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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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As the few old B3tans on here are so well respected. Me, Monty, Bartleby etc, is there anything you would like to ask or any advice we may be able to give you young uns.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:37, 277 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
What should I get to drink this evening, oh wise sages of b3ta?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:38, Reply)
Vimto.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:41, Reply)
No ta
Alcoholic only please
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:43, Reply)
50/50 cognac and port. It's the future - and yet also the past.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:45, Reply)
I have neither port nor cognac
*makes note to purchase*
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:47, Reply)
I love this drink
but the looks you get when ordered in a posh restaurant. Had one waiter refuse.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:48, Reply)
We used to drink rum and port as impoverished types
because 2 would have us extremely drunk and 3 was passing out territory. For about a fiver.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:51, Reply)
Next time, try it without your knob on the cheeseboard.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:53, Reply)
NEVAH.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:58, Reply)
Cheeky Vimto

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:43, Reply)
^this

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:44, Reply)
In the spirit of your response below
Bleach.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:43, Reply)
*noms down*
Ahh, clean gullet FTW

*dies*
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:44, Reply)
YOP YOP YOP YOP

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:08, Reply)
I am thinking of getting a piercing.
What would be best?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:38, Reply)
Through the temples

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:38, Reply)
zing!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Ouch.
Stud in each or one long bar from one side to the other?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Just one long bar

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:42, Reply)
Administered with a bolt gun.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Hammer

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:46, Reply)
Smashed

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:47, Reply)
Prince Albert.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:41, Reply)
heart

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:41, Reply)
No foreskin.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:42, Reply)
pfft
you don't need it
bloke here got it done and passed the fuck out
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:43, Reply)
Really?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:44, Reply)
yes
most men here don't have foreskin, they just pierce your dick
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:47, Reply)
Guiche!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:44, Reply)
*bokes*
Guiche ladder?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Wow, that was not a good idea for me to search.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:46, Reply)
Did you really not know that one?
Even I did and I don't care for piercings.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:52, Reply)
I've never known it spelled that way.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:57, Reply)
What's the best way to threadstomp someone?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:40, Reply)
By having an interesting alternative to the current thread just posted
.....oh
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Post something straight after somebody else.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:41, Reply)
I am - unbelievably - older than Monty
And no one could give a flying fuck about what I think.

/woeismeblog
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 13 May 2011, 14:42, Reply)
And with good reason you old wankstain
/Montylols
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 13 May 2011, 14:43, Reply)
And a Reverend too
Kids these days
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:43, Reply)
Pull yourself together man
You bring shame on the clergy!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:44, Reply)
Yeah, go and fuck some choirboys or something

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Well ok but I'm defninitely due a rest on Sunday

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 13 May 2011, 15:17, Reply)
Post more.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:51, Reply)
What? More pish? Are you sure?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 13 May 2011, 15:17, Reply)
MORE PISH!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:24, Reply)
I'll try my best

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 13 May 2011, 15:36, Reply)
Should I get a takeaway
or just buy a steak and bottle of wine on the way home?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:43, Reply)
Steak and wine
Make some decent chips/fried potato and you are there
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:44, Reply)
I might just go for a steak sandwich rather than have chips.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Cube a big potato and boil for 10 mins
Heat olive oil with rosemary in, chuck in boiled cubes and fry until browning

Amazing
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:46, Reply)
Don't tell me, 'then stick it in a pasty'....

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:47, Reply)
What the....
How did you know?
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:49, Reply)
MONTY KNOWS ALL.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:50, Reply)
ALL the Geordie?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:52, Reply)
That did not merit the lol it created.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Ooh sounds nice
I have been thinking about doing potato cubes in the pan while a steak rests. You forgot to mention the garlic though, everything should have garlic in.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Fry some garlic cloves in the oil beforehand

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:10, Reply)
Good call. Chips are bent.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:46, Reply)
French fries are bent
as they are French
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:49, Reply)
except for the straight ones.
afternoon all.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:52, Reply)
MIGHTERS!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Monty, you terrible cunt.
Good weekend planned?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:55, Reply)
Fuck yes.
Taking my child to Winchester to my mother's 60th birthday. I am really excited.

