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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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My old man has just confirmed he has got the box at the Emirates for a game towards the end of the season.
When did your folks last do something awesome for you?

The Emirates is Arsenals stadium for people who don't know.

Alt Q: How old is too old to have kids? Yes Rod Stewart I am looking at you.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:15, 138 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Before Christmas, they bought my washing machine off me for £200
This was especially awesome because they'd actually bought it for me in the first place!
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:15, Reply)
that is nice.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:16, Reply)
It's a money laundering scam.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:20, Reply)
Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:21, Reply)
They bought my ball ticket for me
Alt: Anything over sixty is not giving your kids a fair chance of a decent amount of time spent with you
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:19, Reply)
My folks never stop doing awesome things for me.
I think no older than 45. Who wants to die before your kids grow up.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:20, Reply)
My Mum, evidently.
Christ, what a bitch.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:21, Reply)
But your mum didn't die of old age.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:22, Reply)
She just got fed up listening to Green Day

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:25, Reply)
Yep, they'd not long released Dookie
Christ, that would have been horrific for her, had I ever listened to it.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:27, Reply)
I can imagine it now
"AA! Turn off that Emo Shite Right Now!"
"No Mum, It speaks to my soul"
"If I have to Listen to that intolerable wank once more I might just die!"
"Get with the program mum, all the cool kids listen to it"

...

"mum?"

...

"mum?"
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:32, Reply)
gash, i clicked "i like this" instead of reply!
here's the knuckle, al. you weren't so much near it, as sailed right past it...
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:33, Reply)
Hahahaha

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:42, Reply)
my mum is making my wedding dress, which is very nice of her.
Alt - over 44 is too old, in my opinion.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:21, Reply)
Errrrrrm errrrrrrrrm
oh actually my stepdad has a 'tab' of money that I owe him. It's nice of him to lend it to me in the first place, but I suppose the downside is that I do have to pay him back eventually.
I think if you can draw your state pension before your kids have graduated from university (assuming both of those things still exist in a few decades time) that's too old. So...about 40-45ish?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:25, Reply)
I can't begin to go through what my step-dad has done for me.
He never lets us forget it though : D
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:26, Reply)
Given that I've been more or less self sufficient
since the age of 16, it sometimes annoys me that my parents aren't more generous when I'm having a bit of a financial wobble.
Then I realise I'm probably being an ungrateful cunt. C'est la vie.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:31, Reply)
I had a long time of going without too.
But at that time I didn't really deserve any help. It made me realise how lucky I am now.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:34, Reply)
If my brothers and sisters are anything to go by
they'll splash the cash cheerfully when I pop a sprog out. Currently however I'd rather be without financial help than have a kid...
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:37, Reply)
I hear ya.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:39, Reply)
Probably better if you are on a pension when they go to uni
they'll get more financial help.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:27, Reply)
My dad keeps me in a job and lends me money then 'forgets' about it
My mum is just pure 'win' distilled, except for when she tries to actually act like a mum and nags me about things like getting a real job.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:29, Reply)
gave me a shit ton of money for my birthday
alt: If you're likely to be in a walker by the time they graduate school I'd say you're too old
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:30, Reply)
My parents are fucking brilliant in every possible respect
Alt: How old are you again Bobby?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:31, Reply)
oh god where would i begin?
my parents were amazing (dad still is). lovely family memories, great holidays, birthdays and christmases were magical, my dad bought my flat for me which is a brilliant gift of financial security... the only thing that i can fault is the vile golddigging woman he now hangs around with, she isn't fit to wipe the birdshit off my mother's grave, frankly.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:32, Reply)
you're like a sitcom or something

