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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Chaps:Favourite weapon of all time?
Gels: something about shoes or periods, I don't fucking know.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:30,
155 replies,
latest was 15 years ago)
Samurai sword or Schmeisser for me.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:31,
Reply)
It's the only weapon I have.And it's about as much use as tits on a bull.
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girlinthehole, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:34,
Reply)
Someone's got to love it, I suppose.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:33,
Reply)
Hey <insert very small number of your choosing> women can't be wrong.Oh shit, yes of course they can.
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:40, Reply)
I'll take the trebuchet.Rock-lobbing-tastic!
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:33,
Reply)
Very nice chocolate, and various well thought out little gifts from Firebox.I couldn't be happier right now.
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girlinthehole, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:45,
Reply)
Well aren't you a lucky girl!Any special occasion or have you cashed in some of your Blousie points?
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:50,
Reply)
No special occasion.I'm just awesome and a couple of B3tans have reminded me by sending gifts.
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girlinthehole, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:52,
Reply)
Of course.I was nearly going to ring Firebox up to tell them they'd cocked up and then I saw the card.
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girlinthehole, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:57,
Reply)
Flammenwerfer for those difficult to get to places.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:34,
Reply)
Thank you, My first employer used to make them during the war, and we used to have bits of them lying around.British ones that is, not the more handy Nazi one.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:40,
Reply)
the government has a website for the new Equality Act 2010called "the equality act 2010: what do i need to know?"
i suggest you read this page, my fine bearded friend.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:35,
Reply)
OK I'm sorry.You can name your favourite weapon, too.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:39,
Reply)
only when you tell me about your shoes and your LMP(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:40,
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I have an extensive footwear collection.Pull up a chair, and I'll tell you all about it.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:45,
Reply)
if i can't sit on your kneei'm not interested
(if anyone strikes through knee and puts face, they should be ashamed. that thought never occurred to me at all.)
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:50,
Reply)
Best way to make sure you don't accidentally catch a glimpse of it, I suppose.(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:52, Reply)
Monty probably knows more about shoes than I doBut if it's the menstrual cycle you want information about, I'm your
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:58, Reply)
erwhy would anyone want info on that? why, darth, why?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:03,
Reply)
I have no ideaI think I was trying to gross my way out of my bluff
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:06, Reply)
Right, I've read it now.There's a picture of a woman gyrating in a bikini and underneath it says 'Bitchez ain't $hit'.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:40,
Reply)
i am beginning to thinkyour next period must be due in the next 2-3 days or so...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:41,
Reply)
He is constantly PMS-ing(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:43,
Reply)
Popping Mad Shit?Damn straight, Nig.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:47,
Reply)
*does complicated street handshake*(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:48,
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This should be top of your wedding list.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:38,
Reply)
*produces diary**surveys eBay for flame-retardant body armour*
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:45, Reply)
You and your missus can be the entertainment if you like.Feet of Flames.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:46,
Reply)
They can dance around while singing"Wooooaaaaahhh-oh, my socks are on fi-yah!"
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:47,
Reply)
You get points for the punand lose them all for putting that cunting song in my head
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:49, Reply)
Primary cause of death from a flame weapon is suffocationSo get some breathing equipment too.
Thinks.. I know too much about this subject.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:53,
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One cannot know too much about the flamethrower.Or the Percy Thrower, for that matter.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:56,
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You git, I've just had a tea waterfall fom my nose.It burns.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:02,
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Hmm...Melee weapon would have to be the katana, but I am rather partial to a lungchuan longsword or Toledo steel rapier.
For ranged warfare I'd pick a .50 calibre anti material rifle, probably the Barret.
For medieval siege weaponry, whilst the trebuchet is a powerful destroyer and awe-inspiring to watch in action, I prefer a ballista.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:39,
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I haven't the foggiest what you're talking about(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:43,
Reply)
*sighs*en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melle_Mel
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:49,
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They sound like a 12 year old 'boys only' club"Melvin Glover was the first rapper ever to call himself "MC" (Master of Ceremony). Other Furious Five members included his brother Kid Creole (Nathaniel Glover), Scorpio (Eddie Morris), Rahiem (Guy Todd Williams) & Cowboy Keith Wiggins"
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:52,
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Trollin' is easyThey see me trollin', they hatin'.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:56,
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A second favourite weapon would beA Benny. But a Benny who isn't tied to a tree.
You try dealing with that Monty.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:41,
Reply)
Lightsaberand frankly I'm ashamed of all of you for not mentioning it thus far
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:43, Reply)
Prove itJust because they were popularised a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away doesn't mean that they're any less real than other historical artifacts.
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:49, Reply)
No matter how many times you wave it around making lightsaber noises,it's still just a light-up anal dildo.
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:06, Reply)
A light-up one?Is that so you can look up your own shortcomings?
/Two Ronnies blog
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:15, Reply)
Lochaber axe.Or the classic morningstar. I had a shit reproduction one I got on holiday in France when I was a kid, I was trying it out on an old tree in the garden when the chain snapped and it took out quite a lot of the greenhouse.
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:45, Reply)
Nice choicesProbably can't bring repro weapons back from holidays now, damn terrorists ruin it for everyone.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:46,
Reply)
Shit yeah, a child-size morningstar is EXACTLY what you need to hijack a car ferry.Probably best that my folks decided a crossbow would be going a bit far though.
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:49, Reply)
Well you can do whole fucking plane with a box of wet matches.Ask Richard Reid.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:50,
Reply)
You took out a greenhouse with your inept flailingsWith the help of a training montage you could hijack the best P&O ferry there is.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:50,
Reply)
VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION.What's the musical accompaniment to this training montage?