You?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:00, Reply)
How did you get the witch queen to agree?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:04, Reply)
I turned on my sexual magnetism.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:24, Reply)
aw, man.
really chuffed for you that you got to do it. good work.

Just recovering from the wedding and, I suspect, some booze and food. Need a break right now, I've been working Rswipe hours this week.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:14, Reply)
Could you gaz me your chimichurri recipe pls?
I've still never had steak and it sounds rather nice.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:54, Reply)
If I can't find it, Vippers has it.
I shall look.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:55, Reply)
I made some using a recipe on the BBC Good Food website
There was a hell of a lot of chopping, though.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:59, Reply)
Some of us do a lot of chopping already...

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:01, Reply)
Fry it with shallots and mushrooms, plus a little red wine
Magnificent.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:47, Reply)
What, the sandwich?
Don't be a cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:48, Reply)
Haha

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:50, Reply)
What a fucking revelation

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:48, Reply)
what am i going to do stuck at work until my train to manchester at 8pm??

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:45, Reply)
don't go to manchester it in the shit part of England
then you can leave work and sample the delights of London
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:46, Reply)
cheshire is awesome
and i am going to cheshire
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:49, Reply)
It is full of footballers and Mel C

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:51, Reply)
and Mel C is full of footballers
so the circle is complete.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:57, Reply)
Your assistant?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:46, Reply)
hmmmmmmmmmmm
might make his mid-seat review a bit awkward. there aren't any boxes on the form for oral skills.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:50, Reply)
Performance reviews take on a new meaning

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:52, Reply)
have a wank

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:48, Reply)
i'm too tired for an orgasm today

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:50, Reply)
Gaz me an arty, sepia-tinted picture of your bosoms.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:50, Reply)
i am wearing a polo-neck today though...
... it's nice and ralph lauren and cream and v tasteful. but it does make them look a little bit like a shelf.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:51, Reply)
Good God woman.
First rule of big bosoms......no polo necks.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:53, Reply)
i couldn't agree more
this isn't exactly a polo neck, i was just being lazy. it's sort of a slashed polo neck and it has a couple of undone buttons and - meh, it's hard to describe!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:55, Reply)
It's ok, I know exactly what you mean.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:56, Reply)
it's me
you knew there would be a button undone somewhere
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:58, Reply)
you've got books and a small clock on them?
curious.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:53, Reply)
you're married now
you don't get to think about tits at all. ever.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Oh yes I fucking do.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:56, Reply)
whoa there's no need to get defensive
just because you don't get to think about tits any more. ever.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:57, Reply)
Nice try.
bet you can't guess what I'm thinking about right now...
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:58, Reply)
cocks?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:00, Reply)
always, nakedape.
always.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:15, Reply)
Is it 17th Century Estonian architecture?

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:00, Reply)
fucker.
actually it was Latvian, but damn close. Hard to tell those Baltic states apart, I know.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:14, Reply)
you're thinking about the fact
you're not allowed to think about tits
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:01, Reply)
is it how you will never ever get to see, caress, lick, suck, tease or slam your cock between
any new, pert, fulsome, creamy, new tits ever again - but instead will have to remain giving the odd desultory fumble to the same tired old pair until it's been 50 years and they look like two bars of soap in a pair of very old grey hairy socks?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:12, Reply)
actually, it was spiders.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:15, Reply)
but now it's a soapy titwank, right?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:16, Reply)
yeah, but london's a long way to come
and I'm not sure I could make it before your train leaves. But, it's a tempting offer.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:18, Reply)
ha, i wasn't offering
i would NEVER allow soap anywhere near me.

if i had said a jo malone scented oily titwank, maybe.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:20, Reply)
soap would be a terrible idea anyway
might get in the japs. that would probably smart.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:22, Reply)
probably wouldn't BE smart either

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:24, Reply)
top imagery, there, though.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:17, Reply)
thank you
i thought you would enjoy it.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:20, Reply)
you did put new in twice, though.
sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:28, Reply)
deliberate repetition
to enforce the fact that the only NEW tits you will ever get to see will be if you buy a NEWspaper or go to a NEWdist beach
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:33, Reply)
I'll take any pic of them TBH

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:51, Reply)
think about 2 1970's space hoppers bouncing gently under a cream sheet