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:35, Reply)
i have heard this many times before
not usually when talking about my mother's grave, but there's a first time for everything, right?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:35, Reply)
sorry, not specifically sitcom, didn't mean comedy
but more like I could turn on the tiv on thursdays and watch you on the tiv
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:41, Reply)
ha, i wasn't offended, no worries!
most of my friends call me bridget jones. i'm just waiting for the obscenely hot publisher and obscenely hot barrister to fight over me in the street, please. PLEASE?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:42, Reply)
are you also waiting to turn into a freaky faced annoying useless bint?
this is not a joke. I hate Renee Zellweger
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:49, Reply)
i was talking about the books!
films are never as good.

and yes, renee is annoying. see "family guy" for further piss-taking.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:55, Reply)
They gave me £5k as a wedding gift
Tax free in your wedding year you see, this post is brought to you my smug but helpful tax lawyers
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:33, Reply)
best save it for the inevitable divorce
the lawyers will take it right back
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:37, Reply)
Why the inevitable?
Does he give her a good slap on a Friday night when she starts moaning about him being pissed again?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:40, Reply)
because all marriages have to end in divorce
otherwise how can i feel smug about being single?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:41, Reply)
Aaah the creeping bitterness of singletons in their 30's

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)
Why has my life turned out this way ?!?!?1111!
*sobs into pillow*
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:44, Reply)
dude i've been bitter since i was 13!

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:56, Reply)
That ain't cool, time for a long hard look in that room of mirrors

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:00, Reply)
but i might break them all

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:00, Reply)
It seems to be emo day in b3taland
You'll be sticking Green Day on as well no doubt
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:02, Reply)
i hope you've had the time of your life

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:08, Reply)
nommy nommy

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:18, Reply)
why does this make me think of bitttty
you are a vile human being
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:19, Reply)
I feed on human misery and despair

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:23, Reply)
You can't feel smug about being single
you should feel sad and rejected and ultimately like a failure.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)
^this
you need to find yourself someone who isn't a cock, stop being high maintenance, and then you might be able to achieve what Al has, and I am going to shortly.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:52, Reply)
ha
in real life, i am honestly very low-maintenance. well, fairly low-maintenance. i don't wear make-up unless it's an evening do, i am usually in jeans and trainers, i am virtually impossible to piss off...

i don't see marriage as an "achievement" though. if it's what you want, great. but it really isn't for everybody. it is undeniable that most people become much more dull when they settle down, and i love my high-octane out-with-different-people-every-night lifestyle. if i want clipped wings, i'll buy a parrot!
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:00, Reply)
I wasn't referring to the act of marriage
I'm not sure of my reasons for wanting to do it, but I do. I could just as easily not, but the fact that I am with someone who makes me want to is what I was referring to :-P

I do pretty much exactly the same things as I did before I "settled down", can't see it changing much either. We aren't intending to have kids, and have friends who aren't (or can't, unfortunately for them) so have people to play with
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:05, Reply)
the only thing that matters is that not everybody wants the same thing
if you (as in "one", not as in "vipros") wants to settle down with one person, great. if you want to carry on playing the field and dating lots of different people because you have a low boredom threshold and don't really believe in everlasting love, great. if you like your own company and don't really want to live with anyone else, great.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:07, Reply)
*wonder if anyone saw the accidental post*
I'm all about that, people can do whatever they want. Finding someone like my mrs came as a hell of a surprise to be honest.

What my point was originally is that you should stop fucking whinging about all blokes being shit.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:11, Reply)
a lot of them ARE!
if you asked any of my many female friends, you'd be appalled.

then there are loads of lovely stories. but they aren't funny, so i don't post them on here.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:15, Reply)
you and your friends are picking the wrong ones :-P

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:18, Reply)
no no no
the world is just full of wrong'uns!
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:23, Reply)
yeah, wrong 'uns like you

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:27, Reply)
I am not even remotely high maintenance
yet I am rapidly approaching the age where almost every man I meet who I'm attracted to is either bloody engaged or married already. What's your advice for me then?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:00, Reply)
give up
they're all the fucking same
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:02, Reply)
Thank you for that rather succint but depressing morsel
I hate to admit it but you're probably right...
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:08, Reply)
10000% true