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:05, Reply)
this really should be on youtubeseriously
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:10,
Reply)
Scooter - The Logical Song(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:26,
Reply)
I guess mine would be a very long and thin blade.Deadly when placed into the correct part of the body, and I like to be as close as possible to my victims so I can hear the last breath of air leave their lungs as they shuffle off this mortal coil and slump into my arms like a weary lover.
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girlinthehole, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:50,
Reply)
And it'll be handy for slicing cheese as well.(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:54,
Reply)
M41A pulse rifle.Ten millimeter with over-and-under thirty millimeter pump action grenade launcher.
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Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:51,
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*Aliens highfives*(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:58,
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If anyone was going to get it, it was you.(
Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:00,
Reply)
god don't you startthat's what all the women on b3ta say to him!
(haha monty, great minds...)
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:02,
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ALL womenThings have improved!
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:23,
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:31,
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+ gaffer taped to a flamethrower.I seem to recall that the best weapon upgrade in Alien 3 on the SNES was the gaffer tape.
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:04, Reply)
Gaffer tape makes everything better.(
Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:06,
Reply)
Why don't you borrow your 'friend's' replica whatwasit gun?Off some gay computer game?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:55,
Reply)
i had to ask what LARP-ing wassomeone sent me a wiki link.
i had to read it three times to understand it!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:56,
Reply)
I cannot understand it at all.It seems to me to be almost certainly the most pathetic activity one could engage in: worse, even, than those simians who would just hang around in the rain outside the 'Big Brother House' in Borehamwood, waving handmade placards and shrieking like Victorian mental patients. Worse, even, than them.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:59,
Reply)
to misquote rihannai love the way you write.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:02,
Reply)
I'm going to copypasta this somewhereso I can roll it out next time you have a pop at me for dancing
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:04, Reply)
i was going to say something about birds of a featherbut everyone is being very nice and polite today, there's lots of "thank yous" flying around, and i don't want to be the one to shatter the peace.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:09,
Reply)
My original post was going to be along the lines of"I don't know what's worse, to be called a loser or to have it suggested I'm your friend" but I'm making a conscious effort not to be such a twat towards Chompy at the minute
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:14, Reply)
Thanks to the inbreeding you'll never stop being a twatBut I love you for it
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:17,
Reply)
I've got to go to fucking Derbyshire tomorrowThe prospect of catching a strain of whatever it is makes the indiginous population such a bunch of troglodyte mongs and mixing it essence of Norfolk is a terrifying one
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:19, Reply)
It's called the 'Asda' strain, check out your local store to sample it's terrifying effects(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:22,
Reply)
A staggering proportion of it's clientele could successfully audition for the lead in the remake of 'Mask' without the need for prosthetics(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:27,
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The staff aren't much betterIt amazes me that so much money is spunked on makeup for zombie movies
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:30, Reply)
hello youhave you chosen that diamond yet?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:20,
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I've done one better *taps nose*I don't wish to spoil the surprise though
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:24,
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hoorah! i am excited now.i've already had one mystery card. i have been good and have not opened it yet (although i only got it yesterday, it might not survive the weekend) but the postmark is making it a mystery. i mean, there's 100's of areas i would have expected a card to come from, naturally, but this one is a surprise.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:29,
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Yeah, I don't usually receive post from Broadmoor either(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:31,
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you build me up roryand then you just piss all over me.
it's lucky for you that i like it.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:34,
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It's the sexface patented approach, to chip away at what little self esteem you have until there's nothing left and all resistance is broken(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:37,
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anyway, we all know the real answer is:usually cleavage
but sometimes a flash of stocking-top
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:55,
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both together is too much unless you are going for the slutty lookbut a low cut top and a slit skirt that reveals more than it looks as if it should works like a charm.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:02,
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Sage advice, but not being a tranny (unlike some of this motley bunch)these fashion tips are a litte lost on me.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:08,
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He means "charges to use bogs"He's a lavatory attendant at Euston station, posting from an iPhone.
30p for a piss? Fuck off, Fister.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:12,
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If you haven't got the 30pand have to sneak off fo
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:15,
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Hey try flushing you durty old bastard.Incidentally on another website some of the users were convinced that I was a school janitor. I seriously need to start evaluating what I'm writing, as this is quite disconcerting.
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:19, Reply)
UR Ian Huntley AICMSlippery bath, honest.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:21,
Reply)
Curses!And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for that pesky Maxine Carr.
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:24, Reply)
My ex-wife told me I'd never change"Damn right you massive, opinionated moose!"
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:28, Reply)
Withering sarcasm accompanied by a generous sprinkling of facts.Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. (Twain?)
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:12, Reply)
Mmmmm, fish pie.(
Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:15,
Reply)
i love vegetarian shepherds piemmm. lentils and cheesy mash.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:35,
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Link me up, that sounds rather good.Also FRIDGE
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Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:36,
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No no no no no.No.
How can shepherd's pie not have lamb in it? This is fucking nonsense. If you veggies want to eat cardboard, then that's fine, but don't try to dress it up as something that quite clearly should contain meat.
*bashes head off desk repeatedly*
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:37, Reply)
Have you never heard of 'lentil shepherds'?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 12:03,
Reply)
Was it Twain...or Celine Dion?I always get those two MASSIVE TALENTS mixed up.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:15,
Reply)
Weaponised <Insert Vile Disease Of Your Choice>Capitalisation courtesy of howtopissoffmonty.com.
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:15, Reply)
Additional:Regarding the 'gels' question, I think I've found a way to greatly improve the so-called "period dramas" the BBC insists on churning out...
(, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:24, Reply)
Thiswww.unitedcutlery.com/Images/medres/UC1259.jpg
Because I own one and its fucking sharp on both edges
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Peej, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:48,
Reply)
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