men - if you are simpering halfwit like NakedApe would you kill yourself for the good of humanity?
Alt: if you were able to remove one person from existence instantly and painlessly, for the good of humanity or perhaps even simply for your own selfish reasons who would you choose?

Alt alt: should I get a massive fuck-off back tattoo? I don't need to worry about hating it when I'm old because I already am, eh.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:31, 171 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Is the Alt: a question?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:33, Reply)

THEN WHO?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:35, Reply)

alt: the person I nearly drove into yesterday.
alt alt: Normally I would say get the tattoo but you can't afford it so no.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:34, Reply)

02 owe me potentially £350 which is quite a chunk of it

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:43, Reply)

I think spending it on other stuff should take preference

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:44, Reply)

I thought you said that money was going to take care of your mum and daughters birthday?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:45, Reply)

I'll give them a photo of my back.
SORTED.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:46, Reply)

hahahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:47, Reply)

b s
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:47, Reply)

I like this.

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:51, Reply)

What's the point of back tattoos
apart from picking up rock chicks in bars?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:34, Reply)

Picking up teenage boys at swimming baths?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Not worth it,
they'll only break your heart.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:37, Reply)

That's nothing compared to what I'd break of theirs.
Hearts mend easier than pelvises.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Their iPods because it's "not real music"?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:39, Reply)

haha!
Monty's iCock is a mini
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:40, Reply)

More like a Shuffle

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:41, Reply)

Nano

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:42, Reply)

so they know what to call you when you're being buggered from behind

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:36, Reply)

'Do you like this, 'Manchester United For the Cup', WELL DO YOU?'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:37, Reply)

Good thinking
He would need to change it to

Anus: Insert love
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:38, Reply)

That sounds like a perfectly good reason to me
*books session*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:38, Reply)

It is an awesome idea and would make a bitchin' tattoo
But as Blousie said, you can't afford the 1-2k it'd cost you.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:40, Reply)

This^
Rob a bank
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:40, Reply)

alt: No one. It's essentially the same as murder, and if I were going to murder someone I'd do it with my own hands.
There's currently no one I'd like to murder, though.

alt alt: if you want it, then get it.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:40, Reply)

Yes, yes i would...
it's the only way forward really
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:42, Reply)

Very noble of you, old bean.
I'd like to say to you, before you go, that it's been an absolute pleasure knowing you.

Unfortunately my parents brought me up not to lie.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:48, Reply)

Don't get the tattoo
they're expensive (or so I've heard) for a full back to get done properly, painful and there's not much point since you'll have to have a special mirror to see it.

I might take out an African dictator of some description. I'd do some research into it.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:43, Reply)

Alt: Elizabeth Taylor
too soon?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:43, Reply)

About time, more like
Zsa Zsa next
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:45, Reply)

I can't believe Jackie Stallone is still alive
Although her maiden name was Labofish!!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:47, Reply)

I think she died years ago
That is an animatronic puppet
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:48, Reply)

Jim would be horrified

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:49, Reply)

Yeah poor old HimJim - his ideal woman turns out to be a puppet.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:53, Reply)

haha
Part of me thinks he'd like that
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:55, Reply)

I thought she died ages ago.
Liz Taylor.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Oh good.
She's been doing my head in for years.

Infinitely higher on my give-a-shit-ometer: www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-12814133
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:49, Reply)

my in
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:50, Reply)

^this
It's amazing to think the feller was still touring.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:52, Reply)

18 years older and he looked considerably better than Taylor

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:53, Reply)

Singing the Blues helps to get things off your chest, thus lengthening your life span.
Poor old Lizzy kept it all inside where it festered and made her ill.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:57, Reply)

^I really hope this is true

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:05, Reply)

It must be.
All the blues singers live really long lives.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:06, Reply)

Try telling that to SRV's widow.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:14, Reply)

I think helicopter based deaths can be exempted from this rule

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Those are excellent priorities.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:00, Reply)

Two cheeseburgers, pie, cigarettes and a girl?
Perhaps this explains his longevity and therefore such a diet is worth trying.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:13, Reply)

And blues. Of course.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:20, Reply)

Of course.
"The Blousie/Perkins Simple Diet for Improved Longevity." Someone should publish this.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:28, Reply)

I'd follow it, but I'm not incredibly keen on apple pie.
Cheesecake- then I'd be on that shit.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:29, Reply)

Well, as you know, I don't smoke
So similarly I'd have to see if I could substitute cigarettes for stout. Heaven knows what this might do to the diet's delicate balance.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:34, Reply)

Don't worry, I'm sure smoking cock works just as well.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:37, Reply)

Well, it certainly seems to have kept a certain 32-year old telcommunications anal-yst from Bayroot looking young and vibrant

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:38, Reply)

I thought he was more into cheesebuggers...