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:57, Reply)
*spaffs*
*apologises to other meeting attendees*
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:01, Reply)
I hope they also have the handles

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:11, Reply)
well
i call them "nipples" but you can call them that if you like. just don't expect the door to open if you turn them too hard...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:16, Reply)
you will, however, get a loud burst of static and then Radio 4 longwave.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:19, Reply)
otherwise known as sportscow
at the vinegar strokes
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:23, Reply)
what ...
sportscow approaching the Billy Mill roundabout sounds like Test Match Special? Top notch work.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:29, Reply)
he's not even here to defend himself
here
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:32, Reply)
*SPAFFS*

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:34, Reply)
Oh, I say!
cracking cover drive.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:36, Reply)
Damn, does that make me old as well?

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:46, Reply)
Yes

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:47, Reply)
One of your friends is stalking me.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:48, Reply)
I know
Linda is a 4th Dec too
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:49, Reply)
Then she's automatically AWESOME!
/annoys Monty
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:54, Reply)
I thought so
We have just had lunch
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:55, Reply)
How can I avoid work more effectively so I don't miss threads like this?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:47, Reply)
Pretend you're on your period.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:48, Reply)
I couldn't be more irritable at work, if I tried.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:51, Reply)
Cut your willy too for that authentic feel.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:52, Reply)
Will do.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:53, Reply)
Stare intently at your screen
Occasionally shuffle some papers and make important looking notes
Sign often, then type a response on here

Profit
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:48, Reply)
I do all that already.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:49, Reply)
CONCENTRATE MAN!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:50, Reply)
Feign a heart attack then post from your lolphone in the ambulance.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:49, Reply)
I don't have a lolphone.
I do have a cocoa tin and some string though.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:50, Reply)
get your own office and lock the door
it's the future, pop-pickers.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:51, Reply)
Not 'arf.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:06, Reply)
Where should I take a nap?
In the garden, on the sofa or in bed?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:52, Reply)
Garden

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:53, Reply)
naked in the street.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:53, Reply)
Or on Camberwell green.
Wouldn't be out of place.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:56, Reply)
Camberwell dangerwank.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:56, Reply)
You'll get accosted by all the day releasers from the Maudsley.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:02, Reply)
There are quite a few "characters"

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:03, Reply)
I used to live right on the green
careinthecommunitylols
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:06, Reply)
it wouldn't be a dangerwank if you didn't

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:20, Reply)
Blue Pearl's naturist followup single.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:56, Reply)
or wanking in the street
the Pearl Jam version.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:59, Reply)
Do you do anything except sleep?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Post on here

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Only by rolling over in bed onto the keyboard
bellalols
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:55, Reply)
I do a little.
I don't usually sleep in the day though.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:55, Reply)
She's a koala.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:56, Reply)
On the sofa,
If you sleep in the garden you will get burned.
If in bed, you won't get a good nights kip tonight.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:54, Reply)
This is sensible.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:57, Reply)
Sorry.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:58, Reply)
plus bugs will crawl all over you
gross!
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:58, Reply)
Go outside and do something positive

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:59, Reply)
I went out and positively fucked up an exam?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:00, Reply)
sleeping won't make you feel better

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:01, Reply)
Oh, I don't feel bad (well I do) I just feel drained.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:02, Reply)
That's the spirit

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:03, Reply)
Like kicking electrons in the nuts.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:00, Reply)
Edge of a cliff.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:55, Reply)
Does one's nose ever stop producing snot?
Mine is REALLY going for it at the minute.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:53, Reply)
That is sperm overload
You have finally filled up

/almondlols
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:53, Reply)
a disgustd click

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:54, Reply)
haha, oh man
Darth, that's got to be a 9/10
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Haha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Absolutely top drawer.
Take the rest of the afternoon off, old man.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:56, Reply)
This is very good
If I were still scoring it would a top three 9/10.

If this is not top of the popular page I'll eat your hat.

Edit: Now every time I pick my nose I'm checking whether it's salty
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:59, Reply)
Do you roll and flick too?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:08, Reply)
Generally speaking, yes
Depends on how solid it is, innit
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:10, Reply)
How old do you have to be to be considered old?

