The last few weekends have all been pretty ace
But I'm looking forward to this Saturday. I'm meeting up with a new friend (off a different site) for coffee, then heading to my parents' house for Thai food, then going to see Suckerpunch. Simple, but fun.

Alt: Work. One boring case, one nasty case.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:26, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

You been on Gaydar.com again?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:27, Reply)

No, but I did do a case surrounding drug dealing on Gaydar once
Lotta people interested in injecting saline into their nutsacks on there.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Why would anyone want to do that?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Have you never watched Nip/Tuck?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Nope
I would pork Joely Richardson though, if that helps
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:36, Reply)

bit sour-faced isn't she?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:38, Reply)

I believe it leaves an unpleasant aftertaste
Salty
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Lady Chatterley memories

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Oh that was probably the closest thing you could get to porn when you were 15, wasn't it

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:41, Reply)

apart from hedge-Razzle

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Russell Howard does a great bit in his stand-up about how the internet has ruined the magic of porn
by making it so much easier to find than when we were teenage miscreants
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:45, Reply)

does a great bit in his stand-up about how the internet has ruined the magic of porn
by making it so much easier to find than when we were teenage miscreants is a lazy eyed inbred cunt
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I wouldn't say he was a cunt
lazy eyed inbred, yes
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:49, Reply)

'nt
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)

You're very lazy today

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:54, Reply)

meh...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:04, Reply)

The best kind of Razzle

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:46, Reply)

I found a full bottle of unopened Southern Comfort in a hedge once, while having a piss
trufax
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I think what happened there, my friend,
is that you were very drunk, pissed into a nearly-full bottle of Southern Comfort, left it in the hedge with the cap on for someone to find, and went back to the bar. You told your mates about your hilarious prank and were bought many more celebratory beverages. Enough, in fact, to stop laughing at the poor cunt who would find this distilled piss, and forget the event altogether until you later found said bottle.

That was absolutely not worth the effort. Wish I hadn't bothered.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)

This may be true
as I was stoned off my gourd at the Leeds festival and working my way through 24 cans at the time.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:53, Reply)

"stoned off my gourd" is a brilliant phrase

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:55, Reply)

I think I nicked it from Vippers

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Honesty will get you nowhere in this company

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Big balls
are a fetish. Injecting them with saline is safer than ball pumping!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:37, Reply)

For what purpose?
Just buy a space hopper, kids
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Hahah "Can they explode?"
www.topix.com/forum/news/sex/TV32MHHIUIUDNDBFG
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:38, Reply)

"GUYS you can do this with the foreskin also, but NOT into the actual meat or head of the penis."
Yeah thanks for the tip, I wasn't planning on injecting anything into anywhere on my body but that was literally the last place I'd ever have thought of.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:42, Reply)

"Thanks for the tip"?
Was that deliberate?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:23, Reply)

....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Grindr
is where all the cool kids are at nowadays.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Is that your site?
As in, the one you work for...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Noooo
I work for a much dirtier site!

recon.com
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:46, Reply)

We don't mind you going
on a different site. It's just the not knowing that hurts.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Well I've told you, so you can't complain.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Fair enough.
I didn't realise this was going to be an open relationship but that cuts both ways.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Fine, do what you like
Just be careful on some other sites, yeah? I still care for you even though I'm on another site.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:44, Reply)

*strokes hair*
You say the words but I don't feel that you really mean it.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:45, Reply)

looking forward to this Saturday. I'm meeting up with a new friend (off a different site) for coffee, then heading to my parents' house for Thai food, then going to see Suckerpunch.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Totally beat me to this.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Long strikethrough is still funny

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Quite accurate really

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:34, Reply)

I'm wearing my new pinstripe trousers today
I look like the pope of chilli town
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Haha! Nice work!
I'm in black cords, we seem to have swapped.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Not suits?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:39, Reply)

don't wear suits for work
I could wear jeans most of the time if I wanted
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Amateur.
Suits lend credibility to the most witless of tools.

I should know.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:48, Reply)

You you put one on your tool then?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)

It's got it's own hat and everything.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)

plastic mac

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Put it in a mac and make it do press ups until it spews etc...

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Does that mean you molest small mexcian boys?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:39, Reply)

I appear to be a black tie away from Reservoir Dogs

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Black shirt, purple tie here

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:40, Reply)

black shirt, no tie
one thing with these new trousers is that they have shown just how much thinner I have got. They fit nicely and are small enough that my belt is too big even with the extra hole I made to make it smaller.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:44, Reply)

That is a fantastic feeling
Although frustrating, as it means you have to buy a new belt. I know you've got a wedding coming up mate, I'll send you one for your birthday.