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:39, Reply)

Oh, I'm sure he's not averse to a salt-beef cigar
Or even a good tug on a pastrami pipe.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:42, Reply)

His cherry pie is often sampled.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:43, Reply)

Wow, lampito really should moisterise

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:59, Reply)

Fuck off, Gonz.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:01, Reply)

<3 u !!!!!
I thought being compared to Liz Taylor would be a compliment.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:07, Reply)

It reminds me that I actually don't moisturise etc I'M GOING TO BE A WRINKLED OLD HAG
GOING TO BE
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:08, Reply)

Alt: One of my colleagues
He still gets my back up. I don't know whether anybody else in the department finds him equally abrasive, and I'm reluctant to say anything for fear that word will spread that I don't like him.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:48, Reply)

It's on the internet now.
Everyone will know by tomorrow.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:50, Reply)

*sighs* I anticipate Chompy linking us to a BBC news article on it before the week is through.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Is this Mr "Do you know who I am?"
It's fucking awkward trying to establish whether you're alone in your distaste for a colleague and who it's safe to speak to about it. I suggest you take up smoking, that's where all the good gossip is.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:54, Reply)

It is indeed
A friend entirely unconnected with any of those people agreed that anybody who behaves like that is a cock. Unfortunately there's a distinct lack of smokers in my group, so I suspect if I were to start then it would just be me and the Greek woman he's probably never spoken to anyway.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:57, Reply)

My cunning plan has been foiled by an abject failure on my part to research the specifics of the situation
If this is a course you're interested in pursuing, I suggest you start with the people you genuinely trust (if there are any) and make incredibly polite, non-insidious comments about his productivity.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:59, Reply)

I don't think his productivity is a problem in the slightest.
The fact that he's a cock is a more pressing issue.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:00, Reply)

I've jumped the gun again
In my experience anyone who's enough of a twat is also a shite worker. Except all those shining beacons of efficiency on The Apprentice, of course.

But then I have no idea what you do for a living
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:06, Reply)

I'm sure there's nothing wrong with his productivity; my work is entirely unconnected to his so I shall give him the benefit of the doubt
Unfortunately he seems to regard the world with a permanent sneer, and unless I can say something which raises a laugh and breaks the perma-sneer, I just get the overwhelming feeling whenever I talk to him that he's not listening, he's just looking at me and thinking "I'm better than you."

And then there's the whole "Do you know who I am?" thing, which he's admittedly only done a couple of times, but that's a couple of times too many in my book. I've met people far more famous than him who've managed not to be complete thundercunts so I don't know what his problem is.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:12, Reply)

NAME AND SHAME

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:14, Reply)

Passive aggressive note on the microwave and fridge.
Give them faces that look at eachother and say "Do you know who I am?" and "Yeah I know you're a twat"
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Or just say no when he next says it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:20, Reply)

Is he actually famous or does he consider himself such a big wheel that your opinion is of no interest to him?
Edit: Excellent use of "thundercunts", take three points
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:18, Reply)

He is a minor celebrity when he's not doing what he does in this department
But nobody outside London and possibly Manchester would know him from Adam, and even then they'd only know him if they listened to a specific genre of music.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:20, Reply)

Again, not knowing what you do for a living
Does this minor celebrity status have any bearing whatsoever on his work? I can hardly get away with being a workshy loafer on account of my 45 minutes of televised fame in February, and by Norfolk standards that absolutely is celebrity. I was on the radio and everything.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:23, Reply)

Nope. The two things are entirely unrelated. I imagine that where he does the thing-for-which-he's-famous he's probably reasonably important
But here, he's on the lowest possible rung of the ladder until the work experience students arrive in the summer.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Well he can get to fuck then can't he
I'd like to advise you not to let you get to him if he's of no consequence and doesn't affect your workload, but that's not what I'd do in your position so it'd be dishonest of me. Undermine him to fuck.