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:56, Reply)
Old enough to know that naming your children after cartoon robots and Science fiction princesses is not a good idea

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:58, Reply)
That's right '3PO

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:59, Reply)
Akira was not a robot, cartoon or otherwise
-1/10
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:03, Reply)
I do believe it was a boy's name though
Sorry
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:05, Reply)
In the film it was indeed
but in Japan it is an honour to give a girl the name Akira apparantly
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:07, Reply)
Who am I to question you on this matter?
I'm not permitted to breed myself so I can only gaze in wonderment at your achievement.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:11, Reply)
You are correct, much better to have named her after a "rampaging psionic psychopath"

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:06, Reply)
Fucking right
She's getting there too. The other day her grandmother was ignoring her so she stole her slippers took them behind the door and pissed all over them. When I asked her why she had done it her response was "So nanny won't ignore me next time!"
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:08, Reply)
I have no idea why I find this so funny
perhaps you should give her a baby-ASBO
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:09, Reply)
You find it funny
because it's funny. But don't tell her I said that.

It was also funny when she covered herself and in the process the entire house in talcum powder before running in to the room shouting "I'm a ghost" and jumping on me then squirting the remainder of the talcum powder in my face.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:12, Reply)
hahahahaha!
Brilliant
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:13, Reply)
That was Tetsuo.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:11, Reply)
Technically, yes
but it's implied that Akira was also.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:14, Reply)
No it isn't!
Akira was just so powerful that using his powers caused him to unwittingly destroy Tokyo and start World War 3. No psychopathic tendencies were implied.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:18, Reply)
My bad
I haven't seen it for a while
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:23, Reply)
Good point!
I have named my child after a child with awesome godlike powers who unwittingly started World War III
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:14, Reply)

www.imdb.com/title/tt0094625/
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:28, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1200950
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 May 2011, 16:04, Reply)
That was still Tetsuo

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 16:18, Reply)
psychobilly all sounds like punk to me

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:00, Reply)
Needs more Stray Cats

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:02, Reply)
Listen to the Stray cats.
That leans more towards rockabilly than punk.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:03, Reply)
Mind piss

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:05, Reply)
It's not great if you ask me.
Proper 50s rockabilly is waaaaay better.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:04, Reply)
This is so.
I prescribe a good dose of Carl Perkins.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:06, Reply)
Absolutely.
See also: Billy Lee Riley, Gene Vincent, Link Wray, Eddie Cochran ETC ETC ETC
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:12, Reply)
and Billy Ray Cyrus

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:12, Reply)
Fuck off.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:13, Reply)
If you come to Swipe's bash
I'll give you achy breaky fucking legs you cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:15, Reply)
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Fine, but do me a favour and don't tell my heart...
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:16, Reply)

heart horse teethed daughter
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:20, Reply)
well then why the fuck did you direct me to it?

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:13, Reply)
You asked BGB about recommendations re her taste in punk rockabilly.
Sorry I tried to help.


Jesus.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:14, Reply)
Haha did the 'son of God'
steal your username?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:16, Reply)
I asked for rockabilly, yes.
I didn't mean to be so harsh, I'm so sorry monty, please forgive me, PLEASE!!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:20, Reply)
I'll send you a list of recommendations.
Remind me if I don't.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:35, Reply)
I quite like this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bn5FxsS8wWs
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:24, Reply)
hmm questions
how about should I have a white Magnum icecream? Or should I run away and leave no forwarding address?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:08, Reply)
Neither.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:09, Reply)
Avoidance
best of ALL the solutions
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:13, Reply)
white choc ftw
although the caramel ones are nice too. and the mint choc ones.

damn this giving up chocolate. why did i think it was a good penance?!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:10, Reply)
I don't like caramel in icecream
just a bit too sweet. But mint is always a good idea. And penance for what?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:11, Reply)
i gave up chocolate a few weeks ago
surprisingly i haven't actually missed it. i just eat more jelly beans.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:14, Reply)
I haven't eaten actual chocolate in absolutely ages
I've made up for it in crisp consumption though
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:15, Reply)
this is the problem, aye
substitution!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:19, Reply)
How can I spice up my sex life?

