Am I the only one thinking that there is little better to liven up an otherwise ordinary monday than the return of Bert?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:15, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

cheers vippers, got any underage sisters?

(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:15, Reply)

I don't have any sisters at all
no underage brothers either, to preempt your next question
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Let's have a debate.
We, as humans, know that procreation and sex (and 'fucking' (and 'making love')) are not always one in the same. So if you're using protection to guarntie that there is no genetic problems; a resulting baby... then what is so wrong with fucking your sister over the banister while yelling out italian words such as "Visarchie, Parpadella, Gorgonzla" ?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:25, Reply)

I think it's more
the underage bit
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:26, Reply)

no, it's both

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Different countries use different ages to determine what is 'under age' or not.
I'm not saying a 16 year old is attractive, I think 20 is about the bottom of my age limit*, in soem of the States it's 21, which seems a bit old from me. In some arabic countries 12 is the min age.

Biologicly and not legally, doesn't it depend on their progresion through pubity?


* does this sound a bit like "I'm not racist, some of my best friends are from africa" ?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:29, Reply)

the states don't have any sense though
under 21? can't shag, can't drink booze, but if you want to drive from 16 then go ahead!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:30, Reply)

This is a good point
but in France you can drink at 16 and drive at 18. Which means you've got a two- (or, more likely, three-) year drinking habit established before you can get behind the wheel
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:32, Reply)

I think tha'ts the right way 'round, on account of you getting the "WOW, WE CAN DRINK, LETS GET WANKERED" out of your system.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:34, Reply)

I agree with this
europeans are generally more responsible drinkers than us. and americans are just lightweights
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:36, Reply)

I suppose that's true
Especially the second part. Light beer. I ask you.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:39, Reply)

I've grown up allowing a 25% wine 75% lemonade mix since I was a very young child... at a family meal.
And from the age of 10ish I was allowed 50/50 shandies in the pub with a meal.

I did have a couple of years of drink-till-vomit every weekend, from the age of about 16.5 'till 18, and now I'm indifferent to booze. It was never a holy grail for me, so I've always been alright with it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:39, Reply)

I had watered wine from a pretty early age
it being Devon I started on the cider at age 13. Don't drink a great deal these days.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I'm a firm believer in the idea that getting it out of your system early is a good idea
I was a right goody two-shoes in my teenage years so I went stupidly mental when I came to Uni. Had I dedicated 16-18 to some serious drink and drug abuse I might not have quite so much to regret now.

Alternatively, I might have fucked my A-levels up, gone to a worse Uni and never met Ms Foxtrot.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:45, Reply)

I think the bigger point is the age difference between the partners
therefore, two 13 year olds is less offensive than a 13 year old with an adult.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:30, Reply)

I don't remember the details of the story
but clearly, a 13 years old and an adult is a no go. Mainly because the 13 years old probably has no idea of what she's doing and the adult is, conciously or not, taking advantage of the child.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:34, Reply)

But does publity equate to maturirty?
It doesn't, in so many respects. We must protect the innocence of children, they grow up to fast these days anyway, being aware of things in the world that they shouldn't know at their age. The country has way to many cases 'kids having kids'.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:31, Reply)

And
Because the education system is not as it used to be, and kids know about sex early in life (which I'm not saying is wrong, there were kids having kids when my grandma was a little thing), does that give an adult the right of having sex with a child?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:36, Reply)

No, I'm thinking about the legal bit
but it seems (from Vipros answer above) that the rest don't agree with me. I say, if they like each other and there's not force used to do it, go for it. Who are we to judge? Less than a fes years ago it'd be inmoral to have an abortion, but as now it's legal, nobody here complains about it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:32, Reply)

We judge for the same reason
that children are not deemed as responsible for their criminal actions as adults are.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:36, Reply)

Yep, in law a child is anyone under 18
And whilst the age of consent is 16 here, they're still considered a 'child' under law, and therefore owning/creating/inciting the creation of indecent images of under 18s is illegal.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I don't feel qualified to discuss this.

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:27, Reply)

I doubt it's him.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:16, Reply)

this makes me think it is
jelly.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1172401

and the stories in profile look familiar
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Meh, there have and always will be shitter people than bert on here.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:20, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post907591
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:22, Reply)

That was and is true.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Presumably there'd be some kind of link to a newspaper article about this, what with decapitations being quite unusual and therefore newsworthy?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:31, Reply)

I should imagine so.
It was roughly 18-20 years ago in Manchester.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:33, Reply)

Not Huddersfield then as you said earlier.
that must be why I couldn't find any reference to this at all, anywhere, ever.
( WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:39, Reply)

not because its a total load of absolute fucking bollocks.

( WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:41, Reply)

Oh man, it's Mortal Wombat's job, girlfriend and holiday all over again.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:43, Reply)

I am banging my head on the desk.
WHY? WHY MAKE THIS UP?
( WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Why indeed?
What possible benefit to myself could be gained from doing so? Nothing whatsoever. I might even be ridiculed and called a liar.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:52, Reply)

Its just hit me.
ATTENTION ON THE INTERNET
( WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Its the only way he can get off since his penis turned into a turnip after he necked a bottle of calpol.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:54, Reply)

He'd try fucking a postbox, but he's only got one lung left.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Because this place is full of gullible mungos who will believe it and think you are well cool on the internet.
Which is what qotw and offtopic now seem to be based upon.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:53, Reply)

how on earth do you figure that?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:56, Reply)

Have you had a look at any given qotw answer lately?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:57, Reply)

qotw and offtopic aren't the same thing
and aren't populated by the same people.