Just out of interest, is this specific genre of music something that Labs and I might take great interest in? I know it's very popular in London and Manchester!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:35, Reply)

It's dance music, but, not knowing a great deal about that genre,
all I know is it's the much more commercial end of it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:37, Reply)

Never mind then
Probably for the best, if you worked with someone out of VNV Nation I would've gone all giddy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:38, Reply)

Alt: Richard Dawkins, he irritates the piss out of me
Yes, he makes a good point about many things, but seems unable to understand that proving someone else wrong does not automatically make you right.

Alt Alt: Nah.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:53, Reply)

Alt alt: I've never really got the point of back tattoos, if I shell out a huge amount of cash for something I want to be able to see it
But I only have one, very small tattoo so am scarcely an authority.

Alt: Can I have a bundle deal if they're people of no consequence to any of you? If so, I'd like the idiotic bint who sits opposite me who's always complaining about her workload and other people not pulling their weight, yet is currently sat there READING THE FUCKING PAPER, the sex-pest behind me and the guy next to him who sounds like he's about to chuck up both lungs whenever he coughs. Ta.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:53, Reply)

So you work with
Kitty, Chompy and Wooks?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:54, Reply)

Yes I do
It may shock you all to learn that Kitty is actually 42, Wooks has no sense of humour or social skills whatsoever and Chompy hasn't so much as sniffed a woman in years
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:00, Reply)

Yes, this is a massive shock.

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:07, Reply)

I had to sit down

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:10, Reply)

You are the IT guy in my office AICMFP

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:55, Reply)

You should get Jeggings tattooed on your legs
and the money you save on trousers will help you pay off your mortgage.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Bit cold in winter though.
Don't forget, I don't have the insulating properties of MASSIVE SWEATY ROLLS OF FLAB ALL OVER MY BLOATED, DISTENDED, CORPULENT BODY to fall back on like you do.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 13:59, Reply)

Only fur

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:14, Reply)

Is precum
insulating in any way?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:20, Reply)

No, ffs.
Get a fucking haircut (a nice beret-style will look well cosmopolitan) and stop being such an almighty pest.
( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:03, Reply)

YAY!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:06, Reply)

Yay in-fucking-deed.
GIRAFFES ARE FUCKING HEAVY
( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:06, Reply)

I bet not as heavy as, say, a polar bear

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:08, Reply)

You're right. Polar bears are, like, way heavier.
Anyone who disagrees is wrong likely to harp on about it forever
( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:10, Reply)

People who disagree about that are likely to forget to carry their ones as well

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Thus singlehandedly destroying all our good work and losing the thing entirely.

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:12, Reply)

I don't know why we bother sometimes

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:13, Reply)

CLENDERS!
Hello BFF!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:14, Reply)

Hello BFF.
Are you going to get terrible hiccups on Friday?
( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:15, Reply)

I imagine there's a fairly strong possibility that this might happen.
Are you still coming?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:18, Reply)

I just might, Bee Eff Eff, I just might :)

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Woo!
DiT isn't coming. He offered me a choice of HOT DATES to make up for it though, which I thought was nice.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:20, Reply)

He's a flakey shitbag.

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:20, Reply)

Are you still coming to SU-SU-SU-SUSHITIME?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:22, Reply)

On 2nd? Yes, if you are.

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:24, Reply)

I am indeed. My lovely wife should be coming too
as will my friend Stuart.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:26, Reply)

Marvellous.
It's in my diary. I suppose I could sign up ONLINE too.
( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:27, Reply)

you can't call my BFF a flakey shitbag.
But I can
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:30, Reply)

Don't break his slakey-flakey heart
I just don't think he'll understand.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Hang on
He messaged me asking if I'd meet up with a friend of his at the Ballroom...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:21, Reply)

What? What friend?