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:09, Reply)
Move to Australia.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:10, Reply)
Hahaha!
proper officelol
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:12, Reply)
I knew someone would say it.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:14, Reply)
Cumin will help

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:10, Reply)
This wins.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:12, Reply)
Rub a chilli on your nob

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:10, Reply)
Dip little Noel in chilli powder before mounting.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:10, Reply)
wear sexy lingerie
I hear men prefer black and red.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:14, Reply)
And women prefer white and pink.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:14, Reply)
eurgh

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:24, Reply)
I'm reviewing a plan which contains the phrase "up to 40+ hours"
How should I word my critique of this utterly meaningless gibberish for maximum humiliation of the illiterate oaf?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:10, Reply)
Tell him you are 110% certain that he is a cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:12, Reply)
Be sure to utlilise the classic 'fucking shit' somewhere. In large, red writing.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:13, Reply)
Alright bgb I've just seen b3tan fav Justin 'good times' Lee collins with that ropey new bird of his, she'd some right gash tats
Should I have punched him really hard in the ear?
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:10, Reply)
Yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:12, Reply)
Yes! for dumping his lovely wife.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:13, Reply)
Tune in next week for rorys celebrity edition featuring John sims

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:16, Reply)
Do you do requests? If so, please, please kill Simon Pegg and his fat cunt mate. Thanks.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:21, Reply)
I'll see what I can do monty they're round this way when they're in london

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:40, Reply)
hello you
what's up, pussycat?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:22, Reply)
In town for work, ended up in th British museum for lunch, and afters in a really nerdy place where I bumped into Justin flicking his conditioned hair repeatedly
You're off to Manchester, sweet
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:27, Reply)
technically wilmslow
but going to piccadilly first, my friend is ranting on about bars and a curry at akbars, is it any good??

edit - also, who the fuck is this justin?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:30, Reply)
Fuck knows, watch out for the ropey prossers and you'll be doin well

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:34, Reply)
i don't think i'd be their target audience
they tend to flock on rather sad or geeky looking men, don't they?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:35, Reply)
Rather sad or geeky looking men
would make terrible prostitutes, Swipey.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:59, Reply)
He's how I imagine our Bobby Pires is like IRL.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:35, Reply)
You two should get hitched and take her name.
Then you could both be arsewipes.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:31, Reply)
:D

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:32, Reply)
i think there has to be a little bit more to marriage than that
not much. but a bit.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:36, Reply)
I've mentioned my penis pump before I believe

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:43, Reply)
oh yes
/faints
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:50, Reply)
Do you have the episode listing for the second disc of the Black Books box set?

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:14, Reply)
Yes I do.
I will gaz when I get home.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:15, Reply)
This was a bit of a swipe at... erm, swipe.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:16, Reply)
Don't play with my feelings Noel.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:17, Reply)
Can I feel your playthings?

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:19, Reply)
Hehe!
Okeydokey!
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:19, Reply)
oh goddammit
i have changed handbags. the dvd is in a black patent one that i tend to use in the winter only.

argh.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:18, Reply)
I think you mistook it for a jelly bean.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:21, Reply)
i didn't flick it
if that's what you mean
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:22, Reply)
No problem
1. Drunk paddy is tiresome
2. Drunk paddy hangs out with even more tiresome uggo bird - THEY HAVE SOME WINE!!!!!
3. Drunk paddy is rude to Bill Bailey, who lets himself down a lot by being in this dully, dull dull show
4. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:19, Reply)
Bill Bailey can't really let himself down
he simply isn't that good
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:20, Reply)
Oh I see.
1. FECK!
2. *mutter*
3. ARSE!
4. You're turning into an eloquent Father Jack, Mr Boyce.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:21, Reply)
I don't think she's uggo.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:21, Reply)
She looks haggard these days

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:28, Reply)
She was alright in Episodes.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:30, Reply)
You have low standards
She looks like a horse who walked into a wall
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:30, Reply)
bet she still wouldn't, though

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:34, Reply)
Well I hope you two are very happy together.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:32, Reply)
Thanks, that means a lot.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:35, Reply)
Who the hell are those people?

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 13 May 2011, 15:48, Reply)
I'm Noel, who the hell are you?

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:49, Reply)
THIS SPEED DATE HAS RUN IT'S COURSE.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 13 May 2011, 15:52, Reply)
It's rumoured you only last three minutes.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:53, Reply)

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