WOO! and YAY!.
First woo and yay of the day is always the best. Watch it folks. I'm feeling frisky today.

What first of the day is best for you?
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:25, 105 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

A lovely cup of tea

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:32, Reply)

You are Mrs Doyle AICMFP

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:37, Reply)

To be sure

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:38, Reply)

Gowahn

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:40, Reply)

Prozzie strangled
Or

Cup of coffee....just can't decide.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:34, Reply)

Strangling prozzies is so last year.
It's all about raping tramps this year.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:40, Reply)

Hello Cancer joy
How's your cancer?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Cigarette, definitely.
Followed by a well sweetened strong coffee.

Not long until the weekend!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:39, Reply)

Strong cup of tea, marmite on toast or a bacon buttie with brown sauce
All magnificent.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:45, Reply)

Not the little saucer of onion rings on your bedside cabinet?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:47, Reply)

I don't keep the onion rings, never have

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:53, Reply)

The first flicker of fear I see in the eyes of my neighbours
as I triumphantly bellow my victory song, sated on the blood of another slain pimp, then hurl his crumpled and decpitated frame into a rubbish chute.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:46, Reply)

Coffee.
It's all about a hot mug of coffee.

*Waits to be frisked*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:48, Reply)

Why on earth are you queuing outside a nightclub at this hour, Jeff?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:52, Reply)

If Blousie is on the door, I'm there.
(And who are you to lecture or question anyone about keeping 'strange' hours).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:54, Reply)

I would have made a great female bouncer if I wasn't such a wimp.

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:02, Reply)

I like every element of Jeff's response
In its stead I must plump for first dump of the day. Which I fear may be imminent. Nervous, innit.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:52, Reply)

Why nervous my dear?

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Football-related reasons
Which I will not bore this forum with
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:54, Reply)

It's never stopped you before.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Good point
It's the first leg of the Championship playoffs tonight between Nottingham Forest and Swansea. Our record at this stage of the season is stunningly poor, the last three times we've conceded at least four goals in the second leg and Swansea's record at home is exemplary, so in order to stand a decent chance of making the final we need to win by 7 or 8 tonight, which is about as likely as Monty confessing to his unrequited love for NakedApe by turning up at his workplace with a massive bunch of flowers, holding a boom-box over his head playing the hits of S Club 7.

Better?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:59, Reply)

TLDR

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Tremendous Luck Dedicated to Reds?
That took me way too long to be so crap
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:07, Reply)

*Prays so fucking hard*
*shits self*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:02, Reply)

I was reading an article about your playoff woes on the BBC website last night
That's some painful results right there. I hope you fare better this time.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Cheers
The second leg of the playoffs has, over the last decade, acquired a similar verbal terror factor as "is it in yet?"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:11, Reply)

Good luck Darth.
The fewer sheep shaggers in the Premier League the better. It is the English Premiership after all.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Thank you sir
*Hoists St George's flag, avoid's mother's disapproving gaze*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:11, Reply)

well put your cock away and she'll stop staring

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:15, Reply)

NEVAH

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:18, Reply)

oh dear this made me desklol

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

You're easily amused today

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)

PMT innit.
'Pre-Match-Tension'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:55, Reply)

He's half way through his run and on the High Street

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:54, Reply)

As you're frisky and I'm hungover
Would you mind awfully if I rested my head on your amble bosom for some comfort?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Not at all old chap.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Of course dear boy!
If I can rest my hand playfully on your crotch.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:01, Reply)

*snuggles*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:03, Reply)

*squeezes*

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:05, Reply)

I read that as 'ankle bosom', and wondered why in the hell you were making an exceptionally cruel age joke?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:09, Reply)

First cup of tea.
Earl Grey Hot.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:56, Reply)

/Gay.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 8:59, Reply)

I'm not very manly in the tea department.
Tis true.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:00, Reply)

I'm drinking green tea with mint
anti-oxidants ftw.

