Fuck Me
That one's dead as well. I just had some posh crisps, should I buy some Minstrels?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:22, 108 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

no

( Peej, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:23, Reply)

FUCK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!
*buys Minstrels*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Soon you will be visible from space

( Peej, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:29, Reply)

yes

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:24, Reply)

I just had some posh crisps too!
Now I'm about to enjoy a large bowl of strawberries and grapes, while I watch Federer beat the darkie.

If you're getting some Minstrels, I'd love a bag.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:24, Reply)

We have a little wending machine that gives you Minstrels in exchange for 20p coins
It's a fair deal, I have lots of 20p coins, but I have no Minstrels, so we both win.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:25, Reply)

I have no 20p's
And no minstrels. And I think one of my strawberries had fermented. It tasted really weird. I'm ploughing on, though.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:31, Reply)

Yes but you have breasts that are bigger than Al's
But only just.
( Peej, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:33, Reply)

Yes, then let them melt under your tongue
Makes them last longer, and coats your mouth in chocolatey goodness.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:26, Reply)

Perv

( Peej, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Go for it.
I came home and opened the fridge to 3 types of bready goodness. Thank god I didn't bring up that loaf I had kicking aroud, otherwise I would die (even more) of CARB.
No chocolate though. I might go out and get some later.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:28, Reply)

How is Lampers doing?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:29, Reply)

I'm good, I'm good.
Glad to be home. I'm feeling a little odd, though. On a whim texted an old friend I've not spoken to in months, had a nice chat with him then saw another old friend's activity on facebook and now I feel a little weird.
I miss both of them.

/eeeeeemo

On the plus side, I'm planning my trip to IKEA. So excited.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)

You're excited about Ikea?
Actually, I think I understand that. I have a bizarre obsession with throw rugs and futons.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:57, Reply)

Just by chance, I looked and realised the sale starts tomorrow, so I may as well hold on til then.
A knifeblock with 6 knives for 99p. A side table for 1.27£. THIS IS INSANE
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Self-control of a sort then.
Don't come back with all sorts of weird things. That place is designed to warp the mind.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:04, Reply)

I could do with a throw, and some new sharp knives
We only have 2 at the moment.

I need a desk, a bookcase, something that could serve as an eating table, a coffee table and as much shit as I can get.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:26, Reply)

Wow
In fact I've been thinking about Ikea today for a corner desk/workstarion. I shall see what's on sale I think.

Ta!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:05, Reply)

That's the one in Ashton, though
Different branches might have different sale dates.

Edit: Ignore me, still starts tomorrow.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:16, Reply)

If you like.
Up to you, innit.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:37, Reply)

What kindof lay are you?
Do you lie there lookin all bored and disinterested, or do you get into it and make monkey noises and all?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:39, Reply)

Ooo! good question.

( girlinthehole, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:46, Reply)

I imagine Al has a little cry every time his willy does a sick, the wife gives his bald patch a rub to cheer him up after their once monthly rutting

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Does a genie pop out of his nose and say
"Wye Aye man, that were mint, noo lets get tha anoos looobed oop"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:53, Reply)

It's the source of his special sexual minstrels that Mrs Al likes a good suck on

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:55, Reply)

what are posh crisps?
are they endorsed by posh spice?
i doubt she eats crisps
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:39, Reply)

They were Kettle Chips
with red onion and mature cheddar cheese.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:41, Reply)

but not really though right
i bet it was just some flavored powdery gunk
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:46, Reply)

I like putting minstrels in the microwave
until they go all melty inside.

I have 45minutes until I have to be back at work, should I go and have a beer at the pub next door or buy an ice cream and eat it next to the canal and watch the ducks? I don't know what to do :(
( wanderlust, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:44, Reply)

Go to the offy, get a can of Spesh and shout at the ducks.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Winna!

( girlinthehole, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:47, Reply)

Sold.

( wanderlust, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:47, Reply)

Sounds like a normal day out in Leeds.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:48, Reply)

This'll be you.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dn0riyNCHKk

Slightly NSFW as it contains the word 'fuck', but with headphones you'll be fine.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:50, Reply)

Beer.
It's the only way.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:47, Reply)

DUCKS.
It's all about the ducks.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:48, Reply)

I have just been made a cocktail by my bartender
and am sitting outside. All I need is some fucking ducks to shout at and I'll be happy.
( wanderlust, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:50, Reply)

Fucking ducks? Perv.
Duckrape is not a laughing matter.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:52, Reply)

Ducks would probably agree with you.
Although they'd not exactly echo* the statement.

*I can't remember if their quacks echo or not.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Of course they fucking do.
Dog's can't look up, though.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Ice Cream and Ducks
The perfect combination.

If you have a long skirt on, you could have a cheeky danger wank at the same time.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Won't that make the flake soggy?
"hey, i said no strawberry sauce!"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)

I have a short skirt on.
I'll still have a wank though.
( wanderlust, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)

oh man, I'd totally go watch some ducks
there's an old man around the corner from work and he totally feeds ducks and they're all over the place and cute and stuff
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)

That's because he feeds tham crystal meth
then when incapacitated he gently lowers himself onto their quivering beaks
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:52, Reply)

of course you would think of that wouldn't you

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:54, Reply)

What's that supposed to mean?!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:19, Reply)

Waterfowl.
Anything with waterfowl. You might see some ducklings.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)

oh my dear lord all mighty, you define perfection.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:57, Reply)

Love you Gonzy
xxxxxx
( wanderlust, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:05, Reply)

£> U <3

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:08, Reply)

I was going to go with a 'I love you too' thing there, but it looks like angel wings, like I'm saying you're an angels, which you are !