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:11, Reply)
that does sound like a problem
I don't have much advice except to wait a few years until the first round of divorces among your target audience and then clean up.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:06, Reply)
This is advice I have been given before
I'm not convinced by it, to be honest. I don't want to be one of those 30-plus women who stand in bars reeking of desperation and Chanel.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:09, Reply)
no, you don't
bars are a shit place to meet people as well. I don't know any decent bloke who has met and formed a good relationship with someone they just met in a bar.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:12, Reply)
Having been around the block once before
I can confirm that all single women over the age of 35 are fucking mental.

I live by the maxim "single, hot, sane - pick any 2".
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:06, Reply)
Well surely you'd pick single and hot everytime?

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:10, Reply)
Well having been likened to Alexander Armstrong by numerous people
I have to piss with the cock I've got, so to speak - so hot isn't really an option.

My current lady is

Single - check
Hot - when she wants to be
Sane - not particularly and it's quite likely all her mum's doing so it's fucking inherited as well.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:16, Reply)
Well, it's tax free anyway
and if they manage to survive another 7 years after giving you anything it's tax free.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:37, Reply)
yeah well they're not THAT old so 7 years should be easy

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)
It's a tapering relief in any event

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:45, Reply)
tell that to my 54 year old mother
hang on, you'll need this ouija board...
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:02, Reply)
They could have given you £5K each
as well as each of their £3K annual exemption, and any unused annual exemption from the previous year carried forward.

As your accountant, I advise you to sue your parents for the outstanding £17,000
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:44, Reply)
I knew this would draw you out into the open

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:46, Reply)
And I knew that you would know
Check mate
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:47, Reply)
Yeah but I knew that you would know that I'd know something or other
Stick that in your top drawer
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:50, Reply)
I want this so much.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:34, Reply)
so buy it then

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:35, Reply)
You want a pocket watch that's 90 degrees off?

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:35, Reply)
The middle but turns.
It's gorgeous.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:36, Reply)
That makes more sense
It does look cool, in a Starck style, but were I to have a pocket watch I'd get an antique one.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:41, Reply)
I like contemporary versions of old things and I think this looks snazzy.
I know what you mean though a classic is a classic.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:44, Reply)
normally I'd agree with Lab
but that Nixon one is lovely
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:46, Reply)
I like the minimalism of it a lot
I doubt I'd ever wear a classic wristwatch, I love mine too much.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:48, Reply)
what's yours?

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:49, Reply)
It's a Fossil watch
Couldn't find the model on Google, so taking a pic now.
Edit:

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:50, Reply)
fairly similar to mine
but mine is square, has a plainer strap and I scraped the face on a castle.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:53, Reply)
The face of mine looks like a gauge from a WW2 era plane
Stylish, if a little steampunk-y.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:55, Reply)
I like it a lot
remind me to render you unconcious and steal it next time we meet
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:00, Reply)
Of course, old boy

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:01, Reply)
I have one very similar, with a square face. That is really nice though.
The numbers are ace.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:54, Reply)
also want

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:53, Reply)
My mate runs that website.
truefact.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:36, Reply)
Don't get me started on wanting.
I've seen a bag for £275 that is screaming at me to get it. It's only by the sheer power of sensibleness that's stopping me.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:36, Reply)
£275 is a lot of money
that's probably half your flight to Goa, right there. Link?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)
WANT!

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:37, Reply)
I know, my old man asked if I wanted a watch for my birthday as I don't wear one.
This could be ideal, and an excuse to wear a waistcoat.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:39, Reply)
I love them
and really want one before my wedding. That one is stupendous.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:41, Reply)
ON PAGE 1
www.watchshop.com/Nixon-Watches.html?gclid=CJGunJmLnKcCFdERfAodgzW4cg#/page=4
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:45, Reply)
I'll see if someone will buy it for me
I've got to buy a pair of boots as well, and a waistcoat and a tie
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:46, Reply)
That's horrid IMO

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)
your opinion is wrong

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:44, Reply)
this

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:45, Reply)
Alt: 34

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:35, Reply)
So you've got 9 more years to give your daughter a sibling then

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:36, Reply)
Oh, you charmer.
Why, if I wasn't already married to some freak from the Internets...
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:38, Reply)
Surely he meant that in 9 years Catface will be too old?

