows and kittens and moonbeams...s'all about the same anyway
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:05, Reply)

...or stolen horses, incest and knife sharpening services.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:12, Reply)

*plays Lola's Theme *
(I'm sorry, but it's law that it must be playing at least once during every spinning ride)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Googles.
Yeah and Blood on the dancefloor. *shudders*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:06, Reply)

In Tudor times it was slang for a penis.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:50, Reply)

It's also a whip made from a bull's penis!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I whip my cock back and forth
I whip my cock back and forth
( Kroney, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:05, Reply)

That made me laugh and vomit simultaneously.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:10, Reply)

That is itself quite an image.

( Kroney, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:18, Reply)

i always get fucking cheese nightmares when i am ill
i think it's temperature related, or membranes being inflamed, or some shit.
always ultra vivid, memorable cheese dreams.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Cheese nightmares?
That can't be gouda for your mental health
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:50, Reply)

These pun threads just aren't edam for dyslexics like me :(

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Yeah, they start to grate after a while

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:13, Reply)

they can be camembert-able at times.

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Bad news: My phone died
Good news: I have a girl coming to stay for the weekend
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Oh ace on the girl thing.
Hope it's boss.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:10, Reply)

It shall be very boss
She's purdy
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Word Blousie!
Morning everyone else.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Word, Jeff.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:10, Reply)

You alright Roota, lar?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I'm tired but I'm chipper
because I've finished doing the alteration on a dress I like.
How's you?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:13, Reply)

I'm a bit tired too.
I went to the pub last night.

What have you done to your dress?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:13, Reply)

I have shortened the torso.
I have a very short torso. Fitted dresses sit in the wrong place and don't accommodate my shape, but when you shorten the straps (in this case it was more complicated than straps) everything falls into place.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:22, Reply)

So you've taken a dress that doesn't fit, and made it fit?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Yup!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Good work!
Are you a dab-hand with a Singer?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Mine is a Singer actually!
Nope, I'm not a dab hand, but I'm determined to learn this year.
I can make cushions, curtains and do alterations, but I want to make clothes and make a quilt.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:32, Reply)

My mother made her own clothes for year
Until her eyesight failed anyway.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:41, Reply)

It's not as affordable as it was either
but I do think I'll benefit if I learn to tailor-make.
I have peculiar tastes, and then there's the short torso.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Sweatshops have made clothes very cheap these days.
Back when I were a lad, clothes were nearly always 'adjusted' by a well meaning parent, school trousers were always too big so they'd be taken up and taken in, only for you to grow into them and for the changes to be undone.

It's a skill people don't seem to need these days, as a supermarket will kit out a child in a school uniform for about a fiver.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Wunda-Web was my mother's friend
So my Dad was the one who taught me how to sew buttons on and things.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Wunda-Web?
I'm not familar with it, what is it?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Iron-on stuff that sticks hems, if you can't sew or are in a hurry.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Fuck off you fucking cunt Jeff.

You heard - fucking do one.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:11, Reply)

You're in a good mood this morning Monty.
How so?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:13, Reply)

I think I may still be slightly tiddly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:19, Reply)

How much did you drink last night?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:20, Reply)

No fucking idea, but at one point I was swigging tequila from the bottle.
I also drank whisky, that manky stuff with the gold flakes in it, and beer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Goldschlaager or whatever is LOVELY

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:23, Reply)

This stuff was manky.
MANKY, I TELL YOU.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:24, Reply)

I have a soft spot for cinnamon and bling.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:28, Reply)

It's pretty rough
I decided to nip the pub to see my friend (who was working), and thought I'd have a pint while I was there. One turned into two, we won a few quid on the itBox, so that went straight into the till as well, and one of the regulars there insisted on buying me a drink because I'd made him laugh until beer came out his nose.

Got home at 1:30, and decided this would be the perfect time to drink the ale I had left, while having a quick play on the web. I got to bed at 3. Ow.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Did you get your cock out?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:30, Reply)

No, you weren't mentioned.
The barmaid and I were discussing preferences on pubic hair (she's an odd girl), and I simply pointed out that when I'm going down on a girl, I'm there to eat, not floss.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Any occasion? Or were you just drinking because it was Wednesday?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:24, Reply)

There was a 'y' in the day.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Your dedication to the cause is to be applauded.
Well done.

Wanna play 'name that disaster?'

Wanna buy a lorry? It fell off the back of a ferry.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Zeebrugge?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Zeebrugge

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Plagiarism is not attractive, Roota.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:39, Reply)

It was a simul-postification.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Tell it to the examination board, love.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:42, Reply)

What's yellow and doesn't like liver?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Me in my yellow coat.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:42, Reply)

I don't know.
What's yellow and doesn't like liver?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Disappointed in you, Jeff.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Hardwick
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:44, Reply)

The moment I saw that name
I instantly though of Marti Webb/That's Life!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:47, Reply)

I thought cirrhosis was a type of cloud until I discovered Smirnoff

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:45, Reply)

I had an acquaintance who claimed never to dream
I don't believe him, I believe he just doesn't remember them, but that would be a horrible way to sleep, to never dream.

That said I can't remember my last dream.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Dreaming is physically necessary
so yes he did dream.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Everyone dreams.
Whether you recall them or not depends upon how deeply you sleep and at which stage of sleep you are in when you awake.

Because of my lolarious MD adventures I recall a dream no more than a few times a year. Where I've been behaving a little on that front I have been recalling more of them.

The end.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Thought so.
(concerning your subject line) He was a dick, so I'm glad he's wrong.

Well, I hope they're good dreams.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:23, Reply)

They're utterly mundane, on the whole.
I clearly don't have any deep-seated issues that need working out in my dreams. I have deep seated issues, for sure, but they're no fucking mystery.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:32, Reply)

I'm the same as you I never recall my dreams

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:26, Reply)

^ hahahahahahaha
Ipswich?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I watched the last half hour
Aresnal are really shit at the moment.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:29, Reply)

TwO bad results doesn't make them shit.
They didn't seem tO try last night. I thInk they will still go through
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:39, Reply)

It's the fact they're trying to walk it into the goal
which I've seen in their last 5 games. It's very easy to defend against if they keep doing it.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Sorry I'm not sure what your understanding of the game is but for the
First 60 minutes of the game all they did was ping it in the box. Not one short free kick or corner. It was only towards the end that they started all the walking in nonsense.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Oh, well as I said up there
I got to the pub about 58mins gone.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:50, Reply)

It's marijuana-related, I am certain.
I had five days off at Christmas and could recall much more by the end of it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Definitely

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:38, Reply)