Also it doesn't need milk which avoids the office drama of being in a milk club.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:03, Reply)

I think there may be nothing more petty in the world than a "milk club"
What kind of cheap bastard company doesn't provide milk, you should strike
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:05, Reply)

I hate the way it is called a club
fucking stupid
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Too true
If it's any consolation to the poor boy i have milk coming out of my ears, and free fruit. Although i would prefer free bacon
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:10, Reply)

Ms Foxtrot made me a breakfast of mango, pineapple and blueberries with cream today
I do not deserve that woman.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Needs MOAR bacon
i can't eat fruit for breakfast, it feels wrong
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:14, Reply)

fatty

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 9:16, Reply)

On the contary my dear lady, I am as svelt and lithe as a gazelle

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Fruit for breakfast is king, bitch
I also think that asking a vegetarian to make me bacon for breakfast might just be taking the fucking piss
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:18, Reply)

make it yourself you lazy cunt
morning sweetheart.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Morning gorgeous
How are you today?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)

chirpy and chipper, thank you
everything good in the land of the six-fingered?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Getting hassled at work by people who think I haven't got enough to worry about with the football tonight
Otherwise fine, thank you. Glad to hear you're in good form :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:43, Reply)

God, some people are so picky
I don't ,mind handling vegetables!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:20, Reply)

what do their carers think?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Gives them a break, and then they don't need to milk them when they get home

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)

You should get a doctor to look at that
a milky discharge can be serious, and you definitely shouldn't be putting it in your (or anyone else's) tea.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:14, Reply)

What about the milky discharge i get from my cock when a girl talks to me?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:17, Reply)

I can't imagine that happens often enough to be of any concern

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:20, Reply)

They used to
cost-cutting kabuki theatre innit.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Wow, that £7 per annum they save must really help

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:14, Reply)

And the free teabags and the free coffee
to be fair I suspect it was closer to £4 a day, still not a huge line-item per annum but it demonstrates fiscal austerity and all that.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:16, Reply)

In the old cab officer where I worked, I bought toilet paper every other week, when I asked for money for it, the boss said "Who asked you to buy toilet paper?".
I was on less than min wage.

The boss is now on trial for money laundering, fraud, tax avoidance (like, 15 years worth, even though he has/had like 20 properties), loansharking.

Gutted.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Oh dear oh dear.
Does the firm not supply milk? That seems a bit mean.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:06, Reply)

tru fax

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:01, Reply)

*Breaking News* sometime /ot contributor and general prick FrisbeeAdam has returned to the fold following his most recent flounce

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Maybe today will be as aggressive as yesterday

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:02, Reply)

It takes a couple of weeks worth of general prodding to get the best results from Adam

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:04, Reply)

shut the fuck up
before I beat you
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Fuck you, you donkey fondling piss weasel

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:06, Reply)

*cries*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:06, Reply)

*drinks tears and steals soul*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Same nick?
I look forward to the latest moral intervention
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:09, Reply)

He must have begged cr3 for his account back
www.b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=84644

Feel free to send him messages of support during this period of evident mental health issues
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:11, Reply)

You know me, Rory, I'm not a starter
I'll happily watch with a whisky and a grin if he does wander back over here and you're forced to dismember him though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:13, Reply)

I'll have a dig

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Get him to come over here and start
That's always good to while away the hours
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:19, Reply)

marvellous
can you just wait there whilst i go to itsu and get some of their skinny popcorn for this? thanks.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Piss
Ahhhh....

Oh wait, I'm at my desk. Excuse me, I need to fetch some paper towels.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:02, Reply)

You want to get yourself a she-wee
then you can pee standing up
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:11, Reply)

I would have to say
the first pee of the day. Or the first stretch.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 9:12, Reply)

Ooo! the first stretch is a good one.
I love a good stretch.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:15, Reply)

a stretch and a yawn
good way to start the day.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 9:19, Reply)

And a fart.

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Provided it is not a danger fart.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Don't forget scratch.
I love a good scratch.

*takes antibiotics*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Do you think I list and rank everything that happens to me on a daily basis
then make a spreadsheet about it, few graphs and some statistical analysis?
You don't know me at all.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Sorry Chompy!
I know you live life on the edge.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Some joke about U2....
Fill in the details yourselves.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Your commitment to humour is commendable.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)

As is yours.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)

U2 is the joke
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Everytime I clap my hands a child in Africa dies.
How cool is that?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

:( poor african child with a face full of flies

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

I have stopped clapping.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:33, Reply)

This is the most horrfic game of "who can clap last" I've ever played

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:44, Reply)

giggedy

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Hi Swipey, will you be fighting with Al today?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)

we don't fight, it's foreplay

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:54, Reply)

When's the main event?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 9:58, Reply)

By the time that happens it'll be Eyjafjallajökull all over again

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:01, Reply)

with some men
foreplay IS the main event. believe me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:03, Reply)