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:39, Reply)
SHUT UP, I'M CHOOSING TO INTERPRET IT OTHERWISE

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:40, Reply)
It was meant how you'd like to interpret it

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:41, Reply)
Yay!
*sticks tongue out at al*
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)
I do hope you've banned Catface from getting anywhere near your vagina
until he's had everything tied off.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:39, Reply)
He's currently sleeping on the sofa because we're all ill.
Separate sleeping arrangements are a good contraceptive.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:40, Reply)
Just don't sit on that sofa
Unless you're wearing two pairs of jeans.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:42, Reply)
I'm glad they're wipe clean leather.
The sofa, not the jeans.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:44, Reply)
It makes an economic alternative to beeswax

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:48, Reply)
I feel bad for him now
I might send him a little blanket in the post
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:42, Reply)
You'd probably only need a small envelope.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)

Alt Rule
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:45, Reply)
pwrnd.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:52, Reply)
Listen mate I'm going to hospitality at Queen Of The Fucking South*
so you can stick your Arsenal right up your....er....arse.

*The only team mentioned in The Bible, fact fans.

John 4:27 "And lo, The Lord did visit Palmerston Park, and verily The Queen Of The South were fucking rotten again. He left after an hour."
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:37, Reply)
All the time.
Only today my mum was buying me some LowLow cheese and a giant bag of cat litter. My dad will no doubt deliver these to my flat tomorrow.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:39, Reply)
livin la vida loca

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:42, Reply)
I know Bob, I'm like the Princess Margaret of B3ta

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:48, Reply)
Christ, is this another of your fad diets?

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:42, Reply)
I can't carry a big bag of cat litter, so my mum gets it in the car.
My Tesco doesn't sell LowLow.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:50, Reply)
if you got those two things mixed up
that could go horribly wrong
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)
yeah, you wouldn't want to eat that LowLow shit

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:45, Reply)
The mature is ok, if you melt it or hide it
in cat litter.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:48, Reply)
Kitty litter fondue ftw!

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:52, Reply)
gritty!

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:53, Reply)
we could dragons den this.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 15:54, Reply)
My mum has continually supported me since September due to Student Finance being utter arseholes.
She can't afford it but has paid my phone bills, given me twenty quid here and there when I was down on my arse and generally made sure I wasn't starving.

It was a great feeling when I was able to phone her last week and tell her I could pay her back after my grant came in, I asked if £500 would cover it and she refused to take it.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:05, Reply)
how's your new TV?

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:07, Reply)
I haven't opened it yet.
I can take it back if I don't open it. I genuinely don't know if I can spend £350 on a television. I bought that racing game by the way, I can't remember what it's called as I left it in the flat upstairs. Only £9.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:15, Reply)
Motor Storm
yeah, it's been out a while. Great fun. The trick is to try and make yourself explode just before you cross the finish line.
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:16, Reply)
I have a CRT television it cost £80 6 years ago with an inbuilt DVD player
take that Cribs!
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:17, Reply)
My mother has offered to lend me (yet more) grands to help my sorry ass.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:12, Reply)
Tayyabs for everyone!

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:16, Reply)
I'm going tomorrow.

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:18, Reply)
I haven't been out for a good curry in ages
Although i have learnt to make some awesome curries
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:20, Reply)
Mums are great.
My parents cleared off a lot of mine relatively recently. I've been fighting hard to avoid slipping back into debt again. Petrol costs are killing me, though. Want a boarder?
(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 16:31, Reply)

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