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Said that he couldn't make it
But he was going to meet a friend of his who's a bit lonely. Said they're not stunning or anything, "not conventionally attractive" were his exact words, but said that they're desperate enough to do just about anything to you. Hell, he said I could even burn them a little if I wanted to, they'd just be glad of the attention.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:26, Reply)

1. He has no friends - he never comes out to play.
2. Are you dissing my BFF? Hmm?
( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:28, Reply)

1. True
2. Maybe a little...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:29, Reply)

Oh dear.
And I'd just decided to make bacon and cheese toasties on Sunday as well.
Shame.
( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:30, Reply)

*sadface*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:31, Reply)

cheeseylols

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Still up for AWESOMENESS on the Saturday?
*activity occluded to prevent invoking Ol' Murder Eyes*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:34, Reply)

Yes.
Imperial War Museum and then Sharktopus.
No muderers allowed.
I am getting up early on Saturday to go shopping.
( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:35, Reply)

I'll be up, can I come?
Or is it girl shopping?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:36, Reply)

Yes, please come with me.
It's food-for-Sunday shopping.
( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:38, Reply)

Done!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:38, Reply)

:)

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:39, Reply)

Are you coming on Friday?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:39, Reply)

*narrows eyes at the post deletion*
Yes I am. I'm signed up an everyfink.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:40, Reply)

Sorry b3ta stopped working properly for a minute
and now facebook won't let me onto my own event
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:41, Reply)

Looks like it'll be a really good night
Sorry I can't make it, I'm properly broke.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:42, Reply)

It's probably for the best
I'll end up getting really drunk and staring at your tits and then I'll get divorced and it'll be a terrible birthday.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:45, Reply)

Why do you ask if I'm coming?
OMG you're going to set me up with someone! Shit shit shit, now I'm all anxious.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:43, Reply)

Errrrr, well actually I do know some extremely hot single women
so I could introduce you to them if you like.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:46, Reply)

I was joking
Now this is awkward, I do not know what to say that is polite but not dismissive.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:46, Reply)

Are you saying you don't want to meet my hot single femal friends?
Is this a polite way of telling me you're actually a bummer?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:48, Reply)

I'm saying please feel free to introduce me to your hot, single lady friends
Even though "femal"(sic) makes me wonder if it'd be you in a dress.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:51, Reply)

Oh Labs.
Don't make me cry, that's not nice.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:26, Reply)

It's not giraffe's fault they're not your bag, baby.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Apropos of nothing.
Do you think if I wrote 'MESSAGE ME YOU FESTERING CUNTS' on my dating profile, then men are more likely to do so?
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:04, Reply)

Do it.
I'm sure you will end up with a charming husband/bf/quick shag in no time.
( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:06, Reply)

I've half a mind to do it just for the laugh.

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:08, Reply)

Well, that's more mind than Monty has, and he makes all sorts of bad decisions that are entertaining.

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Hahahaha!
Bless him!
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Do it!!
See what happens
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:11, Reply)

As long as they don't mis-read it as 'MESSAGE ME YOUR FESTERING CUNTS'
There's no telling what a group of well-meaning "Edwinas" who resemble a female Geoff Capes might be capable of.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:07, Reply)

That site doesn't work, nobody ever replies, I've given up.

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Message Blousey, you festering cunt.

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:13, Reply)

Yeah, she is well up for it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:14, Reply)

*gets up for it*

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:17, Reply)

That's the spirit
Commence Operation Yop!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Careful, dear...

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:19, Reply)

I've had three.
A lot better than my past attempts but still dire. I'm very honest in my profile but still get messages from guys who I have absolutely nothing in common with.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:16, Reply)

I got a message yesterday.
He said "OFF COURSE" instead of "of course" about 10 times.
And opened with "HERE I COME", then listed in numerical order the things he thought I should know about him.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Sounds like a winner

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:17, Reply)

he has been to "1o countries"

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:18, Reply)

More like states, I'd guess

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Or counties

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:19, Reply)

houses

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:20, Reply)

or houses

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:21, Reply)

MINDPISS

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:21, Reply)

he likes to cook food "ESPECIALLY NORTHERN ITALIAN"

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:24, Reply)

This means he is massive

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:26, Reply)

It's true
it's the sort of thing I say all the time and I'm massive.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:27, Reply)

I was asked if BFF stood for Big Fat Friend :(

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:29, Reply)

was it /talk
they always used to say that to me
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:30, Reply)

How unjustifiably cruel!
No, it was an IRL person who ain't exactly svelte himself.
( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Was No.1 'You should not reply to me'?

( thealternativefact, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Oh dear : (

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:17, Reply)

He'd make a rubbish pirate, they'll never make it to the carabeean if he's always 'off course'.

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:19, Reply)

haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:20, Reply)

Alt: David Cameron
Not because I especially want him to die, but because the resulting outrage when NICK CLEGG (AND HIS CRONIES) declared himself to be PM by default would be fucking hilarious.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 14:26, Reply)