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:09, Reply)

If you have a zone 1-4 travel card I'm all yours.

( wanderlust, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:13, Reply)

Oh man, I don't have one of those, but I got a card that tops up by £20 every time it goes under £5.... would that be alright?

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:44, Reply)

lolfatty

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:48, Reply)

lolfatherofamong

(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)

lolsonofamong

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)

been quiet in here today, then?
I'm a dirty striker, tomorrow, so where do I buy orange jackets and bins full of fire?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:20, Reply)

You can buy them from my shitty anus you cunt

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:23, Reply)

in a good mood then?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:24, Reply)

He thinks you should all put one days worth of your pay into a savings account
and that will fix the economy and so you won't need to strike.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:28, Reply)

well that's bollocks
and won't solve any problems.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:29, Reply)

OMG I can't believe you would say something like that.
Right that's it Catpain Cavy, that's the last straw. I've had it with this fucking place. I'm off.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:31, Reply)

I think public sector workers should stop crying and get on with it, they're pensions etc are unsustainable
they are not now being hard done by, they are being simply being moved to a reasonable level.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:31, Reply)

not as true as you think
plus how is it fair for people to have paid certain amounts into a pension then at the end get told "oh lol! we were joking, you get considerably less now"

also, private sector pensions are nowhere near as high as people think.

There's a bunch of other issues involved with the lecturer rallies, too, like their intentions to try and get more private involvement in colleges.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:34, Reply)

I guess you mean public sector pensions in the middle of that?
Anyway, A agree that it is shit for those people newar to retirement, but younger people just need to swallow it I'm afraid. My company pays a piddling 4% into my pension matching my contribution, ie fuck all.

The public sector pension bill and PFI's add up to an absolutely huge amount of money that is due in the future and these aren't even counted against the debt figures quoted today. It is the elephant in the economy and with robust action will ruin us, just look at Greece for an admitedly extereme example
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:39, Reply)

yeah, I did, sorry, sleepy
for me it'll mean I have to pay £80 or something more a month for about 3 or 4 grand less per year when I retire. I think it's supposedly about £6000 a year (equivalent...unless they change that too :)).

The great stat that I learnt from this, though is that teachers tend to die much sooner after retiring than pretty much any profession yay :(
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:43, Reply)

actually, it will be a lot less that that for me
I forgot, I didn't start paying in until I was about 30. Shitbags.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:44, Reply)

Greece is not an example of not addressing pensions
it's an example of not paying any tax and totally mismanaging the economy. That can't happen to us, and to suggest it will if they go on strike is just scaremongering.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:47, Reply)

Sorry for being rude Crunchy I forgot it was you

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:31, Reply)

haha
so you can be rude to anyone else but not me?

awesome :) I am honoured
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:40, Reply)

it was a rather crass comment and you are always so nice, so i felt bad

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:42, Reply)

So my friend got a formal written final warning for her misdameanor
and could lose her job if things get worse :(
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:21, Reply)

what did she do
?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:22, Reply)

Shit herself in a board meeting.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:23, Reply)

Went on strike

(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:24, Reply)

Lost a confidential document

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:24, Reply)

oh :(
bad news
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:25, Reply)

She got caught on cctv space-docking in the reception area.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:28, Reply)

and the special area for that
is round the back
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:29, Reply)

...in Nakers' office.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Not good, I know how she feels.
Long as she keeps her head down, and doesn't draw attention to herself, she should be ok.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:24, Reply)

Of course, while she's keeping her head down and not being noticed
Chompy will be raping her.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:27, Reply)

Not so unfortunately
if it turns out that the details of the documenty have got into the wrong hands then she is out, and only 2 days from retirement as well
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Fucking hell
that's pretty bad. Mind you, if she's nearly about to retire losing her job won't affect her pension will it?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:30, Reply)

Aww man my mates dad was a new york cop
and he got shot 2 days from retirement
( Peej, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:33, Reply)

D'oh!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:34, Reply)

Ahh, fucking hell, that's really really shitty
And please tell me that's not a Chief Wiggum quote?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Something bad happens 2 days from retirement
Are you a copper? I only ask as something very similar happened in the Lethal Weapon series of films.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:34, Reply)

Well done everyone who realised that the retirement part was a joke...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:35, Reply)

A JOKE IN VERY POOR TASTE, I MIGHT ADD.
I actually AM 2 days from retirement AND I just got on cctv caught space-docking in the reception area.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Wind him up, and see if Nakers calls you 'Sugartits' when he's really fucked off.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:36, Reply)

Watch it now sugartits or you'll feel the back of my hand!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:40, Reply)

AHA! SO YOU *ARE* HIM.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:48, Reply)

It's alright, dullards, B3ta's 'Mr Party' is back.



By which I mean me. I'm back.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Mr Nazi Party?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:22, Reply)

It'll be well-organised, at least.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:23, Reply)

The b3ta trains will finally run on time

(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:24, Reply)

And we'll get rid of all those B3ta jews, gypsies and homos

( Peej, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:26, Reply)

Abimelech Julian Gorjen had better watch out

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:33, Reply)

Oh, goodness no.
Jelly and ice cream, cheese and pineapple, that sort of thing.

But with a whakki 'final solution' twist.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:27, Reply)

Cheese and Pineapple and Zyklon B?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Precisely.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:30, Reply)

air horns
filled with gas
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:28, Reply)

hahahaha
basically if someone says, "lets play Operation!", just say no.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:29, Reply)

racist fat cunt.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:37, Reply)

*hands over bodyweight in ribs*
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:38, Reply)

*builds MECHAEVE and destroys the world with period rage*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 Jun 2011, 16:43, Reply)