I agree about qotw
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:59, Reply)

Don't confuse him Vipros

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:00, Reply)

You're being naughty

( thealternativefact, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:01, Reply)

*grins*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:02, Reply)

How?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Your sig...

( thealternativefact, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:04, Reply)

I like to include a little snippet of truth
about whoever's name I am borrowing that day
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:05, Reply)

Ha!
Well, thank you then.
:)
( thealternativefact, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:07, Reply)

What has qotw got to do with us?

( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:59, Reply)

Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Many of us came from QOTW
but many just drifted in here like cunts from other boards.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:01, Reply)

that was appropriate 3 years ago when it started
things have changed
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:02, Reply)

Clearly rob disagrees.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:05, Reply)

or perhaps doesn't care enough to change it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:08, Reply)

rob not giving a shit about a pointless addition to his already dying site?
Never.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:10, Reply)

I know, I was as shocked as anyone

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:13, Reply)

You're like the middle child trying to garner attention by telling us daddy loves you more.
Twat!
( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:15, Reply)

Yeah, because talk is definitely the place rob cares about most.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:21, Reply)

Whatever!

( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:22, Reply)

He's said as much before, it's the first place he checks when he comes online and it's the greatest reflection of himself, if I remember rightly.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:23, Reply)

And this is important because?

( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:27, Reply)

Don't you start on me!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:28, Reply)

*puts up fists*
*ducks and weaves*
( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:28, Reply)

Kinky!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:29, Reply)

I think this is the problem
because /OT started out as a spin off from qotw it remains tarred with the same brush.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:00, Reply)

THE SEXY BRUSH

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:01, Reply)

Hell yeah!

( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Well offtopic come over here often enough chest beating.
They should realise that it's a different beast entirely.
( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:02, Reply)

I think you have got confused

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:03, Reply)

How so?

( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:06, Reply)

offtopic /talk
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:07, Reply)

^this

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:08, Reply)

haha!
Have I mentioned I'm old?
( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:15, Reply)

I would like to point out at this time that the only reason people from talk are here is because of Monty.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:09, Reply)

You should come more often, you're at least fourteen times more entertaining than Wormulus and Chompy combined.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:12, Reply)

That's only because he's more of a pillock.

( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 13:17, Reply)

The only report of a man being beheaded in Manchester is that schizo who killed a pensioner in 2008.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:48, Reply)

I think we're about to be told that the reason there is nothing online to verify his story
is becuase it happened before the internet existed and not because he's a man-child day-dreamer who tells his colleagues at work that his GP is Jimmi Hendrix' mum and his second cousin is Spiderman.
( WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:51, Reply)

Poor comprehension, Wormo. Man from Huddersfield, crime committed in Manchester.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:45, Reply)

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:46, Reply)

that wasn't really backpedalling
more like clarification
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:48, Reply)

BraynDedd is the king of back peddling.
He's actually asking Monty if he wants tips on how to do it well.
( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:49, Reply)

I resent that, I do not sell backs at all.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:51, Reply)

It's all about the fronts baby, ahh yeah.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:52, Reply)

What is wrong with you?
That you feel the need to pretend that this is true.

Come clean and I'll think of you as a bigger man than if you insist on keeping up the pretence that your mate beheaded someone and the police decided not to bother finding out who did it

Do this now and we can spare you the humiliation of making you go through the story and picking apart the holes in it.
( WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:47, Reply)

I'm afraid I can't do this, for, to the best of my knowledge, I believe it to be true.
One of the chaps who did it is now in your line of work, but for the aviation industry.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:49, Reply)

www.google.co.uk/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=man+beheaded+with+samurai+sword+in+manchester&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&redir_esc=&ei=ayWsTebMGcLX8gOlvdWpCA
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:51, Reply)

www.google.co.uk/#sclient=psy&hl=en&source=hp&q=billy+murray+kidnap+torture&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&pbx=1&fp=1e86188ae21f21cf
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:53, Reply)

I'm actually prepared to accept that another bullshitter told you this nonsense
and because you're a moron, you believed it.
( WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:52, Reply)

As you are a fan of the band 'Asia' I believe your opinion to be discredited.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:56, Reply)

I think you've cracked it there.
'My brother's friends' and '18-20 years ago.'
I'm going on the assumption now that Monty's brother told him this story, and at the time Monty will have been what, late teens, early twenties?
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:56, Reply)

Case closed.

( WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:58, Reply)

Actually not necessarily so:
I tried and failed recently to find a link to actor Billy Murray's arrest but subsequent release for kidnap and torture of two drug dealers he thought had been supplying his daughter and got nothing despite him being a well-known(ish) TV actor....

And celebrity torture really is unusual, no?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:35, Reply)

I bet your geography teacher was a spy as well.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:37, Reply)

My dad was in the SAS, and was best mates with Bruce Lee.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:38, Reply)

Do you like tractors?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:40, Reply)

Doubt it, but I bet he has a pet mudkip

(kittyfiddler is a freelance gynaecologist, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 23:59, Reply)

*Links to every Blaireau69 post ever*

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:23, Reply)

He-Man!
Alright AB, /talk's best poster?

How's tricks? Are they tricky?
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:23, Reply)

HO-HO-HOLD THE FUCK UP!
Let me get comfortable.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:26, Reply)

poor monty, terrible weekend and now this
if only he'd listen
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:29, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/diy/post137735
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Oh dear...

( thealternativefact, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:25, Reply)

Yeh', exacto
I hope someone doesn't run off the mods on this one.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:19, Reply)