It may be pink.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Just punch a new hole

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:48, Reply)

DO NOT ASK DARTH
TO PUNCH NEW HOLES, EVER
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)

*prepares jackhammer attachment*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:53, Reply)

there is already a silly amount of belt sticking out
I do have another belt which fits better, but couldn't find it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Local market, much better value than "branded" belts
Having said that good old T K Maxx have had a lot of nice Penguin belts in. Not made of real penguin unfortunately
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:55, Reply)

I know that feeling well
I've had to put two new holes in my belt recently.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:49, Reply)

t l-end
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)

ouch

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Wahey!
That's some significant waistlineage gone! I've dropped from a teetering on the edge of 34/36 to under 32 in the last 3 months.

Need a new suit now. Harumph.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:51, Reply)

32 and proud

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)

You are a telecommunications bender from Norwich
AICMFP
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:53, Reply)

and I claim my fitting pants

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Wow nice work!
My waistline is the place the weight is sticking too, it's come off my chest and legs.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)

It's the place I lost the weight from last
It went from arms first, then face/jowls, legs, then chest/ribcage, and then stomach. I still have a little pouch but I reckon that would only go with massive amounts of training.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:57, Reply)

That seems to be the order it's leaving me as well
I'm not after washboard abs, they take some serious lifestyle changes!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I'm not actually sure what size I am
as all my trousers and shorts are 34 inch waist, but are radically different in size. Judging by my belt I've probably lost a total of 4 or 5 inches though.

My suits are at the tailor at the moment being altered to fit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:53, Reply)

All of mine are 34 too
But I wear them quite low, on my hips. Some seem to be rather baggy as of late though, but I don't want to buy more jeans until these actually fall off.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I was a 28 until about the age of 25.
Sadly it' all gone a bit downhill from there.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:57, Reply)

28?
Fuck me, you are a rake
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Not quite
a we

I believe DG is somewhere over the age of 25 now
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:59, Reply)

40 and proud.
*cries*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Don't cry, I am fast approaching 40.
Is it true that life begins?

Platitudinal response appreciated.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Yes. Yes it does.
You will see the world through new, fresh eyes and any cynicism you had will be cast away on the wings of an albatross.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:05, Reply)

God bless you sweet governor.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:08, Reply)

I was only reminded of this last week
when a mate put an old photo of me up on Faecebook. Fuck me I was skinny. Not so, now.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:03, Reply)

There is one of me on there
I look like a corpse, aged about 19
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:04, Reply)

28????
I was 13 the last time I had 28" troosers.

*is fat bastard*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:59, Reply)

I done the reverse
I was 15 stone when I was 15. Chubby little thing.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Me too.
Was 21 stone in my pomp.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Yowser

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Yikes.
I'm about 14 stone now, I think. I try not to weigh myself very often because the pain is too hard to bear.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:06, Reply)

I think I'm about 13.5 at the moment
Have been on a two week sensible eating thing so I dont look like a fat cunt at the 20 year school reunion I'm off to on saturday
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:08, Reply)

20 year reunion.
Right, tell them you are a millionaire astronaut porn star!

Even if you aren't.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:10, Reply)

This is the trouble with facebook
I should have lied from the start and mocked up some pics
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Facebook?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:11, Reply)

It was organised on facebook

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:12, Reply)

What is Facebook?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:27, Reply)

There are fucking LOADS of astronauts from Sunderland
*glass house shatters*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Nicholas Patrick was from Saltburn
That is only 25 miles away
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:13, Reply)

I've never heard of Nicholas Patrick. Or Saltburn.
So I'm going to assume you're right
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I don't weigh myself often
I choose to believe that my weights training means than the scales paint an inaccurate picture of my state of being.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I stopped going to the gym yonks ago after I fucked my achilles.
I am hoping that once the redundancy kicks in, I can get out for lots of long walks with the dog as I detest structured exercise, unless it involves lifting heavy pints for a four hour stretch.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:13, Reply)

That is absolutely not what I meant by weight training
and if you don't tell anyone you rumbled me I'll slip you a few quid
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:14, Reply)

few quid length.

Err, no thanks...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:17, Reply)

few quid length of throbbing gristle
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:30, Reply)

I haven't worn a waistcoat ALL WEEK
I feel positively cosmopolitan
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I'm Martin a 34 year old waiter analyst from King's Lynn

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:49, Reply)

YOU FUCKING CUNT
Adding years to my age I can just about cope with but never, EVER accuse a man of being from King's Lynn
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:53, Reply)

ha ha ha
I thought it was nice up there...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:53, Reply)

There are some really nice, beautifully picturesque places in Norfolk
King's Lynn is not amongst them. It's basically a giant junkie's den.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:58, Reply)

We have a site in Cromer
That is fairly nice
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Is it a bomb site?
I'm kidding, Cromer's actually very nice
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Had a few decent nights out in and around there

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:05, Reply)

And you didn't invite me?!!

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:13, Reply)

My time machine wasn't working back then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Great Yarmouth?
Oxymoron though it is.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:56, Reply)

+in

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 9:57, Reply)